If it feels wrong

[wanabe-Leona]

IF IT FEELS WRONG THEN IT PROBABLY IS

A phrase used in another post intergied me! There are so many things that we do in life on a daily basis that feel wrong doing but are they?

I know that this is a phrase that can easily be taken out of context but let's try to keep it in the context of crossdressing.

A little background. I come from an age ( in my upbringing ) the word transvestite (a word that I still don't like but have come to accept) was associated with sexual perversion.
That being said crossdressing felt good, it felt right, and most of all I liked it then and still do. The thing is society did not accept it then and barely does now! So does it feel wrong :YES why because of the lack of acceptance. I, we are not accepted that we feel right doing what we do! Does that make it wrong NO, not to me, not to most of us. We are people that are trying to enjoy life to its fullest in our own way (another phrase). Yet we are condemned, ridiculed for, and not accepted for what we feel right doing (IT DOES NOT FEEL WRONG NOT TO ME) therefore is it wrong to feel right? We are all individuals we all have feelings of what is wrong or right to us so why does one's right make another's wrong or one's wrong another's right?
There are those who will say that it is wrong in the eyes of our maker. Is it, if we feel right doing it. I don't feel wrong in those eyes when I am dressed I don't feel condemned I feel right! Yet I am not accepted for feeling right I am condemned for it.

Well that's my little rant I'm a crossdressing transvestite and I DON'T feel wrong so to me it's NOT!

So does it feel wrong to you?

[Jenny22]

Leona, to paraphrase, If it feels RIGHT, then it must be. That's my outlook.

[Pixie_94]

It feels wrong to me too, so I haven't done it in a long while and I don't see when to do it again.

[rhonda]

It doesn't feel wrong to me . when girls wear guys clothes it's no big deal , but when guys wear clothes determined to be girl clothes all of a sudden it's wrong , it just don't make sense

[dana 1]

Great post, it does feel wrong, but it makes me feel wonderful, and it's not hurting anyone so why stop.

[Tracii G]

I would suspect there are several hundred posts already here on the forum on this very subject so why not try using the search function to help.
Sounds like you haven't accepted yourself yet Leona.

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks to many others here like Dana, I've finally left my guilt behind!:thumbsup:

Altho, it took nearly 10 years, I can finally dress without feeling like a perv!:battingeyelashes:

It still feels wrong on many levels. Waste of time, energy, and money. But, at my age whatever I do I could probably say the same about! So, I just let the guilt go and have fun with my T friends!:hugs:

[Teresa]

Leona,
The answer to those who say it is wrong in the eyes of our " Maker " is why because he's responsible for making me this way !! I won't say any more than that as we are on tricky ground with the rules !

I wanted to pick you up on some of your comments and dare I ask your age ? The point I'm making is I'm 67 and have really come out in a big way since I separated from my wife in February . Maybe take a look at some of my recent threads about my experiences being out to show how different it is to your comments . It's very easy to get all this in your mind about the lack of acceptance , the leftover feelings of being ashamed and guilty . It only feels wrong if you are being told it's wrong, I still have those words ringing in my ears from my wife but I know she's wrong and I've been out and proved she is .

I'm not a criminal or carrying out a crimiminal act , I'm living with my needs as a TG person and very happy doing so it would feel far more wrong not being honest with myself . Everyone I've met has been fine with me , and I've done most things now around my town and further afield .

Sorry to bring the other point up but just accept that tranvestite and crossdressing are the same thing , trans= to cross , vestite= clothes /garb . There is no sexual connection with the literal translation .

[Pat]

When we're young, people who we know love us and only want the best for us, tell us what is right and wrong. We never forget that. If you were told crossdressing was wrong chances are you believed it and internalized it, as so many of us have, and you have to unwind those feelings. As an adult, you're empowered to examine these things and validate their truth. But even if you can intellectually work out that crossdressing is not wrong, it's going to take some level of experience and actually challenging yourself to put aside those internalized feelings.

So then we come to the "if it feels wrong, it probably is" paradox -- it feels wrong at one level because you were misinformed, but it also feels right at another level because experience tells you it makes you a better version of yourself. When you're feeling that conflict it's because you're believing two opposite "facts" at once and neither way will feel right until you resolve which is correct.

:2c:

[Aunt Kelly]

Time for a little perspective, Leona.

Knowing nothing more about you than that you are from East Tennessee, and that you thus probably speak English as your first language and are a Christian, we can make some rough guesses about who disapproves of you. Working from those assumptions, I can tell you that close to one half of the world "disapproves" of you because of your religious beliefs. A sizable number of those will actively hate you for those beliefs. The Yankees will make an assumption and judge you just because you live south of the Mason-Dixon line. People of other races view you with suspicion if, again, they don't outright hate you for the color of your skin. Even your accent will, to some, mark you as likely inbred and illiterate. You probably know all of this, but I'll wager that you're not losing much sleep over the fearful and ignorant beliefs of those others, and the reason is that they don't really have any power over you. Why should this (your TG nature) be any different? Yes, there may be those within a certain proximity (family, friends, employers) who, if they knew... and disapproved, might have a significant impact on your happiness and well being, but beyond that, nobody else matters.

It is almost glib to suggest that you "find a way to get past it", that feeling that what you are doing is wrong. It's not easy, I know, but I am here to tell you that it is one of the most empowering things you will ever do. When you can face that disapproving scowl on the face of stranger with a smile, and realize the problem is theirs, not yours, life is so much better. Personal story... I had not seen one of those disapproving scowls in quite some time, until one of our GNO dinners during Pride Week, when one of the patrons gave me her best withering gaze as she walked past our table. It was the real deal, complete with the lopsided sneer. You know the look. I smiled back at her, as sweetly as I could. She looked, well... maybe not crushed, but all the contempt drained from her face in that instant. Now flustered, she immediately broke eye contact and continued back to her table. I win!

Well, that's not quite true, I had won before the encounter even started, because I have come to realize that the disapprovers only have the power we give them. Yes, it may not be easy, but do try go get yourself there, to that mindset. You will be much happier.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Andie]

Love your perspective, Aunt Kelly.

[Teresa]

Aunt Kelly,
I feel slightly saddened that you list certain aspects of US life which still affects so many people even in the 21st century , OK I'm not saying the UK is perfect but religion doesn't play such a significant role and certainly there are no historical demarcation lines .

I was in fact heartened to see on a Satander ( banking ) machine the rainbow banner with text saying they support the Pride movement ! A member of staff was on hand to help any customers out so I remarked to her how good it was to see their support , I was dressed at the time so added that we go to a college to chat to students with TG issues .

I must admit I've not had that withering gaze yet but if I do it will be in the minority compared with ther openness and acceptance from people .

[Cherylgyno]

No, it never has felt wrong. I did get the proverbial guilty trip as a teenager because I developed a fetish for those awkward years. Meeting my wife and her being supportive made everything okay again.
The US is suppose to be a leader in human rights etc yet we are far behind many other countries. Go to Asian countries, any big city you will see cross dressers if you pay attention.

[CynthiaD]

It feels RIGHT to me. So I dress every day. Actually it feels more than right. If feels NORMAL.

[Jaylyn]

Leona I had some of those same guilty feelings, I even felt I was sinning and if my parents would have ever knew I'd probably have been kicked out of the family. My mom was more sympathitic though when I was small and let me play in her makeup and she even painted my toe nails and finger nails. She had no problems with me playing in her things, but my dad did. He put a stop to it.
I was lost in good feelings in moms slips, hose, and heels as a teenager, but I still hid everything I could from my parents because dad felt it was wrong. I grew up in a very religious family. I'm not knocking that and am grateful for the training I received. The thing I finally did to lose the feelings that dressing was wrong was to start studying and trying to learn why it was wrong. I discovered a few verses in the good book that translated happened in very ancient days where men wore long robes to hide things that they stole. I don't steal, my hair isn't long, and I finally got to feeling there's nothing wrong with wearing what makes me feel better about myself.
The only thing I did was marry someone who at first was very accepting but I had to promise I'd never go out or embarrass her and my kids. Now it has evolved into a DADT type thing.
Regardless it does not feel wrong to me ( you asked if it feels wrong) but I love my wife and will honor her by not making it my every day thing. I will admit I am a transvestite but I like to call myself a dresser as this makes me feel more comfortable in what I am.

[Bobbi46]

Dressing should never be considered wrong, or something to be frowned on, as time goes by acceptance is growing as I have found where i live, and the more people I tell the easier life becomes. As for feeling wrong that thought never entered my head, what i do just feels right and has become a way of life which I enjoy greatly.
Dont reproach yourself, enjoy what you have whilst you can.

[sammifromga]

While it’s not accepted, and I hide it, it’s not wrong. Who does it hurt? Running around the house in cute things is very comfortable to me. Right now, i’m Wearing bra and panties, cute short denim shorts(really short), and a cute black tank, with the prettiest sandals.

[suzanne]

What feels wrong to me is when someone shows me signs that they somehow disapprove of my presentation. You know, like the stink eye. But they're the ones who are doing something wrong, not me.

But I've never had a negative comment directed at me. The closest that came to happening was when I was in a dress shop fitting room. A female customer spotted me and went to the SA to say "I thought this was a women's changeroom." The SA quickly set her straight that I was a regular customer and a good one.

[Beverley Sims]

For me, it did not feel wrong to be dressed, stealing was wrong.

[gownman]

If it makes you happy, how can it be wrong? It feels wrong only because other people think it is. That is their problem, not yours. I am a very limited cross dresser. I wear only nightgowns and negligees, and occasionally slips and panties. I wear full-cut silky nylon briefs to bed because I like the way they feel. And the slips are pretty much just short nighties, Nothing else in the CD experience holds any interest for me.So gownman I am and gownman I will remain. I feel no guilt at all.

[Stephanie Julianna]

NO! I thought I was a transvestite when I was younger. A transvestite is a man who dresses in women's close. I now know that I am gender fluid or transgendered and dress in the clothes that match my true gender.

[Alice Torn]

I could never tell my parents or siblings. i think my mom and sister knew, though, as so many of their things i had worn secretly, and some i ruined. My parents tried to get me to see a "shrink." parents are gone now, dead. i could never let my siblings know! I am very careful, to respect the feelings of others, and respect where they are at, in their lives. There was a time, when i would be disgusted with a man in womens clothes, too. I still wrestle with some issues with it, and paranoia and mental issues i have, with manhood.

[NjJamie]

Leona, first of all that is a very special name for me as it is the name of a very special relative of mine, probably the only one who would have accepted my 'hobby' (I use that only because it comes closest to my situation/involvement) though I never got the chance to share my secret.

I have to wonder if I get such enjoyment from this activity because it is "wrong". When I started it was an exciting exploration, building to a certain result but very enjoyable along the way. The excitement of anticipating finding the time to play (pretending to be sick to stay home from school, missing a family event due to "work", etc.) was quickly followed by the rush of preparation and getting started, ending sometime after I had become my new self. No matter how many heartfelt promises made into the mirror to stay in my new self, it's only recently that I've been able to do so. I must say that cleaning up with long nails was not as difficult as I thought and I am open for ideas on a wig that can be worn to sleep in! Though I enjoy it for myself, the thrill/fear of walking out the front door is a strong component for me.

Over 40 years later I see it as a part of "me" that won't go away and I have been much more adventurous as time and other conditions have changed. When I'm in the planning stages I shoot for the moon but as the time comes I usually go for a quiet night alone in a hotel room, looking forward to changing that soon.

So, I doubt there are a few answers to your question that make sense for us or those who see it as wrong, just have to say I'm glad I enjoy it and have no intention of stopping!

[Asew]

Even as we become more accepted, there is still so much out there telling us that CDing is wrong. For a while, I agreed with that majority and denied this part of me. But now I accept myself and it no longer feels wrong for me.

[Mary Lawrence]

No, it doesn't feel wrong. But it does feel really odd from time to time because I have no idea whatsoever as to why I love to cross dress. It makes no sense in the context of all the other things I have done and still do. I'm a retired basic research neuroscientist. I would like to know the reasons.

[Bobbi46]

its not so much "it feels wrong" but sure "IT FEELS RIGHT" , yes we are all different in different ways but I was made this way and the way I feel feels right no two ways about it. people attitude will change as it has where I live. "Dress it and feel it".

[Veronica4me]

Mary, it's the way God made you. You are not confined by the social stigmas of what you're supposed to wear. You have more freedom in your approach and appreciation for what you can wear. Shopping from the other side of the aisle is really just your side of it. Your being a neuroscientist should help you realize that the brain is so complex, that we on earth will never know why we are wired the way we are and the reasons for it. My take is that God loves variety, and everything He creates is a precious work of art.

[Sami Brown]

I hadn't really thought much about the wrong vs. right. I guess that means I don't think it is wrong.

For me, it isn't a matter of feeling guilty of doing wrong. I am still working on being fearful of what others think. Between the many great stories on this site, as well as my growing confidence by doing what I fear, I feel I will overcome the fear eventually.

Sami

[Becky Blue]

I would suspect there are several hundred posts already here on the forum on this very subject so why not try using the search function to help.
Sounds like you haven't accepted yourself yet Leona.

Tracii not trying to start a disagreement but Leona was giving her opinion on how she feels old locked topics are irrelevant.

Leona its not wrong if you feel the need or urge or want to do it.

[SaraLin]

Leona its not wrong if you feel the need or urge or want to do it.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't let this one slide.

Just because a person feels the urge or wants to do something doesn't necessarily keep it from being wrong. Everyone experiences urges that would be flat-out wrong if they acted on them (murder, rape, arson, etc.)
To me, it seems that a lot of the crimes lately come from the mindset of "I wanted to, so I (took/did/destroyed) it and I don't care what anyone else thinks."

Now, if you changed your statement to read " ... want to do it, and it doesn't do any harm." I'd probably agree.

The tough part is defining what 'no harm' means. Does that mean physical harm? Emotional damage? Financial loss? Disturbing the peace?


I know, I know - you were only talking about crossdressing when you said it. But I still believe it to be true.

I strive at all times to do no harm. Of course I fail. I'm only human after all. Besides, there are times when it's impossible. Crossdressing for example - If I DON'T dress from time to time, I do a great deal of harm to myself (emotionally in my case) but if I DO dress, I can cause emotional harm to my SO and friends. Because I DO care, I seek a balance between my needs and those of others.
That's just how I'm wired, I guess.


Sorry - this is a bit of a "soapbox" issue with me. I've deleted a lot of what I wanted to say - this isn't the place for it.

[Bobbi46]

Mary, To answer your "it does feel odd from time to time" I have mentioned this point several times in various threads, "we do not choose to be this way" purely because we are born to be this way or lesbian or gay this has been medically acknowledged at very high levels as well, how we turn out be is decided in the womb, it is not a choice however but to feel odd I think is drilling down to far, your needs and desires to dress were preordained there is no ifs and buts about it all. We are all, the way we are in different levels and knowing this makes us what we are.Just go with the flow, be who you want to be and enjoy it. There is no guilt attached to any of us, it is a life and an existence that we have.

[Lacey CD]

For years I struggled with this very thing. But the fact was there were aspects of what I was doing that WERE wrong and it created great conflict in this area of my life. It wasn't until I dug deep to bring the dark side into the light that the wrongness disappeared completely. Is expressing your feminine side inherently wrong? I don't believe it is, but we can certainly do things in that context that are very wrong indeed! You can read countless threads here of people who have done wrong in their expression including me. The need to express one's self in this manner can get insidious and we can do things in the moment that in hindsight were clearly not in our best interest. Most of the time I have found this happens when we have suppressed it for too long. Kaitlyn talked of having an "explosion" in another thread and I can relate completely.

As far as your maker goes, this is between the two of you and no one else. You can consult scripture all you want for an answer but you won't find it I'm afraid. At least I didn't. I took it to the Source and we had a good long sit down with it. I highly encourage you to do this, the answer may surprise you!

[Becky Blue]

SaraLin, my comments were very specifically aimed at the OP. She possibly is feeling guilty about her desires.

But generally speaking I believe that wanting to cross dress is never wrong. Thoughts or feelings are not wrong, its what we do about those feelings that can be wrong.

[Leslie Mary S]

Rhonda I'm With you. Why can GGs wear men's clothing without a problem, but HH's are shunned if we wear female clothing?