Sudden ideas and a disturbing feeling

[Pixie_94]

Hello everyone!
I don't know how or why, but I recently feel like dressing again, even though, I don't have much of a "femme wardrobe" as some of you say.
I have also been getting ideas of buying some new clothes, like skirts, dresses, etc., however here's where the second part of the title comes in. As soon as I am near a clothing store or a women's section I feel like I'm being watched, even when I'm not being followed by anyone I know.

Does anyone have recommendations about this?

P.S.: Just in case, before the questions and all, I'm in my 20's, I'm not married, no job yet, student, I got a gf who accepts me as I am (even though, I still struggle accepting some things of myself).

Thank you very much and have a nice day.

[Micki_Finn]

It’s just paranoia and honestly the only way to get get over it is to just do what you do. We were all various degrees of uncomfortable with shopping at some point. Some girls here still won’t shop in public. Some find it helpful to have a “cover story” (eg this is for my GF). Or you can shop online.

[Alice B]

your feelings are normal to anyone at any age whan entering a store to purchase femal clothing. It is to be expected, but as many will tell you...There is nothing to be afraid of. You are a customer and thewir job is to sell you what you want AND to help you find it. I a great many stores the staff is familiar with cross dressers and may have had training in this area.

My suggestion is - go in, be bold and enjoy the experience.

[Stephanie47]

You answered your own question "Even though, I still struggle accepting some things of myself." I think deep down you have not freed yourself from societal norms and expectations which run against your inner self.

[Jaylyn]

I used to feel like that also but now I just go in buy what I want and it doesn't bother me. If a sales assistant ask if they can help me I usually just politely say no just looking for some hose or whatever I'm buying. To get used to buying I found that if I was at Walmart I don't even look to see who is there I go straight to what I want put it in my basket and go thru the self check out line. I used to always be looking around and acting like I was guilty of something. It will pass just do it.

[MartineCD]

Hi Deadpixel

Like eveyone has said we have all experienced various degrees of anxiety/paranoia when perusing/purchasing feminine attire. On one or two of my prior threads I have told of the now funny (in hindsight) fails when going to buy clothes. The last time I bought anything I was in Asda (Walmart in the US) buying some groceries and decided to check out the ladies clothing. I spotted a nice pencil skirt and some shoes, I can't recall if they were heels or flats and put them in my trolly. I went up to the checkout and loaded my stuff on the belt. When the cashier (a mature matronly woman) was ringing in the items and came to the clothes she looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I chose to ignore the opportunity to give an explaination and she completed the checkout.

You've just got to overcome that paranoia/fear. You don't need to justify yourself or give explaination.

Congratulations on having an understanding and supportive girlfriend.

Lots of love

Martine x

[AndreaCalifCD]

It's hard to start with, we've all, well, most of us, have been there. Ease your self into it. Decide what you want to buy, start with something small, say panties. Know your size, go when its quiet. Buy something else if you need to... Doesn't matter what it is, chocolate bar, DVD... find the shortest check out line, or self check out... cash in hand, and you'll be done! You really just don't have to give a fig... When I was younger, all I wanted was a wedding ring to cover up my buying. I always take my wedding ring off when I buy anything now. At the very least, I like to keep them guessing...

[Alyssa Lane]

Ya its just yourself being overly cautious, ive been there, all the sa’s are always helpful. Especially if they ask if they can help, they always will. I just turned 30. Been just going in and buying anything I want and just look like you belong in the first place.

[DIANEF]

It is difficult, believe me, I know. It took me a very long time to stop buying things 'for my wife'. As Andrea said, start with something simple, like some makeup or some tights (pantyhose). Once you realise that the SAs, or anyone else doesn't care what you are buying, you can move on to other things that you need. I think you will find the majority of sales assistants will have seen it all before and you are just another customer, indeed I have found many to be more than helpful. Good luck!

[Aunt Kelly]

Hey, DeadPixel.

As others have said, your fears are as common as they are irrational. You've been told that "boys don't wear those things" for so long, your psyche is reasoning that there must be some consequence if you dare to go buy yourself something pretty. By and large though, there is never any consequence to that. The merchants want your money. Their employees, the sales associates (SA's) are trained to remember that their job is to make it as easy to part with your money as possible. You're going to be amazed to find out just how genuinely helpful most of them are. Yes, you might run across a boor here or there, but it's very easy to walk away and find someone "better trained".

I love Alice's advice - "Go in, be bold, and enjoy..."

[Kelly DeWinter]

Wellllllllllll just wait a second. You are being watched. In this day and age of surveillance cameras, If you go anywhere near a store you are probably videoed from 10 to 15 different cameras, that being said I'd go with Aunt Kelly's advice.

[Lygophilia]

Let go of how you were raised.

[Ineke Vashon]

What has helped me is the self check out area in Walmart. I bought a blouse and some leggings today, folded them so that they would not show gender and with the bar code up. Was easy to scan, pay and put in the bag. But I am still mystified when I see some attractive stuff and head that way, invariably there are several women socializing right in front of my selection. Coincidence? Or?

Ineke

[Alice_2014_B]

Like some have already said, you have to free yourself first.
And then you'll begin within your own comfort level and then go outside of said comfort level in your own time.

To help, you can wear a decent ring that resembles a wedding ring, that will pretty much speak for you when you buy fem products in person.
Or go shopping with your gf.
:)

[Jaymees22]

Oddly enough I have been buying clothes for my wife for a long time and never thought anything of it. Then when I started shopping for myself I got nervous, I'm over that now but it took a while.

[Becky Blue]

Its not an uncommon feeling DP, just think to yourself what is the worst thing that can happen to me if I decide to buy a dress or a skirt?

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think Alice had it right (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where_no_man_has_gone_before), "To boldly go where no man has gone before". Part of the motto of the original Star Trek.

But for more practical advice, start slow.

Buy some makeup at a drugstore, mixed with some mouthwash or cough syrup or such.

Go to a women's store where a lot of men shop for themselves, and the SAs know it. In the US, my pick would be DressBarn. Just don't be surprised if the SAs really want to help you. Or Soma.

Go to a store where no one will help you shop, like Walmart, Kohls, Burlington Coat Factory, Ross Dress for Less, etc.

Shop at one of the three times that men are allowed in the women's department: Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, or Christmas.

[faltenrock]

There is always a first....
It sounds difficult but it's actually all about our fears, shame and other feelings. Just go and buy some clothes, perhaps with your gf. Then try to look as good as possible and start going out to small places with only few people. once you've done that several times you'll gain confidence and can move on to new steps, such as going to a mall, restaurant or bar.

[Charlotte7]

Hello DP, yes, that's exactly where I was when I was a student. I cured it the only way that I could think how, by going into the shop, having a look around, deciding what I liked, realising what I could afford, taking it to the checkout, buying it, taking it home and finally enjoying wearing it. I also went to a different town, 50 miles (and over an hour on the train) away. Then, over the years, it just got easier and now, I don't actually care if anyone is watching me.

[Sashauk]

As everyone has said it's difficult at first to overcome that fear of being in the wrong place and everyone's eyes are upon you, but it does get easier the more you do it.

Yesterday I went to my local M&S store to exchange a bra - I had placed an order on-line for a couple of bras and I ended up buying the wrong one. I spent about 20 minutes or so wandering around the lingerie section finding the correct one and browsing other items and no one batted an eyelid. I even stood right next to a woman who was looking at bras too and she just smiled sweetly as I was taking them off the rack. The SA behaved as she should when I took my items to pay for and do the exchange - I was just another customer.

The trick is to be confidant and not to look as if you are embarrassed to be there. Once you have mastered that it can be great fun browsing and shopping in the female sections.

[Beverley Sims]

I assure you, you will grow used to walking into the women's section and won't even think about it one day.

That is probably not too far into the future.

Just overcome the paranoia and away you go.

[Tracy Irving]

It really does get easier over time. As long as you don't look around like you are up to no good, you will be fine.

[phili]

And it doesn't matter how masculine you may look. For SAs and others, once it is clear you are buying for yourself, the level of masculinity is a minor item of interest to people- i.e. "oh, hmm- even a rugged looking guy can want this" but there is no new line to cross. People can understand our reasons, and today there is little incentive to make a spectacle of us- any SA would get fired, and most feel happy being kind to people, and successful at being inclusive.

People are uncomfortable if we are being secretive in an uneasy way, like we don't accept our own desire. Any SA will also courteously go along with a standard reason like ' it is for my wife' even when it obviously isn't. But that just feeds the closet monster!

[Robertacd]

To borrow a line form the 80's... Just do it!

We all know how you feel and have been there. Honestly nobody cares, and the most you might get some grins, winks, or stupid comments from the cashier, just smile and say thank you.

[jamienoir]

Now a days things a bit different. Sales staff are trained for diversity. It's still weird though. Undergarments, try Walmart at the self checkout. Get a cheap towel and drape over your goods.

Thrift shops are good for dresses etc. Buy a lot for cheap.

[LeannS]

Dp Just go in don't worry about who's around, have fun with it. Go to a thrift store or if that doesn't work there is always ebay look at items that sale in lots(more than 1 item) but know your size first so you don't end up with things you can't wear!!

[Shely]

to borrow a line from the 40's "The only thing you have to Fear is Fear itself". Hope I got that right.
It really does get easier because no one else really cares who's looking at what.

[docrobbysherry]

I think you're getting some bad advice here. If u think u r being watched and it makes u nervous, you're probably rite! U can get used to that or change your shopping methods as I have!:thumbsup:

In high priced, dept. stores, and malls, they often have sales people hovering over u. Plus, they may have high class clientele. Or, folks that think they r anyway!:heehee:

I have found when shopping in large discount stores and thrifts, (I always shop in drab), SA's and other shoppers tend to completely ignore me. Even tho I spend all my time in the women's sections. Also, I shop a lot online. Cheap prices, huge selection and complete anonymity! Get used to being nervous or go to places where u won't be. It's all up to u!:D

[BrendaPDX]

I know it is tough and who knows maybe you are being watched. I feel the same too, and worry about what people might say, but know one ever has, in fact most SA are very helpful once they figure out what is going on. It gets better:doh:

[Jenny22]

I disagree with Jamienoir. Carry whatever openly. You have a right to buy whatever the store is selling. I have MANY ladies outer clothes and tons of lingerie, makeup and jewelry. I bought everything, except shoes (large size needed) in drab, and never had a problem. A forum sister mentor once told me,"Just own it." You can do it, too!

[Pixie_94]

I think you're getting some bad advice here. If u think u r being watched and it makes u nervous, you're probably rite! U can get used to that or change your shopping methods as I have!

Could you tell me more about those shopping methods you mention?

[Mandy T]

I have only started shopping in public stores as of this year. Prior to that I was an on line shopper only. I can say that it gets easier the more you do it. Weather I go by myself or with my wife the answer is the same. Walk in as if you own it! I have found the more nervous you are the more you stick out. Keep calm and enjoy your time there.

Mandy

[Alice B]

Sure you are being watched, Only to see if you are stealing anything. You are not. So what. They are not going to announce over the intercome...Shopers beware. We have a cross dresser in our store. They are not going to come out and grasp you and parade you around. They are not going to come out and tell you to buy the red dress and not the blue one you are holding. They are not going to do anything and care even less. Go in and look at what interests you, try it on to see if it fits and then go up the the casher and proudly pay for it.

[Cheryllynn]

As everyone else has said, own it. Walk in, browse, get what you want, and check out. I normally will use the self-checkouts when available which eliminates some of the potential interactions with staff. That said, I've checked out with a SP and had no issues. If I'm going to do that I try to add the fem stuff in with all the other household goods on the list. Nobody has ever raised an eyebrow. Online shopping is also extremely handy, either home-delivered or ship-to-store. I've used both with success.

[Sashauk]

I regularly browse and shop in the lingerie sections of stores. As everyone has said you just have to be confidant and act perfectly normal. If you look as if you are trying to hide something then it's almost certain that you will draw attention to yourself.

Years ago I used to pretend I was buying for a wife or girlfriend but these days I do as any other woman would do and often hold things up against me to see how they look. Most people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't have time to notice the guy over there browsing through the women's clothes.