When it's our time to go

[MichelleCD]

Sometimes_Miss made me think about something. For those of us still in the closet, when it's our time to kick the bucket, can you imagine the expression on your families faces when they find your stash? OMG, 3 sets of forms, bra's, make up, dresses, shoes, wigs.

I'm not a religious person, but I'd love to stick around (like in the movie "What dreams may come") and see the reactions of my family. I'm pretty sure me and the wife won't be getting back together, so it'll be my kids who find the stuff. They're going to be disappointed, I'm sure.

After thinking about this a little more, I think I don't want to see their reactions. :sad:

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I think there have been threads about this before.

There are a few things you could do to prepare;

Purge everything when you get to an age where you lose the desire to dress anymore. (No, I don't know if this actually happens but I don't count out the possibility)

Come out of the close to you children so that they're not surprise when they discover the clothing. (I actually met one woman at SCC in 2005 who did this for that exact reason.)

Just leave everything the way it is and chuckle at the thought of what they might say or do........

[Tracy Irving]

One can always leave a note with the stash explaining what has been discovered.

[MichelleCD]

Linda, coming out would be worse, IMO. At least for me. I don't have a box or suitcase for everything. It's just in my closet. If anyone were to open the closet door, they'd know right away what was up.

I like the note idea. One thing my kids do know about me is, i've always been the kind of guy who wanted to "taste every grape on the vine" (as Jerry Jeff Walker put it in his song "Hill Country Rain (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuIIOpjJY1E)")

[Queen Bridget]

This stuff keeps me awake at night. But it really shouldn't. Unless you can feel embarrassed when you're dead.


One can always leave a note with the stash explaining what has been discovered.

That's actually a pretty good idea. I may write one.

[Beverley Sims]

From the film the King and I......

It will be a puzzlement. :-)

[daviolin]

I did the note thing in my stash, back before I came out to my wife and kids. It was a piece of mind back in the day. Now they all know of Daviolin, so no worries. Daviolin

[Nikki A.]

I don't know the right answer but I am at that point in my life where I know that I'm closer to the end than not. I am seriously considering telling my daughter about my dressing. I think she is the more accepting and understanding (more of a diverse college life) of my two kids, so that it isn't a complete surprise.
I will be seeing her this week and I have thought that if the mood and time feels right I may come out to her. Funny thing is that I am open to some friends and other people, but I find it so hard to come out to my kids.

[Stephanie47]

My wife knows of my cross dressing. However, she has no idea of the extent of my wardrobe which is "hidden in plain sight." My wardrobe is stored in Xerox boxes in our converted garage. Today the letter carrier is delivering dress #161. Slips? Over 400. Panties? Over 100 still with tags on. If I go first I'm sure she'll just shake her head. Then she'll curse me for leaving her to dispose of everything. One of her issues about cross dressing is other people than her finding out.

Now if she predeceases me that will become a problem. I will probably start disposing of my wardrobe to something more manageable. Currently my wife and I wear the same size dress. I can reduce the wardrobe down to something they would believe dad could not get rid of after mom died. Shoes would be a problem. Mom does not wear size 12W or 13.

Of course, what if my wife and I go together in a car wreck or a plane crash. Ugh! That thought can drive one to drink or on the other hand buy another dress. Maybe that's what I'll do to treat myself to a Mother's Day gift.

[Maria 60]

When I mentioned that to my wife, she said if I die I don't have to see it, it would be great. But it's if I get a long illness and they get forced to sell the house while I'm still alive, that's the problem. I'm going to take my wife's advice, instead of wasting my time thinking about what happens then, why not enjoy as much as I can now and worry about that when the time comes and hopefully I won't be around to see it.

[Sherri_Christopher]

My wife knew of my CDing and if I had gone first, she would have seen fit to get rid of my femme wardrobe. It really isn't that extensive and what I mostly have is vintage slips, maybe a dozen. With that said, unfortunately, my wife was the first to go, last year from cancer. Initially, I did get rid of some of my stuff, wigs, hip padding, breast forms, but I did keep my slips and dresses and I'm NOT going to get rid of them. My kids probably will find them when I die and they'll find out that dad crossdressed. I've been a good and supportive dad to them and always try to be there for them and I love them and they are there for me and love me, so in the overall scheme of things, I don't believe they'll think badly of me.

[Di]

If you are closeted don’t wait till you are older as you all know I lost my vibrant young Sherlyn a few months back. I think a note tucked in with your things be the way to go.
Sher was not closeted except to her daughters who shunned her when it came out many yrs ago they had a relationship again after yrs but I wrote a thread about my daughters having a fashion show with Shers clothing and they took and wear it all now.
But I kept her daughters out of going through things as Sher kept it from them. They really did not know 3/4 of Shers real life per their wishes but we had a lot of people ( my family esp) that accepted her.
So I would say again if you are closeted - you know your family and write a note if you think that would help them- but if not close - who cares let them think whatever.

[mykell]

my wife knows, others in the family i suspect but not my son (yet) so i have letters to both with my things, why leave it to speculation.....here is an older thread i posted about it :
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?224212-**GREAT-ADVISE**keep-a-record-in-your-stash**&highlight=keep+a+letter+with+your+stash

[sometimes_miss]

FWIW; I prepared a letter, which I placed inside envelopes, inside each entrance to my home, in the event that I die. It leaves instructions as to who has my will (my lawyer, and my best friend), who to contact, as well as another letter explaining what might be found, and why. My lawyer has my letters to each of my friends and family that I feel might be curious about my life.
That's all. Because once I'm dead, I won't care who thinks what. And this time around, I made sure my lawyer works with others, so that in the event HE dies first, there will still be someone left to administer things for me. My mom died, told me to just call her attorney. But her attorney died many years before she did, and so all her records with him were destroyed, as he practiced alone. Don't make that mistake. It took me a long time to find a copy of her will among all the stuff in her house, and I wouldn't want to make anyone else go through that.

[Julie Martin]

I've thought about this. All of my Julie stuff is in an off site storage facility at the dressing service I use on the handful of times a year I dress/go out. She does not know my male name or contact info, and I pay once a year for storage. If she doesn't hear from me for a year, she will disposed of the Julie stuff..that's our deal .So if CD'ing remains with me till death do us part..my family will hopefully never know about this part of me. I've always viewed it as my burden to bear, so that gives me peace of mind.

[SherriePall]

Not making light of the situation, I was thinking the same thing over the past couple of weeks. I am going to leave a note with my stash (which my wife knows about and has complained about the size of, but supposedly hasn't looked through). Anyhow, the note will instruct her to get rid of my things to the Salvation Army for their resale. She will be further instructed not to take any item for herself since she has not been curious all these years since I told her of my dressing (we're in a basically DADT).

[ms.joann]

I've often thought about these things. My GF of 21 years knew about the clothing that was in drawers and closets, but always saw 2 drawers of underwear and bras, and never saw me dressed. Her finding my "big stash" was not an issue as she was already "well seasoned" had she found all of it in the event of my kicking the bucket. One of her recent comments about my clothes was "this is creepy". That tells me she never knew of the extent of what I was doing all these years. This past month has changed however. She had passed away leaving me with questions. Who finds what??? All I can fall back on is my sister of who has some idea what I'm doing, and does not accept. If for some reason she passes too, I will need an alternate...my daughter lives on the west coast and thats out. Really...I'll be gone, so it won't matter anyway. My other concern is that now I am looking at a couple of ladies for companionship and fun. It is going to be a tough time having to break-in a new GF to my lifestyle. I'm sure others here have been in similar situations. I'm going to continue as usual and be prepared. Its best to be honest up-front because all the best BS will not get past a woman who is interested in you. Any bits of advise would be helpful.

[marsha leanne]

here is a thought. reach out to the local dressing group, (yours or one in the area). make arrangements with them that when they are notified, they will come and collect all your things.
leave a letter with instructions on where all is stashed and the phone number to the group. when the time comes, wife or family gets the letter, makes the call, and it all goes away on its own.
just a thought

[Jennifer2918]

I think it may answer some questions they may have had or it may open the door for another family member

[RADER]

I can relate, when the daughter comes into the house, she might have a sense of bewilderment.
Rader

[JeanTG]

I'm in the process of coming out to everybody. My wife has known since before our marriage (even though she hates it), one of my three kids know (waiting for an appropriate face-to-face moment for the others) and most of my best friends know. I came out to another one today. All accept me as-is, where-is. I've been honest with all saying I don't know where this will end up (I truly don't; I'm exploring that with my therapist these days).

So instead of fretting about having my stash discovered, I plan to leave a note with my will telling them which dress I want to be buried in ;)

[Cherylgyno]

My wife has known since about one month after we wed over 30+ years ago. We lost our kids to a drunk driver a few years ago.
To those that will attend the wake, they will get a big surprise. My Will states the clothes that I am to be laid out in.
My side of the family will get the shock. My wife's side knows.

[Steph_CD_62]

My wife has known since first meeting her, well with in two weeks anyway, so no surprise there. My daughter also knows I told her, she even caught me wearing my women's boots one day, so no surprise there either. I think my son knows, but we have never talked about it.

[Trish]

If I go before my wife, no problem. She is fully accepting of my dressing.

[SamanthaToday]

Sherri Christopher, your post made me cry.

Losing your wife and the type of father you are.

Then biggest reason why I wanted my daughter to know is I didn't want her to find out when I die or walk in one day with me dressed, the thought made me sick.

Im so lucky She now knows and all is good.

I love the note idea if I was single or last survivor of my 3.

[MichelleCD]

I may have mentioned this before, but I think a diary of your life, as much as you can remember, is a great idea. The good & the bad. (well, some of the bad). Especially things about you, like stories you never told them, would be a great thing to leave your kids.

I started one a long time ago. But the first wife found it, and read some about some of the things I did after we met. And it got thrown out. I sure wished I had that back. I think it was over 50 pages of stuff.

[Judy-Somthing]

I started a thread one time that said "How do you keep your stash respectable?"
About ten years ago my stash was out of control. I know what it's like to love women's clothes.
I had so many slips, wigs, dresses, bras, heels, etc.

I thought if someone in my family found it would look a little crazy.
To keep it respectable I got rid of all my panties, slips, and lingerie, my biggest breast forms , 80 dresses.
I just kept my fondest items. I went from six boxes down to two. I want to get rid of some girdles but I find it hard to get rid of vintage hard to get girdles.

The main thing I think is keep the stash as small as you can, so you don't look out of control!

[mbmeen12]

I am not worried.....because I wont be able worry no more i.e. family to whom ever. Another reason, I have good taste in clothing lol

[Sashauk]

I'm single and my family does not know of my crossdressing so I think that I would adopt option 1 in that when I get to the point where it might be a problem then I will get rid of everything rather than cause any embarrassment for the family members who would have to deal with my items.

Of course there is always the risk of being killed in a accident where I would have no chance of disposing of my clothes but that's a risk I take everyday.

[alwayshave]

My fiancee knows, so if I predecease no problem. I live 500 from my family, while I have children, they are not in my life and don't expect that will ever change. So I don't care.

[wendy]

Before I informed my wife of Wendy, this thought came across my mind many times. When I had to go to the hospital for extended stays, my biggest worry was my wife would find my stash, or on her days off from work she would come across Wendy's clothing.

I guess the thought of my wife finding my stuff after passing was one of the reason's why I came out to her. That way, she wouldn't be taken back or shocked.

My next concern is whether to be dressed as Wendy upon burial. Since no one else knows about my CDing, it would have to be closed casket.

[SaraLin]

h-m-m-m.
I'm not too worried about what happens after I die.

MY worry is 'what happens if I have to go to a nursing home in my old age?' Is there any way I can wear my things in there?

(I guess I'll just have to stay healthy...)

[Harriettes]

A few years ago my son died from a drug overdose and my wife, her cousin and I went to his apartment to pack up his stuff, I doing his library and computers, kitchen, etc, they were in the bedroom packing and then a strange quiet, whispers and a plastic bag quickly sent to the dumpster. Going through his computer later I found an extensive collection of pictures of him dressing in panties, bras, lingerie and a variety of dresses. Some pictures were quite explicit. I never told my wife about what I found and they never told me about what they found.

[Teresa]

Michelle,
It is far easier for all if the net is wide one , my femme items may or may not come as a surprise but they all know I dress now so the best I can hope for is they say I had good taste . I'm quite proud of the way I've built my wardrobe up considering much of it is sourced from charity shops , I'm certainly not ashamed of it , to be quite truthful my male wardrobe is becomming more of an embarrassment .

[Becky Blue]

I have thought about this too and concluded that seeing as I will be dead.. I wont know what the reaction is. If i am THAT concerned by what people may think about me after i have passed, then I should get rid of everything now just in case I get hit by the proverbial bus today.

[rhonda]

What we leave behind wont matter , getting to the next world is what's iimportant
i

[Rayleen]

Its only clothes, I will not be around to answer...people tend to forget you after a few years.

Rayleen

[MichelleCD]

Its only clothes, I will not be around to answer...people tend to forget you after a few years.

Rayleen

LMBO, they won't forget that. I'm afraid, that those of us who will die in the closet, no matter how much success you had in life, even if we had won the nobel peace prize, if/when they find our stuff, that'll be about the only thing they think or talk about, when they talk about us. HA HA HA HA...


That, in itself, is hilarious.

[Ozark]

Talk about a timely subject....

I just got out of the hospital, I was in there for 9 days with a GI bleed and low red blood count. quite the scare.

I had been sorting through my 'stuff', I am 69 and have been collecting for years.

What am I doing with all my stuff? It's going to Salvation Army, a little at a time ... It pains me to give away my extensive gown and pajama collection, I have (had) a wide variety of Vanity Fair

I'll finish this later... I tire easy.. Living close to two outlet malls, I sort of went crazy on panties. oh well

[JessicaJessica]

I have one close female friend who knows about me and a part time "boyfriend"...lol. When I am gone I don't really care who finds my stuff, what people think or say. It may make for some interesting conversations but it is not my problem. It is only a problem for those who wish to make it one!

[Robertacd]

Not being in the closet I don't have that worry. But even before I was out I was not worried about it.

Because I will be dead, so who cares?

I don't know why we feel the need to put the dead on a pedestal. Only to have our little imaginary world crumble when it's discovered that person was a real person with real character flaws and secrets.