Am I unwittingly becoming dismissive towards GG's in my crossdressing evolution?

[Leslie Langford]

I don't know why - is it because I have reached an (ahem!) milestone birthday recently, because the "Bucket List" is calling, or because my vision of women's femininity was shaped in the 1950's and 1960's and I am dismayed by the fact that most GG's nowadays seem to have rejected that, preferring instead the ubiquitous casual/grunge look? Whatever it is...I feel that my attitude towards them is changing.

I once saw my crossdressing as a reflection of me putting women on a pedestal, envying them for the freedom that they had to dress whichever way they wanted (sexily, natch!), and seeing my crossdressing as a way to get closer to them - being born of a desire to emulate them as well as experiencing "girl world" first hand. Now I look at my version of crossdressing...dresses skirts, sexy lingerie, pantyhose, heels etc., and am left wondering "Crossdressing in comparison to what, exactly?" Women by and large have abandoned that style of dressing in favor of jeans, yoga or jogging pants, oversized sweatshirts, jeans, runners, flip-flops etc., etc. - none of which get my fundamentally still hetersexual heart skipping a beat. Bottom line - I, as a crossdresser, seem to take more pride in my appearance and in the choice of my feminine wardrobe than most GG's seem to these days.

The shift in attitude that I am referring to is that I no longer put put GG's on said pedestal when it comes to emulating the way they dress or conduct themselves, nor am I intimidated any more by what I used to think were innate female skills - the ability to wear heels, apply makeup or nail polish, or style hair etc. ...most of which I can probably do better myself nowadays. As a result, I now no longer feel judged by GG's, and if anything, could probably teach many of them a thing or two myself when it comes to putting together a tasteful and well-coordinated look.

All of this has led me to become totally fearless lately when it comes to shopping in drab. I now stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the GG's when perusing racks of women's clothing, openly hold items up against me to judge their fit, and try on women's shoes right in front of them. In other words, I no longer make any bones about the fact that these items are clearly for me, and that I know exactly what I am looking for. I am aware that the thought of doing so still freaks out many of the members here and this has also been the subject of numerous posts over the years, but all of that is ancient history for me now.

I have decided to live my truth when it come to shopping for women's clothing, and so far have not experienced any negativity around that. What might be being said behind my back is another story, of course, but as they say "What you don't know can't hurt you". But if anyone ever did try to get all entitled or judgemental in reacting to how or why I shop for my women's clothing, I know exactly what I would say to put them in their place.

I would be interested to hear from others on this Forum who have come to a similar epiphany, and more particularly - what was the road that led you there.

[Teresa]

Leslie,
We have to be careful in our comments , often these threads get closed or deleted because of detrimental comments towards GGs .

OK now having said that I'm inclined to agree with much of what you say , I said in a reply recently that it maybe down to one word , " Equality " . Clothes really are becomming unisex to many people . The times now I've had SAs say to me what lovely clothes I'm buying but it would be a waste to them because they no longer dress up to go out and when they do go out no one dresses for it anymore . It is a sad reflection that women now do feel overdressed in a dress or skirt and most have abandoned wearing heels , in fact many tell me now they can't even walk in them anymore .

Shopping does become a fearless fact of life quite quickly , if you experience a clearance sale women soon forget others and are oblivious that it's a guy standing next to them . I found it so funny last time I did that dressed , everytime I held an item up against myself a little voice from another shopper told me it would look good and I should buy it , eventually I took a look at my armful and decided I still couldn't spend that much even if they were reduced .

What brings us to it is because we are of an age when we remember GLAMOUR ! To dress in something sexy and daring , to see mini skirts and dresses come in was mind blowing for a teenage boy , bikinis appeared on the beaches and poolsides . Women experimented with their looks , the shops were awash with colours and styles never worn before . OK the guys all wanted to look like the rock starts with their clothes and hair !

The bottom line is we could do with a cultural revolution again , it's gone so drab compared , all people do is wonder round with their eyes glued to their smartphones , all the images are virtual now swapped from one smartphone to another and posted in Facebook , we need a little reality back so people interact in the real World and not in a virtual one .

Now you've got me ranting !!

[Leslie Langford]

I agree, Teresa...it wasn't my intention to specifically put anyone down and yes, some of what I said could likely be construed as being controversial and perhaps somewhat politically incorrect. Still, this was more a case of me lamenting what used to be, what I appreciated back in the day, and expressing a wistful sadness that perhaps this train has now left the station for good.

GG's have a right to wear what they want and it is not up to me to tell them what (or what not) to wear when it comes to their fashion choices. But to say that I am not happy about the way things have evolved in that respect and that it does nothing for me personally should also be permitted to be a legitimate POV.

In the end, I acknowledge that it is on me to accept things the way they are. I just wish they had turned out differently, that's all, and I am simply exercising my prerogative to be a grumpy old man...err, crossdresser. ;) Looking back, I think I've paid my dues to get to that point in life.:eek: :heehee: :doh:

[Laura912]

Reading your OP had me thinking of the tee shirt received from my wife. It has one word on the front...curmudgeon. Yeah, you are starting to sound like the rest of us advanced aged persons lamenting the loss of things in society that we used to appreciate. In college, I wore a coat and tie to football games. The young ladies wore dresses and heels with stockings. The only consistent thing is change.

[Micki_Finn]

I’m not going to make any specific accusations or say that this is true of you, but it seems to me that a number of crossdressers are motivated by latent misogyny and cheuvenism. The idea of “I am more feminine than real women” or “I could teach women about being women” is inherently sexist and that’s all I’m going to say about it.

[michelleddg]

Yeah, count me in. Sigh.

Attire norms have clearly moved towards comfort over the decades even if we seniors yearn for a time when the ladies dressed like June Cleaver. I have adapted quite a bit in my mall attire to strive for minimum blendy standards, but still lean towards "well put together".

I commented elsewhere that dressing 50's/60's style at the mall is just asking for a parade of teenagers following you around hooting and hollering. The OP was not on board and is destined to learn the hard way.

Now, just to contradict myself, several of the girlfriends at Girls Do Vegas chose to wear dresses to shows, to shopping and such. I was a bit surprised they seemed to carry it all off quite well. A year ago, at a party at Hamburger Mary's, all the girls in our group wore nylons except me. Waaaaah!

Where I don't make concessions is targeting my venues for where my preferred look - pretty dress, high heels, nylons - is still de rigeur, mostly upper end splurgy restaurants. See you there, Leslie? Hugs, Michelle

[Leslie Langford]

Point taken, Micki, but there is a difference between "female" and "femininity". The two are not necessarily congruent - you know...like "sex" and "gender" as we here are well aware of, and one person's definition of femininity may not be the same as the next one's.

As the famous French author Simone de Beauvoir (and a GG herself) once famously said, “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.” For better or worse, my views of femininity were shaped in a different era, and I make no apologies for that. We seem to have lost the joy associated with the "vive la difference" mindset of those times with the rise of radical feminism and push for equality at all costs even if it doesn't make complete sense in some instances, and I think we are often the poorer for it.

I have no illusions about turning back the clock in this regard. All I am saying is that "new" (or is that "dope"?) is not necessarily better every time.

[Robertacd]

I think that you are becoming dismissive. As a very smart woman told me a long time ago, there is more to being a woman than clothing.

Besides a GG dressed in the frumpiest sweatshirt and sweatpants, is still more woman than any of us GM's will ever be.

[2B Natasha]

OMG. Your not doing it unwittingly! You know exactly what your doing. But why stop in the 60’s? Why not go back to the 20’s? Or perhaps back to the time when there was really no such thing as bras or panties. How about we go back to wearing powdered wigs? What the heck! Let’s go all the way back to the dawn of time and wear nothing but fur or perhaps a fig leafor a loin cloth. Clothing styles have always changed and moved from one place to another.

Unwittingly. HA!

[carhill2mn]

I am another one who laments the current lack of good taste and fashion in today's world. This is true of women and men of nearly all ages. It seems as if there is little interest in looking good. I grew up on a small farm and we did not have much money but my mother insisted that we were clean and properly dressed. Of course, I would have loved to have had a pretty dress!

[Gillian Gigs]

Bob Dylan sang in the 60's,"times they are a changing". Sadly the way many of us CD'ers dress is the way we would like to see women dress, and they don't dress that way anymore, or rarely. I own more pantyhose than my wife and wear them more often. I also own more cami's than her and wear them more often too. She has been liberated from having to wear certain clothes, and I want to be liberated too wear them! Women today wear clothes differently to "show off the goods", just look at those pretty legs and butts tightly wrapped in yoga pants. "Times they are changing", and the older we get the harder it get to change. I don't think you take more pride in your appearance that the girls do, they just do it when really needed, not all the time. The type of job they have reflects the way they dress. As far as being fearless goes, I think that as we age, we get less concerned about what others think. I buy all my clothes in drab, when I go with my wife, she helps. She has often held something up against me to check for fit, so it nobodies business but mine and I don't care what they think. As the joke goes," think what you like, but don't think it here"!

Teresa said, "we could probably do with another cultural revolution" and that may very well be true. The fashion industry is more than willing to help it along. They have pushed "man skirts, mantyhose", it's just that men have not picked up on it . Men don't realize that the freedom they think they have is not a complete freedom. But, who am I to say what freedom really is.

Women now have the freedom to wear what they like, when they like, I and most CD'ers want the same thing too.

[Taylor186]

As a very smart woman told me a long time ago, there is more to being a woman than clothing. Besides a GG dressed in the frumpiest sweatshirt and sweatpants, is still more woman than any of us GM's will ever be.

Totally agree with this.

[Di]

As the op breaks this rule

Ridiculing members/non-members, or the manner in which they express themselves. This includes any complaint about the way females, males, transgendered, or any other cross-section of the membership dress, the way they express themselves

I am closing this thread