Don't you get that insatiable urge to go outside?

[Carolyn]

For those who don't pass, getting to go outside is an amazing experience. I do not pass so have never been in fully open public places but I have gotten to experience it on some level.

For example, we used to live on a large property of many acres and I was able to dress up, go outside, rain or shine, walk the very long driveway to the mailbox which was on an open road, peek on both sides then quickly walk across the road to pick up the mail. It was nothing less than a super high.

Then one night I decided to return my rental videos while dressed up and did just that. When I got to the store, I got out, walked over to the drop off box and dropped my videos in. I was so excited I cannot even begin to explain it.

The best time was when I was at my office and dressed up since no one was there at that hour. I spent many hours working and finally had to go home. I decided to stay dressed up and drove all the way home that way. Again, I cannot explain how unreal it was to get to experience this.

For those os us who do not pass, these little moments are memories which we not only cherish but wish we could repeat over and over again. When I look at the beautiful ladies on this site, I can't help but wish I was as lovely and could go out in public without any fears what so ever (to some extent).

When I say I don't pass, I mean that while I can look pretty cute all done up, I cannot get to the point of being able to walk about in public areas with people looking at me. Maybe I could if I was determined to change my life by CD'ing for me is not a life changing thing, it's a kink, a fetish, something I love very much and can appreciate about others but would never consider telling the world about my little secret.

How do you get to enjoy your dressing up in public if you also do not pass?

[Tracy Irving]

The vast majority of us don't pass. One thing I like to do is go for early morning walks in a nearby park. There are paved walking / biking paths. Wear a pair of sunglasses and carry a portable coffee mug (like Contigo) and you can blend in quite easily.

[Helen_Highwater]

Carolyn,

All I can say is it's a fallacy to believe you have to pass 100% to be able to go out in public.

I, like so may others don't pass. What I can do is blend into a crowd. I can fully understand the feelings and emotions you described on your adventures. Been there, got the tee shirt. Keep taking those small steps, draw support from those here and above all else believe that you can succeed.

[DIANEF]

Carolyn, it was only since I joined this forum (you can see my join date), that I even went out in daylight in my car, since then going out has become easier and easier. A few weeks ago I spent nearly an hour walking around in my local city center. I would never claim to pass but I do blend easily enough, and if you can do that there is nothing to fear. We all take small steps at first and if you push yourself a little further each time you'll have no problems getting out there.

[Maria 60]

That's what my wife can't seem to understand. I love going for drives and maybe put gas in the car or put air in the tires and for hours just drive around and never leave the car. She asked what I get out of doing that, I tell her it's just the feeling of being dressed and out of the house, I enjoy it so much and yet sometimes I never leave the car. It's just so amazing and just like yourself passing is hard, so let's just enjoy our little hidden pleasures.

[kimdl93]

I suppose the insatiable urge is partly the adrenaline rush that comes with doing something risky. I suppose we all feel that initially. But a change does happen when you've been out and about a while. The rush is gone...and then you may feel, as I often have, that its about being real. Talking to real people, having real experiences. After years of closeted existence, emergence into the real world can be scary, then exciting, but ultimately fulfilling.

[Joan58]

Carolyn,

It is unlikely that any one would ever say I pass as a women. That said , I can still enjoy being out in the public. Just yesterday I had an appointment with my optometrist. I wore all womens clothing,incuding under garments,and small breast forms.My blouse was a blue and white patterned pullover with a lace up neck opening.Small hoop earrings and my hair loose and combed back. Of course they knew l am male, but from the receptionist to the optometrist to the young man that helped me select new frames I was treated just like any other customer. Visited with some others in the waiting area as well with no adverse reaction. Same day I stopped for fuel and payed inside,also another stop for food.

Don,t act self conscious, just go about your business as you would dressed any other way.

[Betsy]

I'm new to this and have been approaching going out in stages (tiny steps). First let me say I am not able to pass. Not even close.. however I do like to go out dressed with feminine attire to a varying degree. I'm approaching this (literally) like a person might in getting into the cold water at the beach. I'm not suggesting this just relaying hot this helps me get out of the house in comfort. I have been adding/changing one piece of attire at a time. First was shoes, womens flats (with peds) and sandals, no stockings. (I live in Florida so this works most any time of the year.) Next I added panties. I started buying womens shorts and tops. Solid colors, no frill or lace! Next I added nylons. Prior to this I would wear this clothing anywhere and after a month or so got completely comfortable. I guess my look at this point was androgynous. Now wearing nylons with this clothing makes me consider where I am going however I feel comfortable for example, going shopping by myself dressed like this. I recently started wearing a padded bra and getting used to going out like this. By wearing fairly androgynous women's attire I have allowed myself to build up a comfort level going out while doing my daily chores.

I feel that without doing it this way it would have been extremely difficult to get to where I'm at and plan to go from here. I've yet to conquer going out in a skirt or dress or with full make-up and a wig, but I'm pretty sure i'll get there before too long..... and plan to enjoy the journey in doing so as I have up to this point! And hey..there are those who decide to just take a running jump into the water. Nothing wrong with that. I'm just savoring every little step that i'm taking!:battingeyelashes:

Betsy

[Cassandra Lynn]

I realize that not everyone lives in close proximity to a large city, so it may not be possible, but there are places where 'us folk' can go that the whole passing thing isn't such a barrier (and yes, the mind is often the major barrier).

Alternative night clubs (LGB&T) are usually more than forgiving. It's just a thought.....
---------
I had my times out in public, and they were fulfilling and confirming while also causing really major anxiety. That was many years ago now, and life took other turns and in the end I sorta morphed into living a non-binary gender way of life.

It has been totally life changing for me, i'm free of any dysphoria and for the first time since I accepted my trans-ness, I am comfortable in my own skin , and on a daily basis.

One of the greatest things is that I am rarely cognizant of what anyone around me thinks of me as I move thru the world; sure I get the occasional double take and long enquiring looks, but so what. I don't have to constantly worry about the wig, the walk, the 'this' and the 'that', how much my feet hurt, and a bazillion other things.

Yeah, it's not for everyone, but it's given me serenity.
Cass

[Carolyn]

Just to be clear, I do not have any need or interest in being seen in public dressed up. I have no strong urge to pass or feel accepted. For me, this is something fun, something I love to do but don't need to tell the world. I live in a small town and it's not even remotely possible.

No, for me, it's mainly that I'd love to get to enjoy being out dressed more often but it doesn't have to be in a mall. It could be at a cabin for a weekend or some other relatively private location.

I love some of the things you've shared however and how it works for you.

[Joan58]

If you have no interest in being seen in public dressed up then why are you even asking the Question?

"How do you get to enjoy your dressing up in public if you also do not pass?"

[MichelleCD]

Here in Redneckville, I can't even get to the mailbox during daylight hours. I live in the country, and don't have many neighbors. But, if I were to get exposed, my kids would be told. I couldn't live with myself knowing I embarrassed them like that.
So, I just keep it at home. Lucky for me, I have a privacy fence and a big shop. So when I get the urge to go outside, it's in the back. And even with the privacy, it is quite the thrill. I'm not sure which is more thrilling, going out back in a dress or naked. I like both.

[Victoria_Winters]

When I was ypunger I could pass. When I was in my 20’s was tall but had a very thin frame, I even fit a size 2 (my thirties destroyed that). I think I was quite pretty when all dolled up. Even I didn’t recognize myself! I would do road trips several times a year and CD the whole trip.

I literally have dreams at least once a week about going out shopping and other mondame activists while dressed up. I’m working on losing weight and trying to get my girlish figure back.

[Beverley Sims]

These days I just own it.

Do I pass?

I really don't know.

Years ago I most certainly did.

[docrobbysherry]

Carolyn, I think u back tracked too quickly. I've never had the urge to go out in public as a man in a dress. And, that is exactly how most vanilla folks see me. For some of us, it's a shot of adrenaline. For me, it's stressful, and not fun. Even tho I've been out there countless times.:sad:

Unless I can go out costumed, and therefore "passable"? I only go out to meet other dressers!:battingeyelashes:

Can u define why going out in the woods is better than going out in the city? Is it you're less likely to be seen there?:daydreaming:

[Teresa]

Carolyn,
Just dress appropriately and check your make up and wig and just go for it . It really doesn't bother me if I pass or not because we don't 100% anyway . I've found you have to be acceptable to be accepted , the point is no one knows what is underneath people, don't know if you have fully transtioned . OK I admit I've done the stealth mode myself but today was just a full day of going out to a computer store to buy a printer, next door to TKMax and Matalan . Then I had to pick a rug my wife had ordered from Dunelm mill , then on to do my supermarket shopping . What was I wearing ? well a denim skirt with a low cut Tshirt and a jacket which I had to take off because it was too warm and my 3" wedges. I hardly had a second look from anyone but then I've stopped trying to look over my shoulder to find out , to most I'm just a smart mature woman going about my business and interacting with them .

[NancySue]

Oh yes. Insatiable. Pink fog, but Small town. During day, venture out to the mailbox, take out trash and have mowed the lawn. At night I go out. So far, no problems, flat tire, accident, police. I have to go to distant malls..no problem. I, sometimes, over dress, i.e. makeup, high heels, hose, etc. Wife helps me tone down.

[Stephanie47]

Wearing women's clothing is a private activity. Sometimes the anticipation of doing something exceeds the actual event. I have no desire to go out among the populace. I certainly do not pass. At six foot and 200 pounds I remotely do not pass. I have gone out in the past with the intention of mixing with the populace. Those were Halloweens when I shop in a Winchell's Doughnut House and a Safeway. It went well, but there was a cloak around the foray. It was Halloween. A day for all cross dressers to be seen. Other than Halloween I have not gone into stores. Yes, there was the apprehension of meeting stares and verbal disapproval or worse. That potential really defeats why I like to wear women's clothing; to be a stress reliever. I am more productive totally en femme within the confines of my home. When my wife goes to work for seven plus hours a day I get to do domestic chores en femme. It's doing the laundry and ironing, vacuuming, changing bed linens, baking and meal preparation, and, enjoying my breakfasts and lunches. Until my new neighbor tore out the laurel bushes along the fence line I would read on one of our swing sets in the backyard.

I still venture forth to experience the cool breezes caressing my legs while wearing a dress, heels and hosiery, and, all the proper undergarments. When I am able I take evening strolls through a very safe neighborhood. It's great when it is raining lightly. An umbrella does conceal my face and somewhat obscures my height. I do create reasons to get out of my car. It's returning library books, mailing letters, getting free newspapers from those boxes on corners, buying soda from outside machines. I usually find my desires wane, especially because the thrill is gone. Another factor I've noticed. Once I am out and about driving I really forget I am wearing women's clothing. It's somewhat strange that the more you wear women's clothing, the more those clothes seem to be just clothes.

[sometimes_miss]

Nope. No insatiable desire to go out en femme. Maybe it's because I get no thrill out of it.

[Nikki A.]

I don't pass, but I guess I blend well enough. As for myself, I never felt any satisfaction in staying at home and being in the closet. I always felt that there was a world out there that I wanted to experience. In my early forays I traveled far from home or attended CD events and meetings. As my comfort level grew (as did my dressing and make up skills) I've started to dress and open up to people closer to home. I attend church regularly, do most of my grocery shopping and the like as Nikki. One of my GG friends says she sometimes forgets that I'm a guy and another one said that she sensed a female aura (not gay) even before I came out to her. Maybe it is the comfort I feel about me that makes it easy for others to accept me.
Again, I'm not saying everyone has to do what I do or did. But if you're thinking about it at least give it a try.

[Tracii G]

I don't pass either but that doesn't stop me.

[Debs]

what I always run through my mind when am out dressed, is that I am not breaking any laws in the uk. I cannot be arrested. How I dress is my problem, I also look around and see many women wearing clothes that I would easily pass wearing as a guy. These thoughts make me smile whilst out. Nobody is going to walk up to you and question you. Is you saw a guy dressed as a woman whilst out, would you really walk up to him and say something, no you wouldn't neither will anybody else. This helps the urge to go out for me. lol

[Amelie]

I use to go out all the time when I lived in the city. Nowadays I have no urge to go out, in fact I hate it. I'd rather just sit outside my place in the woods looking at nature.

[Aunt Kelly]

For those who don't pass, getting to go outside is an amazing experience. I do not pass so have never been in fully open public places but I have gotten to experience it on some level.

How do you get to enjoy your dressing up in public if you also do not pass?

I go out, alone or with friends. Have a meal, drinks, or take in a show, go shopping. etc., etc. All while pretty much never passing. As has been made plain by so many others here, you do not have to pass. All you have to do is be polite, pleasant, and sincere. This message has been repeated so often here that I find myself wondering why we keep seeing these threads about "the excitement" of doing something "in public" where nobody actually sees you. OK, it's a thrill. I get that, and I am not judging, but let's call it what it is, a form of thrill seeking. If that's where the juice is, go for it, but if you truly want to be out in public, I mean really out and interacting with others, just go. Depending on your circumstances, some judgement is probably called for. If your community is small and being identified by those whom you would rather not have doing so is a thing, pick a better place. The point is that there is nothing, not even your inability to "pass", that is really stopping you.

[Becky Blue]

Carolyn, how do you know you don't pass? What is your definition of passing? Don't be fooled by some posters on here who claim to pass 100% everytime, that is very very unlikely. Its is extremely difficult for a genetic male to go out in public and not get picked if they are closely examined. It can however be quite easy to blend in and not be noticed.

If you are out dressed and you are putting out a large amount of female markers, then most people will see those and not process much further, they don't analyse you are simply seen as another woman of many out and about. Female markers are obvious, boobs, hair, makeup, clothes, shoes accessories. Of course as genetic males we have those markers too, possibly size, shape, posture, movement, beard shadow. So all those factors come into the equation... the less noticeable your male markers are the more likely you blend. So to state the obvious if you were out dressed but had a beard that very dominant male marker would probably get noticed by 100% of people. If you are 5'7, slim, small with no beard shadow, you may well blend in very easily.

[LeannS]

The very same way you did. I took a walk by a river trail about a month ago and mind you I don't pass at all. I had a long sleeved sweater,skinny jeans, sneakers, hair and boobs in place and I put on a surgical mask to hide my problem with my the hair growth on my upper lip. And no problems people said hi and I waved and yes it was exhilarating.

[Angela.Moni]

I am very familiar with that incredible 'high'. I am fortunate to have a small and somewhat girly frame and I can somewhat pass. However, I do not go out in public, do not care about being accepted, just don't like to be looked at in those awkward ways. So I only go out where there are no people. The weather got warm in California and I decided to venture out on my favorite bike trail around 2am when it the night was very warm the other week. Summer outfits are my absolute favorite. I put on my old sundress and a pair of wedge sandals and took a walk on the trail for about 30 minutes. Oh my gosh, it was such a blast. The feeling is very intense when you walk down the street wearing a dress. Of course, I imagined that I was not alone on the trail and did my sexy stroll. Feeling the light breeze under the dress was the best!

[GemmaK]

Yes, I would love to go out "in the cold light of day", but the only time I get to dress and go out in public is NYE. Do I pass? No. However, I think I can look quite reasonable if I get the hair and makeup right. One of my former clients(I'm now retired) said she had never expected to be saying this but said that I looked quite good as a woman. On another occasion, a somewhat inebriated man walked past, and I heard him mumble something about not being able to tell if I was male or female - he blamed the drink, and I took it as a complement.

[sometimes_miss]

Carolyn, how do you know you don't pass? What is your definition of passing? Don't be fooled by some posters on here who claim to pass 100% everytime, that is very very unlikely. Its is extremely difficult for a genetic male to go out in public and not get picked if they are closely examined. It can however be quite easy to blend in and not be noticed.

If you are out dressed and you are putting out a large amount of female markers, then most people will see those and not process much further, they don't analyse you are simply seen as another woman of many out and about. Female markers are obvious, boobs, hair, makeup, clothes, shoes accessories. Of course as genetic males we have those markers too, possibly size, shape, posture, movement, beard shadow. So all those factors come into the equation... the less noticeable your male markers are the more likely you blend.
It doesn't take an initial close examination; it only takes ONE male 'marker' to generate someone's further looking just a little more closely to see what you are, and it all takes place in seconds. Just because they don't shout out 'THAT'S A MAN IN A DRESS!', doesn't mean you're blending. All it means is that no one wants to deal with it at the moment. As long as you don't bother anyone, they're not likely to bother you. But don't for a minute think that no one notices. >99% of us won't pass a second's evaluation. All it takes, is noticing ONE thing. Fake hair, brow bar, 5 o'clock shadow, big shoulders, big hands, big feet, different gait, knobby knees/calf, odd fashion choices, just the slight wrong inflection of our voice, even just a slightly exaggerated feminine gait will draw someone's attention, and then they will 'clock' you by noticing even some other barely noticeable male 'markers'.

Testosterone almost always just ruins us as women.

[BrendaPDX]

I love dressing and going "out" into the world. I don't pass at a second glance. I thought I was in a pretty good place one day when I was clocked by a young woman who actually stopped in her tracks and stared; pretty sure I overdressed. The clerk at the store didn't mind. I love the adrenaline rush of being out and have refined my dressing for age appropriate, dress for venue, and to be realistic don't wear super high heals to walk in a park. Thanks for asking. Brenda

[Jodie_Lynn]

I do not consider myself as passable but I go out frequently. I think a large part of being accepted (and not a focal point for ridicule) is your attitude. If you act confident, you become confident. Albeit, if you are dressed to blend, it helps a lot too. Helpful tip: Do NOT! wear the evening gown and tiara to Walmart! just saying.......

My first trip to a store ( a gas & go) may serve as an example. I was on the way home from an event needed gas for the car & coffee for me, so I pulled into a station. I could have just swiped my card at the pump, but I realllllllllly needed a cup of java for the hour drive home. So, gathering my courage, I ventured in. made my coffee, got 'hello'd" by one of the clerks ( a young man who smiled at me so I smiled back) purchased my gas and left. No screaming villagers with torches were to be seen.

As I was pumping my gas, a guy approached and I was thinking "oh sh*t, here it comes....", and I was floored by what happened next. The stranger said "Jodie you went in there like you owned the place! I admire your courage." It was another attendee of the event I was at, in drab. I confessed that I was a nervous wreck and that he obviously wasn't paying attention, when he assured me that I looked as confident as hell (all 6' 4" of me in heels) as I strode (strode? I felt I was slinking like a beaten pup) into the store.

[Charlotte7]

I'll never pass, there's so much that would need to be changed for me to pass, but I'm happy with that, I'm me and I love being me. When I was younger I used to go out quite a bit, I say quite a bit, probably 2 - 3 times a month, more in the dark months. I liked the dark time of the year, and when it was a cold evening there'd be fewer people about too. I used to get dressed, (no make-up) and then go out in the car. I'd drive for an hour or so and then park up on a suburban street, (they were the best, wide tree lined pavements, long front gardens etc). I'd then get out and go for a walk, sometimes quite a long walk, it was a great thrill to think that there was a mile or so of space between me and the car. I had a good coat, with a deep hood which I could hide in keeping my (unmade-up face) well hidden from passers by, the coat was shorter length so that my skirt and legs were clearly visible, (my theory being that if I presented as obviously female with no glaring reason for anyone to doubt their first thought then, I would pass, and it worked for me). Sometimes I would wander down and through the town centre, looking at the shops and just being me, a person going about their business. I was aware of the dangers in all of the this and would avoid places where their could be potential trouble , but, 20 years ago, middle-class, middle English market towns were safe enough, I was never challenged, I was never knowingly read, I was never harangued. But, unfortunately, all that came to an end when I ended up moving to a new location where conditions were different and it was less easy, but the thrill still remains. I can look back on those times and I can take comfort from them, And, now, that urge is coming back, I am wanting to start going out again. I will do the same, I won't attempt to pass but why should I? It'll be baby steps at first and then, as the confidence grows, who knows?

[Lorna]

No way could I "pass" so I don't show myself in public places. What I have done - quite frequently - is to look at people around me to see how eaasily (or otherwise) I can tell if they are male or female. More than 90% of the time there's no doubt. Of the remaining 10% almost all become immediately clear on closer viewing. Even on wet days, in coats, trousers, hats, etc. there is usually very little doubt. On the positive side, what are those tell-tale features that immediately say "male" or "female"? Obviously skirts, dresses, heels, etc. shout "female". Hair styles - plaits, pony tails, curls....most of the time say female. Shape....maybe, especially narrow waists and noticeable busts. Movement? Perhaps, but not always clearly. The point I'm making is that, as a male, I am programmed to judge very quickly, from a whole range of indicators, whether I'm looking at another male or a female. The proportion of occasions when I really can't tell is well below 1%. Of course, there will be those occasions when someone "passes" so well that I get it wrong!

[gender_blender]

Just do it. Go with friends, be open and outgoing. Just get out there and be genuine.

[Carolyn]

If you have no interest in being seen in public dressed up then why are you even asking the Question?

"How do you get to enjoy your dressing up in public if you also do not pass?"

I do not pass and could not show myself in public where I live, it's that simple. However, I mentioned that in my case, I have gotten to spend time outside but not in the presence of others. I'm sure there are countless others just like me that would love that freedom but also recognize that they are simply not women and it's not worth the trouble. For some, it's not a big deal so good for them, glad they get to enjoy something many of us never will.

My question is not for those people, it's for others like myself however. People that do not feel the need to pass or be accepted as a woman but would like to get to enjoy going out in public yet private settings. I love being a man and love that this is only a fetish for me, it's not a life changing thing that I do. I've come to understand and accept this and so try to enjoy it but have no interest in being caught, outed etc.

I asked this question of others just like me, not those who pass or who want to fight their fears and be seen in public openly. As mentioned, bringing back the videos late at night, being able to get the mail, things like that where I am nothing but a glance from someone but never clearly seen.

Looking for those ideas.

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Carolyn, how do you know you don't pass? What is your definition of passing? Don't be fooled by some posters on here who claim to pass 100% everytime, that is very very unlikely. Its is extremely difficult for a genetic male to go out in public and not get picked if they are closely examined. It can however be quite easy to blend in and not be noticed.

My wife has dressed me a couple of times for Halloween and a party and while all the women found my legs and butt very sexy, in the conversations that followed it was clear that I could never be mistaken as a woman. I have very wide shoulders, large chest, very football player looking kind of guy. Tiny from the waist down, large from there up. It is embarrassing to be seen dressed up even in the right environment.

I've wished for many years that I could meet a CD or two that felt the same way but after years of advertising, all I ever find are guys looking for things I'm not interested in, if you get my drift.

Passing to me means someone who is able to be accepted as a woman in public. It means someone who would never get a second look or thought about their gender. Lucky them.

I don't believe that all those who think they pass do and as you said, they are simply putting blinders on and have tough enough skin to be able to handle that kind of thing including the ridicule they are getting. I'm not interested in being pointed at or having comments made about me, this is a private thing for me. There are many others like myself who understand they are men with an unusual interest no matter how fluffy they try to make it sound. Men like myself would never be able to walk around outside other than Halloween or a party and while those times were mostly fun, you still get a very nasty looks from other men and even women when you simply do not 'pass'.

I find it interesting that many of the comments are encouragement to go out and be seen when I said that is not my interest or intention. I am specifically asking others like myself who know they would never be mistaken as a woman how they have have been able to get to enjoy being outside.

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Can u define why going out in the woods is better than going out in the city? Is it you're less likely to be seen there?:daydreaming:

Absolutely that :). As mentioned, this is a private thing for me, I don't care for anyone to know about it but want to find some safe ways of enjoying getting outdoors. I miss it so much. I dress at home all I want, though try not to do it all the time otherwise it will become nothing special. when I do, I badly wish I could get to experience being outdoors again.

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Here in Redneckville, I can't even get to the mailbox during daylight hours. I live in the country, and don't have many neighbors. But, if I were to get exposed, my kids would be told. I couldn't live with myself knowing I embarrassed them like that.
So, I just keep it at home. Lucky for me, I have a privacy fence and a big shop. So when I get the urge to go outside, it's in the back. And even with the privacy, it is quite the thrill. I'm not sure which is more thrilling, going out back in a dress or naked. I like both.

So easily understood. You are someone that completely understands what I am talking about. This is not just about you, it's about those around you. If you get caught, it could be embarrassing to others that know you also.

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I realize that not everyone lives in close proximity to a large city, so it may not be possible, but there are places where 'us folk' can go that the whole passing thing isn't such a barrier (and yes, the mind is often the major barrier).

Alternative night clubs (LGB&T) are usually more than forgiving. It's just a thought.....
---------
I had my times out in public, and they were fulfilling and confirming while also causing really major anxiety. That was many years ago now, and life took other turns and in the end I sorta morphed into living a non-binary gender way of life.

It has been totally life changing for me, i'm free of any dysphoria and for the first time since I accepted my trans-ness, I am comfortable in my own skin , and on a daily basis.

One of the greatest things is that I am rarely cognizant of what anyone around me thinks of me as I move thru the world; sure I get the occasional double take and long enquiring looks, but so what. I don't have to constantly worry about the wig, the walk, the 'this' and the 'that', how much my feet hurt, and a bazillion other things.

Yeah, it's not for everyone, but it's given me serenity.
Cass

Lovely post, thanks for sharing this.

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I suppose the insatiable urge is partly the adrenaline rush that comes with doing something risky. I suppose we all feel that initially. But a change does happen when you've been out and about a while. The rush is gone...and then you may feel, as I often have, that its about being real. Talking to real people, having real experiences. After years of closeted existence, emergence into the real world can be scary, then exciting, but ultimately fulfilling.

It's not the adrenaline rush for me.
It's the feeling of the clothing against my skin as a light breeze caresses me, it's the feeling of openness when walking around outside, it's the high I get from not being in the house and able to wear what ever I like. It was so exciting to do that in the past that on those days, I'd change several times so I could experience each of my outfits. I'd even walk around in the rain, it was so amazingly exhilarating.

Again, for those of you that have the nerve or what ever you want to call it to be out in public areas with other humans, great but for those of us who would not ever dare get caught, it's not as easy.

[phili]

Hi Carolyn,
In your OP you say "How do you get to enjoy your dressing up in public if you also do not pass? " which is why so many people thought you didn't mind being seen.

A nice option for you would be to get a vacation rental with a nice private backyard. You could then be perfectly at ease and enjoy all the blessings of sundresses and lingerie and nakedness as you please!

I'm wondering if you don't want to be seen, or really just don't want to be seen by anyone who could possibly connect you back to your identity at home, where the social punishment threat is so great. Iimagine going to Europe or somewhere no one knows you, where you can just enjoy being out, and with real people, which is an amazing addition to the high you describe in your OP, without being 'out' [pun intended!].

[flora39]

In the end I just went for it. I'd had a few trial runs in secluded places, with sunglasses and a hood, and so on, but eventually I just went outside in a busy city centre in a skirt and pantyhose. It felt great. Not remotely close to passing, but just walking confidently and acting completely normally.

In the end it felt much easier to blend in while walking in a medium-sized city than on the rural pathways where I'd first gone out dressed. I got a few odd looks but most people just went about their business and didn't care.

[Sarah Doepner]

At the time I couldn't have told you exactly what I was looking for or experiencing when I made my first trips at 2:00 AM, out in the back yard or from my motel room to the ice machine. There were thrills and adrenaline, but that faded leaving what I've come to recognize as a sense of freedom and little boosts to my self confidence. It may have been just a lot of little steps as I grew and explored aspects of my personality that I'd kept under wraps for so very long. I never had the goal of leaving my house fully dressed and going out to dinner with friends or to a movie or do some shopping. However I did, and still have an innate need to grow as a person, I just didn't know in what directions I was going to grow.

The trips out in the woods or to drop off videos late at night are always about more than the potential exposure to others or the feel of clothes, they are chances to test ourselves and our resolve. When the experience is negative we drop back, when they make us smile we have expanded our comfort zone. Wandering alone in the woods or through a crowded shopping mall are the things that come as a result of that growth. The path we follow and destinations are as unique as we are, so the only valid measure is where you are compared to where you are comfortable.

[Carolyn]

Hi Carolyn,
In your OP you say "How do you get to enjoy your dressing up in public if you also do not pass? " which is why so many people thought you didn't mind being seen.

A nice option for you would be to get a vacation rental with a nice private backyard. You could then be perfectly at ease and enjoy all the blessings of sundresses and lingerie and nakedness as you please!

I'm wondering if you don't want to be seen, or really just don't want to be seen by anyone who could possibly connect you back to your identity at home, where the social punishment threat is so great. Iimagine going to Europe or somewhere no one knows you, where you can just enjoy being out, and with real people, which is an amazing addition to the high you describe in your OP, without being 'out' [pun intended!].

Good point. I've since clarified I think that I'd enjoy getting to go out more but do not want to be seen. I am aware of groups and such but those don't appeal to me either since I usually have little in common with others that CD. Meaning that I am not out to pass or to be accepted or anything else along those lines, I simply have this kink and would like to enjoy it more fully by being able to get out.

I've wanted to rent a place like you suggest but have wanted to do this with another CD friend but sadly have never been able to find one. I have thoughts about renting a lake side cabin and spending the weekend dressed together, walking on the road and other things, just not going into town and being seen :).

I also like your point about going somewhere like another country but again, don't really want to be seen by a lot of people. There are clubs and groups I could join in nearby cities but my real hope would be to meet another CD that is very much like me. It will never happen.