Advice for a young GG who is attracted to CDs

[nelliebell]

(I originally posted this in the "Introduction" section but realized that was incorrect. So I tried to delete it but couldn't. And then, I lost everything I originally wrote so I have to re-write it. I know, a hot mess :heehee: )

(Please bear with me, this is gonna be a long one)

Hello everyone,

I am happy to be apart of this platform and am appreciative that it exists. I can see that it helped and still helps a lot of people and that puts a big smile on my face.

A little about me:

I am a 24-year-old genetic woman; I was born a woman and identify as a woman (I am new to this term and hope I am using it right). I am attracted to feminine men and have been since middle school. But I pushed it down and didn't really understand it until I reached my 20's. At first, I thought I liked women because I fancied everything feminine (including people) but I felt off about that.

However, being exposed to and interacting with feminine men, I realized exactly what I liked. Buuut I still didn't accept it fully because I feared others reaction and I thought all feminine men were gay (but never had malice towards this. I just sort of gave up).

Fortunately, after doing some soul searching and research, I disregarded others opinions and found that not all feminine were gay (I apologize for this wide-spread belief :sad:). I am happy about my attraction to feminine males, transgendered males, and androgynous people. I believe they are beautiful and lovely :rose:

I am feminine myself and feel strongly that a feminine male is compatible.

What I need advice with:


During my research, I found that those like me are called "chasers" and I strongly dislike this. I do not have a fetish for feminine males nor do I have any desire for only sexual things (This is deeply sad). How can I date CDs/feminine males without being seen as a chaser?
Are there young CDs? As I said above, I am 24 and I would like to stay close to my age.
What can I do to support the CD community and feminine males? As well as transgendered people? Do you have advice on this?
Do you have any other advice to give me?


As a side note, I acknowledge that finding someone will be hard due to my preference, but I am okay with that. I will wait for the right person.

Thank you very much for reading my essay (lol) and I wish you a great day!

Cheers :D!

[Rhonda Jean]

[I]
During my research, I found that those like me are called "chasers" and I strongly dislike this.

Those like you are called "a dream come true"! You'll make somebody VERY HAPPY!

[nelliebell]

Blush, blush. Thank you very much :)

But may you explain this? Like what do you mean?

[phili]

Hi Nelliebelle,
I'm hoping the younger male CDs chime in but I hope my answers here are helpful.

Q:" During my research, I found that those like me are called "chasers" and I strongly dislike this. I do not have a fetish for feminine males nor do I have any desire for only sexual things (This is deeply sad). How can I date CDs/feminine males without being seen as a chaser?"

A: Anyone you approach will sense whether you are a chaser or not. Some CDs want to be chased, and there are others who fantasize mightily about meeting someone like you- and some will be chasers in reverse- i.e. objectifying you more than actually wanting to know and be responsible to you in relationship.

Most of us are heterosexual and our simple and generally unfulfilled wish is to meet a woman who finds us attractive Complications will arise in terms of the details of gender experience-maybe your idea of feminine man is not exactly how they see themselves- many are TG to some degree, or genderfluid, or any other of many versions of non traditional gender- and successful relationship requires being able to match enough of the time.

We have had many conversations here about how my beard, for example, is a huge turn off and seems disrespectful or at least mightily confused, and a lot of talk about how womanly one should look. To be sort of blunt- do you like genderqueer, i.e. obviously male but feminine and adopting women's fashions [unlike most gay men], and/or do you like men to make an effort to emulate being women, with breast forms, wigs, tucked away private parts, etc.

Q: "Are there young CDs? As I said above, I am 24 and I would like to stay close to my age."

Yes- most of us started early and new CDs are formed every day! It is something most people hide, so locating them means putting the word out and going to activities where you are likely to meet- your local LGBT film fest, Pride day [it's now most places], gay bars and dance clubs, 'queer femme' meetups, local TG support groups, major TG events and CD events, online, as here- just let us know where you are and make yourself available for private messaging.

Q: "What can I do to support the CD community and feminine males? As well as transgendered people? Do you have advice on this?"

A: Speak up and out wherever you are. Making what is real for a minority of us more acceptable and part of normal spectrum for society requires people to stand up for us.

Participate online here, it is a nice way to develop your understanding and see the diversity among us, as well as to support individuals. It really helps to have any person say "I like you and would not hesitate to go have lunch in a highly public place."

Q: Do you have any other advice to give me?

A: Dating will give you experience of what is now an imagination. No substitute for that, and you will probably get a lot of questions about what is driving you in this. Essentially you are transgender in a broad sense, and it may not be clear to you what your needs are, and your goals, until you get some experience. Many of us are sort of mirrors for you, and would describe ourselves as male lesbians, to capture our transgender but heterosexual feelings, like those you may have.

Follow your instincts and be sincere and truthful, as being a CD involves layers and layers of hiding, so we don't even know what we feel half the time. I wouldn't know where to start if you called me for a date or said you'd say yes if I asked. Just lunch- ok- but all of a sudden I would worry a lot about everything I never had to consider and think through.

I'd imagine you would probably see me as some kind of mix of talkative philosopher and a teenybopper girl lost in arrested development, still dreaming about how nice it would be to be seen as sexy- not having had a real dose of womanhood in society. And that might clash with your view of how a feminine man ought to be. Just an example- but even in a small pool the probability of compatibility on multiple levels are all still there.

But the main advice is go forward- trust your good nature and honesty and get out and meet people and see what develops!

And thank you for being here and speaking up.

[nelliebell]

Hello Phili!!

Thank you so much for replying to me! I am very happy with your response!

Here is my response to your response (lol):

1) Thank you for noting that I may be objectified. I assumed this already because, regardless of who you are, someone will objectify you. And I am and will be aware of this. I am a committed person and only desire a monogamous, stable relationship and am willing to take the time to make this happen.

I also know that complications will arise. Though I may not be aware of them all as of yet, I have the confidence that my future partner and I will get through there. Complications arise in all types of relationships and I believe that they can be solved with patience and understanding (You can say I refuse to quit until all methods have been attempted :D).

In reference to your beard, I believe you look beautiful and I love the confidence that comes from your picture. I am not turned off by a beard, assuming that it is neatly cared for and fits the person's face (this is more about cleanliness that my attraction). In addition, I am attracted to those who emulate being a woman. That is still beautiful to me.

2) I am currently in Atlanta, GA. More in the northern metro side. I am not a party person so going to dance clubs makes me a bit uneasy. But I do enjoy going to meetups or events. I would like to attend any if possible, not only to meet others but also help out.

3) I will definitely speak out and speak up :D!!

I will definitely NOT hesitate to go have lunch with someone I am dating. What I do is my business only and others have no right to invade. I even imagine going to lunch or shopping with my future partner. I am very into coffee and go to cafes a lot and would love to go on dates there. The only person who has power over me is myself :rose:

4) May you explain the transgendered part? I don't know how I am transgendered and would like to understand your view. From my view, I am a feminine woman but I'm opening to other views of me :).

I do understand the male lesbian part so no worries about that :).

I am also aware of the hiding and the wariness and it is understandable. I would even go as far as to say that it is right to be wary (to an extent). And I am willing to handle this wariness when it comes.

Also, I don't see you as a girl from arrested development (I don't really know what that is, very sorry!) but I do see you as a great helper. I know that I am true to myself and what I deem beautiful. Now I want to understand it and happily live with it.

Thank you again for your reply!!!!!

Cheers!!!

[Kelly DeWinter]

You will probably need a stick or a dance card. :)

. Chasers take advantage of members of the community by preying financially on emotionally vulnerable members of the community. Treat people as you would in any relationship.Chasers tend to look for a sugar daddy. On the other hand YOU need to watch out for freeloaders, thats a tg/cd who moves in with you and is basically a couch potato, that contributes in no manner to the household.

There are no young CD, there is a minimum age requirement of 37 years old, we are then issued a registration card to Goodwill and the secret location to Mary Kay Super Duper Store.

You can support the community by posting gushing positive affirmations multiple times to any photo posted here, but seriously, just treat us as you would any friend.

I would advise you to drive safely, tap on watermelons to ensure they are ripe and always make sure your shoes match.

[nelliebell]

Hello Kelly,

Thank you for your response!

But I don’t...really...get it. It kind of sounded sarcastic but I’m not saying that in a mean way!

I also didn’t understand most of it due to your word choices :(...

But I will take the advice about freeloaders. However, that can happen in any relationship.

Thank you regardless :)!

[Janie Jane]

I'm sure Kelly was just pulling your leg in a friendly way.:)

I'm gonna' assume you're looking for a long term relationship. I think that the kind of relationship you're looking for can happen, but don't look for it too hard. Let it happen. Trying for a relationship with a crossdresser (CD) will likely attract a CD who is looking for someone like you, and both of you might try to make things work out no matter how difficult it might be, and keep trying to make it work long past the point a "regular" relationship would've been abandoned. Did that make any sense?
Don't let this discourage you as it's just another warning from an old goat to a "young 'un". I'm lucky to have an accepting wife, but we didn't discover this aspect of me until being married for 5 years, and just finding someone and falling in love is difficult enough with out this thrown in too. Trying support groups may be a good bet. I did meet my wife in a group for depression, and it has worked out well.
Rhonda Jean did say you are a "dream come true" for a CD and she's absolutely right. Just take your time and be careful. When the right person comes along, you'll know.

[beyondwow]

What Rhonda said!! Also, great post from Phil and yea Kelly was being sarcastic :)

You said it yourself. You felt like you always had to mask your true feelings because others may consider them too taboo. I'm a 27 y/o crossdresser and I've done the same for most my life as well. It wasn't until this last year that I really started opening up and sharing with others. To someone like me, it feels like GG girls like you are 1 in a million and therefore any straight CD would feel like they hit the jackpot to have met you. "Shopping with future partner" I feel like this is a dream for any of us. Same with like attending Comic Con or (what I really want to do this year) is dress up in some pretty Halloween costumes and go to Tokyo Disney with a girl this fall.

I think it's fair to say that the key to any successful lasting relationship is one built on trust. The only way to overcome obstacles and guide through the chaos and confusion is to be 100% honest with each other. The only problem is, even for straight "normal" relationships, its incredibly rare to meet someone who you can trust to completely catch you when you fall and pick you up when you are down--let alone meet someone who completely supports your "taboo" habits.

Like you mentioned earlier, I feel the really hard part about people in our situation is people writing off all CDs or "CD Chasers" (first time I've heard that term lol) as "gay" or "lesbian". I don't mean to offend anyone so please don't get mad, but some days I really feel that my life would be so much easier if I was gay. The less that people label, generalize, and group others the easier it will be to understand and appreciate the unique differences of minorities, like us.

[Isabella Ross]

Nellie, some good responses and info for you in this thread already. Here's my two cents.

The easiest question first: there is no correlation between age and transgenderism/crossdressing. We have always existed, we always will, and most of us believe we have been this way since birth. I think age intensifies our desire to express our femininity and forces many of us out of the closet at an older age. But conversely, younger transgendered people are experiencing far greater acceptance in this day and age (although the situation is far from perfect). You will find the young crossdresser of your dreams, don't worry.

Now the more difficult questions. You asked about being referred to as a chaser. Many have commented that you're also a "one in a million" and a lottery prize. I don't think any of this is necessarily true. If you do some research online, you'll see that many credible studies suggest that women are increasingly attracted to feminine-looking (and perhaps even feminine-acting) men, and becoming less attracted to the uber-hairy and muscular type A male. So I think if you think about yourself as one of those women, you'll be viewing yourself in a wholesome and realistic way, which is clearly what you want to do. And by all means, describe yourself this way when you do meet the pretty boy you desire.

The real problem is how to connect with us. That is tricky. Finding romance (or sex) online is becoming the norm. But in our case, most of us have too much at stake to openly advertise ourselves on POF or any other mainstream online dating service. So that is tricky, and I'm not really sure what to suggest. There seems to be many TG or CD-oriented dating services that will take your money, but these seem to be more for men seeking CDs, and for the minority of us who are attracted to men, or other CDs. There will probably howls of protest, but I think if you can stomach some of the weirdness (and there's plenty of it) on Fetlife, you'll find and be able to connect with many, many young hetero CDs there. I really don't think many of them are expressly kinky, but it seems to be one of the only online places available. So while it's unfortunate that it's a little bit unsavoury to some, Fetlife might be kind of a default for many to hang out in simply because of lack of other places. In the same vein, many of us are only comfortable going to gay and drag bars--not because we are gay, but because they're often the only trans/CD friendly venues available to us.

As for any other advice, I believe that many of us are very comfortable with women who aren't afraid of taking charge or, at the very least, being an equal contributor in any relationship. We may have some type A pursuits, but when we embrace our femininity, we are a little uncomfortable being dominant.

[faltenrock]

Hi Nellie,

You're not the first GG on here that is attracted to people like us (crossdressers, transgendered or even transsexual). I appreciate that you speak out openly and that you've described where you are at this point.

You're afraid of possibly being recognized as a 'chaser'. Well there is also another word that you might like and identify with in a more comfortable way, that is 'admirer'.
This term is often used within the community and place where crossdressers meet to have fun, have drinks and perhaps party. There are quite a few of those places, you just need to do research. I've visited many of those venues in the USA, and Europe, where I live. (actually in Germany near Hamburg).
Also take notice of the fact that most 'admirer' are men. They like and fantasise about feminine crossdressers, transvestites and transgendered women, those guys can easily become 'chasers'. It is fairly rare to meet a GG who likes 'US'. Some cd#s look for exactly that, as most crossdressers identify as purely heterosexual men, or as one has stated lesbian cd.
You need to be prepared that a cd might be suspicious about you motives, because it is rare for a cd to be admired by women and they will probably question if that's real - trust might come in rather slowly.

I do well understand that you're looking for someone within your age, it makes sense, just try to stay open to even a little older men/CD. Older CD have a lot more experience going out dressed, at least normally that would be the case.
You're also most likely to find some who lives a fairly open life, otherwise they would stay in the closet and there wouldn't be a chance to meet them out at some place.

From my personal experience, having met many open minded women of different ages (17 - 55 years), there could arise a little problem on your side.
Some of the women I met (as friends or just havjing met the first or second time - no date!) seem to have problems to face the real man who is hidden behind the crossdresser. Some women told me, they have problems to accept both parts, the male masculine guy and the feminine crossdresser. They told me it would be very confusing to them meeting the guy and perhaps the beautiful lady later at night. Consider this.

Btw., Kelly's word are sarcastic, I don't think she meant any of that seriously.

If you meet someone as you're looking for, you should also be prepared that if going out for lunch, shopping or whatever, you might experience strange looks of people in public. Not all, actually only a minority of us, can pass well enough in public. Being out with a CD will probably put a lot of attention not only to your partner but also to you.

If I want to give any suggestions to you how to actually meet your 'dream' partner, try to locate places where CD's go. In germany and ather countries we have many regular tables at bats and restaurants where people meet on a monstly basis. Usually there are also partners/wifes of us going to the meet. They also do larger parties, dinners and organize little trip, as an example. I would not suggest to find your partner online.

During the last years, at least until 2014, i've been to the USA on business quite a lot and used the opportunity to go out to certain places. Just search for them as they change sometimes. The most famous is probably 'Hamburger Mary's' in Long Beach, CA (have been there a few times). Another one is in Detroit, sorry forgot the name.
There used to be one in Danbury, but that one closed in 2015 I believe. But there are many more.

What does transgendered mean in the context of CD?
Well, I think you need to be at least prepared to something rather difficult for a female partner in a rs with a CD. Quite a number of CD develop the wish to actually become a woman, that wish might have been hidden for years or decades. That could be a difficult situation for any rs. Especially young men /CD, transgendered) have a lot better possibilities for transition than what it used to be.
It's not too uncommon, so be prepared to eventually be faced with that and think about how you could handle a situation, where your partner might become your female partner in the long run.

Don't hesitate to ask any question, I've been out in public a lot.

Btw., I'm a heterosexual CD, married with two kids - my wife tolerates to a certain degree, but does not want to see me as a woman anymore. She knows my closet and the amount of my extensive female wardrobe.

Best wishes from Doreen

[Valentina_Rossi]

Hi Nellie!!!

It would be difficult to improve the excellent answers from Phili, Isabella and the interesting perpective from beyondwow.

I would add that in some of our cases there might be some emotional turmoil and maybe drama that you might not be expecting. Of course, I speak only of my case - but I am not atypical. My female side is "younger" than my male one, which makes a certain amount of sense, since she fully manifested recently. That means that she is much more immature, much more insecure, and prone to very heightened emotions. In a way, I am sort of living a second adolescence with wild mood swings - and this is something that I was not expecting. I am actually seeing a therapist, in a effort to try to undertand that, and other things. I keep both of my sides quite separate, up to the extreme that we even express in different languages.

Now, imagine you meet a cute CD in a similar situation as mine. I am using quotes in this next part, so that it is easier to read :) You can enjoy "him" to give you emotional support, to be the lead dancing, to take care of you, etc. - I am talking in broad stereotypes here - and you can have "her" to go shopping, to try cute outfits, to watch chick-flicks, etc. That is the nice, ideal side. But everything comes with a caveat, and "she" might be moody, jealous, insecure, and you might have to be in charge of teenager girl instead of having a partner. You just got out of adolescence yourself, and I am sure that in this moment you do not miss it all :) At least, I was happy when I was finally in my 20s :)

This is not to say that "he" might not have defects, but they are probably clearer to see. In the case of "her", depending of her degree of awareness and maturity, "she" might not even know them herself.

I do not want to discourage you by any means!!! You show a degree of maturity and selfknowledge that I wish I had in my early twenties, when I was playing at the existentialist intellectual who wished was in a French New Wave movie :) But they say that girls mature faster than boys, and we take some time to catch up, if at all.

Love love,
Val

[DaisyLawrence]

Hello Nellibell.

Oh I think you may be popular here, although the average age of members is older than your target (maybe we older folks just have more time to mess about on the internet).

You seem open minded for the prospects of finding love in places that many would not tolerate which would seem to hugely increase your chances of doing so. However, if you decide you are only interested in feminine males then you have just reduced your chances to less than that of the more intolerant types of people.

My approach in life is that people are people and nothing more. Some were born with girl bits and some with boy bits, most accept that their gender alligns with their 'bits' but not all (including me, that's why I'm here afterall). I like people for who they are inside and nothing more. If you approach human interaction with this attitude then you will find love somewhere for sure, just don't right anyone off simple because at that specific moment in time they don't quite align with your pre-conceived ideal of the perfect partner. If you do you may miss a wonderful opportunity. Many members here (that are not fetishists but are in some amount or other transgender and naturally feminine males) only realised this later in life when circumstances allowed them to break through a lifetime of social conditioning and allow their true self to shine through. It goes to say that if you had met said members at age 24 both they and you wouldn't have realised that they fitted your criteria and an opportunity for love would have been lost.

The only reccomendation I can give you would be to socialise in areas/venues that are liberal thinking and inclusive. The types of places that people who may be less 'mainstream' feel comfortable to be themselves. This will increase your chances of interacting with the types of people you are talking about. The parts of most cities that are seen as the LGBT freiendly areas are a good start.

Can I ask, have you until now had relationships with the typical 'alpha male type' and found all the testosterone fulled bull that comes with it to be a dissappointment? I understand if this is the case and it may explain your attraction to those who appear in touch with a softer side to themselves. I myself never have been able to be friends with the 'tough guy' types and find I can not relate to them in any way.

Daisy

[Helen_Highwater]

Nelli,

Hi and welcome. Finding someone who's young and CD's can be tricky but not because they don't exist.

There will be online apps that may return results but you need to be aware that the site might turn out to be akin to Grinder, the Gay meet up site that tends to err towards more casual hookups. I've no idea how many CD's would use any of the more mainstream websites but hey who knows.

LGBT venues are often the haunt of CD'ers but you'll need to be aware that if you go to one alone then Gay females may hit on you which is understandable so you'll need to be prepared to deal with that.

You could see if there are any CD/Trans support groups that meet near you. Contacting the group organiser and explaining yourself to them is the best thing to do. They will advise on if it's suitable for you to attend. As it's not uncommon for CD to be accompanied by their SO it's unlikely you'd be the only female there. You'd get much sound advice born of real life experiences from the GG's who will have, "Been there, seen it, got the tee shirt" in respect of how they coped with being out in public with their other half.

Good hunting.

[nelliebell]

Hello Everyone!!

Thank you very much for your replies, warnings, advice, and knowledge! I would like to the time to respond to some or all of you so please bear with me.

__________________________________

Hello Janie,

Thank you for replying to me:)!

I believe that, like any relationship, we tend to make things harder than it needs to be. And I learned to know when to let go, for my health and the health of my partner. I will keep your warning close and make sure that I keep to my belief.

I appreciate the advice and knowledge you gave to me and I am very happy that your wife supports you :D.

I am a patient person and only want the best. So waiting is not an issue for me :rose:.

Cheers!

__________________________________

Hi Beyondwow,

I appreciate your reply and am happy that you are expressing yourself now :rose:

Yes, I completely agree that relationships are built on trust and that takes time and communication. And this is something I am willing to get down right. Trust is very important to me and I am sure it will be to my future partner.

I want to, again, apologize for that wide-spread belief that CDs are all gay. I read an article about a CDs experience and it was very heart-breaking to me. Just reading his struggles mainly due to this belief is so sad and hard. I can't remember the article name, but once I find it, I will share it.

I like to think of myself as an eclectic being (whose inner soul is a humble, rich, wine aunt with a strange sense of humor and peculiar sense of style) and more attracted to a person's essence. Appearance gets me to look, but pure essence peaks my interests to stay and learn. (Hopefully, this makes sense :D).

Thank you again for replying!

Cheers!

__________________________________

Hello Isabella,

I am happy that you replied to me :D!

I find it interesting that CD desires intensify with age.
This, I did not know.

When looking at my attraction to feminine men, I find it to me more logical for me. Though I find certain masculine me attractive, I find masculine men to be...short-coming? Not just in physical appeal but also in all other areas. Also, I am pretty sensitive and spiritual being, I'm very much connected with my inner self and masculine men tend to rub me the wrong way. Simply put, masculine men are great friends for me but not partners.

I have an uneasiness with dating sites but I do understand that it can be the only resource. I just don't like the disrespect and "hook-up" culture that is on there. It's a bit much at times.

As for taking charge in a relationship, I don't prefer to take all charge. I am not submissive nor am I dominating. I enjoy equal relationships where we switch leadership depending on the situation. I believe that is a good me for me :).

Thank you again for responding!!

Cheers!

- - - Updated - - -

Hello Flatenrock,

Thank for responding and I appreciate your kindness :)!

Yes, I know about the suspicious and I believe it is justified. Not everyone are nice to those that may be different. Even I get suspicious when I am approached by masculine men. But that has to do with being a woman.

I will be open to older CD. I have a age cap of 10 years for any partner :).

As for that confusing with the two sides of a CD, I am very interested in this. I belive that everyone has multiple faces and all it takes is strategy and patience to find the sweet spot for each face. So encounter my future partners two sides will be interesting :D!

I am expecting looks and am quite okay with that. I was destined to be "weird" and, if I was not looked at due to my choice in a partner, I would definitely be looked at for some other thing. I haven't quite manifested into my inner image but it's almost there. So other may look as they wish but I doesn't belief me one bit.

I will have to look to see if there are any venues in ATL.

With transition, this, I am very aware of and, at this moment, I am unsure how I feel about it. I don't have any malice towards it and if my partner chooses to transition into a woman, I know I will be supportive. I may identify myself as a polysexual, but my attraction to women is more spiritual then anything. So I will just have to wait and see.

Thank you again and I wish you a great day!

Cheers!

[Sherrii]

You sound like you have it pretty well together and and are a good person. With the advise you have already received I can't add much of value. I'll just say you will have a girl friend and a boyfriend all in one and hope you two will have fun with it all. It is what a lot of us wish for, it is difficult finding women who are open to this type of relationship, this is why someone said you are a "valuable" person. You will be able to learn a lot about CDing and CDs if you stick around this forum. Good luck and hope something works out for you. Sherrii

[Pat]

Nellie -- It's June and you say you're near Atlanta. There should be Pride events pretty much every weekend. They're a lot of fun and you'd meet a lot of people that fit your preferences. Even if you don't find Mx Right, you might have a good time. The LGBT community in party mode is a lot of fun. ;)

[bridget thronton]

Welcome Nellie - you will find many people (male and female) here willing answer your questions and very anxious to hear your thoughts. Once you get 10 posts I would encourage to join the section of this forum open only to GG (in addition to participating here) - there are many great women there (many who have found and married the love of their lives who happens to CD)

[Georgia_Maine]

Nellie, may I ask you a question, or at least something to think about? Are you more interested in gentlemen who crossdress or those that express the more typically feminine attributes of gentleness, compassion, consideration of others feeling, appreciation of beauty, etc. Let's face it, there are many CDers out there who are emotionally Type A males. On the other hand there are many cis-gender (non-CD) men who exhibit these more feminine traits. The latter are usually found supporting organizations that support people in need: religious organizations, Habitat for Humanity, homeless outreach, etc. I wish you good fortune in your search

[ClosetED]

NellieBell - welcome to the Forum! This is a safer site than others such dateacrossdresser.com. Many good thoughts and yes, Kelly was sarcastic.
I think "chaser", or in general, GGs who CDers should avoid, are looking for CDers to pay them for the attention. Either money or other support. This does not sound like you, so just be yourself and your should not be seen as a chaser.
This site has several young CDers who I am jealous of- Valerie, Chanel, xNicolex to name a few - as they are so natural. So stay on the site, reach 10 posts, and you will be given access to the Picture Gallery were you can see them for yourself. They might even send you a private message.
What can you do to support CDers? Transgendered is a larger group - transexuals including transmen, crossdressers, gender fluid. Many of the GGs here who are very supportive, based on some questions I have asked, seemed to have been thru a tough life event and came out stronger. But a few had an early exposure to a TG person and found it was not threatening or loving. So what we could use is someone to give us useful feedback from a GG perspective, to help erase social misunderstandings a little at a time (like the common misunderstanding that CDers are gay when the actual studies show slower incidence, but not zero, of homosexuality than the general population)

So what do you mean by feminine males? Men who normally look and act feminine? Or males who normally look fairly masculine and can transform into a pretty feminine appearance when desired? When you reach 10 posts, you can see the Boy vs Girl Mode thread for great examples. And Chanel is a perfect young example of a good looking man and beautiful woman.
Some say we offer the best of both worlds - a husband and a girlfriend all in 1. My wife feels this is competition and only 1 can ever be feminine, but you have a more open mind. Do you want the feminine male to be a lover or a girlfriend? To some this is important difference as kissing a feminine looking person makes them feel lesbian.

I don't know if age intensifies the desire - I think that life conditions change the ability and desire to physically express it. I kept to hose and heels with my wife while the kids were growing up, but always desired more. Once they began leaving for college and stopped needing me as much, both my wife and I started considering our own desires more and acting on them. This separated us more than brought us together unfortuantly.

I bet if you stay on this site, some lucky person will find you and you both will be happy.
Hugs, Ellen

[Stephanie47]

Welcome nelliebell. I got too loquacious and was timed out on my post. I'll try to keep it brief.

As has been asked, what is your definition of a feminine man? Is it the stereotypical body movement most ascribe as "swooshing" or is deeper than that? I've read many posts/comments on this site over the years from those who may wear women's clothing, but, still think like a boorish man. What is a feminine man?

You also used the criteria of a man who "emulates" a woman. Is this a person who has a thought process ascribed as a woman's? Or is it the poise and movements of a woman, e.g., sitting down like a woman, walking in heels like a woman, all those movements that a lack of would identify the person as a man wearing women's clothing.

You mentioned physical traits. There are men who are short and squat. Some are tall and slender. Some are bald and need a wig while some can have long way hair. Some are hairy while others are almost hairless and never have beard shadow.

I would guess most women who are looking for a male companion do set out with some criteria. Men do it too. Sometimes we are pleasantly surprised when we fall for someone outside that list.

What is a feminine man? What does "emulating" a woman mean? What are the physical characteristics?

And, I am curious as to how much time you would expect the man to live within your criteria? Is it 24/7 7 days a week? Or a Friday date night?

Wow! I did not get 'timed out.!'

[Sashauk]

Hi Nellie, and welcome.

You said - "I find it interesting that CD desires intensify with age.'

Personally I don't think that is completely true but more that as we get older we become more at ease with our crossdressing. I don't think my desire to dress has increased with age as I can remember being in my twenties and wanting to dress as often as I could, but I was always fearful that someone would discover my secret. With the passing years I have come to the point where I really don't care what others think any more. Whilst I don't go out fully dressed I am always underdressed and I make no attempt to hide that fact.

I'm sure there must be countless numbers of younger crossdressers out there but probably they are not so open about it as us more mature 'ladies'. I hope you find someone as I would have loved to have met someone like you when I was younger, and I'm sure you have a lot to offer in support.

[Jenny22]

Nelliebelle, you've received a bucket full of excellent information, thoughts and suggestions, a lot to give serious thought to and digest. So, I will add onr item as to where to find a guy that fits your hopes and expectations, especially as to age ... visit more than one college or university that has an LGBT organization and become a part of its support group. You may find gold!

[nelliebell]

Hello everyone!

I am so grateful for everyone's response, advice, and knowledge! I wanted to respond to each of you but 1) that would take so much time and I won't finish quick enough since I tend to rumble and 2) I don't know my way around a forum well enough to even attempt to respond one by one.

So this will be addressed to all :D!

One big question I am seeing repeated is what I mean by femininity. I will give my thoughts on that below. Please bear with me, my views may be unconventional.

Femininity to me has less to do with appearances and more to do with mannerisms, attitudes, and inner being. A feminine look gets my attention but a feminine being draws me in. Pose, calm and peaceful energy, cleanliness, delicate touches, gentle gazes, and so much more - all of this is feminine to me and are things that I do myself (someone mentioned that CDs may be a mirror of myself and I think I am understand that now).

Femininity goes even deeper that for me. Femininity is very strong and "all knowing". It has an air of crispness that I can only compare to the dawn air in a valley. Every breath is clean and cleanings.

Femininity is strong in that it has stood against and continues to stand against attacks and confinement. Femininity is respectful, nurturing, and resembles that of a Sage or a Wise One.

Now, do I expect a person to have all of this features? Absolutely not. This is only my view of femininity. As for my view of how a feminine male looks/acts and what attracts me to him, if he is calm and peaceful, delicate with his touches, and seems to "know" things, I view him as feminine. He has a silent strength about him and humble confidence. A soft gentle smile and an almost-floating stride, I believe this is feminine. It is being silently strong (very compact version of what I mean).

Am I also expecting my future partner to always Crossdress? No, I don't expect him to always look like a woman. That is ultimately his decision. However, I do not want brutish behavior, like overly masculine vibes. That is unsettling to me and makes me feel uneasy. Masculine energy is definitely called for in situations, but overly masculine energy is wasteful (in my opinion). It's like having a pristine pastel white kitchen be splatter with dirty brown paint. It's just....unsettling.

Please, if that was confusing, I completely understand. I have a very unconventional thought about things and it can be a bit difficult to fully express it. If you have any questions about what I said, please, please ask and I will be more than happy to answer.

[Aunt Kelly]

Nellie, may I ask you a question, or at least something to think about? Are you more interested in gentlemen who crossdress or those that express the more typically feminine attributes of gentleness, compassion, consideration of others feeling, appreciation of beauty, etc. Let's face it, there are many CDers out there who are emotionally Type A males. On the other hand there are many cis-gender (non-CD) men who exhibit these more feminine traits. The latter are usually found supporting organizations that support people in need: religious organizations, Habitat for Humanity, homeless outreach, etc. I wish you good fortune in your search

Well put, Georgia. I had been groping for a way to express the same question/concern, but you've pretty much nailed it.
Nellie,
Predictably, you're receiving lots of enthusiastic advice here, some of it good, some maybe not quite so much, but all of it well meant. As you have discovered, or maybe already knew, you are an exception among GG's. I would add my voice to those urging caution. There is much more to a partner than the clothes he/she wears. Bless you for being more accepting than most, but don't think that you need to compromise.

Happy hunting, dear.

[Sometimes Steffi]

You got a lot of good advice, so I won't repeat it here.

But I will give you something actionable. Look for crossdressing meetup sites near you. I found two in Atlanta in less that a minute

https://www.meetup.com/topics/smart-crossdressing/us/ga/atlanta/

I don't know how active they are, but it's a start.

I'm in a similar group in DC. I know at least 2 GGs who came or used to come to the meetups. One of them recently married a CD who has started physical transition, so it is possible. The other one had fallen "in love" [her words, not mine] with a CD. However, she broke it off when she found out that he was married. So, it can happen.

I have to leave for work early, so I'll sign off now.

[docrobbysherry]

Nelli, I've been on cd.com for 10 years. And, have attended at least 20 major CD/TS events. As a result I've met and chatted with countless dressers. And, I never read/heard the term "chaser", until I read your post. I think u may find a unicorn before anyone accuses u of that!:heehee:

I strongly suggest u get involved with your local LGBT community. Then, when u begin dating trans, you'll already be familiar with some trans folks and trans friendly locations! I attended a number of SCC trans events in Atlanta. Never had issues when we went out dressed there.:thumbsup:

Good luck!:battingeyelashes:

[Valentina_Rossi]

Hi Nellie!

I read your reply, and I am wondering if you might have a narrow version of masculinity, maybe based on your experiences. And funnily enough, I would have though that "silent strength" and "humble confidence" would be considered more traditional masculine traits. If you remember, up to maybe the 70s in movies - think Spagetti Westerns, for example - those were the marks of the heroic/tragic hero, which is supposed to be aspirational.

From some of your descriptions, you might dislike someting more like the American Fratboy stereotype, a type of masculine caricature that has permeated culture worlwide, maybe because of the range of US media. I have allergy to this kind of people too, a mixture between a oaf and a buffoon, with some toxic masculinity thrown in. But I would argue that this is a bit like watching Hollywood movies and saying that all cinema is rote, predictable and repetitive, when there is a panoply of films coming from Argentina, Iran, South Korea and Romania - just to mention some interesting film industries - that are engaging, thoughful and will linger with you the rest of your life. As you can tell, I love cinema ;)

One more thing: some of the qualities that you mention come with age, and maybe some hard-earned wisdom. So maybe not necessarily age, but experience. Just a though! :)

Love love,
Val

[faltenrock]

Hi Nellie again, yes you've received many very good comments and thoughts along with some advises.

Regarding aging and the need to CD:
I started crossdressing at young age (11-13), like most on this forum. It took me ages to accept myself, beeing a CD and not questioning me anymore. I also learned why I crossdress and about my motives. Only after many years I started to present more 'professionally', meaning, that I want to give a good pictures of myself as a woman. That includes everything that's needed to nearly pass as a woman.

My confidence has increased extremely, as today I don't have any problem walking through large and very busy cities anymore. Might that be in the US or in London, Amsterdam or any place.

I think my need to get out dressed has not really increased over the years, my confidence and appearence did.
Whenever I go out on a weekend, away from my wonderful wife and sons, I really enjoy my time and the new people I get to meet as Doreen.
There is also another story. It seems weared for some other CD. When I've been out for a day or two at the most, I kind of got 'enough'. My urge to be out as a woman disappears.
For example, last weekend, I was out in Germany and the Netherlands (Amsterdam/ picture threat) for more than 24 hours. Originally I planned to stay in Amsterdam until Monday morning. Instead I drove back home on Sunday early afternoon. I even went out for lunch in guy mode and felt good about it.

One thing is sure enough, my need to go out will slowly increase until I actually get a chance to do that again. Normally that takes a few weeks that I NEED to get out again.
Perhaps this gives some insight.

Coming back to age. I think the older we get, crossdressing becomes more like a natural part of our personality, that doesn't neccessaryly mean that we dress more often.

Best wishes

Doreen

[Joyce Swindell]

I've enjoyed your writing style Ms Nelliebell as well as your personality. I haven't read every word written of the responses (some are quite long) but I have read all of your responses.

I've never heard the term chaser in reference to CD's! I agree... not a very nice term. I would consider the source and pay no attention to it.

I wish you the best in your quest.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Oh Hell Nellie Bell I can Tell my reply Fell down the Well in the Dell. (with a name like Nellie Bell I just had to )

My attempts at humor are a bit dry at times.

You will probably need a stick or a dance card. :)
( as in You may have to beat suitors off with a stick (you will have so many) or your dance card may be full before to long (again as you will have many soon)

. Chasers take advantage of members of the community by preying financially on emotionally vulnerable members of the community. Treat people as you would in any relationship.Chasers tend to look for a sugar daddy. On the other hand YOU need to watch out for freeloaders, thats a tg/cd who moves in with you and is basically a couch potato, that contributes in no manner to the household.
( This is sound advice as many a TG/CD have posted stories of being taken advantage of by some one who has given then and ounce of acceptance while extraction a pound of financial support, The opposite is true, many GG's have posted of their CD/TG spouse becoming so wrapped up in their CD personal issues that they stop working and stop functioning in the real world)

There are no young CD, there is a minimum age requirement of 37 years old, we are then issued a registration card to Goodwill and the secret location to Mary Kay Super Duper Store.
(This was meant as light humor and not as sarcasm as some might suggest. Page 5789, Section 983, subsection 4563, Paragraph 784, Sentence 372 of the GG Guide to CD/TG clearly states that any perceived sarcasm from Kelly DeWinter is to be considered humor, ex-cetera , ex-cetera, ex-cetera, ad infinitum.

You can support the community by posting gushing positive affirmations multiple times to any photo posted here, but seriously, just treat us as you would any friend.
This is gospel truth and probably both federal and state law or at least should be.

I would advise you to drive safely, tap on watermelons to ensure they are ripe and always make sure your shoes match.
You asked for any other advice, and to be sure this can be used with or without a CD in you life.

[nelliebell]

Hello Valentina,

Hmmm, your response has made me think all day (that is why I am answering now).

I don't hate or dislike masculine man. I acknowledge that there are good men (I have dated some). But I always felt a...bump? or maybe a barrier? that has occurred during my relationship. It causes me frustration and dissatisfaction. It feels like masculine lack dimensions and I am an eclectic person, with many dimensions. A way I can describe my feelings towards when I have been with a masculine man is like seeing something great online like a cute silk kimono and when you get it, it's only a satin kimono. That was probably a weird example but it's all I got :(.

I have never had a personal (friendly, intimate, work, etc) with an American Fratboy type of person, I stay far away from them. But I have and continue to interact with various types of males. I do appreciate men but I do not want certain types within my inimate realm.

As for the qualities, I agree completely with you. The qualities I currently have definitely came with age and I still have some qualities to unlock. And it would be a shame if I expect anyone to have every single quality I want if I don't have them myself :).

Thank you again for your reply, you made me think and explore even further into myself (which I love!)

Cheers!

- - - Updated - - -

Hello everyone,

Thank again and again for your kind words, advice, knowledge, and wisdom!

I am very happy with every response because I learn something and explore my inner self even further. I am learning so much about other people and how beautiful we come and I love it!

Please continue to be so lovely and kind!

Cheers!

- - - Updated - - -

Hello Kelly,

Thank you for replying!! I really wanted to understand your reply and I appreciate you give me some more details!

Now that you gave me more details, I completely get it.

I do have a question though. May you give more information about CDs getting so wrapped up? I have not heard of this but then again, I have not read a lot of stories (there are so many :( ).

Cheers!

[beyondwow]

I'm still so pleasantly surprised to see how open-minded and eclectic you are :D
(lol I had to look that word up. I like Musicals and Disney but also Rap, Rock, K-pop, Babymetal! so I guess I'm kind of Eclectic too!)

This has been the most exciting thread I've read so far on these forums. You've definitely come to the right place! What I meant by being a GG on a forum like this is it reminds me of how popular like girls become in the online video game community (which is traditionally male-dominant) or like how popular a man gets in the theater or ballet community (traditionally female-dominant). TLDR; it's great that you're here and I love reading your posts!

Also, about the "wrapped up" part, regardless of CD or not, people in general have personal issues they have to confront. Some can handle them properly, others struggle to find their path, and a few become lost completely. I think her point was to be cautious. You don't want to come across as a Chaser with an ulterior motive, but at the same time you don't want to be taken advantage of by someone who is completely lost and going nowhere in life. Lasting relationships have both a give AND take :)

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

Hi Nellibell-
I would not be concerned by people who might view you as a chaser. Just be yourself and be natural and genuine and then you will have a good time.

I have a question for you. I go out fairly often to events in the city, to parties at our museum of fine arts, to dinner, shopping and others. Almost every time I go out a genetic female approaches me and says you are beautiful, gorgeous and wants to know more about me. Sometimes they are with a male companion. Several times in bars I have made conversations with genetic women and their husbands. Often they cannot resist touching me, in a proper way. Women have stopped me on the street with the comment that you are gorgeous and asks if she could take a picture of me. The women in the bars knew that I was a cd because I told them. My question is why do a lot of women have this strong attraction to trans females. You surely have insight to this. Is it possible that such women, like yourself, are tending toward lesbian, and the CD provides attraction in a social female- female sense and in a sexual sense lovemaking is between two girls where the act itself can be fully consummated. A second question. When women approach me in public or at a social function with expressions of adoration, do you think that they have read me as a CD and or trying to be inclusive and make me feel accepted. The third question is, do women generally come up to women who they do not know with comments about how attractive they look. Lastly, in only one incidence of about 200 have I felt that the woman was trying to pick me up.

Have fun with your new experience.
Jacqueline

[traciethetg]

I always meet GG women who like tea transgender MTF's.

I meet them at clubs,lgbt events,personals on many boards.

I see the W4T,T4W,W4W sections of personal ad's.

Happy to hear your story.

[nelliebell]

Hello Beyondwow,

I appreciate your kind words :) Honestly, I've been an opened minded person since I was young, not due to my family influence (they are pretty closed minded) but due to moving a lot. This gave me the great ability of understanding and curiosity. If my views help the community, that will make me very happy :).

As for "wrapped up", that makes a lot of sense. This is an issue that can happen in any type of relationship and to be wary about. I have no desire to take advantage of anyone nor do I want to be taken advantage of :(

But I have confidence that all will be well :D

Cheers!

- - - Updated - - -

Hi Jacqueline!

(While writing this, I notice how long it became so please look at the bolded lines for short and sweet answers :) )

Thank you for your questions; I will do my best to answer them fully. I will answer from my point of view so it may be a bit limited but I hope it offers some level of understanding.

Question 1: Why do a lot of women have this strong attraction to trans females?

I am attracted to feminity, regardless of gender. So this includes transgender women and CD but let's only look at transwomen/CD as one thing for simplicity. A feminine male is a strong man because I view feminity as strength (but this doesn't mean that I view masculine as weakness, just femininity is stronger to me). I smile sweetly to the man in a dress (or any women's clothing) because he is beautiful to me. My eyes twinkle in admiration of the man that is posed, delicate, and such because I see myself in him (this was discussed earlier in a different response). So seeing a transwomen, I am delighted because, to me, that gorgeous person is stronger and more beautiful than a masculine man.

I am sure that this view is not shared by most. However, I DO think that many women view transwomen as brave because of the danger and hostile that transwomen go through. There is a connect between transwomen and GG that is unfortunately built on the threat to femininity that has been around for centuries. It's like a camaraderie. But this is only a guess on my end.

I would warn that some of the women (and men) that you have and may continue to encounter may look at you as a fetish or as something "erotic" (I hate that). It is not at all admiration or attraction. Only a sort of "Oh, look at how different that person is. I want to touch it and stare at it". It is the same reaction that people with many tattoos get or a foreign person in a homogenous country. In my book, it's disrespectful and should be avoided.

Question 2: Is it possible that such women, like yourself, are tending toward lesbian?

It could definitely be a reason. As for me, I am not tending towards lesbianism, though it is included in my sexuality. I don't have any attraction to "butch" lesbians (I hope butch is not offensive), those that are females that emulate masculine men. I do have an attraction to "femme" lesbians (lesbian transwomen can fall into this category too), those that are girly, also called lipstick lesbian but I am unsure if that is offensive.

As for the sexual sense, I can understand this. When I was in high school, I knew that I had an attraction for women, but one of the (many) reasons I told myself I shouldn't be is because of sex (a ridiculous reason now that I look at it). So I can see how other women can view transwomen (who haven't fully transitioned) can be a midway for a lesbian relationship. Sort of like the best of both worlds? But again, this is frown upon by me because this type of relationship is formed based on genital verse the person. And as we all know, genital can be changed and is a small sliver of who a person is.

Question 3: When women approach me in public or at a social function with expressions of adoration, do you think that they have read me as a CD and or trying to be inclusive and make me feel accepted?

Yes, that is very possible. I am not saying every woman you meet has this reason, but it is a reason. Transwomen are a part of the women "culture" and making others feel inclusive is never a bad thing. It is only bad when only certain parts of a person are accepted while others are denied. So watch out for that.

Question 4: Do women generally come up to women who they do not know with comments about how attractive they look?

Personally, I do this for everyone. If I think you look good, imma let you ya know :D. However, I personally do not see a lot of women doing this for other women. There is still this weird feeling of competition between women that has been around for centuries due to having to rely on male support until recently. As women became more independent, I hope that this competitive feeling ends and women support other women a lot more.

Question 5: In only one incidence of about 200 have I felt that the woman was trying to pick me up.

I am assuming you are asking why only one woman attempted to be with you. And my answer to that is there can be a lot of reasons. Two reasons that definitely come to mind are 1) the fear of the unknown and 2) fear of rejection.

For both reasons, it is good to note that knowledge about transwomen, CD, and others were not readily taught while we grew up. So a lot of us have no clue handle to interact, dating or even love such beautiful people. Women may fear how different transwomen/CD are because of the perspectives we were taught about them. We just don't know what to do and wouldn't dare ask because how could we? How can we ask when we don't know what to ask? (This is getting better with the growth of the LGBTQ+ Community and technological exposure)

Women fear rejection because of a widespread belief that transwomen/CD are all gay and have no interest in women. A belief that CD can't be straight and transwomen can't be lesbians. I know because I used to believe this two belief. I took the time to learn the truth and very glad I did :).

This became a very, very, very long response and I am so sorry about that! But I wanted to give you a very full and detailed answer from my perspective.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I will do my best to answer.

Cheers!

[Beverley Sims]

Nellie,
Ther are chases but you have the wrong idea there.
There are other girls like you that like femine oriented men but as you read here they are few in number.
I had some room mates once all girls and they always wanted me to dress up.
You may find others here that share your interests and also there may be a cd friend or two.
There are young CD'ers here also.
I will leave it to some others who are more proactive to help you in your support of our community.
Meanwhile involve yourself on the forum ask questions and the answers will come your way.

Meanwhile welcome and have a nice informative stay.

[sometimes_miss]

I waited until many others have answered, because it would mean not repeating already known knowledge or advice. In any case, you will be able to find yourself one very nice crossdresser among the oh, three million of us in America. Also up front, I'm 60 and out of your age range, so none of this is self serving.

Interestingly, this is the first time in my life that I've ever heard the term 'chaser' connected to crossdresser. We should be so lucky. In general, the only ones interested in us are other males. There is no social group of women craving the intimate companionship of crossdressers. I'd be curious to know who mentioned that term to you.

So. First consider what exactly you are looking for in a male crossdressing mate, AND, how much you are willing to accept that isn't exactly what you are looking for. You mention masculine men as having shortcomings, but be aware, there are lots of us here who intentionally project an outwardly alpha male appearance and behavior not just to be successful in life, but to also mask any evidence of our transgenderism and crossdressing. AFAIK, no one has ever marked me as anything other than a standard issue male.

Are you looking for someone who gets turned on by the wearing of female clothes and wants to have sex while dressed as a woman, and if so, can you accept such a man if either: 1. he wants to be the typical male role while having sex while dressed as a woman, or 2. he wants or prefers to be the 'bottom' while being dressed as a woman, or even wants to be pegged (you wearing a male prosthetic and penetrating him in some way). This last can become a problem if he wants this, and you think you can change this desire in him. Because it generally won't change. The other possibility is that he desires it, but doesn't actually like it; it's an odd dilemma because there's no way to resolve it. I've lived with that, and still have found no answer for it.

Young men with stereotypical feminine behavior and relational proclivities will often be less masculine than women want; those men don't have a lot of confidence in themselves, are less likely to be successful career wise and/or financially, and are often reluctant to be the assertive one intimately (perhaps often unsure if he should try to kiss or touch his female date in some way), and in briefly may superficially seem to come up short in the traditional male role picture. Also, despite the onslaught of the internet's available sexual information, nearly all of it is just the same as always: Male driven aggressive sexual scenes, with little actual depiction of just how to treat a woman sexually. Essentially, the porn of the past (all male orgasm driven) is still the predominant stuff of today. So if what you're looking for is a guy who can behave tenderly towards you like a woman would, that might still be difficult to find. Remember, men still generally believe that the ONLY satisfying sexual experience ends with a mind blowing orgasm. This is why men constantly ask their mates if they have climaxed; because he wouldn't even think of it EVER being acceptable to have sex without it. Not to mention, nearly all women have 'faked it', yet every man will insist that his female partners came every single time.

Crossdressing can be a compartmentalized thing. Men separate stuff in our lives; women generally don't. You will see plenty of men here who even write about themselves in third person, in order to distance themselves from the feminine behavior. Self homophobia is still strong with most of us, because of the stigma society places on any male adopting feminine attire or behavior in any way. The biggest insults you can call a man is sissy or the 'P' world (which is censored here). Also, please remember to not accidentally 'out' your crossdressers as you meet them. I have had gay acquaintences that would get careless from time to time, speaking about things in public which would give me away. I did NOT appreciate it, and eventually stopped associating with them because of it. Many people think that we should all be out and front line warriors to make crossdressing more acceptable; but not all crossdressers want to be arguing about crossdressing rights and acceptance and gender all the time.

And, of course, about 80% of crossdressers are simply straight men who for some reason like to crossdress. In all other ways, they will respond to you the same way any other straight masculine male will; they prefer to bond through activities rather than long discussions (though as usual, in the beginnings of a relationship they might call and talk with you constantly, this might gradually decline over time. You can see this in your male mate when he his with his pals watching a football game, they almost rarely speak, and NEVER speak about interpersonal relationships. It simply isn't part of male-male communication). Men speak in direct rather than indirect speech (and don't understand why women speak indirectly, at all; see references to https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Listen-Women-Cant-Read/dp/0767907639/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1529060351&sr=1-5&keywords=barbara+pease+and+allan+pease for how men and women communicate differently). These men are likely not what you're hoping for, because they feel the need to express their masculinity most of the time in order to feel that they can keep the femininity at bay, that 'it's not the real me', 'I'm all man, I only have feminine feelings when I'm dressed up', and other excuses. The end result is you get a regular masculine man who only sometimes lets his guard down, because he doesn't accept the feminine in himself.

Then, too, most crossdressing men in your age group are also likely to not have figured out why they want to crossdress. In many ways, introspection is actually discouraged even here, by those who don't really want to know; the only currently accepted reason for crossdressing is 'I was born this way'. Which is fine for accepting one's self, but winds up keeping a lot of us ignorant as to who and what we actually are.

Lastly, what you might be interested in would be a borderline MTF TS who is non-op and is okay with staying that way, who is also only attracted to women. There are enough of them out there that you might easily find one who suits your desire for a sort-of feminine male who yet still functions sexually as a male, not as a female. There you might just find your intimate feminine partner who is and plans to remain an intact functioning male, you may also make sure he will agree to
continue the male role at least half the time, otherwise he may try (consciously or unconsciously) to gradually get you to be the 'top' in both sexual, social roles as often as he can.


My question is why do a lot of women have this strong attraction to trans females.
I've already read the answer to this on this forum at some point in the past 10 years. Those women have a strong attraction to ATTRACTIVE trans females: The beauty of a female with the male underneath. They're NOT attracted to old, fat, ugly, homely trans females who obviously are for want of a better term, men in dresses; you know, like most of us.


Lastly, in only one incidence of about 200 have I felt that the woman was trying to pick me up.
First, they may assume that you're either bi or gay or maybe just in denial, or have strong suspicions of same, and most women don't want anything to do sexually with either type of male. The general stereotype of both being riddled with disease is still strong. Two, they may be relying on YOU to do all the hard work. Same as always. You're actually the 'guy'. So it's up to YOU to make the move if you're interested. Women making the first move is almost always something subtle which guys will NOT pick up on. This is in order to always have the 'out' of replying to an unwanted approach by simply saying that YOU misinterpreted THEM.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I have never heard GGs called "chasers", just cis men. Granted, that is probably because they are so rare.

If you want a man who crossdresses, you will have no difficulty finding one interested in a GG partner.

Like sometimes_miss said above, women are attracted to men who are masculine. It is extremely rare to find a woman who can appreciate men who are feminine. I have had that exact problem, I am stuck in "the friend zone" because I am a nice enough person to be friends with, but I am not "man enough" to consider being with romantically. Of course, it doesn't help men like me that we live in a time where men are villified and made out to be predators, further intimidating men like me. I am not naturally "aggressive" to begin with, fear of being misunderstood and being accused of being predatory only makes me shy away even further. Today's society say men are all predators and the slightest interest in a woman can be labeled harassment or worse, yes at the same time (most) women expect men to be assertive. I can't stand the mixed messages.

[Jenny22]

To Kelly D ... you forgot to give chapter and verse in the "Crossdressers Handbook."

[Kelly DeWinter]

NellieBell -

Sometime a member of the community will become so wrapped up on transitioning for example that everything like family,\, friends, work become second to transitioning.

Jenny

I knew i forgot something, whats the current edition 34, 35 ?
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Sometimes miss

Those women have a strong attraction to ATTRACTIVE trans females: The beauty of a female with the male underneath. They're NOT attracted to old, fat, ugly, homely trans females who obviously are for want of a better term, men in dresses; you know, like most of us.

I'm not sure this is true anymore, People are attracted to one another for a lot of reasons. these last 5 years have seen a huge improvement in how people see CD/TG people.