My wife said “No” ... but there is hope.

[Nell27]

With my kids being away from home last weekend, I hoped for the chance to dress lady-like around the house! I was soooo excited but decided to first get my wife’s approval. (She hasn’t seen me in dresses or skirts, only in panties. She knows I dressed up last time she was out of town.) On Friday night I posed a question to her, “Would you be okay with me dressing like a girl some time this weekend? I won’t do if it will make you uncomfortable.”

She replied, “Nope, I want you to dress like a man this weekend. I am NOT a fan of seeing you in girly clothes.”

I was very dissapointed but didn’t let it show. She gave me her honest answer. I honored her wishes and wore only guy clothes, including boxer briefs and plain t-shirts at bedtime. No panties, no camisole, no nothin! I made up my mind to be joyful and energetic the whole weekend; no sulking or sighing, just love and appreciation for my beautiful wife.

Come Monday, I decided to underdress with a little stealth. I wore panties to work each day and added a nice lacey camisole under my shirt and tie a couple of times. I discretely changed clothes at bedtime and shower time, being careful to NOT let her see me in anything girly. For bed, I donned some nice manly performance-wear boxer briefs that I know she likes.

Last night she noticed my attire, stating, “Hey Scott, you look good. You’re wearing boy underwear!” And then she asked, “How come you haven’t worn panties?” So I told her, “Well, you told me me you preferred me wearing guy clothes, so I am doing just that. I’m working hard to not dress girly around you.

My wife’s next question surprised me, “Well, how can I can call you “Princess” if you’re not wearing girl clothes? You’ve got to wear girly clothes once in a while!”

So, my next step is to ask her when is a good time for me to wear girly clothes. Also, I wonder if I dare ask for her help in picking out an outfit, either borrowing something from her closet or purchasing my own. What do you think?

Kindly,

Nell

[Richelle423]

Well my SO knows about me and my dressing. She says nothing about me wearing undies cami girlie t shirts jeans shorts. But when it comes to dresses skirts or bra nooooo..... so if I wanna dress up in forbidden items I give her a couple hundred bucks n tell her to do some shopping n take her time. Bring along some friends I’ll enjoy the afternoon by myself. Lol. It’s expensive but if you want to get real girlie it’s worth it!

[Nell27]

Richelle,

That sounds like a fun option! My wife might enjoy shopping for me. I could ask her what her shopping preferences might be: with me, without me, or me on my own.

Thank you,

Nell

[Jaylyn]

We all have to do what we can to satisfy the itch of dressing. Every one has different levels of acceptance it seems on here.

[Asew]

She sounds a little understanding of needing girly time. Sounds like you should have a conversation about this with her.

When I told my wife about my dressing, somehow we came to an agreement that I could dress however I wanted to put away her laundry. Since she hates laundry and I love dressing up it is definitely a win win. It also has other perks such as being done behind our closed bedroom door after the kids go to bed, it is recurring (usually once a week, but if the laundry piles up further it just means more time dressed up), and it is something standing up so I get to enjoy my heels more.

So maybe something like this could be a suggestion for girly time. Or maybe a regularly scheduled nigh of dressing (with possible backup night in case plans get in the way). If so, there still might be limits on what she wants to see you wearing.

One other thing, I think the stealth underwear might be bad. Because she my find you stealthily changing and cause more issues. Again, talk with her about the underdressing.

[Micki_Finn]

I think you really missed an opening there. When she said “you’ve got to wear girly clothes” you should have let her know that you were doing your best to accommodate her wish of not seeing you dressed and then led the conversation to “When would be a good time to dress”.

Also, unless money is tight, do NOT ask to borrow her clothes. Buy your own (they’ll fit better anyway). Asking her to help you shop maybe isn’t a bad idea. Don’t take this the wrong way, but a lot of crossdressers just aren’t good at it (garments that don’t fit or are worn wrong, poor color/style matching, dated styles, clothes inappropriate for location, etc) and it’s possible that she just finds your dressing off putting because of that?

[Alice B]

I have always asked my wife if it is OK to dress.Usualy it was because I was going to go out.If I was going to stay home she would say OK, but only after dinner so she could stay upstairs. She did not want to see me. I would catch her glancing as I came out of the bedroom to go downstairs.

But, for the past 3 tears she has been OK being in my presence and actually will look at me and carry on a normal conversation. This is a BIG change, but asking her for help is still a No No. All of this has taken years to get there,but I have always been honest with her and afvered to her wishes.

[Stephanie47]

I totally agree with Micki. You missed an opportunity to carry on a serious dialogue. You had an opportunity to get some answers for What to wear? When to wear? By not probing at the opportunity you probably created more misunderstanding. Maybe she has a tolerance for panties and a camisole at bed time, but, nothing further at all??

[Michaelasfun]

Similar boat here. Up to a point (usually just womens sweats) my wife’s ok, but does not want to see anything further. So I just take days off here and there during the week and do my full-on dressing then. She knows about those activities, Ive even shown her my “dressed” selfies, but that’s as close to it as she wants, and it keeps everyone happy.

[kimdl93]

you handled that whole situation rather well, in my estimation. I wish I had exercised such good judgement and restraint when it mattered to my (former) wife.

[docrobbysherry]

I think u both have serious communication issues! If I were u? I'd have a "date nite" to discuss everything!

U need clear direction and a compromise from her. Sounds like it's available if you're direct enuff to spell out what u want!:straightface:

[alwayshave]

Nell, she sounds like she knows what she wants and knows what you want.

[Teresa]

Nell,
This is part of the problem , " How much is too much ?" We don't find out until we do it then it's too late and have to take a couple of steps back .

It's good you abide by her rules but like mine the goal posts moved from one day to the next , eventually you find you're walking on eghgshells all the time , you don't know what is right and what is wrong ! Can I openly shop for my dressing needs if so what am I allowed to buy and how much can I realistically spend ?

This went on for me until I thought my head was going to explode , I felt in the end I was in solitary confinement no one to talk to to get some balance with these needs .

That is the point when you have to really come to terms with it and decide honestly what your needs are , then it's talking time .

[confused_cathreen]

The situation is different in Nell's house, Teresa, as they aren't in a DADT relationship. Unlike the other posters though, I disagree with having lost an opportunity for further conversation. As a GG, I applaud the way you handled this. You were respectful of her feelings and she will remember this. That's why you got a positive comment, it was a reward of sorts. About asking to borrow her clothes, I would say personally,for me, it would have taken us further back in progress as I wouldn't have even liked the suggestion that it crossed your mind. But you know your wifr best. Has she ever offered? And has she ever expressed interest in going shopping with you? If both answers are no, then leave it well alone. There is nothing wrong with saying to her that these are things you would like some day but she shouldn't be expected to agree. She will process it in her own time and if you want to have a happily ever after, understand that on this trip, you are the passenger of this vehicle. You asked her to get you to a destination but ultimately, she is the driver. Pace and route are her decisions. The only opening I see in this conversation is "...once in a while". If you need clarification with that, have a calm conversation what would be the ideal " in a while" for her. You tell her yours and find the middle ground. As I said, my personal opinion and only as a woman. You know your wife specifically. Good luck :)

[Nell27]

Nell, she sounds like she knows what she wants and knows what you want.

Jamie, you are right about that. With that understanding, I’m hoping my my wife and I can move forward together and find ways that make us both happy.

Enjoy the day!

Nell

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Thanks for the input, Asew!

Yep, it’s time for my sweetheart and I to get together and come up with a nice plan; as you and your SO have done!

Nell

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I think u both have serious communication issues! If I were u? I'd have a "date nite" to discuss everything!

U need clear direction and a compromise from her. Sounds like it's available if you're direct enuff to spell out what u want!:straightface:

Sherry, you’ve got some good points there. Setting aside time for a conversation and having some good clear communication would be a very good thing. Wish me luck!

Nell

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you handled that whole situation rather well, in my estimation. I wish I had exercised such good judgement and restraint when it mattered to my (former) wife.

Thank you, Kim. Sorry to hear that you guys broke up. How are things going for you now? Got anybody in your life?

Nell

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Nell,
This is part of the problem , " How much is too much ?" We don't find out until we do it then it's too late and have to take a couple of steps back .

It's good you abide by her rules but like mine the goal posts moved from one day to the next , eventually you find you're walking on eghgshells all the time , you don't know what is right and what is wrong ! Can I openly shop for my dressing needs if so what am I allowed to buy and how much can I realistically spend ?

This went on for me until I thought my head was going to explode , I felt in the end I was in solitary confinement no one to talk to to get some balance with these needs .

That is the point when you have to really come to terms with it and decide honestly what your needs are , then it's talking time .

Thanks, Teresa! I appreciate the way you laid things out like that, especially your last sentence.

Where you and your SO able to work things out?

Nell

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Wow, Cathreen. Have you been spending time in my house?? I think you nailed how things go in my marriage. My wife is a very wise, and very sweet and supportive woman. She also loves to be in the driver’s seat, and that has served our family quite well.

Tonight, I will ask her what “once in a while” means in terms of my dressing and also lay out for her what I am hoping for. Your cautions about borrowing her clothes and about shopping are things I will think about..

Many thanks, Cathreen, and have a GREAT day.

Nell

[Beverley Sims]

If your wife does say yes, don't overdo itthe first time out.

Slowly but surely and listen to the little prompts she may give you now and then.

[Nell27]

Beverly, thank you for that advice.

Taking it slow, and looking for little cues and opportunities to dress up, or speak up, could be a good thing. Maybe next time my dear wife lovingly calls me “Princess”, I can ask her “When would be a good time for me to dress up like Princess?” 😀

Kindly,

Nell

[char GG]

Sounds like you have a plan to talk to your wife, which is a good thing.

Like others have said, I would highly recommend getting your own things. Not a good idea to even ask to borrow her clothes. If she offers without you asking, I would still think it’s good to buy your own stuff.

[Nell27]

Similar boat here. Up to a point (usually just womens sweats) my wife’s ok, but does not want to see anything further. So I just take days off here and there during the week and do my full-on dressing then. She knows about those activities, Ive even shown her my “dressed” selfies, but that’s as close to it as she wants, and it keeps everyone happy.

Michaela, I appreciate you sharing your experience. It is very cool that your wife is okay with you in ladies sweats and doing the occasional dress-up day. I’m all for the win/win way of doing things and maybe my wife and I can find a similar path.

Warm regards,

Nell

[Nikkilovesdresses]

“Nope, I want you to dress like a man this weekend. I am NOT a fan of seeing you in girly clothes.”

“Well, how can I can call you “Princess” if you’re not wearing girl clothes? You’ve got to wear girly clothes once in a while!”

:daydreaming: Well good you cleared that up.

[Nell27]

Char,

That sounds like great advice! Thank you for that, and enjoy the day.

Nell

[Jenny22]

I have a sorta feeling that she may be more on your side then you realize when she said, "My wife’s next question surprised me, “Well, how can I can call you “Princess” if you’re not wearing girl clothes? You’ve got to wear girly clothes once in a while!.”

Reopen that time and her comment by a thorough discussion, as every one suggests. Luck!!!

[Nell27]

I have a sorta feeling that she may be more on your side then you realize when she said, "My wife’s next question surprised me, “Well, how can I can call you “Princess” if you’re not wearing girl clothes? You’ve got to wear girly clothes once in a while!.”

Reopen that time and her comment by a thorough discussion, as every one suggests. Luck!!!

Hey, thank you Jenny! I appreciate your input. Everyone is encouraging me to communicate clearly with my wife, to move the discussion ahead.

I was able to do that over the weekend. My wife and I had a few good talks and I found out:

1. She’s okay with me dressing, and even good with me dressing when we are together!

2. It’s good for me to move slowly, but to be honest with my desires.

3. She understands that wearing girly clothes brings me peace and comfort ... and better behavior!

4. My Dear Lady does NOT want me to borrow her clothes.

5. She also is not keen on the idea of me buying my own supply of women’s clothing; of having my own girly wardrobe.

With that conundrum, I asked her, “I would love to wear a nice satiny ladie’s nightgown on occasion. Can you please help me figure out how to get one of those?” She did say “I will think abou it.”

So that gives me hope, and allows us to move at her pace and comfortt level!

Warm regards,

Nell

[Asew]

If you can't wear her clothes and can't get your own clothes, what are you supposed to wear?

[confused_cathreen]

It seems that your talk was very productive, congrats :) Reading between the lines, seems to me like she needs to feel in control. Before the rest of you jump up in protest, allow me to explain. Giving your wife control of the when/how much/where, is the next best thing in her mind to control of your desires. This is NOT a negative thing. She knows there is nothing she can do to make it completely go away while keeping you happy. But I think she will find it a lot easier to give you what you want literally piece by piece than a free rein of the credit card. You said you live a Female-led life in your house. Assertive women struggle with the idea of cross-dressing more intensely than women who are used to men leading. Trust me, I know where she coming from. In my eyes, this is going really well for you. Patience is your friend.

[Nell27]

If you can't wear her clothes and can't get your own clothes, what are you supposed to wear?

You got it, Asew; that’s my conundrum. Luckily, that’s the issue my dear wife is mulling over. I’ll check with her in the next couple days on how she wants to proceed.

Fortunately, I’ve got two silky little camisoles to tide me over. I wore one to bed last night, and as I kissed my wife, she smiled and said, “Good night, Princess!” 😊

I love that woman.

Nell

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Thank you, Cathreen. I appreciate your perspective on this. I’m not going to be able to out-will my wife. Believe me, I tried for the first 28 years of our marriage! She is very wise and a great decision-maker, and has become the go-to person among our extended family. I’m proud of the loving, elegant leader she has become! My job is to not bottle up my desires and to support her and love her with all my energy, no matter what.

Thank you for the encouragement, Cathreen and have a Blessed day!

Nell

[sarah_hillcrest]

“Well, how can I can call you “Princess” if you’re not wearing girl clothes? You’ve got to wear girly clothes once in a while!”

This is the kind of stuff my wife has been pulling with me. She's gracious enough to allow me a rather large wardrobe in the basement, but she's stated she doesn't want to see me dressed and occasionally seems annoyed by it. When she noticed I seemed to be losing interest in girly stuff she told me I was getting boring.

I recently started wearing panties again and I just did it openly. She acted a bit annoyed one day, and the next starts playfully calling me "Fancy Nancy" and complementing me on good panty choices. Argh! make up your mind LOL.

[Nell27]

Hi Sarah,

It’s good to know that I’m not alone! 😅
We are both very blessed to have such understanding wives.

It is kind of interesting trying to read my wife’s mood to see if she is playful or all business. I love that woman and she certainly keeps me on my toes.

Have you had any success in gauging whether or not your wife is going to be playful or accepting ... or not?

Warm regards,

Nell