confirmation confirmed

[Samm]

So, I've always felt I could never, ever, ever let my little secret out to family. My side, of my wifes. But I've always wondered what my daughter would think, even though I was pretty sure I knew the answer.
Welp, out of the blue, I get a call from you know who. She proceeds to tell me of a bachelorette party she's attending at a drag show on Saturday. Needless to say she wasn't thrilled about going. I asked her why. Her answer, "I think it's gross. Why do gay guys have to dress as women when they all want to be with men?" And "it's even gross when women dress like men" I had to laugh, really, I laughed out loud, and told her that sexual preference has nothing to do with how or why one dresses. I then asked her where she got her information. Her answer, "umm, I don't know." Again, I had a chuckle. I would have thought her generation (25) she'd be a little more open minded, but that's ok. I'm looking forward to her report of the event on Sunday when I see her. At least my thoughts are confirmed. If I was to tell her about me, it would most likely ruin my relationship with her.
I need to think long and hard as to the best way to educate her when the conversation comes up on sunday.... without spilling any beans.

[Queen Bridget]

I need to think long and hard as to the best way to educate her when the conversation comes up on sunday.

By doing it in full drag.

[abby054]

You have a plain and obvious warning. Heed it! Do not "spill any beans". While I cannot undo my mistake, perhaps I can warn others like you not to travel this rough and dangerous road.

[Samm]

I have no intention of spilling any beans.
Bridget, I found your reply very funny. But not very helpful lol

[DaisyLawrence]

Is your crossdressing a recent thing? I only ask because I find the children of us 'gender gifted' types to usually be among the most open minded people when it comes to gender so your daughters attitude is surprising if not a little dissappionting. My son is certainly 'on the ball' so to speak when it comes to issues of gender although it turns out I needn't have given him a unisex first name and he still passes up all offers of borrowing my skirts even now the warm weather is here, go figure?

[Tracy Irving]

A drag show involves entertainment by people who exaggerate the look of the opposite sex. Most of us here prefer a different look. So, if you want to educate her on the presentation of a drag queen, that should be easy enough.

Having a conversation about cross dressers involves changing the subject and becomes much more difficult. You have already begun explaining the motivation behind dressing. Taking that idea a step further could work.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes,
Do you really need to let anyone know.

There are many pitfalls in letting the secret out.

[Pat]

At least my thoughts are confirmed. If I was to tell her about me, it would most likely ruin my relationship with her.

You know best. But I'm reminded of the days when gay folks were trying to gain acceptance and the number of folks who were so strongly anti-gay until they found out a close family member was gay. Sometimes the issue is they think they don't know anyone in a given group so it's easy to demonize them. Would your daughter really throw out 25 years of memories and experience she's had with you over this? That's kinda sad.

You could kinda prime the pump for her if during the review of the event you distinguish the difference between drag performers (who are entertainers) and transgender people. Not so you can come out, but just to educate her a bit.

[Jaylyn]

Tread lightly when family is around especially daughters. Most look up to their fathers. I have three and they would all be hurt in the thought that their rough old dad and grandpa to eleven is a CD. I would definitely not want my grandkids to know either. It's not that I'm ashamed of what I do but why confuse an issue more by trying to explain something I do that they don't think is right in the first place. I stay pretty much out of their business since all the kids are grown ( with the exception of some financial decisions and help to them) also they pretty much stay out of my wife's and mine.

[docrobbysherry]

Samm, I don't know if u r gay? If not and simply a crossdresser, you don't need to "educate her on that subject."

And, unless u plan on coming out, u don't need to tell her about your dressing either. As she doesn't live with u, she'll probably never find out!

I'm a closet dresser and tell people only on a "need to know" basis!:straightface:

[Stephanie47]

I would not do any outing yourself. I would ask her about the experience. From her comment it seems she does not approve of women breaking societal norms too. I am curious as to what she means women dressing as men. Does she wear pants? Or is she put off my perceived lesbians dressed manly? Or against transgender men? Sounds as if she needs to be educated.

[Samm]

Ok, I am not planning on coming out or telling anyone about my dressing. I thought I had made that point clear. I am definitely NOT gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)
She had that common perception that all guys that dressed are drag queens, and all drag queens are gay, basically.
So what I'd like her to get out of this up coming experience is more of an open mind in the end. Nothing more, nothing less. This whole thing struck me odd originally because I would have thought, being of the younger generation we've all been referring to on this forum, she would have been more open minded to begin with. Maybe it's partly my fault being a "weekend dad". I did what I could with what I had.
I've been dressing since 12 or 13 years old, and hid it my entire life up until about 5 years ago when I told my now wife. So my daughter wasn't brought up around any of that. Again, maybe it's a failure on my part. But the teaching situations like this one have really never come up.

[Tracii G]

Kids learn from their parents so she learned that from either you or her mother.

[Samm]

Definitely not me. But I thought of that too, Tracii

[phili]

I told my 30 yr old daughter I was one of the million or so men in the U.S. who had a deep desire to wear women's clothes, that I thought it was related to emotional restriction as a child, and that I was trying to methodically sort it all out.

As I expected, she said she was a modern woman and knew of such things. She said she thought it was not the kind of thing one could expect most people to spend any effort accommodating, unless I was some kind of celebrity or an activist.

I had decided it was important enough to our relationship that she know it, but what I didn't realize was that kids really have their hands full with their own lives. While they may want to know what is important about or to each of their parents, there are always lots of things they will never know, and things that do not affect their lives directly are going to be relatively unimportant to them except as a curiosity.

I took a chance, hoping that perhaps she would be a constructive support, but it isn't something that appeals to her, and I can understand why. Our children are usually products of the societal binary brainwash, and I of course was part of supporting that by my being and doing what was expected of a good dad.

As I don't crossdress in family situations, it really hasn't turned out to be useful to have told her.

[Robertacd]

Franky I kind of feel the same way as your daughter about "drag shows".

They do nothing for us except strengthen that "drag queen stereotype" people tend to lump us all into.

[Micki_Finn]

No offense intended, but I see you’re from Mass and from what I’ve seen, that is the most weirdly conservative blue state in the nation. So it’s kind of not THAT surprising.

[Lana Mae]

I came out to my daughter as we live together in the same house! No problems! She is 37 and says clothes are clothes! Only cloth! Very accepting here in good old NC! A definate red state and very conservative, Micki! LOL Hugs Lana Mae

[Aunt Kelly]

If the body of knowledge that is represented in this forum is to be believed, you may count on the beans spilling eventually. It may be a long time from now. If that suits you, fine, but know that when it happens, every event like this one, where she was so close to learning about that part of you that you keep hidden, will be remembered and likely add to her resentment over the deception.
No. I am not advocating having the talk. I am not telling you not to, either. That decision, with all it's implications, is for you to decide, but stop fooling yourself. Failure to disclose it after even this long will be seen as a deception. A longer deception will be seen as a bigger one. You're in a tough spot. Most relationships are wrecked by such a revelation. Not all, but most. She might surprise you. If you are going to spill, own up to the deception and your regret for that first.

As you say, think long and hard.

[Lacey New]

I would expect that my daughter would react the same way as Samme. Therefore, Lacey remains in the closet.

[alwayshave]

Well now you know her opinion.