The value of NOT dressing

[Tamsin Secret]

So we organised a night of me dressing tonight. My wife is not comfortable with it but said she would make space for me.

Thinking it through I would not have got out of it what I wanted as I would have always had her feelings in the back of my mind.

Leading up to it I suggested we catch up on some TV we hadn't watched and recorded.

She was confused and said we can't because of what I was going to do but I said I didn't want to as i wouldn't get out of it what I would need knowing she was feeling uncomfortable about it.

Well.

I am gutted I have not got the Tammy time I was hoping for but at the same time I'm feeling positive as her reaction to me 'understanding' how she felt 'for the first time'. Has led to a positive evening.

I supoose I just want to let you know that even though I need my time. Sometimes giving that up might just help in the long run.

Who knows?

Love to all,

Tammy :<3:

[April Rose]

Tammy, it might have hurt some, but you did it right. My wife and I are heading toward 40 years of marriage. She knew about me before we wed. Over time her attitude about my gender identity has changed multiple times. The reason, I think, that we are still together, is that I have always loved her more than I loved cross dressing, as much as I might sometimes felt that I needed it.

What you did was show her that between the two, SHE was the more important. Sometimes you have to make compromises for the one you love. When it becomes clear to her that you are capable of that, her attitude toward your crossdressing will soften

I know that it requires awesome patience, sometimes, but I think you are on the right track.

I wish you both love and longevity.

[DaisyLawrence]

Hi Tammy.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, marraige is a compromise. If she loves you you'll get your time when you need it. You compromised tonight but it was the right thing to do, and the result was happy times. Welcome to the world of a happy married life. :)

Daisy

[Suzie Petersen]

Good for you Tammy.
Marriage is about both of you, like Daisy said.
One would think it goes without saying, but the male ego gene runs deep in some people and all too often do we hear the whining on this forum.
And it is also not about "She gets something so I get something!" It is about looking after each other and putting the other first.

- Suzie

[helicd]

It's always nice to see someone take into account someone else's needs over their own!

[Teresa]

Tammy,
When I started going out socially I told my wife family would come first if the choice arose , in the end it made very little difference the fact I was a CDer she was never going to get over it from when I came out twenty years ago .

In the end you must look after your own needs as well otherwise resentment will creep in , if it makes you happy she will hopefully be happy too. At least that's what I thought but even then I got my head bitten off because she said I was putting it all back on her shoulders . Sometimes it's a no win situation and eventually I became tired of the onesided life style .

[Samm]

I've "opted out" on occasion as well. Knowing it wouldn't feel right, and not wanting to over do the dressing. Wifey needs her time too. I climbed a mountain with her today. (really). Tomorrow, when we're don with our day of errands, there will be time for me.

[Teri Ray]

Life is all about doing the right thing whether for yourself, others, or your marriage. Missing a dressing evening in support of your wifes feelings sounded like the right thing for you that evening. I am betting that your condsideration will pay you back in the future.

[Ally 2112]

I also think you made the right choice and both of you seem ok with it .Hopefully it will get easier for your wife and you will get some time to dress again

[Beverley Sims]

Just show consideration for each other and things might improve.