HRT as an Enabler

[Dorit]

I began HRT six months ago. I am one of those older TG/TS girls that had a gender struggle from earliest childhood, came out to a therapist 50 years ago with no help or understanding from him, so lived in constant shame and self condemnation for my "perverse" desire to be a woman. Ten years ago I began a journey of self acceptance, which has resulted in me beginning my transition and living full time as a woman. So needless to say 40 years of negativity towards myself does not dissipate easily, so over the last ten years I practiced small steps in coming out until I went full time six months ago. But I could not claim complete confidence in being out as a woman in the first months. What I have seen is that as I began to experience what for me was surprising and dramatic effects of HRT, my confidence in being out as female has grown. Those breasts are mine! My skin is soft, my body shape is changing and my face more feminine. I have felt more and more that this is the true me, even if it had to wait 50 years to come out, and I move through my day with a confidence and joy that I would not have dreamed possible in the days of hiding behind locked doors and drawn shades. So I wonder if anyone else has experienced this in the first stages of physical transition, in that it actually helps the social transition? Which also helped me to realize that I am now ready for the next step in my transition, SRS.

[Jeri Ann]

Hey Dorit,

Probably everyone experiences something similar to what you have. It is not the hormone or the blocker that does that, it is the commitment and resolve that results in a sense of satisfaction. It is a welcome and, probably, needed milestone. I don't know if there is a chemical/medication that can produce "confidence in being out as a woman." Any, and every little step taken can be an attitude booster, HRT is one of the big ones.

I had to halt my HRT for four weeks, two weeks before my surgery and two weeks after. I actually went 29 days without my injections. Nothing happened. No moodiness, no emotional episodes, nothing. I had been on HRT for many years, almost three of injections.

Six months is kinda soon for all of the changes you mention. You must be a rare case. Count your blessings. Most MtFs get very little breast growth. But what you get is yours. That is huge. I know that the longer you stare at them in the mirror, the larger they seem to be. LOL. I did too until years had passed without additional increase in size. Some girls here have reported visible growth after only a few days. I guess it is possible for a miracle to occur. The whole notion of, and commitment to, permanent physical changes is a huge ego boost. That is where the confidence comes from.

You are only six months in. You have a long way to go. One day you will move beyond this focus on HRT and body modification, from looking inward. Then you will be ready to look outward at the real world and make commitments to move toward additional mile stones out there.

Continued best wishes. Let me know if I can help.

[MarieTS]

Dorit, congratulations on feeling content and confident. It is a wonderfully empowering realization. That profound sense of confidence you write of may very well stem from a perceived sense of legitimization you are experiencing -- that I belong, I'm official feeling -- incidental to hormonal feminization. Enjoy those feelings and revel in them. You are well on your way ��

[Jeri Ann]

Marie, thank you for your take on this. Legitimization and validation are a huge part of the HRT step. That's why it hurts so badly when you get mis-gendered.