Have you told your children?

[Judy-Somthing]

OK two years ago I told my wife I like to put on woman's clothes, I didn't say cross-dress, I thought that would sound worst.
She's been on a roller-coaster ever since!

Sometimes she loves me and then she hates me saying our whole marriage is a sham!\

I don't know if woman still get their Once a month mood swing but it looks like they do to me.

We seem to get along fine for weeks then she all of a sudden she hates me and brings it back to CD-ing.

She'll then say " I'll tell the kids".

I wondering if I tell the kids first she won't be able to hold that over me.

I don't want to be a woman, But I love to see how good I dress and look as a woman I find it very enjoyable!

Back to the question, Have you told your children, and how did it go?

[DIANEF]

I have two sons, both grown up. The youngest walked in on me one day while I was fully dressed and was totally cool about it. The eldest doesn't know but I'm sure he would react in the same way.

[docrobbysherry]

Judy, the age of your kids mite be relevant. LikeDiane, I told my grown kids. 19 and 27.

[Lana Mae]

Both of mine were told when they were in their thirties! Both are fully accepting and stated what ever makes you happy, Dad! Wishing you the best of luck with this! Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Judy,
I had to come clean with my daughter because she caught me ironing a dress that she knew didn't belong to my wife . It's going so well now, she visited me with her husband and granddaughter on Father's Day it's the first time I 've been dressed, last Saturday I dropped in on them before my social meeting .

My son is a bit trickier but he does know, he was going to drop in on me on Father's Day , but I was out shopping dressed to buy some gluton free items for my daughter , he rang and asked if I was decently dressed so I asked the girl serving me with some sliced ham if I was decently dressed she just smiled and said OK . When I got back he'd dropped a card and a gift off . OK my wife can't threaten to tell anyone besides she no longer wants to speak to me or see me again because I told some mutual friends so the shoe is on the other foot in my situation !

[Emily78]

I told my wife before we were married, We told our 9 year old daughter when she was 6 that daddy like to play dress up. Now we have dress up parties all the time and have girl night out once a month

[Katya@]

Kids age is relevant, as the approach maybe different. Mine were growing and seeing me dressed. Around 4.5-5 is when kids start to see it unusual so need some explanation. Definitely find a way to tell your kids. My wife asked me to tell my in laws who live nearby. She didn't want them to learn about my dressing from kids. And yes, never force or expect kids to keep a secret.

[ginapoodle]

Yes, two adult daughters. Did it last Thanksgiving. It was a very positive experience for involved. Not much comment from oldest daughter. Youngest was thrilled and proud of me. Wife stayed DADT, no comment, no sharing of any feelings or opinions.

Very happy I communicated.

[Rogina B]

I have been socially transitioning for almost 13 years. My Daughter has gone everywhere with me since she was 5..Glad I was able to create a best friend ! It is all possible if you wish to accept the risk and give it your best..

[Michelle D]

Hi Judy
I have two grown sons,, and i told them both right after new years last year, both are ok with me,, but my oldest has a problem hearing the sound of my heels on the hard wood floors. Michelle

[AllieSF]

Told my kids as well as most everyone else, family, friends and acquaintances over 2 years ago. My son saw me for the first time as Allie today, coincidentally, and my daughter is not mentally nor emotionally there yet, though I believe that it will happen sooner rather than later. In fact, my only problem so far with anyone is with my more than grown adult children.

My only caution to the recommendation above to tell your children is that maybe not for you in your case, but if the kids are not yet legal adults, the mother should probably be consulted as a rule of thumb.

[Tracy Irving]

I have not told my son as there is no need for him to know.

[bridget thronton]

I told my adult son and adult daughter as well as their spouses several years ago - no major fallout

[DaisyLawrence]

My son knows. He's totally cool about it but that is probably because of the way me and his mum have brought him up to be tolerant and inclusive. If you tell yours they may well be just the same and then they can be an ally against your wifes' intolerance. They may even bring her round. If nothing else it will remove the threat of her telling your kids. Much better to do it on your terms rather than allowing her to continue to blackmail you like this (which is what it is, nothing less).

[kayegirl]

Both of my adult kids know, but we never talk about it, and I promised their Mum, many years ago, that I would not appear dressed in front of them. I now have an adult step daughter who also knows, is happy to talk about it, even recommends places where I can buy shoes etc., we often joke about what she calls my "quircks"

[Beverley Sims]

I have not told the children, but I feel they already know.

[Kiwi Primrose]

My family, right down to great grandson know and give me earrings or perfume as gifts.

[SaraLin]

We seem to get along fine for weeks then she all of a sudden she hates me and brings it back to CD-ing.

She'll then say " I'll tell the kids".

I wondering if I tell the kids first she won't be able to hold that over me.



The easiest way to overcome that threat is (IMO) to simply respond "OK - Let's do it. How about tonight at dinner?"
She's likely to come back with some version of "You'd like that wouldn't you?", but you can simply shrug and tell her that it was HER idea, not yours.

Where it goes from there is anyone's guess, and you're on your own...

[alwayshave]

Judy, I have not told my kids as my ex-wife has killed our relationship. I have not seen them in years. With your wife, would not telling the kids be another reason for her to be upset with you. Maybe, next time she says it, respond "Let's go tell them together."

[GretchenM]

I have two daughters (48 and 45). The younger one, who is a mental health therapist, knows and supports me. The other, well, ironically, has so many mental health issues it would be a great mistake to tell her as it might seriously destabilize her. My mother, wife, two of three sisters-in-law and a few others know. Nobody has a problem with it, although they admit that they were surprised and some wish it wasn't so. As long as it is though, it is OK. Whether they want to meet Gretchen is quite a different matter - some do, some don't. The point is they accept who I am.

[Sidney]

My wife is very accepting but does not participate except when dressed for bed. We have two boys and two girls age 42 to 49. Only one daughter lives in same city as us. I have told my two daughters and both are supportive of my dressing. My youngest daughter who lives in our town has seen me dressed and we go girl shopping together several times a month. Love her to death. My youngest son would be accepting but right now lives 500 plus miles away and no need to tell, however my two daughters say he'd be cool with it. My other son, the oldest, lives about 80 miles away and always calls before coming over. All say don't tell him, he is super macho and homophobic. Dont know why he's the odd ball so to speak. My other daughter lives over 1000 miles away but is very supportive and has asked for and seen pics of me dressed. All we in their forties and out of the house when I told them about Sidney. Dont know age of your children but if older teenagers or adults I would rather my kids hear it directly from me than from an angry disapproving spouse. Just my opinion. Hope your situation improves.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

My two daughters are now in their early 20's and still don't know.

I don't intend to tell them unless there is some compelling reason to do so.

My wife knows of my dressing as Linda and accepts/supports/tolerates it depending upon the circumstances (and don't ask me what they are because I've never been able to figure it out!)

[Teresa]

SaraLin,
I've said this before to Judy , on her CDing issues , call her wife's bluff and say let's do it and watch her back pedal !

I see Judy's wife so much like my own , she is total control and calls all the shots . I'm separated now and recently had a huge stack up , my parting words on the phone were ," You don't control me anymore so there's very little you can do about it !" At that point she cut me off , it's as I suspected for sometime , my CDing is a side issue the main problem is she's lost control of me, now she has to find another punchbag !!

I hate to say this but unless Judy stops completely her wife isn't going to let up , even then I don't think the damage can be repaired , I can only see the eventual outcome the same as mine , she'll have to walk away .

[Brenda Freeman]

I have 2 boys 26 and 29 have not told them and do not see why they need to know. My wife knows and we both agree that family and friends do not need to know. I guess the key for me is I for the most part have been able to find time to dress when I want which is important to my well being. My wife is supportive, I do think if she threatened to tell the Boys I would do what SaraLin said and offer to do it together. I am sure that is frustrating for you.

[audreyinalbany]

I agree with Brenda. I don't see any reason that my grown kids need to know.

[Piora]

My daughter discovered it by accident. A pair of high heel pumps that I ordered came by courier, instead of how I thought they would come....by Canada Post! I was at work and she signed for them and saw the contents on the label.

If interested, you can read my original post from 2011 in greater detail.

www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?160490-Outed-By-a-Pair-of-Shoes-The-Saga-of-How-I-Finally-came-Out-to-My-Daughter&highlight=Outed+By+a+Pair+of+Shoes

[DMichele]

Judy,
I can really relate to your experience! I told my wife-to-be about 1-1/2 years before we were married that I was a crossdresser. We had some very good times, but we had many ups and downs and grew apart. After 29 years of marriage, she blamed the divorce on my cd-ing, and threatened to tell the children.

I told the my (3) daughters earlier this year about my transgender identity and received their acceptance. One of my daughters discussed my reveal with her mother, whom acknowledged that she knew about it. But I am sure my ex was quite surprised by the reveal.


At best, my ex and I keeps communication very simple (i.e. basic hellos) and not much else.

[mattea]

I agree with the comments on the relevancy of age, a child could be accepting then accidentally spill the beans to one of their friends and things could get complicated or awkward if the friend makes a deal out of it. All of my kids know now. Just recently had the discussion with my youngest. I waited until they were a little older and struggled with telling them, and they all were all like, "sure, ok and whatever makes you happy". I think they always had a sense and more credit to my wife, they have been brought up to love everyone and everything. My wife has always been more than supportive, our relationship is so much deeper because we share literally everything with each other. I know I have heard many on this forum talk about their issues with the significant others and coming clean, I still had those feelings of shame and despair when I struggled to tell them and even did that when I came completely clean with my wife (many many years ago) about it. I was so worried when I told the kids, but it all worked out. I still have other family members that I will probably never tell, but had to tell the kids something, I felt I needed to be just absolutely honest with them. Good Luck along your path!

Mattea

[kimdl93]

My kids know. Sons heard it from my first ex...during a number of angry outbursts. My step daughters, heard it from me.

My advice is to have another series of conversations with your wife, devoting a lot of time to her feelings (not to change them, just to understand) and it would be fair to explore her attitude vascilates between love and disdain. You may not reach a mutually acceptable conclusion, but one thing you assure her of is that a) you love her, b) you love your kids, and c) if she feels she should tell the kids, its OK with you.

[NjJamie]

Judy, I'm in a somewhat similar situation though she took me shopping on Sat and I'm wearing a very nice Vera Wang LBD, absolutely delicious undies and a smile a mile wide!

She's told me the kids know something but that might be to keep me under control and out of the Pink fog, it's just too much fun when I'm there.

Good luck going forward!

[Steph_CD_62]

I believe both my kids know, but not 100% sure.

I have told my daughter (age 28) a couple years ago. I had to take her on a long road trip so I thought it would be a good chance to tell her. She lived with her mother (my ex) up in Seattle so figured she would be more accepting. She has never seen me dressed, except one time I went to her house and I was wearing my women's boots and she made a comment. Had to run home and go back to her place so I changed my shoes while I was home.

I have not told my son (age 30) yet, but I am pretty sure he knows. You know kids talk about their parents all the time.

I have not told either of my step-kids, but again I think they both know. When I first got together with my wife I told her about my dressing and she talked to her mom and sister about it, and my wife's family talk with each other all the time.

[Asew]

I have kids from preschool to starting middle school. They all have no problem with it. All three regularly see me in skirts but nothing more. My wife even got me a dress for father's day that they have seen but only on a hanger. My wife has made hints about my shoes around them but I think only the eldest picked up on that. My wife is concerned about them getting bullied about it at school so she limits my dressing to avoid anyone from school or their parents from seeing me dressed.

[Rollermiss]

I told my daughters about 18 months ago. They where cool about it.

Kelsey

[michelle.foster]

I told my 4 when they were all in the 30's for a couple reasons. 1. I was tired of hiding it, my wife is very supportive and 2. I didn't want them showing up at my house unannounced, surprise, surprise. They were all cool with the idea, although, three have never asked about it. One said she already knew - I have never asked how she knew - I don't really care how she figured it out. One wanted to see me dressed and has bought me clothes, and her kids have seen me dressed.
So, yes, Tell them.

[Ceera]

When I first started under dressing (wearing silky women's bikini panties under my male clothes), both my wife and my 17 year old daughter knew. At the time I said I liked that style, which had been popular back when I was in high school but was no longer marketed to men. They accepted that, and my wife simply said she didn't want me wearing her undies. That was no problem, as the plain cotton kind which she liked didn't appeal to me, anyway.

I did not tell either of them that I also had a hidden gym bag containing a full change of women's clothes, including a wig, heavily padded bra and shoes, which I sometimes tried on when no one else was at home.

After my wife died, I came out to my daughter and started trying full-on cross dressing, including going out socially in public. My daughter, who was 18 at the time, was fully accepting and supportive, and still is very supportive for me, 4 years later.

[Sherri_Christopher]

My three kids are all grown up adults now. I think my daughter and older son know of my CDing, but we don't talk about it. I don't think my younger son knows and he and his wife are pretty religious and I don't think they would take it well if I told them. For those of you who have told your kids about CDing, more power to you and I'm happy for those of you whose kids took the news well! I was straight with my wife about it and told her that I liked wearing women's clothes before we were married. She was tolerant of my CDing, but it was not to be confused with being accepting. She didn't like to see me dressed, so I kept it to myself. In turn, I'm taking the same tack with the kids, keeping it to myself. I love them and I don't want to lay this on them, they've got enough in life to deal with.

[Stephanie47]

Judy, based on your prior posts I can only assume your wife would tell your kids in a very toxic manner. She thinks revealing your cross dressing would drive a wedge between you and your kids. Trying to drive that wedge between you and your kids may backfire. And, if she does drive a wedge between you and your kids maybe that will be the last straw for you and you can get out from under her thumb and live the rest of your life in peace.

[t-girlxsophie]

Sadly I've been estranged from my son for a few years,he is 25 now.Its a story I struggle to convey adequately.We work different shifts in the same work and every now and again our paths cross and we share pleasantries but it's a long way from being resolved.

I do believed he's a tolerant lad (his best friends gay)it was my dishonesty more than anything else that has driven this wedge between us.It breaks my heart and I keep praying that someday i will be back in his life.

Sophie

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Wife stayed DADT, no comment, no sharing of any feelings or opinions.

Now that would worry me.

[SharonDenise]

I've answered this question previously but its been awhile, so I'll repeat my story. I came out to my wife while we were still dating. She accepted and supported my cross dressing. For the 40 years that we were married it was just a secret between the two of us. Unfortunately, my wife passed four years ago. The amount of female clothes that I own has increased enormously. I felt that I had to tell both of my daughters who are now in their mid-thirties in case they ever had to go through my clothes. They both accepted the news but neither one wants me to talk about it with them. My older daughter who is really involved with social issues, I thought would be more open to it. It would be nice to discuss the issue at least but I don't.

[Cherylgyno]

Judy. My wife caught me a month after we wed. I gave her the old I promise to never dress again as I unzipped the dress I was wearing. My wife called my bluff and rezipped me.
Our daughters caught me when they were 13&15. They were suppose to be at a sleep over. They came home early, cut through the back yard and we're peeking through a gap in the drapes. I heard the patio door start islide open. I jumped from my chair, before I got a couple of steps one of them said We see you Dad. I sat back in my chair. My wife said You handle this one, she went to bed.
I tried to think of a way to explain to them that their Dad really loves to dress. Almost in harmony they told me that cross dressing was covered in sex ed. There was a little chat. They informed me that they thought it was really cool. They each sat on a knee and we fell asleep.

[Rachelakld]

My daughters bought me a hand bag for Christmas this year, last year it was perfume and leggings.
They think it's great I appreciate female stuff as my male side doesn't want stuff and we also have fun when shopping together.

I did wait until they were old enough to understand how much hassle they would get if they let anyone at school know, but now their older, even their boyfriends have seen me dressed.

I might not be "right" in the head, but on the scale of mental health, I'm on the winning side (fun, friendly, upbeat - unlike those with depression, anger issues, bipolar etc)

[CynthiaD]

My children are all grown. I haven't told them about my crossdressing, but I spend most of my time en femme and they've all seen me dressed many times. Sometimes they just show up unannounced. Sometimes I have a forewarning, but just don't feel like changing. I don't know how they feel about it, because the question has never come up.

Quite a number of years ago, I made up my mind that I wasn't going to "come out" to anyone (except my wife of course) but I wasn't going to hide either. I also decided that I wasn't going to get embarrassed about it or apologize for it. "Here I am. This is me. Take it or leave it." Not apologizing is the reason I don't "come out" to anyone. It's too much like making a confession, and I'm not doing anything wrong, so I have nothing to confess.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Judy :hugs:, I don't see the need to burden my daughters with this. >Orchid..O:daydreaming:O..

[leotard fan]

no i did not. he is 21 now, and open mind, but never tell him...

[Bobbi46]

No, the next big hurdle in my life but having just reconnected with my daughter after 23 years of not knowing where she was holds be back but having a secret from the family is a hard one to bear to bear i must but soon i will find a way then my life will be complete.

[countrygirl]

Has anyone ever told your kids only to discover that they are also a crossdresser?