Dadt

[Debs]

Have been living like this for many years, but I have come to the end of my tether, my wife used to be accepting, but gradually went to DADT, she knows I do it, but doesn't want to see it. I so enjoying dressing up again, and finding it difficult to switch it off when she decides to stay with me, we have 2 homes that we share. Going to have to have a talk with her soon, we dont have a sex life and haven't for the past 10 years, her decision which I respect. Not sure how to approach this, but will stay calm, I know she checks my stuff as I know how I put it away. lets see how it goes, but have to break this cycle, otherwise will go insane.

[alwayshave]

Debs, I'm sorry that you went from acceptance to dadt, I hope that you can reverse the course.

[Samm]

DADT, but she still goes through your things? That doesn't seem fair, but then what is in all this? Maybe you should show her all of your things... while wearing them. Good luck with the talk Debs. I hope you can agree on a little bit of leeway.

[Judy-Somthing]

I can somewhat relate to how you feel.
I've been dressing since about five. I told my wife about it two years ago which didn't go well.

Now I'm back in the closet. I hate the sneaking around and trying to find the time to dress without getting caught.
This is a crazy addiction! It consumes a lot of my time.

[BrendaPDX]

I was just happy to get to DADT, at least I am not sneaking around. I hope you two can pull it together.

[Shely]

sounds like my situation a little. The DADT mode is a negative environment,, it places a barrier between two people. It is the best one can hope for sometimes, but it is still a barrier. But sometimes two people do just grow apart anyway. My wife of 46 years and I get along very well, except we never talk about my passion for womens clothing and accessories. I would love to have a relationship like some here have, but no. Good luck, if you have two houses, and no sex for a decade, you could come out it this OK.

[phili]

In my relationship the tension is the unbearable thing- from not talking. It helps me to think of relationships as a negotiation- where what people show or say or do are all various ways of communicating possible positions.

That takes the sting out of it and reminds me that I too am negotiating. And then I use good negotiating technique and take the focus off the conflict point, and ask for more information about the other person in as many dimensions as possible, which builds relationship and weakens the relative strength of the point of conflict.


Feeling like we are going to burst is sort of a negotiation with ourselves as well- and it is an option, but not a good one! But I think it is more a signal that the issue is important and not to be denied, and also that the current relationship communication is not working- so I relax and find I can say more things I have previously not said that are peaceful and informative, including trying to show that I can see my wife's point of view about me, about crossdressing, about my outfit, etc.

[Debs]

I know why she is against it, we lived in Manchester, so a great night out was at the concorde on a wednesday night, but lots of peeps from where I worked did love to go out in Manchester and she was scared that we would be seen, or I would be seen, I have now retired, and we have no contact with anybody at work, as they have closed Manchester and moved to London. Also i have moved now, dont go into Manchester, Blackpool is my destination as there are a good few B&bs for crossdressers/ transvestites and all welcoming. So hopefully if i agree to only dress outside in Blackpool if will be ok. Its about 30 mins drive from my static caravan

[Krea]

Sorry to hear that you have gone from acceptance to dadt. As you say, this may be a good time to discuss things. At least you still have somewhere nearby you can go to enjoy your CDing. Good luck!

[LeannS]

Deb I a, sorry for the way your wife is treating you !! I am also in a DADT which is fine right now. If and when she retires it will be a different story.
I get my time in during the day when she is at work and I have taken to heart that when I am watching my grandson I put it away.
Hopefully you can come to some sort of agreement.

[Stephanie47]

I checked your bio page and some prior posts. Sounds as if you and your wife are really living as brother and sister. If that is acceptable to both, so be it. If you are accepting of her decisions with no sex life and not to be seen by her, then I'd say just adjust. You may want to have a discussion about this issue rather than just posting it here. I don't know if the length of time is short or long. If it is causing you a lot of angst, then talk about it. If it is for a weekend, then adjust. If she is not an accepting wife and entrenched in DADT, then she does not need to seek out your wardrobe. You might ask her about that also. Heck, I'd ask her if she wanted to see me wearing a full ensemble and see where it went.

[AndreaCalifCD]

my wife used to be accepting, but gradually went to DADT, she knows I do it, but doesn't want to see it.

Hmmm, I could've written this! I'll be following this thread closely... I wish you the best of luck!

[Beverley Sims]

I hope this changes for you, it seems like your wife want's to control you.

[Teresa]

Debs,
This sounds all too familiar , there are so many unanswered questions with DADT , who is right and who is wrong ? I'm afraid you do have to break the cycle before something more serious happens .

I was lucky to get the outlet of a social group but when I admitted it wasn't enough we didn't have heated words but just both agreed to call it a day , she couldn't live with my CDing and I couldn't live without it . I also had respected her for not wanting intimate contact what hurt me was she offered me nothing in return , where was the love .

Please understand I'm not saying it's for everyone but the bottom line is the marriage had probably died anyway , I didn't feel like a husband , I felt more like the hired handyman , everything was on her terms because of my CDing , I often felt it was the excuse she'd been looking for to have it all on her terms or not at all . I'm afraid now she is paying the price for her decision, she is missing me far more than I'm missing her .

[Sashauk]

I feel so sorry for those of you who are in the closet or in a DADT relationship - it must be so very hard to have to hide away your true self or spend all your time walking on eggshells.

I have to admit that being single can be lonely at times, but at least it does give me the freedom to dress as I want and be the person I know I should be.

I really hope you can work things out with your wife, Debs. I can understand that she must feel a little concerned that you will be discovered by someone you know but I'm sure you do all you can to stop that happening.

[RADER]

Sorry to here about your DADT relationship; But what my wife and I worked out a deal.
1, I did not go out of the house as to embarrass her. 2, I only dressed once or twice a month.
My wife would even pick out things for me to wear, than I would clean the house while dressed.
She under stood that it was something I wanted to do, and I was not trying to change my sex.
I hope it can work for you.
Rader

[docrobbysherry]

I would argue that what many of u refer to as DADT is actually SNL! Sneak, Hide, and Lie!:doh:

That's complete nonsense! I have a DADT with my live in, adult, daughter. I tell her well in advance when I will be dressing and where in the house or outside in the yard. She leaves the house or stays away from those areas at those times.

DADT requires very little communication. But, it does require some. Don't let your SO turn u into sneaking, lying, coward. You'll end up hating yourself and her, too! And, if your relationship is like Debs, without intimacy?
You're marriage is already over. You're just roommates. I've been there.:straightface:

Stop cheating and hiding! No SO who really loves u will want that! :Angry3:

[Sometimes Steffi]

My wife was never accepting, and she's still not really, and I'm not expecting any progression.

So, I live within DADT boundaries. I go out dressed, but can't leave the house dressed. She hasn't seen me dressed and doesn't want to. She hasn't seen any of my clothes, except a stray bra here and there over the years. Nobody's perfect.

The upside is that she can criticize how I look, because she won't look at me.

I know that DADT is crummy, like the crumbs of life, but I get by nicely, if not spectacularly.

[Alice B]

I just have to wonder where the value in your marrtiage is?

[Debs]

Alice non that I can see, just easier to share the bills

[Teresa]

Alice/Debs,
There's the subject of another thread ! Debs at least all the clothe's bills are mine now , isn't that wonderful !!

[sugababe]

instead of DADT I JUST SAY THAT SUGABABE has a secret.

i don't let it out

[colourmannn]

I can somewhat relate to how you feel.
I've been dressing since about five. I told my wife about it two years ago which didn't go well.

Now I'm back in the closet. I hate the sneaking around and trying to find the time to dress without getting caught.
This is a crazy addiction! It consumes a lot of my time.

Same here Miss Judy, I'm frustrated with the energy consumed to satisfy this addiction and to keep it in the closet!

[Becky Blue]

Sorry to hear your situation Debs, i hope you can sort something out with her soon!