Telling my sister

[Kirsten1]

I have told no one except my ex-wife about my cross dressing but I want to tell my sister now. We will be together during a family get together in a few weeks. Yet I am not sure I should. Some years ago she had an exchange student that got into her underwear drawer. She was so mad about that. So I wonder if I tell her if she will freak out if I tell her. Should I start by talking about catlyn Jenner or some subject like that?

[Jenny22]

Kirsten, it would help we sisters if we knew more about her, which may well give us keys to her acceptance. For example, are you close, as siblings? How does she view LGBT in general? Is she younger or older? Married? Have kids? Well educated?
The same type of questions would apply to you, especially your age, how long have you been dressing, etc.. If you want meaningful input from us, we simply have to have more info. Don't start with Catlyn Jenner, IMO.

[ClosetED]

Caitlyn is a TS and unless you think you want surgery, don't use her as an example. Steven Tyler might be better. See what she thinks about RuPaul. If she heads down the path of they are all gay, then you can correct her and tell her you know some CDers.
I have considered telling my sister - show her some of my pictures and tell her that this is a sibling she never knew she had. Unless she recognizes me, I think she would believe it is a GG and then I would tell her.
Hugs, Ellen

[sarah_hillcrest]

Yeah I'd so no on the Caitlyn thing. I think that many people's reaction would be "why are you telling me this." I don't think anyone would be happy with someone pilfering through their underwear drawer.

I've been strongly thinking of telling my Mom, but I have no idea why. It's not like I'm going to ask her to go shopping with me or something. I would feel better telling her, but I don't think she needs to know.

[kimdl93]

The answer to whether you should or not depends on why you want to tell her. Could you explain your motives?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kristen :hugs:, Before you DIVE in to DEEP END,


See line #4 in my Signature !! >Orchid..+:daydreaming:+..

[rhonda]

This need to tell someone is going around apparently , I also have this need to tell someone , but if it's going to happen it's gonna happen , good luck

[Veronica Lacey]

Hi Kirtsen…

As others have said it would be best to first understand your own motivations as to why you want to share this info with your sister. Is it because she was furious with this exchange student for rifling through her things and you perhaps did the same in the past and feel guilty? Are you looking for family acceptance in some form? It is understandable to feel anger when somebody is trespassing upon your belongings so perhaps it has nothing to do with your implied reason for her being upset.

Perhaps consider commencing your chat with exactly why you have decided to share more of your personality with her which is...? When I told my girlfriend some 24 years ago (she has been my wife for most of those 24 years) I just came right out and told her. Perhaps it was easier because I had little to lose with somebody whom I had known for only 2 months. Maybe you are scared you will lose your sister for sharing it? I suppose you could take the "I have a friend who shared a secret with me and I don't know what to make of it" approach and casually ask her advice on how to adapt to this friend's disclosure (you being "the friend"). You can play it cool and decide along the way if it's a good time to share more or not.

As a side note perhaps it is best to wait until the end of your family get together to disclose anything so that should there be fall out it does not affect the other visiting at hand. Just a thought.

Good Luck!

[Micki_Finn]

There’s a huge difference between being CD and violating someone’s privacy by going into their stuff, especially something g as personal as their underwear, so I wouldn’t worry too much. Unless you also raided her underwear, in which case I’d suggest leave that out and if it comes up, deny!

[Sandra_Dodds]

In her position, one of my questions would be "Did you ever wear my underwear/clothes" so be prepared for that. When I came out to my wife a number of years ago, she was very angry about that and made it clear it was never to occur again. Given your sister's response to the incident with the exchange student, I would anticipate she will not be happy.

That's only one perspective on one facet. As other's have already said, your motivation and other background knowledge will help the community to offer advice.

[Kirsten1]

Kirsten, it would help we sisters if we knew more about her, which may well give us keys to her acceptance. For example, are you close, as siblings? How does she view LGBT in general? Is she younger or older? Married? Have kids? Well educated?
The same type of questions would apply to you, especially your age, how long have you been dressing, etc.. If you want meaningful input from us, we simply have to have more info. Don't start with Catlyn Jenner, IMO.


In answer to the above my sister lives in western Nebraska. I doubt the channels there even run Ru Pauls drag race. She is divorced and 3 years younger than me. Has kids and grand kids. Well educated. I am 60 and but have only been dressing more often in the last few years. My ex wife was totally a liberal but freaked out when I told her. She hated dresses and make up but did not get it when I told her she was cross dressing too. So I will drop the Catlyn angle and maybe use the Ru Paul angle but I am not sure how I can bring it up. Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this. It does give me food for thought

[Micki_Finn]

Don’t use any “angle”! Just be straight forward and tell her. If you have to play games to “feel her out” then you’re not ready to come out to her yet in my opinion.

[Tracii G]

I agree with Micki.
Lying ( making up an excuse) to start the conversation is not a good way to go.
She will sense that and wonder what else you are lying about.
You need to sort out the reason you want to tell her. What good would it do? Who would she tell? They all tell someone. What benefit to you is there?

[suzanne]

Do you know exactly what made your sister so mad about the person who got into her lingerie? It might not have been the crossdressing ascpect of it. It might just have been the feeling of violation of her most intimate possessions. I sure wouldn't want strangers snooping on me like that.

[Rachelakld]

For me it was easy, my mum was dying (stroke), so in the scheme of things, cross dressing was not a big issue.
I showed her some photos of my alter ego, in classy every day wear.
She wanted to borrow some of my clothes.

[Beverley Sims]

It may be good to tell your sister, but does she really need to know.

How will this affect your relationship in the long term.?

[Aunt Kelly]

So I will drop the Catlyn angle and maybe use the Ru Paul angle but I am not sure how I can bring it up. Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this. It does give me food for thought

I will underscore Micki's point. This is about you, not Caitlyn Jenner or Ru Paul. "Because they're doing it..." is, to put it bluntly, a childish rationale. If you feel you must share this with her, tell her why you are a crossdresser, because that is what she is going to want to know.

But before you do that, let's get back to the question of why you want to share this with your sister. Several have asked you now, and you have yet to answer. This will be an act for which there is no undoing, so unless you feel that she needs to know, for some reason, ask yourself if this isn't just a selfish unburdening. There is a very real possibility that it will upset her, and perhaps permanently damage your relationship. It will absolutely change it. Again, why do you want this?

[Stacey-J]

I'll echo Micki, Tracii and Kelly here. The direct approach is best, if you want/need to let her into this part of your life it's best to be honest and straight forward. It's not about Caitlyn or Ru, it's about you.

I told my older and only brother about me a while ago. Was it necessary? No, but I wanted to share and chose to do so. It was as simple as "So I have something to tell you..." Although he was rather surprised it went well (he refers to me as his 'part time' sister now ;) ) and as an added bonus his fiance now gives me a bunch of sample make up from her work.

So if you need to do it, go for it. Just remember; irrespective of what happens, the lovely ladies here will be here to support you.

[Kirsten1]

All,

I guess the reason I want to tell my sister is that I want to talk to someone about my experience and problems and such. Just someone I know that I can share this will. Maybe it is a dumb idea but as you all know it is hard and fun and exciting and scary and hard.

[Stacey-J]

It's not a dumb idea, I'm pretty sure a lot of us here can relate.

And hey, as my old boss used to say "If it were easy, everyone would do it"

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I see no connection between the unwanted actions of an intrusive guest and the subject of your crossdressing. Except of course I suppose when you were young you too spent some time browsing her underwear drawer and are dreading her asking you. I think she'll forgive you.

[phili]

I had a really good experience with my sister, and the way she tells it, she was flabbergasted but could not deny the fact that I looked so at peace. The occasion was meeting to move my mom to dementia care, and that put it in perspective.

BUT people are people, whether they are our sisters or not, and I would start by looking at how many other intimate things you share - and work on the simple ones first, then ever more normal but complex ones, feelings about your parents, career, bodies, etc. After you have a nice big bank of relationship to buffer the possible gender identity conflicts she may have, then tell her.

[Courtney_29]

i too had a surprisingly great experience telling my sister as well. she said the “whatever makes you happy makes me happy” line. she’s engaged to be married and is a stay at home mom but she doesn’t judge. she even asked what outfits i had. maybe yours will get into it as well

[Amy Lynn3]

I'm not very good at advise, but feel I must share how I would reveal things to my sister (I don't have any living). First be proud of yourself. Do not approach her like you are/have done something wrong. Tell her you want to share something with her and with the attitude of excitement, that you have discovered something about yourself since you saw her last. Be up front and tell her a desire came over you to wear clothing you like better than the normal attire she has saw you in before. Explain to her you love the different styles and colors of things females like to wear. Explain to her that you tried wearing some things and you enjoyed what little bit you have tried on. Ask her does nice clothing make her feel excited to wear them. She may say no, but the door will be open to talk about whatever comes up.

I wish you the best with how ever it turns out. Just wish I had someone (gg) I wanted to share with. Keep us posted on how thing progress.

[Sidney]

If you feel you need someone to talk to about your crossdressing don't use that as an excuse. It's not worth the chance of ruining your present relationship with her. I have been seeing a counselor for over two years. I can tell her about my crossdressing and talk to her about it with no repercussions what so ever. By the way she has helped me understand why I do what I do as well as numerous other subjects. I have come out to my younger sister, we are close and were the black sheep in the family so to speak. We are still close but she has never brought it up again so neither have i. Not sure exactly what but something has changed in our relations. Be careful.

[Stephanie47]

Sidney makes a good point. Once you tell your sister or any other person how will you feel if that person more or less just treats it as a point of information and that's it. Are you expecting to engage her in long conversation about women's clothing, the perils of being a man who wears women's clothing, fashion, makeup, send her pictures? Maybe you're going to be disappointed. Perhaps the reveal will lift some psychological burden your experiencing with no return, i.e., now my sister knows. She may just do a so what, "So my big brother wears women's clothing!"

If you are going to tell her or anyone I do agree with others the information should be about YOU and YOUR feelings.

[Dena]

I came out to 2 of my 5 sister's. It did not go badly, one was supportive, the other tolerant.
It just doesn't come up when we're together as it's not a part of our relationship.

So I would suggest only telling her if there is a "need to know" or if the two of you are REALLY close
and talk often. Good luck!

[SamanthaToday]

I guess the reason I want to tell my sister is that I want to talk to someone about my experience and problems and such. Just someone I know that I can share this will. Maybe it is a dumb idea but as you all know it is hard and fun and exciting and scary and hard.



I think this nails it for you Kristen, tell her with these words.. " I want to tell my sister is that I want to talk to someone about my experience and problems and such. Just someone I know that I can share this with"

Tell her.. good luck

[Kirsten1]

Well I kind of chickened out. She brought her boyfriend with her. I was expected some time alone but that did not happen. To many other people around for me to even bring up the subject. Now that I have been with her and other family I think that would not be the best thing to do. However thank you all for your feed back. Just stopped at a lane Bryant store and picked up a dress. I only brought along a few things when I was traveling just bra and some panties. Can't wait until I get home and can put on the forms and wig.