Let's Get Small

[Kandi Robbins]

The following essay will run in August on my blog, but I thought it was useful information for those who wish to get out in public.

A nod (I'm showing my age) to the classic Steve Martin comedy album (you know, those vinyl shaped discs, with a hole in the middle, that are played on a turntable with a needle). Get small. The single best piece of advice for anyone trying to "pass".

I am speaking only to those who are not on hormones and have had no feminization surgery. None of us pass. Never. I can write a very lengthy list of tells. Male hands are different than female hands. The male body frame is different that that of a woman. Men are thicker. Our voices. Male facial features. Body hair. On and on. We can do many thing to minimize these tells, mitigate our "weaknesses". But we never pass.

So what? Who cares? I NEVER pass, but I assimilate. I am called ma'am and she. I am accepted and in many cases, loved. I am always treated like a lady. One big reason, I get small.

Now what does this mean? Whenever possible, take up as little space as you possibly can. Men expand their bodies, take up as much space as possible. They sit with their legs spread. They reach their arms out. Men take up space, inherently trying to assert male dominance. It's inbred. I know as I am that way in my regular life.

Women are demure (I know, not all, but most are). Sit instead of standing when possible. Cross your legs like a lady, hold your elbows close to your body. Keep your hands on your lap. Hold your purse close to your body. Keep your feet together. Cross your legs at your ankles, while standing. Stand at an angle, turn your body slightly. Appear to be less, not more. Be ladylike. Vocally, try to speak less, not more. By that I do not mean to keep your mouth shut. I mean breathe, allow for space in conversation.

For me, once I read this, realized the power of getting small, it came easily. Naturally. It made all the difference. This is the single most important piece of advice I can give, get small!

Be smart. Be appropriate. Be confident. Get out there! Be visible. Get small.

[Princess Chantal]

And here I observe men speak less and allow space in conversation.

[Teresa]

Kandi,
I know it's not a thread abaout passing and I agree with you , once you get you and about we can't pass 100% as women . I accept I'm a TG male so that's naturally what I pass as , I did get my first Madam a couple of days ago . I'm not sure if I can keep the lid on talking too much I'm just a chatterbox and like to make people smile .

I'm only 5' 7" and weigh 140 lbs so I don't take very much space as a guy , I do try and keep my actions more feminine when dressed but it's as bad going OTT as not bothering . There's no more a perfect woman as there is a perfect man some are very femme and some do have two left feet , that's life !

[Rachael Leigh]

Kandi as always your advice is good information. The best thing I’ve learned in being out is observe other women. Pay attention to the little details. I know most of us just look at the clothes but just notice things like you advise here. The ankle
crossing when standing the slower talking, the gesters and such. It goes a long way to be small and blend

[Julie Denier]

Great advice, though I think it may be scientifically impossible for me to get small :D

[Jaylyn]

It's hard for us tall girls/men to pass even when doing the things you say. You are correct though for those that are finer boned, thinner and smaller feet.

[biancabellelover]

Agreed. This is something I noticed almost straight away when I started looking into adopting female mannerisms. A common theme was to slow down, reduce your personal volume, and make smaller and less aggressive gestures.

Michelle.

[DIANEF]

Be smart. Be appropriate. Be confident. Get out there! Be visible. Get small. Can't argue with any of that Kandi. I am one of those lucky enough to be not too tall (5'8'') and relatively slim, though that takes a lot of effort. When out I try to look and act as a 'regular' GG would. I don't pass close up but that no longer worries me. That said some women could take lessons off us.

[Heidi Stevens]

Sorry girl! You know me, I can’t let this go by ..........
293403

[Tracii G]

Very good advice in "assimilating".

I'm way too fat so not much chance for me to get small.LOL

[Micki_Finn]

I would disagree with your assertation that “none of us can pass” without hormones or plastic surgery. Off the top of my head I’d throw the names Courtney Act and Katya Zamolodchikova. But the advice is generally sound for new dressers.

[Helen_Highwater]

Kandi,

I understand what you mean by "Get small". That said if you've observed a group of GG's talking being the quietest doesn't really apply. As individuals out and about I agree, being demure, generally unassertive will win the day.

However for us being too much of a shrinking wall flower can be as much of a giveaway as being brash and loud. It's one of those quandaries we face. The balance between displaying quiet confidence as against brashness. The only way I can describe it is be your femme self. This is one of the things that comes with practice and experience. The real trick is knowing what you're aiming for.

[docrobbysherry]

The term I read here constantly is "dressing to blend".

But, "Get small", has a nice, yet convoluted, ring to it!:thumbsup:

[Becky Blue]

I do agree with your totally Kandi with regards getting small, my views on successful passing/blending are all based on how many F or M signals we send out, the more F the better.. legs closed, arms in all help a lot.

[Teresa]

Helen,
Most people quickly assess a personality , it's part of you if you are a chatterbox or happy to watch the World go by and quietly enjoy other company . I do agree don'y be brash and loud . What do I aim for ? I guess it's a TG version of me , if I happen to look like a convincing woman then that's a wonderful bonus .

Sherry ,
I'm sure you wouldn't question the blending aspect if you wanted to do everyday jobs , sometime today I have to go out and but some crtain poles , I may call in to book an appointment to have my eyesight rechecked , they keep reminding me I'm overdue . I may take a look at the furniture in a charity shop , The British Heart Foundation have great furniture departments . Everyday has to be kept simple , enough makeup , the right clothes just to blend or you could say integrate into the community .

[Angela Marie]

Passing is so subjective. It not only depends on your body type and mannerisms but how you carry yourself. Confidence goes a long way. I'm lucky to be slim, 5ft 7 140 and with some feminine features but I still have to work at it. However the real test comes from within.

[Beverley Sims]

That is why I prefer a "B" cup. :-)

[sarah_hillcrest]

Great advice, it's actually the way I am most of the time without really thinking about it.

[Nell27]

You all are cracking me up with this thread. I am learning a lot and having fun reading your comments! I’m still in the under-dressing stage, so I don’t have much to offer other than I know my behavior is a lot better when I am wearing girly clothes underneath. I am more patient, thoughtful and a lot kinder.

Maybe dressing up helps us avoid being that other Steve Martin creation, “The Jerk.” 😊 I am happy being a guy, but I do like myself better when I allow that femme part to get involved!

Much love,
Nell

[Ressie]

OK, but Steve Martin needs to get a little smaller!

https://davelandweb.com/blog/doublei/DSC_4167.jpg

[Lana Mae]

Thanks for sharing! I agree with what you have stated-get small! Hugs Lana Mae

[Teri Ray]

I agree with the advice. I am sure that I am not passing but I do strive to blend and
assimilate. As others have stated confidence (one could also say act as you belong) is a huge benefit. Thanks for sharing Kandi.

[Kandi Robbins]

Thanks ladies for the feedback. I want to note, I am speaking in generalities. There are always exceptions to every rule. My purpose here is to help those like myself. Four years ago I knew nothing about getting out and now I do it all the time without thought. I am tall for a woman, so I have no genetic help there. These are simply meant as tips and ideas for helping you get comfortable in being in public. Have fun out there!

[Meghan4now]

Dear, make sure you provide some common sense caution too.

This one time, I got really small. I climbed into the vacuum. Then the drug wore off.......

[TheHiddenMe]

I agree, but it's hard to do.

We spend a larger portion of our time (CD's, at least) in male mode (greater than 95% for me) and a small fraction femulating (thanks, Stana). A lot of our male mannerisms we probably don't even realize we have. When in Dee mode, I try to remind myself to smile more. But even though I know I should do it, it's hard for me to do..

OTOH, maybe it's that we notice more. Tonight my wife and I were in a surf store looking for a rash vest (my current rash vest has stretched so much it's more like a rash dress). I saw a transwoman walk in (it was a small store). I noticed her facial features and her muscular legs.

After we walked out, I asked my wife if she saw the transgender woman in the store, and she said no.

So maybe we are hyperaware of others like us, and others not so much?

[Carrie R]

I heard there is a test, it is a balloon. If you can climb inside of it, then they know, you are small.

[Ressie]

Taking smaller bites when eating couldn't hurt either ;)

[Sherrii]

You are generally right in your observations. It's a good thing there are no fem-a-nazis here or you would be in trouble! Sherrii

[AngelaYVR]

I'm lucky to be 6' plus heels (lucky because clothes look stunning on a tall frame!) and despite there being only so much small you can manage as you duck under awnings, you are spot on Kandi. A GG friend of mine, who dated a guy who eventually transitioned, told me that I have the most natural feminine mannerisms she has seen and it really makes a difference. And I can do that while wearing my not-even-close-to-blending outfits. Nice blog by the way!

[Lisa Roberts]

I made myself small as you depicted. Omg... I actually felt more feminine. Seriously. I watched myself in a window. I looked more like a girl !!! I felt more like a girl! I love being more feminine, this helps.
Lace and Smiles,
Lisa!

[Kandi Robbins]

I love being more feminine, this helps.

Mission accomplished!! This made my day!


Nice blog by the way!

This too!