And I thought I could just stop dressing....

[amyj]

I really thought I could avoid this. When I was dressing with frequency, I loved it but the guilt was too much. What if someone found out? Why am I doing this anyway? What's the point since I am a biological male with broad shoulders and visible biceps?

Tonight I am fully dressed for the first time in eight years. Eight years ago I dramatically tossed my wig, forms and heels into a bin to go to goodwill. I was done. Done done. For years I nevery looked back.

Who am I kidding that I can walk away from it? I've been wanting to wear women's clothes since I was in kindergarten.

My wig came in today. I love it. I am so happy right now I just might explode. You can see the smile in my avatar.

[Melissa73]

I totally understand! I have tried to quit many times, mostly for ladies I was dating! But I've learned that dressing in pretty things is me. In fact, idress daily now, that my step son once commented that I seem to be cross dressed when dressed in guy clothes.

[Tracy Irving]

I don't know what it is like to quit dressing but I am glad that you are happy!

[Kiwi Primrose]

Melissa has it in one "dressing in pretty things is me".
That has been my story for over 70 years and I still stick by it.
Guilt and/or shame should never enter into your life, nor should you let religion or concern for what others may think affect you.

[Rachelakld]

There is fun, and there is MEGA fun, welcome back to the Mega fun club

[Maria 60]

After all your mother didn't raise a quitter did she. My favourite saying is " it's in our blood". The wig looks great and welcome back.

[DIANEF]

I've never tried to quit but from seeing stories on this forum many have tried, few have succeeded!

[Angela Marie]

I also thought I could stop two years ago but the pull remains. My wife, although not crazy about my dressing, understood. Her main worry was that someone we know would see me when I went out dressed. I am back on the site after two years and remember now how much I miss it. Unfortunately I did a purge, which I know many do. Now I have to recreate my ensemble. Oh well such is life lol.

[Shely]

I have quit for good, several times, and still to this day wonder if it is possible. But the fact remains that I just love to dress up, and dress up all the way. I've often thought it's silly and pintless, but it sure pegs my fun meter. I guess i will just, give up, giving up.

[Tracii G]

Welcome back.
I have no desire to quit nor do I have any guilt over who I am.

[deebra]

Reading avatars on this post, why are so many over 50, where are the 20s and 30s?

[Tracii G]

Not sure what age has to do with who responds to this thread.

[Aunt Kelly]

Amyj,
Welcome back. You knew you'd be back, didn't you? Your determination was admirable, but it's time to accept that this is a part of you. Notice that I did not say "admit". That would imply failure, or guilt, neither of which applies here. We can't fail to be that which we simply are. There is nothing to feel guilty about. There is nothing which should be denied, to yourself at least. There may be practical reasons to not share this with family, friends, or employers, but that's not the same thing at all.
Here's hoping that you have found a way to be yourself with no more shame or guilt.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Lacey CD]

Welcome back! As to the purge, I too have chucked it all several times. And while I grieve the loss of so many beautiful things, I saw it as an opportunity to not just rebuild, but rethink my wardrobe and my "whys". The last time was several years ago but it wasn't a complete job, more symbolic than anything. I don't regret it as it led me to where I am today which is a completely different place than before the purge. I discovered this is so much more than the clothes and was able to connect with myself on a deeper level than before. By stripping away the outer for a while I was able to focus on the non dressing aspects of my feminine side. What came out of it was more balance and harmony not just within myself, but in my marriage and my relationships with others.

[Stacy Darling]

I can see the smile! and all I can say is "Keep Smiling!"

Stacy!

[Sara Jessica]

People make choices for so many reasons. I'm glad you are happy right now. I hope you didn't spend the last 8 years fighting it ever step of the way.

The downside to stories such as this is the lost years of joy (with respect to this thing of ours) and relative youth that you cannot get back.

[Stephanie47]

I have to concur with Sara Jessica. If you lose interest in doing something, so be it. Self imposed exile from expressing oneself can rise to the level of torment. In my life there were periods of time when I had absolutely no desire to wear women's clothing. I didn't even think about it. Then there were the times totally opposite when it was almost like an addict looking for the next fix. It seems there is always some element of shame or self loathing in this journey. It's natural for individuals to want to belong to the group. Nobody really wants to be an outsider. Hence the fear of being tossed out because a man wears the attire of a woman, and, emulates a woman. Self acceptance goes along way to enjoying who a person is. It's not losing "lost years of joy." It is also reflecting upon what a person's mental state became due to that lack of self fulfillment.

[Beverley Sims]

Amy,

Good to see you back, eight years is a long time, what tempted you again?

[Queen Bridget]

I've been there too with a purge.

Sometimes it's a phase you need to go through to help you understand how you really feel.

Glad you came back and feel good about it :)

[DaisyLawrence]

Reading avatars on this post, why are so many over 50, where are the 20s and 30s?

Too busy working hard to pay the mortgage and raise the kids to faff about here perhaps?

[Queen Bridget]

Reading avatars on this post, why are so many over 50, where are the 20s and 30s?

Mid-30's here. We exist :)

Interestingly, the more polular Crossdressing Reddit page is mostly made up of twenty-somethings.

It could be a case of the older generations being more used to forums, rather than social media. Leading to this odd divide.

[docrobbysherry]

Amy, Sara's post makes me wonder. Why would u or any other dresser try and quit something they enjoy so much?:battingeyelashes:

Was it personal circumstances that didn't allow for your dressing or lack of interest!?:straightface:

[Dana44]

Amy, nice smile. yeah a lot have tried to quit. But it always comes back. Yeah I purged a couple times but no more purging.

[Helen_Highwater]

Amy,

"When I was dressing with frequency, I loved it but the guilt was too much." Geez society has a lot to answer for. Your reaction is perhaps a measure of just how deep the stigma can still sit inside us. It's a stigma that's thankfully dissolving away albeit slowly. That said I hope you've now past the stage of harboring that guilt. It's that you should put in a bin.

And every cloud has a silver lining. You now have a genuine reason to shop for new clothes!

[gailwisher]

I thought I had control of myself and my wife went away for the weekend and I had to do a full dress up. You know the feeling. I really can't pass but looking how women dress changed me. Now I try to be the women I am and not the woman some one else is.
I only have cute panties , I wear lovely pretty tights every day. I have many soft tee tops that accent my a cup breasts .
My wife bought me all my tights. lot of bright lovely colors and a very pretty skirt she felt I would look cute in and some hose , she knows I like . Many women don't wear a bra and love pants and a shirt. I dress for me with out any labels but I am not saying what others should do as I enjoy the lovely pictures that are posted here. I am planing to find some cute woman's pants that I can pass in and wear a woman shirt on the day I feel I need to be even softer.
To be the feminine person I am has made me happy and secure.
I enjoy the forum and all the posts so much and they have helped me be me.
Gail

[amyj]

Thank you all for listening.

Tonight is my last night to dress, and it's been three straight evenings of adrenaline. I am so glad I made the effort to do this. It's really been unbelievable. Would you believe I DIY'd a halter top and a denim mini tonight? So easy. And so cute.

My wife has no idea I do this. I have once offered the idea of what she would think if her husband wore women's clothes, and she was not open to it. So my guilt will kick in tomorrow morning. It'll kick me, all right.

Thank you all. Really. Hopefully you'll hear from me again in less than eight years.

[Asew]

I thought I could stop dressing too. I dressed a handful of times in college and maybe once or twice in the first five years of my marriage. I thought it was something I didn't need anymore. Until I needed it again.

Also another member in their 30s.

[Cherylgyno]

Amy. I had the same thought back in the 70's. I enlisted, wasn't a cure. I got married, wasn't a cure. I dressed every weekend and every liberty while I was serving.
I lasted about one month after my wife and I wed. I thought about dressing every day for that month. My wife caught me when I did dress. I promised her that I would quit. My wife told me not to feed her a line of @#$&.
53 years of dressing. Most of which I knew that there's no way to quit. Even if I wanted to.

[MichelleCD]

You go gurl (AmyJ) :love:

I've stuffed my fem things in bags so many times I've lost count. But it keeps calling be back. So, I found my comfort level. Morning and night. And during the day I usually wear a sports bra. Most of the time, in am, I'll put on some make up and my wig. A nice comfy dress. That is until it's time to get to work. I work at home, but it's outside. And it gets too hot for breast forms and the wig. Plus I have people showing up without warning all through the day.

But my mornings and evenings, that's when I put all the grease, stiff scratchy clothes in the laundry bag, and put on what I want to wear.

[Glenda58]

Stopped trying to give it 20 yrs ago. It just doesn't work and I wasn't happy with myself.

[kimdl93]

This is so familiar. I didn’t hold out 8 years...only 18 months, then some ups and downs.

So, I’m glad to hear that you have found your way back to yourself and can enjoy being a woman to the extent of your needs. I hope the same for myself!

As for the guilt...let it go. I know-easier said than done. But as I remind myself so often, it’s not a crime. You are simply expresssing a part of yourself and it’s a good part!

[darla_g]

I've read too many stories here to ever fully purge my stuff. I just need to thin down my things from time to time as storage can be limiting.

[Becky Blue]

Amy as they say you can run but you can't hide... lots of us stop dressing but we seem to always come back... you smile really says it all!

[ClosetED]

Congratulations on lasting eight years! I held out 2 years after the wedding and 18 months when wife gave me ultimatum 20 years later. The guilt and stigma comes from wanting to please wife and societal norms, but society is being more accepting. Wives change slower.
It has been said the smile is the best curve to show and we can see the joy you felt. Even coming to this site and sharing helps ease, and for me looking at my pictures helps me thru times when I can’t fully dress.
Hugs, Ellen

[suzanne]

I like Melissa's comment too. I put it another way, but less elegantly. "Dressing in women's clothing may not be exactly normal, but it's my normal."

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amy :hugs:, Crossdressing s like the Mafia, you just can't quit,

You can run, But you can't hide !

I have been in this program for 71years now and I don't see that ever changing. >Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Judy-Somthing]

I could stop dressing if I wanted to, but how do I get myself to want to?