Role Model Or Not

[Asew]

Since I wear skirts in front of the kids, I told my mom about 2 weeks ago about my wearing skirts (before she came over for US mother's day). She didn't say much but seem to think it was kilts and kind of changed the subject. During mother's day she mentioned she wanted to talk about the skirt thing but never said anything. She was over this last weekend and asked about it (is it just skirts, mostly, do you want to be like caitlynn jenner, no, is there anything else I need to to know, not really, when did it start, I wore my sister's skirts she left behind when she left for college). She then said that she doesn't understand but whatever. Then she goes into a whole spiel about how I am a role model for my kids and I should be setting a good role model for them. Does she think them knowing is being a good role model. And reiterated how she doesn't understand it. Note that my one of my sons changed into his RuPaul t-shirt about ten minutes prior to this conversation.

One of my biggest fears is not being a good role model for my kids. I hope I did the right thing letting them know. I can be myself at home, people have said they have never seen me happier. I am teaching them tolerance of other people differences. They seem fine with it and hopefully this is something that doesn't tarnish their view of me.

[Helen_Highwater]

Asew,

What alternative role model is your mother proposing? A strong masculine, hard drinking, chauvinist who rules with his fists?

It seems to me that you're showing your kids that it's ok to different, your own person. Teaching them tolerance seems far better than reinforcing bigotry.

If your kids don't seem phased by it then all seems good. Have you asked the kids for their opinion on your dressing? If there are issues then at least you know about them and can address those together.

[DaisyLawrence]

You are a VERY GOOD role model for your kids. They will be open minded and tolerant of others that are different due to the example you have set them. DO NOT let anyone tell you otherwise. Welcome to the out and honest club. Well done you.:)

[Tracii G]

You are being a great role model, tell Mom to mind her own business.

[Tracy Irving]

Your mother did the child rearing. Now it's your turn to take the wheel. No backseat drivers!

[colleen ps]

As i have said in other threads, i wear a skirt at home all the time, my son takes absolutely no notice and his girlfriends have never been bothered by it. His close mates pop in now and then and are fine, he will warn a new friend and most just comment "cool".. My neighbour has kids and grandkids round all the time and as we have open gardens, are always outside with me and it is no issue. The only time i had a comment was from the post guy, and all he said, was way to go buddy, its just clothing.

So the way i see it, you are doing fine by your kids as others are saying. and as my post guy said, its only clothing.

so, skirt, Kilt, robe, wear what makes you comfortable.

[Allisa]

Skirts are only cloth, it's the man who comes through, your outlook on life, being supportive to your family and the love that needs no words. The lesson your teaching them about tolerance of others and even acceptance beyond the surface in your small effort to be true to yourself. We can all talk the talk but how many walk the walk, actions speak louder than words and your conviction to wearing a piece of clothing associated with femininity speaks volumes.

[Stacy Darling]

I was subjected to a very similar talking to by my wife last year. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from it!

I believe that you yourself will know what is right, and if you are the model you wish to be!

Good luck with sorting things with your Mum, that could be the more difficult issue!
Stacy!

[IleneD]

When people around me respond with "I don't understand it. I simply don't understand it." [read: SO and a few others]; it's often because they lack the resources to understand or never really try to understand in the first place. It's the one hurdle when talking about CD/TG that seems to be thrown down like their "out" card.
Aggravating. I hate it when a reasonable and open attempt to "explain" hits the wall of understanding. I'm almost over feeling the need to explain myself. Sorry you had to suffer the experience at the hands of loved ones too.
By being the honest You, you make the best role model to your children. Explain to them what THEY can understand and what you owe them. Just be honest and all will be well between you and them. Bringing other extended family members along is always a challenge. They need to overcome their own past, values and prejudices first in order to learn. The kids learn tolerance and Life from the ground up.

[Queen Bridget]

Sadly, the older generations are still stuck in their ways. It's not really their fault. They were raised the believe in strict gender roles.

A good role model is someone who is open-minded.

[Sara Jessica]

I'm not going to speculate as to whether you are a role model or not. My comment is simply wrapped around my own point of view when it comes to disclosure to my own children. That hasn't happened yet. It might someday, it might not. But then again, I have pretty much zero desire to present as female around them, let alone run around the house in a skirt with everything else in guy mode.

Keep in mind that I have no issue with the gender binary, just that I was drafted to the wrong team. I don't believe that the day will come any time soon when men will be choosing between a suit and skirt before going to that important meeting for work.

And I already changed my mind, here is my thought regarding role model. Are you also living your life outside your home in a skirt? If so, then yes...you are being a role model in possibly contributing to a societal change that I believe may never come. If just staying at home, then not so much in my opinion. You simply let your children into your closet.

[Pat]

It's seems like a good role model to me. You're showing your kids (1) that adults are complex, and (2) that it's important to be true to yourself. Those seem like pretty good lessons. And hopefully you're showing that while people may be unusual, they are still good people. I'd say carry on. ;)

[Asew]

What alternative role model is your mother proposing? A strong masculine, hard drinking, chauvinist who rules with his fists?

It seems to me that you're showing your kids that it's ok to different, your own person. Teaching them tolerance seems far better than reinforcing bigotry.

If your kids don't seem phased by it then all seems good. Have you asked the kids for their opinion on your dressing? If there are issues then at least you know about them and can address those together.

You described my dad to a T! When we first told them that night I asked all of them individually about it and they said they had no problem with it. And I wear skirts maybe 30% of the time they are home and seem totally fine with it.


You are a VERY GOOD role model for your kids. They will be open minded and tolerant of others that are different due to the example you have set them. DO NOT let anyone tell you otherwise. Welcome to the out and honest club. Well done you.:)

Thanks for your kind words, and it is so nice to be out and honest.


You are being a great role model, tell Mom to mind her own business.

I have always had a problem of confronting my mom. My mom has given me lots of advice I didn't take and usually she will just leave it be.


Your mother did the child rearing. Now it's your turn to take the wheel. No backseat drivers!

Definitely!


As i have said in other threads, i wear a skirt at home all the time, my son takes absolutely no notice and his girlfriends have never been bothered by it. His close mates pop in now and then and are fine, he will warn a new friend and most just comment "cool".. My neighbour has kids and grandkids round all the time and as we have open gardens, are always outside with me and it is no issue. The only time i had a comment was from the post guy, and all he said, was way to go buddy, its just clothing.

So the way i see it, you are doing fine by your kids as others are saying. and as my post guy said, its only clothing.

so, skirt, Kilt, robe, wear what makes you comfortable.

It is refreshing to hear this. I currently only wear skirts at home (well I might put the dogs out or get the mail in a skirt if already dressed), but I think part of it is that we don't want any of our son's friends something to bully them about (the oldest is having issues being bullied and it sucks not being able to do anything about it, don't want to add any fuel to the fire).


Skirts are only cloth, it's the man who comes through, your outlook on life, being supportive to your family and the love that needs no words. The lesson your teaching them about tolerance of others and even acceptance beyond the surface in your small effort to be true to yourself. We can all talk the talk but how many walk the walk, actions speak louder than words and your conviction to wearing a piece of clothing associated with femininity speaks volumes.

My wife said before us telling them she thought it would be good for them.


I was subjected to a very similar talking to by my wife last year. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from it!

I believe that you yourself will know what is right, and if you are the model you wish to be!

Good luck with sorting things with your Mum, that could be the more difficult issue!
Stacy!

Much rather hear this from my mom than my wife. Yeah, it will probably take some time to sort out with my mom.

[Micki_Finn]

If your kids are middle aged, you are WAY past being a role model for them and quite frankly it’s insulting to your children to imply that your dressing is going to somehow negatively affect them.

[Asew]

When people around me respond with "I don't understand it. I simply don't understand it." [read: SO and a few others]; it's often because they lack the resources to understand or never really try to understand in the first place. It's the one hurdle when talking about CD/TG that seems to be thrown down like their "out" card.
Aggravating. I hate it when a reasonable and open attempt to "explain" hits the wall of understanding. I'm almost over feeling the need to explain myself. Sorry you had to suffer the experience at the hands of loved ones too.
By being the honest You, you make the best role model to your children. Explain to them what THEY can understand and what you owe them. Just be honest and all will be well between you and them. Bringing other extended family members along is always a challenge. They need to overcome their own past, values and prejudices first in order to learn. The kids learn tolerance and Life from the ground up.

I hate trying to explain it too. And I definitely understand how the older one is the more set in their mindset they usually are.


Sadly, the older generations are still stuck in their ways. It's not really their fault. They were raised the believe in strict gender roles.

A good role model is someone who is open-minded.

Thanks! I always wonder how it will be when get older and what things I might not understand of the younger generation. Currently I have only not understood "dab"ing.


I'm not going to speculate as to whether you are a role model or not. My comment is simply wrapped around my own point of view when it comes to disclosure to my own children. That hasn't happened yet. It might someday, it might not. But then again, I have pretty much zero desire to present as female around them, let alone run around the house in a skirt with everything else in guy mode.

Keep in mind that I have no issue with the gender binary, just that I was drafted to the wrong team. I don't believe that the day will come any time soon when men will be choosing between a suit and skirt before going to that important meeting for work.

And I already changed my mind, here is my thought regarding role model. Are you also living your life outside your home in a skirt? If so, then yes...you are being a role model in possibly contributing to a societal change that I believe may never come. If just staying at home, then not so much in my opinion. You simply let your children into your closet.

I have worried about this myself. Is me only skirting at home basically only half-baked? I told my wife recently that when the kids are grown up I could see myself wearing skirts most of the time. She said she wasn't sure how she feels about that. I wish I could be more public, but I think it is a slow process due to my wife and kids. At least I am more myself than I was before.


It's seems like a good role model to me. You're showing your kids (1) that adults are complex, and (2) that it's important to be true to yourself. Those seem like pretty good lessons. And hopefully you're showing that while people may be unusual, they are still good people. I'd say carry on. ;)

Thanks! We sure are complex. Kids are too :)

- - - Updated - - -


If your kids are middle aged, you are WAY past being a role model for them and quite frankly it’s insulting to your children to imply that your dressing is going to somehow negatively affect them.

They are between preschool and 6th grade. And started the process to adopt one.

[5150 Girl]

Teaching diversity = good role model!

[DaisyLawrence]

If your kids are middle aged, you are WAY past being a role model for them and quite frankly it’s insulting to your children to imply that your dressing is going to somehow negatively affect them.

Micki. I spotted that in the OP. I figured Asew meant the middle of three children and not a middle aged child but had to re-read to be sure. Ah, the trouble with type!

[Asew]

Teaching diversity = good role model!

Thanks!


Micki. I spotted that in the OP. I figured Asew meant the middle of three children and not a middle aged child but had to re-read to be sure. Ah, the trouble with type!

Thanks for pointing that out, I edited the middle aged term. No wonder there is child in the middle syndrome since there is youngest, oldest, but nothing to clearly describe the one in between :)

[JenniferMBlack]

Are you a role model? Absolutely. Are you a good role model? I don't know bit I'm pretty sure wearing skirts dosent change that. Cave men only wore loin clothes,single mothers wear skirts I'm sure (at least some do) other cultures men wear skirts. I don't see how it could male a difference.

[Beverley Sims]

A modern role model is so different from one thirty or more years ago.

Values, teaching and outlook have all changed.

In education there are more art subjects replacing Geography and History.

How many know their multiplication tables or even spell and WRITE now.

[OCCarly]

I am a lawyer. I have raised two children who are also lawyers. Right now I am in court, waiting while the judge takes a break. I am wearing full makeup, a blazer over a mini skirt, and moderate heels.

No one here has any problems with my gender transition. Everyone who knows me is happy for me.

I like to think that I am a role model.

Hugs, Carly

[docrobbysherry]

Children learn hate, intolerance, and prejudice from others. Usually, their parents. It doesn't sound like they will get any of those from u, Asew!:thumbsup:

[Rachelakld]

Correct, a good role model shows tolerance, stands up for those oppressed.
Also wear what you like allows your kids to grow up how they want and not some grandparents "thinks" they should be.

I had a dad who pressurised his kids to be like him (and become electricians), his youngest, no matter how had he tried, only had passion for painting.
The grief the dad put on the kids, almost made them a suicide statistic.

I often wonder if this pressure (and role model BS) is what is causing kids to shoot their class mates - because we convince them to portray a BS "role model" that is often unachievable.

[Vale]

Some thoughts for you. It might help to start by thanking your mom for her concern. It may be useful to make sure you and your mom agree that she will not undercut you with the kids. She would likely agree in discussion that sowing discord in the family would be harmful. Then maybe you can work with her to itemize her Specific Concerns (within the much too general concept of role model) and work toward reassuring her on those Specific Issues.

Just one of many possible approaches.

Val

[Julie MA]

I'm am highly respectful of the role model you are being: being confident in yourself, and showing others we are all different and need to respect that. Wish I was as strong as you. But every situation and our relationships have boundaries and complexities. I am living within mine, as you are.

[Teresa]

Asew,
You don't say how old your children are, but this argument does cut both ways. You are trying to teach you kids tolerance but how tolerant will school friends be with them ? I still say you have put an adult situation on a child's shoulders and now expect them to see it and react in an adult way , is that fair on them ? You may be expecting them to keep a secret from certain people , so who do you blame when they don't ? WE all know what you mum means by role model , she is thinking about protecting her grandchildren not have the worry of exposing them to problems they may not fully understand . I while ago a member posted about their kids being mature enough to handle it, so what if they can't and it starts to scew them up ?

KIds have enough issues of their own , they need you for guidance and support , it shouldn't be the other way round , they are vulnerable children who need care and guidance , your mum is right .

[mattea]

I don't ever have a problem with someone raising a question and then talking out the point of view. The fact that your mother had concerns at least shows that she cares enough to express them to you. My hope is that she also realizes that role models should not be "role models" for the clothes they wear or how they present themselves, but should become that way based on their character, actions, the way they treat others and what they prioritize. The fact that you WANT to be a good role model for your children, already leads me to believe that you are. You care about how they perceive the world and you want them to be good people. It seems one of your priorities is your children, and that you love them, that in itself is one of the best traits of a good role model. I have recently let the kids into my secret and it has been a really rewarding experience, because I expected push back and an adjusting period. My kids were like "whatever" and have been supportive, it wasn't one of those angst "whatevers" either it was simply a term of it didn't matter to them, they know that they are very important to me and will do anything in the world for them.

What gets me is that some people think that to be a "great man" or a "great women" means that you must display physical and psychological stereotypes of your gender when in fact those actions have nothing at all to do with anything. If Albert Einstein wore panties under his trousers does that make him any less of one of the worlds greatest minds. If Sister Teresa preferred mens boxers, does that matter now that she is considered a Saint. I honestly have a problem with the popular role models of the world today or the ones people look up too. Many celebrities are talented but should never be considered role models. I applaud Caitlyn Jenner for presenting herself to the world as she feels and considers herself to be, but that doesn't negate the fact that She is a Class A Bitch, nor does it excuse the entitled behavior of many of the celebrities that lead the world of fashion and pop culture. I think the real role models are the people who get up every morning, work their asses off for their family and come home at the end of the day and love their family unconditionally. I think that if you continue to be the great parent you seem to be, you will have no problems with the legacy that you are leaving for your children, they will see you as the person who loved them, always was concerned about their views and the only tarnish you need to worry about is the tarnish on your accessories and jewelry that go with those skirts!

[Rhonda Jean]

I'll defer to Sara Jessica on the role model thing.

My thing is I can't for the life of me understand this need to disclose that so many of us have. It begs questions there are simply no answers to. There is no way to explain it, nor is there a way to understand it. "Because I like to" seems like such a lame cop out, but it's about as close to true as anything. It's like when a kid is incessantly asking "why" about everything and can't understand that not everything has a why, or at least not one that matters in the grand scheme. Like asking why is blue paint blue. Surely there's some chemical explanation, but that's not the answer a kid is looking for. Maybe I'm just in a mood, but it irks me that people think they need to "understand" everything about somebody else's life. Give me a break!

Back when I was married and had hair down to the middle of my back I overheard my mother in law saying she "just didn't understand it". What is there to understand? I didn't understand why she dyed her hair blue, but there's nothing to understand. I liked my hair long, she liked hers blue. Simple as that. All this need to understand drives me up the wall! And all the other questions that telling or coming out precipitates. From my standpoint, if you want your mom to know you wear skirts, wear a skirt! Deal with what's actually going on rather than getting off in the weeds on what it "means". Some of this stuff is incredibly simple, yet it's made out to be so complex and far reaching. Don't invite complexity.

[AllieSF]

I applaud your approach to parenting and your wearing skirts in front of your children. I am assuming that you honestly answer their questions when asked. As to how other children respond to their friend's father's lifestyle is no different from wondering how some ultra conservative or ultra liberal parent may affect their children and their friends. No one seems to bring up how diverse even the "normal's" are out there and what effect they have on their children.

So Teresa, I believe that parents that can, i.e. have the communication tools and personalities to adequately explain to their children difficult personal issues that may affect the family, should tell their children as soon as possible. By being honest and upfront with their children, they are being good role models and are helping their kids to understand early in life that "normal" also means "diverse" in many different ways. They can give them tools to deal with issues with other less balanced kids in school. We have to start someplace to change the world's opinions starting with our own kids, their teachers and other children. Otherwise, we end up with the issues that many here share with us about their wives and children not understanding nor accepting their father's transgender(umbrella term) side of themselves. You have it with your wife and I have it with my two adult children, and that should not be that way from the ones that we love and who love us.

PS: Rhonda, I believe that the need to share with loved ones or close friends is also a matter of honesty and need to share to come out of a self imposed closet and hidden life style. That is good. Whether the other can immediately grasp the importance of the reveal is obvious in that most don't get it and initially react negatively. However, to me anyway, honesty with those that matter far out weighs keeping something like this hidden from them. I am not saying that all should tell, rather, those that need to share. Life is full of many difficult situations from finances, marital difficulties, work and other family issues. This trans related issue can and should be handled, when needed, like those others, openly and honestly.

[Micki_Finn]

Ah ok I got it. I’ve got a few words that will shit down ANY argument your mother has: “Why should I take parenting advice from you? YOU raised a crossdresser.

[Asew]

Thanks for all the feedback!


I am a lawyer. I have raised two children who are also lawyers. Right now I am in court, waiting while the judge takes a break. I am wearing full makeup, a blazer over a mini skirt, and moderate heels.

No one here has any problems with my gender transition. Everyone who knows me is happy for me.

I like to think that I am a role model.

Hugs, Carly
Glad to hear it.


Children learn hate, intolerance, and prejudice from others. Usually, their parents. It doesn't sound like they will get any of those from u, Asew!:thumbsup:
It sucks that intolerance is typically handed down the generations.


Some thoughts for you. It might help to start by thanking your mom for her concern. It may be useful to make sure you and your mom agree that she will not undercut you with the kids. She would likely agree in discussion that sowing discord in the family would be harmful. Then maybe you can work with her to itemize her Specific Concerns (within the much too general concept of role model) and work toward reassuring her on those Specific Issues.

Just one of many possible approaches.

Val
I think this might be a good way to handle this and keep this tactic in mind.


I'm am highly respectful of the role model you are being: being confident in yourself, and showing others we are all different and need to respect that. Wish I was as strong as you. But every situation and our relationships have boundaries and complexities. I am living within mine, as you are.
Thanks. It sucks there are boundaries and complexities to this.


Asew,
You don't say how old your children are, but this argument does cut both ways. You are trying to teach you kids tolerance but how tolerant will school friends be with them ? I still say you have put an adult situation on a child's shoulders and now expect them to see it and react in an adult way , is that fair on them ? You may be expecting them to keep a secret from certain people , so who do you blame when they don't ? WE all know what you mum means by role model , she is thinking about protecting her grandchildren not have the worry of exposing them to problems they may not fully understand . I while ago a member posted about their kids being mature enough to handle it, so what if they can't and it starts to scew them up ?

KIds have enough issues of their own , they need you for guidance and support , it shouldn't be the other way round , they are vulnerable children who need care and guidance , your mum is right .
My kids are preshool through 6th grade (and just started the process to adopt a baby). They can tell anyone they want (there are about 2 dozen people who know already). Really, I just want to shelter them from any possibly bullying which is why I keep it to the house (and not when their school friends are over, granted that only happens a few times a year).

And this is going to screw them up...? I want to rant about this point but feel like it wouldn't be productive.


I'll defer to Sara Jessica on the role model thing.

My thing is I can't for the life of me understand this need to disclose that so many of us have. It begs questions there are simply no answers to. There is no way to explain it, nor is there a way to understand it. "Because I like to" seems like such a lame cop out, but it's about as close to true as anything. It's like when a kid is incessantly asking "why" about everything and can't understand that not everything has a why, or at least not one that matters in the grand scheme. Like asking why is blue paint blue. Surely there's some chemical explanation, but that's not the answer a kid is looking for. Maybe I'm just in a mood, but it irks me that people think they need to "understand" everything about somebody else's life. Give me a break!

Back when I was married and had hair down to the middle of my back I overheard my mother in law saying she "just didn't understand it". What is there to understand? I didn't understand why she dyed her hair blue, but there's nothing to understand. I liked my hair long, she liked hers blue. Simple as that. All this need to understand drives me up the wall! And all the other questions that telling or coming out precipitates. From my standpoint, if you want your mom to know you wear skirts, wear a skirt! Deal with what's actually going on rather than getting off in the weeds on what it "means". Some of this stuff is incredibly simple, yet it's made out to be so complex and far reaching. Don't invite complexity.
You mean why doesn't need a full answer? Good advice :)


I applaud your approach to parenting and your wearing skirts in front of your children. I am assuming that you honestly answer their questions when asked. As to how other children respond to their friend's father's lifestyle is no different from wondering how some ultra conservative or ultra liberal parent may affect their children and their friends. No one seems to bring up how diverse even the "normal's" are out there and what effect they have on their children.

So Teresa, I believe that parents that can, i.e. have the communication tools and personalities to adequately explain to their children difficult personal issues that may affect the family, should tell their children as soon as possible. By being honest and upfront with their children, they are being good role models and are helping their kids to understand early in life that "normal" also means "diverse" in many different ways. They can give them tools to deal with issues with other less balanced kids in school. We have to start someplace to change the world's opinions starting with our own kids, their teachers and other children. Otherwise, we end up with the issues that many here share with us about their wives and children not understanding nor accepting their father's transgender(umbrella term) side of themselves. You have it with your wife and I have it with my two adult children, and that should not be that way from the ones that we love and who love us.

PS: Rhonda, I believe that the need to share with loved ones or close friends is also a matter of honesty and need to share to come out of a self imposed closet and hidden life style. That is good. Whether the other can immediately grasp the importance of the reveal is obvious in that most don't get it and initially react negatively. However, to me anyway, honesty with those that matter far out weighs keeping something like this hidden from them. I am not saying that all should tell, rather, those that need to share. Life is full of many difficult situations from finances, marital difficulties, work and other family issues. This trans related issue can and should be handled, when needed, like those others, openly and honestly.
I think the biggest thing is they learn we can communicate about things like this. Perhaps one of them is gay, or a crossdresser, or some other thing that they may want to keep secret but knowing their family can be accepting that they may be more likely to not keep certain things secret.


Ah ok I got it. I’ve got a few words that will shit down ANY argument your mother has: “Why should I take parenting advice from you? YOU raised a crossdresser.
I don't think I have the balls to talk to my mother that way :)

[Teresa]

Allie,
I've had this conversation before , the problem is I've seen my daughter especially bullied badly at school , she has always needed all our support as she is very sensitive , I know it would have been unfair to burden her with any of our problems , we had to be there for her 100%. We are reaping the rewards now, that support we gave her allowed to to achieve her professional status as a speach and language therapist , plus a second degree in nursing , now at forty she is giving her support to me when I need it . I know the extra load of my problems in her childhood years would have screwed her up , I know it would have been unfair and selfish of me . I still say adult problems are for adults not for children , allow them to grow up and find themselves before you ask them to take on your problems .

Asew ,
Go ahead and rant but read and think about my story first , our situations are all different and I believe I did right by my children and have no regrets , I have the utmost respect from everyone because I dealt with it in that way . Again in a DADT situation my wife would have been distraught anyway from anyone knowing and even worse letting them see me . Now it's working out fine for all of us.

I have to say your reply contradicts itself, you say they can tell anyone they want and then go on to say you wish to keep it in the house because of the possiblity of bullying and won't dress in front of school friends . So you are putting your burden on them , they are under some pressure not to tell people , there is an element of fear in what you are doing .

[Diane Taylor]

There are many other things that determine whether or not you're a good role model. People who are prejudiced are the LAST ones who should define what a good role model is.

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm not sure that ranting isn't exactly what you should do. You come across as a thoughtful and sincere person. Sometimes ranting helps you clear out your own mind and refresh your thoughts. It's possible that the rest of us might learn something from your rant, or you might. Your rant comment was directed at Teresa. She might not say it, but she's received her fair share of comments that weren't exactly cheerleading. Some of them came from me. I think she can handle it.

FWIW, I wouldn't wear a skirt around my kids. I have no idea what effect it'd have, good or bad. I personally think that teaching them tolerance means showing tolerance toward them and letting them see you exhibit tolerance toward others. Not forcing them to tolerate you, or to just get used to it. Having said that, I can guarantee you that the way I looked and dressed when my own kids were growing up opened me up to a lot of outside criticism, it just didn't happen to be skirts. I didn't do it to teach them tolerance. I did it because I wanted to have long feminine hair, long nails, waxed eyebrows, and on and on. No skirts, though. To each their own, and my version is no better than yours. Sara Jessica made a great point about you bringing them into the closet with you. That is spot on. Not so sure that you can extrapolate that to mean you ought to wear skirts everywhere, though.

On this skirt-wearing specifically... I've seen a few guys wearing skirts. Dressed male otherwise, but wearing skirts. Cool with me, but, is this some kind of a thing now? Not being critical. I have absolutely no room to talk!

[DaisyLawrence]

Allie,
I've had this conversation before , the problem is I've seen my daughter especially bullied badly at school , she has always needed all our support as she is very sensitive , I know it would have been unfair to burden her with any of our problems , we had to be there for her 100%. We are reaping the rewards now, that support we gave her allowed to to achieve her professional status as a speach and language therapist , plus a second degree in nursing , now at forty she is giving her support to me when I need it . I know the extra load of my problems in her childhood years would have screwed her up , I know it would have been unfair and selfish of me . I still say adult problems are for adults not for children , allow them to grow up and find themselves before you ask them to take on your problems .

Asew ,
Go ahead and rant but read and think about my story first , our situations are all different and I believe I did right by my children and have no regrets , I have the utmost respect from everyone because I dealt with it in that way . Again in a DADT situation my wife would have been distraught anyway from anyone knowing and even worse letting them see me . Now it's working out fine for all of us.

I have to say your reply contradicts itself, you say they can tell anyone they want and then go on to say you wish to keep it in the house because of the possiblity of bullying and won't dress in front of school friends . So you are putting your burden on them , they are under some pressure not to tell people , there is an element of fear in what you are doing .

The use of terms like 'burden her with any of our problems', 'the extra load of my problems in her childhood years would have screwed her up', 'adult problems are for adults', 'take on your problems', 'you are putting your burden on them', and 'there is an element of fear in what you are doing' is quite worrying. Problems, burden, fear, good heavens are we talking about you being a serial killer? Sounds like it is something that serious and shameful. I thought we were just talking about some dad wearing a skirt, you know, clothes. My god you have a seriously distorted view about how shameful your crossdressing desires were in the past. Asew made it clear she was not asking them to keep a secret, they are free to divulge if they want. Should I stop wearing a skirt in front of my son until he is an adult, is 18 OK or do I have to wait until he is 21? Is he too stupid to decide what information to give to his mates do you think? I don't know the exact detail of what he tells them about his dad, I've never asked because gender stereotyping doesn't happen in my house, but I do know all his friends, girls and boys, think he is dead lucky to have a cool dad and they all wish their dads were more interesting. I picked him up from school a few weeks ago, I had on two pairs of womens dangly earings, leggings, a long-line pink Tee and headband. I chatted with his teenage friends for ages. One, who I have known since he was 3, said he loved the earings and that his dad would never do anything different or interesting and in fact he wished he wasn't such a boring b******d generally. They all then agreed they wished their dads would do something different like me. This is 2018 not 1818, these presentation differences don't lead to bullying anymore, in fact quite the opposite, it actually gives a child credability in the eyes of their peers. He would have complained if I had picked him up in man clothes because I would have wasted an opportunity to appear interesting. It's a bit like being picked up in a boring city car by a dad in a suit or being picked up on a Harley Davidson by a dad in Hells Angels leather and ZZTop beard, I know what any child would prefer their friends saw. When are you going to get it, kids just do not have an issue with this gender stuff in the UK anymore, only adults give them this. It's not the same as when you were young, or even your kids. Times have changed. Children are not born intolerant, racist, sexist or bigoted, they learn all these traits from adults. Much of the intolerance to minor stuff like a bloke in a skirt is learned from society but the vast majority is learned from their parents. They are born tolerant and embracing of all people and then the parents slowly mold them into the intolerant adult bigots we see everyday of our lives. It is never too soon to take a different approach to your offspring.

Asew, I absolutely gaurantee that, with your attitude to gender 'norms', all your kids will all grow up to be well-rounded, tolerant, caring, and successful adults. I stand and applaud you for having the balls to ignore the bigotry you see around you and to do your parenting in the only way that makes sense in the 21st century. You should go ahead and rant, you have the moral high ground afterall.

[colleen ps]

I see and sort of agree with some of Teresa's comments, but the thought just entered my mind that, If we hide our diversity from our kids, what happens when they go on a school trip to (in the UK ) London or Brighton and many other locations where diversity is displayed openly and publicly all around you. You then have to explain that with no easing in period LOL.

[Asew]

Teresa,
For you with your non-accepting wife, it would have been a much bigger issue to be out of the closet and into the house even, and that hostility she has would be a burden and possibly screw up a child. But my wife is accepting, so while I see how this does provide some burden I don't see how it screws up a child in today's day and age. By saying that it would screw up a child you are implying crossdressing is inherently bad. Does seeing a man dress as a woman on halloween screw them up? How about a man in a dress at the mall? Or an uncle who they see a few times a year? Or an older sibling? Should an older sibling who wants to dress or even transition wait until they leave the house so they don't screw up the younger children?

And you say this is an adult issue, even though I started dressing as a child. I sure wish I had a role model as a child to not ignore and hide this part of myself. I might not have worn them in high school (since high school sucked), but if I accepted this part of me I probably would have worn them publicly starting with college and beyond. And if I was wearing skirts all their life would it still screw them up? [Can I blame my mother for not being a good role model?]

And yes it is a bit of contradiction that they can tell anyone but I don't dress in front of their school friends. But you have to realize there are haters and bullies. My eldest had a school concert last night and I changed out of my skirt to go. I also know baby steps are a good thing. So this is my current baby step. Everyone always says take it slow.

Rhonda Jean,
Yeah, I think part of it is to only keep it in the house is I still need to take baby steps. For the wife, for the kids. Down the line I would want to wear nearly 100% skirts/dresses and have told my wife. I don't know how long it will take to get there but this is a baby step in that direction. I do like other things like heels, painted toenails, jewerly, but I feel like those will be sometimes even down the line and would be a mixed gender representation. I have no intention of being a woman or passing so I accept that I am man in a dress.

Daisy,
You stole around half my rant :) I get what you are saying about boring dads, but I still can't think I would be seen as the cool dad for this.

[Tracii G]

Asew nothing you can do will ever make you the cool Dad in the eyes of your kids.
You will always be the grouchy dimwitted adult in the house thats the way its always been.
My Daughters friends always said I was a cool Dad because I was a rock and roll guitar playing Dad but deep down inside I was the Dad that made my girls toe the line.Do their chores and home work.
If you raise kids up around something they get used to it and if its Dad wearing a skirt then so be it they will get used to it.
Teresa kids are more likely to get more screwed up watching TV than they would if Dad wore a dress.

[Teresa]

Daisy,
I don't want to make a big issue of my age but I will accept I'm from an older generation when so many LGBT issues were taboo if not illegal in public . I've also said this before that my wife and I had overbearing fathers who wouldn't have acted and certainly wouldn't have accpeted crossdressing if they'd known . OK my thoughts are more aligned with that thinking simply for the fear factor .
Going back to Asew's thread part of the issue was the mother's thoughts from the same generation , I do see both sides of it but there is a certain amount of sense in her comments I believe Asew knows that and also repects the mother for those thoughts.

As usual you have to go OTT with your reply , I was not ranting but simply putting the situation from the experiences I have encountered and you give me no credit at all for the care I chose to give to my children when they were growing up , in fact I find that slightly insulting . I am very lucky to have the family I have , they now totally respect me because they know and value what we did for them as parents . I still say keeping my CDing from them until they were adults was the right thing to do , leave it until they can understand for themselves and form their own judgment. My daughter has had heated debates with my wife over my CDing issues but she is in a position to understand as an adult to make her point . I say again it is not an issue for a child do deal with unless they show their own desires to crossdress , in that case paremts should go with times and be open minded but GOD KNOWS what reaction I would have had from my father if he knew !

Looked at from the angle of living in a DADT situation , you still chose to wear a skirt and maybe take your chance what the family think , so you son starts copying you, I can't imagine what fallout would happen in DADT situation . An open minded father would probably be out the door with his bags packed .

There are two sides to most debates and I happen to see the side that cares in a traditional way , there is no bigotry or waving of big sticks we were good parents who took care of our children and gave them all the encourgement with their education to get the best life they could . Even now I'm separated my thoughts are to safeguard what I have financially so I can retain it for my children and grandchildren .

Asew,
Very few if any had role models with issues like this and very few still do because it's still not widely understood . OK I've been through some serious issues over my CDing but do feel now in a position to stick around and pass some experiences on . An older generation does no harm in making comments because there are still some valid points to be made . I'm also now in a position to help others in reality so for the second year I will be going to Boston ( UK ) college to talk to any students with TG problems during their Pride week . The difference is this year I'm not under a DADT umbrella so I don't have to lie about it , it does feel good to be able to freely make these choices now so I can help others .