Wife's gone...... Here come's Trisha

[Megan G]

Well the wife has left for a couple of hours and I have finally gotten the chance to let Trisha out for a little while. Thank god that her and I are the same size or else I would never have anything to wear.I will post some picture's later for all to see.

I have decided that I am going to come out to her, well I have known this for a little while now but I am trying to build up the courage first. I am going to try and do this tonight. I don't really think that she would leave me, it is a possibility but I really could not see her doing that. I know she is going to ask or wonder why I did not tell her before we got married and I think I have a good reason for that, we work at the same place and I was just trying to protect myself incase things did not work out between us. What else do I have to prepare for? I know I am going to be asked if I am gay (not) or Bi (not) but is there anything else that you can think of? I appriciate all the help you can give.

Trisha

[Laurie Ann]

I do believe that you have to go with the flow of the conversation. I think I remember KathyGG having some good advice on this topic. I wish you all the best.

[urban gypsy]

Gently gently does it with coming out. but hope it all goes well.

[Megan G]

Thanks girls.

When I met my wife I personally did not think it would evolve to what it is today. She was the most kind and caring person that I had ever met and when I realized that she was the one for me and we moved in together I purged, Thinking that I would be able to get rid of "Trisha" for good.

Well it lasted a year before "Trisha" showed up again and little by little she managed to come back, more powerfull than ever before. Now I know that she can never be "banished" for good and I must come to terms with her. I have been dressing when I can for the past year (sometimes months in between) but it eats me up all the time as I love my wife so much that I do not to hide this side of me anymore. I want to be honest with her as I love her too much to continue this lie anymore.

Who knows maybe I should have a few drinks tonight and it will come out easier:eek: (J/K)

Wish me luck....

Trisha

[sparks]

Actually get the both of you alittle Juiced! Please let me know the outcome!
I've been in this situation far to long and curious on how you handle it.

[Megan G]

Actually get the both of you alittle Juiced!

I wish, but she is pregnant right now.

Trisha

[Anita]

I cannot offer you any advice I am afraid but wish you every bit of luck
Let us all know how it goes
sincerely Anita xx

[Bev06 GG]

Not an easy one this is it? Take my advice go gentley and dont have a drink. U might have one too many and altho it'll be a lot easier for you, it will just make it more difficult for her. And if you love her as much as you say you do, the chances are she loves you back just as much so that'll make things abit easier. IF YOUR one of the lucky ones and she's cool about it, dont for hecks sake go rushing in where fools dare to tread. Take it easy and go steady. I can remember when I first found out that my partner wanted to go the whole hog from my knickers to dressing fully, and altho I neva had a problem with it, sometimes I thought the pace was aabit frightening.
I wish you luck and really admire you for wanting to come clean
Take care
BEVXXXX
PS if she needs someone to talk to other than yourself, then she can email me and I'd be happy to talk to her. I know we are all different, but GGs all have the same questions, fears and doubts from time to time.

[Sheri H]

Trisha,

While I admire your courage to finally come clean with your wife about your crossdressing, I would strongly urge you to reconsider (but only for now).

I know that this is going to be an unpopular recommendation around here, considering how pretty much everyone feels that it is in the best interests of all involved for you to be honest and forthright with your spouse (and I agree, fwiw), but right now your wife is in a VERY delicate situation.

When I finally came out to my wife about Sheri, the emotions ran high and low with frightening speed (mine and her's, btw). The emotional roller coaster involved in breaking news like this can sometimes be a horribly traumatic event. And right now, you have to consider the impact of such an evening on your unborn child! Now is simply not the appropriate time.

A fetus basically fights for its life every day until well into the 3rd trimester. Stress can cause massive hormone releases in your wife's body that will course through her bloodstream and right through your baby as well. Now is the time to consider your wife's feelings, and not your own. You owe that much to your child, if no one else. Parenthood is a life of self-sacrifice, and it starts now for you! Just because this child is still in your wife's uterus doesn't mean you can't jeapordize its health.

I'm sorry if this sounds like pontificating. Believe me, love, I sympathize with you. I really and truly do. I can't tell you how many times I thought I had worked up the nerve to tell my wife, only to back out at the last second. And to finally work up the nerve once and for all, with no thought of going back, well, that's no small feat in and of itself. But if you can do it today, then you can get yourself there again sometime in the future.

But for now, I really hope that you decide against this course of action. Why put your wife in such a position, when she is already in another uncomfortable situation? (Not to mention that her hormones are likely already on a hair trigger!)

I wish you the best of luck ... and the best of discretion.

Huggs,
-Sheri

[Honey GG]

I would have to disagree with Sheri(Sorry) the timing will not be any better once the baby is born, then it will just be one excuse after another and a longer delay..
One of the biggest things us SO's have a problem with is the delay in telling us= Mine told me after over 30 years of marriage! We are fine with it now, but I do wish he had told me a lot sooner.
Be very gentle with her, remember to tell her the facts and don't go into every little detail. It will be overwhelming for her. It may be better to write her a letter and share this information with her...I know this has worked for many SO's I know. Give her time to understand this. Asure her your not gay- love her very much. Be prepared with information for her .

Something else I need to mention also- quit wearing her clothes, we just hate that! Hopefully you will soon be at a point where you can shop together, if not do some shopping of your own...

Good luck to you both.

Honey-GG

[Emily Ann Brown]

Things that will come up whether you expect it or not (from my own experience 9 weeks ago)....How many others know, who are they, do you have internet friends, do they know your male information, do you go out dressed, where do you go to the restroom when you're out (no joke), where are you hiding your stuff currently, how are you paying for all the clothes, have you been seen buying clothes by others (duh huh), do you have a fem name, what is it, how do I know you have protected our privacy from all your "friends", how do I know you are not wearing my clothes?

Good luck dear .... nothing can prepare you for what comes after "Honey, I am a crossdresser." Except maybe a big drink.

Emily Ann

[Yes I am]

"Do you wear panties?!?!"

In my experience that's always the first question(of MANY) when coming out to someone.

[Tina Dixon]

I am still trying to get to that point my self, good luck to you.

[kathy gg]

Oh My god!

where to start! first off, don't get lloaded and come out while she is pregant. becauase later no matter how much she gets educated...she will think that her being pregnant was a reason to 'turn' you onto cding. yes yes, I know alot of the reasons guys dress, you dont' need to explain to me,,,but from her viewpoint this is the
worst time ever!

oh my god! I cannot tell you how bad things go when women are told while pregnant! we feel like a million emotions adn you want to come out while we are not in the right state to process this.

also...do you have support groups, info, books, artilces printed and ready to go ....?

What have you done to make this easy...other than say..hm I need a few drinks before coming out..

come on hon!

also...what do you envision her role being in this?

What good will her knowing right now do?

I say wait for some time ..maybe say 6 -8 months after you both have gotten used to a new baby.

Right now everything in yrou lfie needs to be all about this new life and all about keeping her stress-free and happy and content. I dont care if she is a fomer lesbian trangeder activitst...telling a woman whiel she is pregnant or right after is dumb ..dumb dumb,.

please chill ...so what you spend another yr in the closet.. you will be regretting this for a long while if you do it now!

[Sage GG]

Good Luck, go slowly, give her lots and lots of reasurance that You love only her. The drink is not really the best idea and the second question for me was are you planning on cutting anything Off.

[kathy gg]

more unpopular advice...

one of my good gg freinds got told while preg. and she actually was one of the most supportive/enthused and caring women when she finally had time to wrap her head around it all.

But she todl me flat out, that memories of her pregnany involve wonderiing what their future held {no matter how much reasurance he gave her), his gender euphoria, everything changing from "all about us and baby", to all about his femme needs, and on and on. She said that she felt so out of it with her body and like her hubby , you seem fairly thin....she remembers him talking to her about how kick-ass his figure was and all the outfits of hers he had been trying on {because she was not fitting into them} and again..on and on.

I am not saying this is what you will do or anything. And like I said while they were married she was what I thought very supportive.

But because when we are pregnant, our emotions are so high and we are so...oh I dont' know what to call it but some of us just seem to go like a pendulum. I can remember having days of feeling on edge and man it did not take much to piss me right off. And other days where I was super pysched and happy and was just almost too happy.

Even if she seems accepting....{like my friend was} it could be some of the hormones swining far in one direction and then they swing back and she completely freaks.

And fyi..I like crossdressing, knew prior to marriage ...so it is not like I was told during my pregnancy. wanted to make sure you know I am not rotten eggs.

But I am telling you that...everyone is right ...there is no 'perfect' time to tell, but I think if you put a list of all the 'perfect' times to tell...not one lady woudl ever say 'while I am pregnant and feeling like a moose!"

And sorry...I re-read yoru post and I realize the drinksing comment was a joke. ya know...if you want to feel more womanly ...you could always stop drinking while she is pregnant and gain 30# ...that is why my dear sweety did. It was sure nice not to have to see drinking going on..

anyway...you have to do what you feel is right and right for HER and for her pregnacny..if she is very upbeat and go with the flow and {dare I say kinky}..then disregard all I have written.

I just know that if I was in her shoes I would be beyond sad and bummed that now I have to focus on 'you' and not on being healthy and keeping our baby healthy....not that I say preg. women shoudl not focus on their hubbys...but unless one knows what it is like to have a child....well...it is hard to give you an example of how insanely focused we need to be while in that state. Stress is a HUGe factor in why women have complications during pregnancy.

sorry to go on and on...but I had to get this out there..

[EricaCD]

Good advice on both sides. I will only echo: STAY SOBER if you are going to talk about this. Especially if she can't drink.

[Anita Mae GG]

wait a while don't tell her while she is pregnant...not good thing to do :sad:

[ChrissyGG]

that is a tough one since she is pregnant but if you do decide to come out do it sober

[Megan G]

Thanks for the advice all! I really appriciate it. As for the drinking comment is was a joke. Kathy, you make some really good points in your last post and to be honest with you I never thought of it this way

changing from "all about us and baby", to all about his femme needs

That is a very good way of looking at it and I never thought of it from that point of view. It has givin me alot to think about (once again:o ).

In my own defence the reason the urge to tell her and come clean is so powerfull right now is not to change anything as my outlook will always be about her and the baby, but just to be open and honest with her. I hate lieing to her and hiding this behind her back. I love her too much to continue this way.

Will I tell her......YES

Will I do it tonight...... I am not sure anymore, I am re-considering:sad:


Trisha

[kathy gg]

Whew! Glad to know you are not fuming at me....I tend to speak my mind and I am sure I have angered a few people because of this...

You know there is gg support here and I also run a gg only yahoo group, so when the times comes, there is support for her. WHich I cannot stress how important that is...just ask A Tamara gg....she can tell you what a difference supporting her SO went from having no one to talk to ...to having a forum to learn and talk and share at.

The worst feeling I am told is when they find out, they are now in the closet and have no family or friend to turn to with good advice and a shoulder to lean on.

Anyway...I am going to step back from the thread now, but thanks for thinking this through.

good luck





Thanks for the advice all! I really appriciate it. As for the drinking comment is was a joke. Kathy, you make some really good points in your last post and to be honest with you I never thought of it this way


That is a very good way of looking at it and I never thought of it from that point of view. It has givin me alot to think about (once again:o ).

In my own defence the reason the urge to tell her and come clean is so powerfull right now is not to change anything as my outlook will always be about her and the baby, but just to be open and honest with her. I hate lieing to her and hiding this behind her back. I love her too much to continue this way.

Will I tell her......YES

Will I do it tonight...... I am not sure anymore, I am re-considering:sad:


Trisha

[kittypw GG]

I totally agree with Kathy. This could be a deal breaker. As time goes on she will always remember how insensitive you were. It will be hard for her to forgive especially if it goes bad. Take a few months to get your ducks in a row. Put yourself in her shoes. Ask youself questions as if she were telling you she wanted to dress up and present herself as a man. Wright down those questions and really think about the answers.

Put your CD interests on the back burner and devote your time to obsessing about being a great father. Fatherhood should not be taken lightly it is one of the most important rolls of a persons life. Don't squander it by being selfish. You owe it to yourself and your family.

When the time comes bring her to us gg's we will welcome her , cry with her, and rejoice in our friendships. Kitty

[BrendaB GG]

If you can stand another GG getting in here, then i have to put my 2 cents in and say Not Now! I'm the biggest advocate of CDs telling their wives and no there is no perfect time to do it. But there is a Worst Time to do it and that time is when your wife is pregnant.
Pregnancy is the most emotional time for a woman and we make mountains out of molehills and we don't want to hear ANYTHING that even hints of anything going wrong in our relationship. This is the time that we look to our man to be the strong, supportive one for us and our baby. Yeah, it sounds all corny and such now, but that's really how I felt during the pregnancy.
Brenda

[tori-e]

Hi Trisha,

I'm not much to speak, since I waited 27 years. But, BrendaB GG (who is MY GG) is absolutely correct. This time in your life, through her pregnancy, and for some time after, should be special family time. It's her time and the baby's time. For the first year there is a new, more advanced, child each day. It is a wonderful time of your life, regardless of being TG. For me, being hung up on my responsibilities, as a father and husband, always leaves me feeling selfish about my TGism. (BTW - we have raised four kids together) If this is your first, your up for huge lifestyle change. For the first while, dressing will be a distant second to your need for sleep and dealing with the needs your needy child and your wife's stress level. Even though Brenda is very accepting and supportive, the past year, since I came out to her has added a huge amount of stress to both our lives. I can't imagine dealing with that and a newborn at the same time. Honesty and openness are always best. But unless you are in your teens and want to transition, waiting a bit is not going to hurt.

I wish you all the best,
Tori

[Megan G]

Just a quick update......

Well I did some thinking about what everyone said and I would like to thank everyone for their opinions.It is appriciated. Well unfortunately I did not tell her, after so many told me not to do it while she is pregnant I decided against it. I will wait until the baby is born and things return to normal (if they ever do:happy: ). The baby is my first priority and I do not want to put my wife under any unnessissary stress as it may affect the baby.

So I guess Trisha is going to stay in the closet for a while longer. I have decided that while I am in the closet and waiting for that day to come out I should take some advise that I got and apply it.

1. Get my own clothes ( doing that now on eBay)
2. Get a wig
3. Do LOTS OF RESERCH on the subject for the day I do tell her
4. Become more comfortable with who I am.

Thanks again everyone.

Trisha

[patty diamond]

good move now is not the time.

[kathy gg]

Trisha

Thank you so very much for thinking this out and for even considering what we have shared with you here.

I have to say I was completely relieved when I read this...not just for your wife but for you and for the baby.

I think your short of list things to do is great. Getting yourself information materials, in the form of books, websites, and support is going to make that much more easier when the time does come. Getting comfortable with who you are is HUGELY important.

I have said this a million times but no matter how supportive a wife is, if the cd himself is uncomfortable, unsure, or even still dealing with guilt/shame/ect that support from the SO is practically meaningless.

Please keep my profile and info handy. The yahoo group I run will be still be there next year {been doing this support thing online sicne 1999, can't forsee my stopping next yr). Also, there is a tg/cd group in Toronto called
www.xpressions.org
they have various functions and things throughout the year. Many wives attend dinners and such, so if you ever get ready for those next steps, there is support not to far away.

Anyway...I hope your wife has a very nice pregnancy with no complications and you both welcome a healthy baby into this world. I can't believe our daughter just turned 2 !. It has flown by so fast, thank goodness we took a zillion pics and have a video camara as well. She has enriched out lives in ways I did not know were possible. And my hubby has been so helpful and wonderful and a great Dad. I have no clue if him being tg has anything to do with that, but he is such a loving father...I am sure you will learn alot about yourself and your own strengths once that beautiful life enters this world.


Many blessings. And keep us up to date as things progress. Always good news to hear of a new baby!






Just a quick update......

Well I did some thinking about what everyone said and I would like to thank everyone for their opinions.It is appriciated. Well unfortunately I did not tell her, after so many told me not to do it while she is pregnant I decided against it. I will wait until the baby is born and things return to normal (if they ever do:happy: ). The baby is my first priority and I do not want to put my wife under any unnessissary stress as it may affect the baby.

So I guess Trisha is going to stay in the closet for a while longer. I have decided that while I am in the closet and waiting for that day to come out I should take some advise that I got and apply it.

1. Get my own clothes ( doing that now on eBay)
2. Get a wig
3. Do LOTS OF RESERCH on the subject for the day I do tell her
4. Become more comfortable with who I am.

Thanks again everyone.

Trisha

[pricilla21 GG]

well done trisha for deciding against come out before the child is born. If you deal with this in the right way there shouldn't be a problem. Please come back for advice when you decide to tell her as nobody prepares you for this bombshell and it takes a long time to restore trust and confidence if its not tackled in the right way. The GG forum is a great place, tell her about it and encourage her to join, give her alot of support and always make sure you carry on giving her love and support and never get self-centred and obsessed by your own needs. It can be very tempting (my boyfriend did this) to go into overdrive when we accept that our men crossdress. Alot of posts on this forum are in favour of the "drip-feed" way of coming out when they tell a little bit about it and slowly start to introduce one more thing, then another and another. When you do come clean about it, be honest with her and don't gloss over parts. Honesty is such a big part of a serious relationship. Good luck with the baby and keep us posted about how she takes it. I hope she accepts, most of us do, but timing and handling of this life-changing information is not easy but all us girlfriends of crossdressers can make room for it in the relationship if it is dealt with compassionately and with concern for your wife and respect for her as the woman in your relationship. Common ground can be found on this issue but it takes time. Baby blues are also a feature when we have babies and are trying to cope with being a new parent, looking like a wreck due to bad sleep patterns and trying to get rid of slack stomachs etc. Childbirth makes us feel and look like a wreck for a time and we feel very vulnerable and unattractive until the hormones settle down and we get into the swing of things are start getting a bit of self confidence back. I don't envy you or your wife at the moment but lifes like that and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Don't end up losing her because you didn't tackle it right. Drink is not the way break this to her so be brave, stay sober and pick the right time and the right words. I wish you luck and hope things turn out right. Take care luv pric

[paulaN]

I have read this post after the fact. the first thing I thought was Nooooo not wile she is pregnant. You received some very good information from some very good and caring people and I am so glad you took their advice. I love this forum.