Possible help in explaining

[Jenny22]

Lifted from an article in Crossdressers Heaven:
“He dressed before you knew and you are the one he desires. He dressed when you knew and you continue to be the one he desires. Dressing makes him who he is and you make him feel loved so does dressing really change that love and commitment you have with each other?”

Put it into first person when explaining to your SO.

[Stephanie47]

You're going to have the participating GG's of this site answer the question. A comment was recently made on another thread that some cross dressing sites are slanted towards coaxing a woman to accept her husband's desire to wear women's clothing. Are we asking a woman to give up her own belief structure and defer to the man? Why not the husband defer to the wife's belief structure? Life of a cross dresser and the woman he is married to is not all that simple.

[AllieSF]

Neither spouse should defer to the other in their core beliefs or identity. Mutual respect should prevail. That does not mean that one cannot not change their beliefs or identity over time, i.e. accept the other's situation. If the Transgender (umbrella term) side of the relationship is basically still the same over time, I think that the OP's question is valid and I think that the quote is realistic. Though, again, that does not mean that the other SO has to accept it or participate. However, why can't they give some space when needed to allow their trans partner to do their own thing and not fight it?

[Rayleen]

Usually a mutual agreement after some discussion between the two involve.

[RADER]

Usually a mutual agreement after some discussion between the two involve.
That worked for me; My wife and I came to a few simple rules. And we where happy to the day
she passed away.
rader

[char GG]

Ok, I’ll bite on this one.

Just my personal experience because my SO was a late bloomer and didn’t start dressing until just a few years ago. We have known each other since high school so I can absolutely say yes, his actions changed. He still had desire for me but his hyper-interest in his girl self threatened to overshadow our marriage. I felt we were no longer a couple. He was the same person but did not act the same. I have lots of examples but I will keep this brief.

In the long run, we’ve made this work but not without a lot of anguish and tears on both our parts. It was not just about the clothes.

So I will say the OP’s quote is incorrect or a CD fantasy. Dressing did not make him the person he WAS but it makes him the person he is now. Not better or worse, just different.

[Teresa]

Jenny,
We know this is basically true but I tried it and got my head bitten off by being told she wasn't a lesbian ! Ok maybe slightly cynical but to talk about love means there has to be some there in the first place !

Char,
It started in my childhhood , the problem or you could say I was lucky enough to find GFs who actually were Ok about the CDing component , that's when I naively thought all women could be OK about it when I married . I know it begs the question why didn't I say anything ? Well the truth is I didn't see it as a major problem because I had already been accepted as a CDer .

[confused_cathreen]

This post is correct if the only question here is how the cder sees his partner. In my opinion, the problem lies with how the partner sees the cder though. Address that first and don't think it is all about reassuring your partner you still love them etc. We have extensively read/discussed/debated the collapse of how the partners view the cders in the eye of their mind. That is the biggest obstacle in my view, and not whether the cder still desires their partner. I would find very little comfort in that delivery, but of course that is personal.

[Beverley Sims]

If you are encouraged to dress why not be happy.

I was and still am.

[Confucius]

From what I've seen from wives of crossdressers, the problem from their perspective is (1) I have been deceived. I thought I was marrying a man. (2) I have needs, and they are not the same as a lesbian's needs. (3) I feel as if I'm in competition against your female self. (4) How can I be sure that your female side doesn't dominant your male side?
So I have always believed that I needed my wife to understand that she comes first. She is more important that my crossdressing. She can set the boundaries. However I also need her to understand that when I crossdress I am still the same person. It doesn't change my personality. I do not adopt a female name. My brain is just hardwired such that crossdressing releases feel good neurotransmitters, and they make me happy. She does want me to be happy, so she leaves a place for my crossdressing. This compromise works in our relationship.

[SamanthaToday]

The whole thing comes down to the woman. You could be the greatest linguistic in the World and have words like velvet coming off your tongue and She still would tell you to drop dead. Love takes a big second I'm afraid. I got lucky with my wife and even then it might not be enough. All the poems in the World won't ever explain how complicated this can be.

[docrobbysherry]

Sometimes a GG SO will think they r competing with their partner's fem persona.:straightface:

Sometimes they r RITE!:eek: