My SO Snapped!!

[Joanne_2003]

My SO has known about Joanne for around two years now. She was unsure in the beginning but has come to accept her, she has even bought gifts for Joanne. She always looks for outfits for her but about a month ago she snapped and said she doesn't like Joanne anymore.:(

This has been the hardest month, I just couldn't take it anymore :eek: and am dressed :D for the first time since this turnaround. I haven't been able to wear my nightgowns or anything but my panties (I change into a pair off tighty-whiteys at bedtime).

Is this normal for SO's that have been supportive?+?

[Toni Shelton]

My SO has told me the same things. I Love her and I know she loves me. What I am trying to say is, I you give her the time and space she needs, She may come around and see. My So is very supportive now. But as far back as 2 year ago She told me she would leave if I didn't stop dressing. I was very lady like and only dressed in panties and bras when I could. Now life is better than it ever has. I hope this works out for you. But try and be ladylike and show her how womanly you are. Good luck Toni

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Joanne,

You say that your wife has known for two years and that after abit of a shakey start, she was very supportive of you. Buying you clothes etc and generally being very encouraging. You dont however, mention how supportive you have been of her. Im not saying that you haven't been, but have you for instance asked her periodically how she feels, and if she's still OK with it. Two years isn't very long and its still abit new to her.

I know when my partner started dressing and discovered that I was OK with it, she went full steam ahead, and I felt like I was on a roller coaster. I know it was the kid in the sweetshop scenario, but it was abit too fast and furious for me. I did all the same stuff, bought clothes, helped with makeup and reassured her that it was OK. However, I needed the same encouragement back and sometimes it seemed abit onesided. I suddenly found that I had a very narcissistic partner who was totally self absorbed. I also felt alittle jealous because it seemed to me that he loved another woman justas much as me. I wasn't having any of it and soon faced him up about it. It took a while but gradually he realised that i was every bit as needful of attention and compliments etc as he was.

Im not saying that this is the problem, I just wondered if you were supporting her too. For alot of women finding out that their partner dresses is a pretty traumatic experience. You might think your exactly the same person inside, but to her you are totally different to what she expected so you gotta go easy and give her the same love and attention that she is giving you.
Anyway I hope things get better and you really need to talk to her about it. Find out how she feels and why the sudden change.
Good look
BEVxxxx

[Julie Avery]

about a month ago she snapped and said she doesn't like Joanne anymore.:(


Sorry to hear this, Joanne. I would sure take a close look at Bev's remarks, I don't know if they apply to you but they're spot-on for me. If I don't make a conscious effort, in my case the crossdressing becomes an "all about me" thing. Many of us fantasize about GG's being driven wild with desire by our crossdressing and I do believe some few have such a relationship, but I think in most cases the satisfaction for the accepting GG is a subtle thing having to do with the way honesty and openness and vulnerability contribute to genuine intimacy. And genuine intimacy has to involve sensitivity on your part to those of her needs which are not related to your crossdressing.

Also, I would like to know more about the context in which "she snapped." There's got to be more of a story there, some event or chain of events which caused her to have second thoughts.

Whatever is the case, if you're willing to keep working at it and to not be too defensive in dealing with her criticism (easier said than done!) I'd be looking for a good outcome here in the long run.

:hugs:
Julie

[kittypw GG]

I agree with Bev. My husband used to brag about being married to the "crossdressers dream girl". The more he obsessed about the clothes and dressing up the less I felt I mattered. I used to jokingly say to him that if he had his own boobs then he really would not need anyone. I also have read post from CD'S who joke that they are trying to become their own dream girl. How does a gg compete with that? It really feels like you are married to two people. This got so bad that I retracted my support and stopped participating all together or very very little. My talking and explaining what I needed just was not being heard so I felt something drastic was in order.

I would suggest you have a heart to heart talk with your wife about what she is not getting out of your relationship. Go to your local bookstore and by a book called 101 nights of great romance or 101 night of hot sex. You can find these books at Barnes and Nobel in the sexuality section. These books have assignments for her eyes only and for his eyes only. There is a suggestion for romance or sex and coupons for kisses etc. You don't have to follow the suggestions exactly but might be able to come up with an even better idea. I have adapted my assignments into hot cd nights for my hubby. The coupons are for example 15 minutes of kissing of the body part of your choice starting now. Or there will be a kiss of the day.

Allow me to let you in on a tip. If you suprise her with some romance from her man, she will be all over you like bees on honey. This will show her that she is as much of a priority to you as your crossdressing. And believe me that is very important to us SO'S. good luck Kitty

[Bev06 GG]

Kitty
Now thats really good advice. I LIKE IT. Wonder how much it is?
Take care
BEVxxxx

[Julie York]

Fifteen minutes!?

That's like.....fifteeeeeeeeen minutes?!!!


(Sorry carry on. Just an observation. Don't mind me.)



Joanne. Maybe it isn't exactly anything to do with the CD stuff. I mean specifically the CD stuff. It is just a symptom and and easy target to show she is hurt about something. Like the ladies said, she is feeling hurt. It doesn't actually have to be about the CD stuff as such but is a way to express her withdrawal of emotion.

[kittypw GG]

Kitty
Now thats really good advice. I LIKE IT. Wonder how much it is?
Take care
BEVxxxx

I think around 25 dollars. It would last longer than a dozen roses and be more pleasing. Kitty

[Carlacd]

Thank you to Bev and Kitty for some very sound advice. :thumbsup: Think i'll take my wife out to dinner.







Went to her favorite Mexican food resturant, Yummy !!!!!!!

[Deborah]

Ouch i bet that hurt. Is she ok?

LOL sorry just trying to lighten you up a little. :D

[kathy gg]

I'm with my homegirls on this one ....{hey Bev, Kitty}.....time to refocus..on your lady

Things don't happen 'out of the blue". We have reasons we get mad or angry, jsut like men do. So, you need to find out what was lacking for her to decide that she needed to get your attention {possibly} the only way she knows how {holding out support on your cd stuff}. Yes I am sure some people will say it sucks and it ain't fair and there are other ways to get a point across, but still, she has your attention now though...doesn't she?

use that as a guide to see what the REAL problem is.

[Snookums]

when I first met my SO,she was okay with my dressing,the past 2 years she has distanced herself from me.She wraps herself in seperate blankets when we are in bed,and she changed shifts at her job,from daytime hours to 2pm until 12:30am,she gets home,I'm sleeping.I have stayed up until she gets home,but she seems to just ignore me.She sure came on as being totally cool with it,no telling what goes through the mind of a GG who decieves,I have always been totally honest and open with her.

[kittypw GG]

when I first met my SO,she was okay with my dressing,the past 2 years she has distanced herself from me.She wraps herself in seperate blankets when we are in bed,and she changed shifts at her job,from daytime hours to 2pm until 12:30am,she gets home,I'm sleeping.I have stayed up until she gets home,but she seems to just ignore me.She sure came on as being totally cool with it,no telling what goes through the mind of a GG who decieves,I have always been totally honest and open with her.

I'm so sorry Snookums, it is so not fair to just shut you out like that. It is the worst kind of abuse so devistating to the self esteem. I would rather have bamboo shoots shoved under my nails than the silent treatment and she seems like an expert. Take care of yourself. Nurture yourself. :hugs: Kitty

[DonnaT]

Good advice above, even if that isn't why she snapped. You'll need to ask her why.

You asked "Is this normal for SO's that have been supportive?"

Can't speak for others, but my wife's been there and done that several times in the 30 yrs she's known. It can take days, weeks even years to work it out again, but we usually come to some kind of agreement.

[kathy gg]

Okay, you tell us your SO snapped, then I see this reply to this thread:
_________________________
Joanne_2003 Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 96 Hi
I'm 44 and live in southern ontario, but I travel all over through the week with my job.

Joanne
__________________________________________________ ___
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25701

Hmm, is your wife cool with you making friends with other cd's when you travel all through the week?

Because usually when my husband and I embark on making new friends it is a mutual thing that we discuss.

If I thought he was trolling for young cd's on the net....I might "snap" too?

Can you give us the full story? I feel we are only hearing the bits that make her sound like the bad-guy....but right now you are losing more credibility in this gg's eyes.

[Melinda G]

Think for a minute, if your wife started dressing like a man, butch haircut and all. Maybe a fake beard.
Most women want to be married to a man. They may be OK with your dressing for now. But it will usually be temporary, until they get over the shock, think it over, and make other plans, that don't include you.
Long term, crossdressing and marriage don't work very well together. For every couple that stick it out, 10 don't!

[Billijo49504]

When we go shopping, I make sure she get as much as I do, if not more. I appreciate her support and I always let her know I appreciate her. Besides being my support person, she is my best friend. And people don't treat their best friends bad....BJ0.02

[linnea]

Thank you to Bev and Kitty for some very sound advice. :thumbsup: Think i'll take my wife out to dinner.







Went to her favorite Mexican food resturant, Yummy !!!!!!!

I agree and send my thanks to Bev and Kitty for really good advice and insightful, sensitive comments.