Ways this could work for us both

[Tamsin Secret]

Hey all,

Hope your well.

So a thought popped into my head recently and it seemed crazy at the time. It still seems a little far fetched but the more I think about it the more I could see it working.

Ok so I'm in a DADT (I think) with a wife who isn't ready to participate in any fashion but will make time for me to do my thing.

So the thought was a part time job in a bar/restaurant on a Friday/Sat night. I would ensure it was a diverse venue (there are some I'm aware of near to me me). It would allow me to dress, be out of sight of my wife without disturbing her evening, get to meet new people and maybe increase my social circle + get paid (albeit token)!

I have only looked at the positive in my post above and understand it's not as easy as all that, however, with the right approach and lead up it's a conversation that's got to be worth having at some point.

I can't stay indoors forever :battingeyelashes:

Tammy

[Stephanie47]

A number of years ago in my fair city there was a restaurant that had drag shows on Friday and/or Saturday nights. It was frequented by many cross dressers, gays and lesbians, and other who enjoyed such shows. I often wondered what it would be like to be on the wait staff all dolled up and serving the tables. You may want to give it a twirl. You may come to realize women working as wait staff and wearing high heels is a tough job. And, you may get some unappreciated pats on your buns! Or maybe welcomed pats on your buns.

[confused_cathreen]

From a partner's point of view, please consider the possibility of being seen by people your wife doesn't want them to know. This will do a much bigger damage, especially in a DADT situation. For instance, I work in an industry where something like this coming out about my life would instantly put me in a black list. Be considerate and don't let your pink fog overtake common sense.

[Tamsin Secret]

Absolutely understand the sensitivity of such a situation and I wouldn't approach it without considering my situation.

Some other positives would be that she would always know where I was and she might be able to drop a shift herself.

Both of those suggestions I know could be viewed as me trying to make this work for me rather than the other way round.

The reality of it actually happening is unlikely but if we ever did get to a scenario where it was a discussion I would be keen to show I have thought about her in the process.

The pink fog is thick, it's just finding the right light to make my way through!

[Sashauk]

It's a lovely thought, Tasmin - but as others have said it might be too much of a risk for your wife especially as she is not totally supportive of your dressing.

I would love to go out dressed but, even though I have no wife, I am still afraid I would bump into someone I know and that's too big a risk for me.

[Lydianne]

Hi Tammy,

A parallel solution that I've seen others propose is volunteering. That would allow you to achieve similar social objectives, and there have been threads here from members in volunteer positions who have had amazing experiences.

- Lydianne.

[DaisyLawrence]

The reality of it actually happening is unlikely but if we ever did get to a scenario where it was a discussion I would be keen to show I have thought about her in the process.

Well now that's easy peasy Tammy. Why not say that, since this IS all about you having fun and it would leave her alone at times when she wouldn't have expected, you would let her spend all the extra money earned on herself or a special holiday of her choice. That should do it :)

[Samm]

Honestly, I can't see an SO in anything close to a DADT situation going along with something like this. Support groups are one thing, but that's just my two cents. I think I remember a thread just like this a while back. Maybe a year or more ago? I tried a quick search, but couldn't find it though.
Good luck either way Tamsin. Just be careful

[Tamsin Secret]

Thanks for all the replies so far :hugs:

It was just thoughts I find running through my head everyday as I try to make sense of it all and how, if things were different maybe, I could explore life a little.

Maybe I'm never destined to experience to much in life as Tammy but it's interesting to know what others think of such scenarios and even those who may have lived them out.

[Samm]

I have no doubt you'll have your opportunities Tamsin. Probably even more than me. And my wife is pretty much 100 percent supportive. You've already long passed me in presentation and outside interaction with the common folk. lol.
You rock!

[Beverley Sims]

I hope your talks come to fruition.