Purging all the clothes

[irenetancd]

Today, I purged all my clothes again. This might be a good decision or a bad one, only time will tell.
Would love to hear your experience about this.


As for me:

Reasons to purge
1. De-clutter my room, as I am sharing house with a couple (who has no idea of my crossdressing choice)
2. Afraid of being discovered, especially since burglary that happened few years ago and all my clothes were thrown around the room
3. The ladies that i might date or bring home might accidentally find my clothes
4. Gravitate towards a minimalist lifestyles
5. Crossdressing can be a very expensive lifestyle. The urge to go out in public (driving 30 miles away from home), makeups, wigs etc costs money

Reasons I might regret
1. Already regretted spending $100-200 for some really cute summer clothing 6 weeks ago, which has gone to the clothes donation bin
2. Spending lots of money again if or when i succumb to crossdressing again

[Judy-Somthing]

I must have purged a hundred times in my life.
Mainly thirty plus years ago when society was more against it.
Now I just try to keep my stash as small as possible.

When I was about 17 I was dating a very nice girl and thought I could quit so I burned my stash.
It's strange, we were having incredible sex just about every day for over a year but I still kept dressing every time I got the chance!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Irene :hugs:, RULES for PURGING !

Rule No. 1, Never Purge !!

Rule No. 2, If you feel that you really must Purge,

. See RULE No. 1 AGAIN !!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Tracii G]

Why are you complaining and making up excuses? Is it because you can't accept who you are?

[kimdl93]

Been there, done that....and frankly, I have regretted it each time. (two major purges) I can't predict anyone's future. All I can say is that, despite the best of intentions, I find my way back to this point.

My motivation, in retrospect, was magical thinking. I wanted to believe that by purging and denying this aspect of myself, I would somehow restore a fatally damaged relationship. It couldn't work, and didn't. I threw away thousands of dollars of clothing and accessories due to wishful thinking. Not that many weeks ago, I purged again, for essentially the same reason...that I couldn't manage a relationship and be transgender. Well, I can't not be transgender...it is not a thing I can dispose of...its intrinsic. Makes it necessary for me to look at the nature of relationships that I can have.

But that was just my personal experience.

Good luck!

[krissy]

I have purged before too .I regretted it had to start over every time im 60 now i have about 4 boxes of clothes and now i worry that if i die what am i going to do about the clothes i just know i cant trow them out sure as hell ill want to dress again. and since i found this site i have come to accept myself.its who i am and no one or nothing will change it. so if you can avoid purging i would:hugs:

[CarlaWestin]

Quitter. There are numerous easy ways to keep this activity clandestine since you're so ashamed of yourself.
Your reasons for purging are weak and runny. I believe your real issue is paranoia.

[MiniRock]

It's strange, we were having incredible sex just about every day for over a year but I still kept dressing every time I got the chance!

That resonates with me Judy. Right now I'm in a good place in my life with a woman whom I adore. I certainly don't want for sex. Does that satiate my urge to put on women's clothes? No, on the contrary, it accentuates it!

You look very good in your avatar by the way.

[Aunt Kelly]

Damn, ladies... A little more diplomacy, maybe?

Yes, we've all been there, and some of us have learned that the only thing a purge accomplishes is to impoverish us all over again when the inevitable happens, but let's at least pretend to be sympathetic. :)

Irene, sweetie, they are correct, you know. You will "succumb" again. That will not be a "failure" and it is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. Trust us - you will be happier when you accept this. Yes, discovery is a consideration, but the risk of that should guide your discretion, not your sense of self. Same goes for any potential paramour. When the relationship starts to look serious, it's time to have "the talk". Whatever the result at that point, it will be better than that which will follow the almost inevitable discovery of months, or years, of deception.
I wish I could tell you how I made that emotional leap to self acceptance. It was long enough ago that being TG was far from in vogue, and coming out to the woman who is still my wife was one of the scariest things I have ever done. It could have gone sideways right then. Odds say it should have, but I had decided that this person was special enough that she deserved to know all of me.

All I am saying is that this is who you are. Not a label. Not a category. Just another unique person, who deserves to be happy with herself as she really is.

Hugs,


Kelly

[DaisyLawrence]

What did Julia Roberts say in Pretty Woman? "Big mistake. Huge".

[Beverley Sims]

Get a big plastic bag and mothballs shove all your clothes in that until you can come to some decision.

You then have a second chance. :-)

[Elizabeth G]

Yes, I have purged a couple of times and in each case regretted it later. For me it occurred when I thought I was over my crossdressing (silly me) and believed i had no use for my things anymore. Since I now know that's not the case and I have accepted who I am I will never purge again.

[ClosetED]

You could have gotten a locked trunk for under the bed or closet, and if seen, say it was clothes an old girlfriend left and they have sentimental value. Would address many of your items...
Hugs, Ellen

[DaisyLawrence]

That's funny Ellen. For a minute there I believed you were suggesting she claimed they were the clothes of an ex girlfriend that had so much sentimental value that she has to keep them in a locked box under the marital bed! Best grounds for divorce I've ever heard. :)

[Harriettes]

I have purged a few times over the years. The main reason was not guilt but storage and security concerns due to moving from one home to another. I have not regretted getting rid of anything but I can certainly understand that feeling. I now have the largest collection of bras, lingerie and dresses than I ever had and would be extremely unhappy to purge my stash. The upside is the thrill of shopping for replacements.

[Angela Marie]

I purged about two year ago for the second time. I am finally coming to the realization that this is an integral part of me that will not go away. So once again I have to assemble a new wardrobe lol. But this time it WILL be the last.

[Robertacd]

Reason #5 for doing it is reason #1 reason for regret and not to do it as you are probably just going to slowly restock your feminine wardrobe anyway.

Although I have to admit #3 had me worried the times my wife stayed over night when we were dating.

BTW: 30 miles is nothing, I have driven further than that just going out for dinner.

[Tracy Irving]

It is too late to do anything about your purge now but when you are more comfortable with your crossdressing and you are living in a freer environment you will probably pick up right where you left off. Until then, it is easy to hide a couple pair of panties.

[Tracii G]

Aunt Kelly no sense in coddling a person. Thats part of what is wrong with some people today they have been coddled all their life.
If they are a quitter let them know.

[suzanne]

Never purging is a mistake, but not a big one. The only reason to throw something out is you never wear it and you need to make space for something new.

But eventually, you get to a point where your storage space is too full. Then, when you shop, you have to ask yourself, "What do I throw out to make room for this dress?" If what you decide to throw out looks better than what you want to buy, leave the store immediately. You have reached saturation.

[JeanTG]

When I feel the urge to purge, I put everything in a couple of old suitcases and stash everything away into our hard-to-get-at attic, in an even harder to reach corner.

It rarely lasts more than a few days, LOL!

My longest purge was maybe like 10 or 12 years. Never again. Culling the herd to get rid of stuff I no longer like/wear, yes, but purging no.

[Cheryl T]

Of course I've purged, who hasn't??
But here I am and what I've learned is that for me purging is useless. This is who I am and denying it does no good for anyone, me or those I care about.

[CONSUELO]

From all of our collective experience I can safely say you are wasting your money. It would be cheaper and faster to just shred your paycheck.

Within a few months you will be spending lots of money on clothing to replace what you have thrown away.

[Tracii G]

The whole purge thing seems to be a common thing with members here.
Kind of interesting as to what motivates a person to do that.
Me personally I have never even considered purging in hopes of stopping.
I cannot change who I am and what clothes I like.

[Alice Torn]

Irene, I also did a huge purge a number of months ago. But recently bought four dresses ebay, and a cheap wig, new pair of heels, hose, and make up! I intended to quit, but also knew i would likely do it again once ina while out of weakness, and loneliness, never having ever had a wife, or steady girlfriend. The urge never totally goes away. I have a gay friend who does not meet for sex any more with guys, but the urge in him never goes completely away, either. I was getting myself in dangerous territory, meeting admirers. That is the main reason i purged. When dressed totally, i feel like a lady, and would like to be treated like a lady, with a true gentleman, but will not do any penetration sex, due to morals, and disease prevention. I have considered purging yet again, but know i will regret it. I totally agree with you, about "minimalizing". I got rid of much of my male clothes, also. Too much stuff, is too much stuff, whether lady thing, or guy thing, or other stuff we pile up!!

- - - Updated - - -

I did manage to sell some of my lady things on Ebay, or consignment store, but did not make much at all. i tend to undercharge on Ebay!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I hear you Irene, but: '3. The ladies that i might date...'

Why not start out honest right from the start? Date enough ladies and sooner or later...

[Tracy Irving]

Of course I've purged, who hasn't??

I have downsized. But only to make room for new items.

Oops, there was The Great Panty Purge of '16. But, can you blame me? Those things were multiplying like tribbles. Besides, the ones that got away were too big.

[LeannS]

Irene if you have a privacy issue and security is a problem get a storage locker. Store your things there.
But never purge it only costs you more in the long run. Oh you will replace the things you got rid of and more storage locker is the answer

[Tina Marie]

Never purged, never needed to. If I were to, I might consider contacting a LGBT group and see if they have someone interested in a share day.

[Richelle423]

I purged once. All I can say is that it will haunt you like a ghost and before you know it you will enjoy buying more clothes again. Just learn to accept yourself for who you are. Hugs and kisses..... xoxo

[KimberlyJean]

I cycle my clothing regularly, getting rid of stuff I don't wear or in one case I wore an outfit out and clearly didn't blend in. It went into the goodwill bin as soon as I got home. I will never wholesale purge ever again. Of course now it would be several thousand dollars worth of stuff.

[irenetancd]

Thank you for all the replies.
Yes, I am aware of the high chance to crossdress again in the future (been through it several times in the last 20 years).

@CarlaWestin is right to claim it as paranoia, not about being ashamed though. This will always be true for any of us who has not or decided not to come out to family and friends.

@AuntKelly, thank you for sharing your experience.

@Alice Torn, you saying "getting myself in dangerous territory" resonates with how i feel. In the last few months, my clothes collection has doubled and i begin to toy around with the idea of risqué behaviour and dressing styles.

[IleneD]

Irene,

Sounds like you are in that weird torn zone of Self Denial; back and forth between the desire and the guilt/shame.
Once free of the shame and guilt, all will be well. Otherwise you'll continue through the denial cycle of joy followed by self punishment (purging).

I can't say I have purged. My forum Sisters have saved me from it. But I came quite near to doing it. I stored up everything for over a month. I think I was trying to prove something to The Wife at the time; like I could live without being Me. My God..... I thought I had been killed and was in mourning for myself. I "killed" Ilene by putting her away. Can't even describe the funk I was in. It was almost as bad as the end of my first sea deployment. Thankfully, I wisely kept the wardrobe.

Do the same.
More important, you may consider adding a bit of audacity to your bearing. Maybe time for introspection and having a clear understanding of your femme life and where you are going with it. Trust me Irene, it doesn't get any easier with age to come to grips with your inner woman. Come out in some way NOW, to yourself and to the world. Shake off the shame and guilt.
Hugs.

[Ressie]

it's really sad that some of us have this fear of being found out, including myself. I don't have as much to be afraid of as I use to though. No wife, no kids, self employed. Still, I don't wanna come out to my long time friends.

[CynthiaD]

I went through several "splurge and purge" cycles. Then I stopped. My reasons:

1. These are my clothes. I'm not going to throw them away.
2. Crossdressing is a strength, not a weakness. If you doubt this, think about how much courage it took to start shopping in the ladies department. How much courage it took to go out dressed in public, etc. That's strength, not weakness.
3. Back during junior high when all the other girls were getting boobs, I prayed every night that I'd get boobs too. Now I've got breast forms and a ton of bras. I finally found a way to look normal. Getting rid of my bras and breastforms is unthinkable.
4. I got old enough that I ceased to care what other people thought of me.
5. I like myself better when I'm en femme. I can act natural and not have to worry about appearing "unmasculine."

But there are some reasons to purge (partially).
1. My closet is so jammed with dresses that they hold themselves up without using hangars.
2. The things I don't wear anymore outnumber the things I wear regularly.
3. Things wear out.
4. Significant weight gain, or loss. (Hopefully loss.)
5. Changing styles. (A few years ago it was solid pomegranate everything. Now it's flower patterns. And leopard patterns.)

[DonnaP]

That sums it up spend a fortune on beautiful clothes and then decide to dangerous might get caught donate it all to charity. Now doing for 5th time just can't quit can't figure myself out Just Love dressing as a Woman it feel comfy and so Right. Yes still in closet and getting older fast. If some one has the answer please let me know.Send me a private message would not want to miss the answer.

[Steph_CD_62]

I have purged a couple of times, but the last time I had the urge to purge I did something different.
I packed up everything in a couple of boxes and put them in the garage. Since I rarely go out to the garage, the boxes were out of my sight.

[t-girlxsophie]

Never purged,can understand some of the reasons for doing so,but its just never got to that stage for me

[JeanTG]

Still, I don't wanna come out to my long time friends.

I felt the same way for a long time. Recently, I came out to 4 of my 5 best friends, two of which have been friends for 20 years. I was tired of the closet. It's dark and stuffy in there.

Result: they are still my 4 top friends. The 5th, a childhood friend, I only rarely see, I prefer to do these things face-to-face, so I have yet to tell him.

It confirmed to me that these truly are friends. If someone breaks off a friendship with you after coming out, they weren't a true friend.

[Amanda Monica]

Purged when I was younger (started CDing at around 11-12 y.o.) and then purged various items again when in college and during early part of marriage.
All times of those were due to the "guilt cycle" and fear of getting caught.
Fast forward to today - purging no more. The closest thing now would be my first donation of a spring jacket that I impulse bought before I came out, but don't want to wear today.
Back to the thrift shop from whence it came!

[Stephanie Julianna]

I purged many times with the stupid thought that if I had no clothes around I would have less of an urge to dress. Well that didn't work! Now I only get rid of dresses to make room for better ones.

[DIANEF]

I've never felt the need to purge, mainly because I love dressing and never want to stop. The waste of money involved is also a factor. I can understand that people might have a good reason to do it though.

[Veronica Lacey]

As a teen I purged maybe twice, making stealth bike-rides in the wee hours of the morning to a local industrial park with plenty of unlocked and open garbage bins. After I graduated high school I came to the realization that I did not want to repeat the process as it was difficult to obtain a decent wardrobe. Thirty years later I have not purged since other than donating/discarding items that were slightly the wrong size or were damaged/worn out.

While dressing is very much a personally exciting hobby for me I have invested far too much time, money and mental energy to ever purge again...and I simply enjoy it too much even if done in my private time (with knows and cuts me space for it.) If I ever tire of it (right) I will simply store the wardrobe away no matter how much space it takes.

[Angela Marie]

I purged twice, most recently two years ago, with the same thought as many; that I would never need them again. Like the others I was wrong. I came back a few weeks ago; assembling new outfits, wig, etc. Glad to be back, and no more purging.

[rian]

too bad you lost your most favorite possession ....your identity ....your escape to who you are .......and at the end you are waisting all the money for nothing ,,,because you are going to start all over again .....

[MarciaMarsha]

Like many others here, I never purge entirely, but I do donate things I never wear, for whatever reason. My wardrobe isn’t extensive, (it fits in a footlocker, except for 3-4 pairs of shoes) and I get everything from thrift stores. So there is lots of turnover, but it doesn’t cost me much. But wholesale purging? No.

Side note: I buy most of my gurl clothing for $1/pound. God bless St. Vinnies.

[Sara.Blue]

I have purged a few times, typically in the beginnings of a new serious relationship.

I often regret it and wish I just boxed things up and put them in storage. When I start dressing again I tend to buy the same styles again and often the panties I really liked before are no longer made

[Mickitv]

Unfortunate purging is a common theme but I keep saying don't do it. Fight it you will regret those beautiful clothes you tossed away.

[Tina B.]

Purges seem to be a regular part of cross dressing, learning to accept who you are doesn't come easy when the whole world looks at you like a freak. My first purge came at around 13, we moved and for safety's sake everything had to go, or risk being caught again, and I had been warned never to let that happen again. After I grew up and got married, I started a real wardrobe, all bought for me, and not found or "borrowed". outed myself to my wife, and a year latter I was single again, and I purged, out of guilt and remorse, moved back with family and didn't dress again for years.
Got married again, and vowed to never dress again. Five years into my marriage I was so unhappy, great women, good live, and still I hated my life, finally confessed to my wife, how unhappy I was because of my inner struggle with myself. With great relief, she turned out to be the best support system a Trans could ever ask for. Now I days after 40 + years of an understanding wife, who enjoys shopping for girly gifts for her husband, enough income to shop often enough to satisfy the clothes house in me, I only come close to a purge, if it's old, worn, way out of style, and doesn't fit, lucky me, there is not much that fits in all of those category's. I've taken over most of the closet, and drawers in our room, as my wife is not interested in clothes, prefers 1 style of pants, and one type of blouse, and that doesn't take up much space, and I get the rest of it. After all this years I still miss a couple of those things that where lost in the first adult purge.

[Heather Anne]

I have only purged everything twice between 2000 and 2004. At the present time I have no intention or need to purge again. My current wardrobe fills an entire walkin closet plus one other closet.

[Dana44]

I purged a few years ago. really miss some of my old clothes and heels.

[Amanda_Nicole]

It is unfortunate that you felt that you needed to purge since as many have stated you will return with regret about items you threw away. It has happened to me many times already!!!

[kimdl93]

I had another thought on purging. What's done is done. Of course, its apparent that most of us here are unsuccessful at quitting....and most of us have tried many times at different stages in life. Its not bad to try to quite. its not bad to purge and its not bad to start the cycle all over again. It just is.