Sexuality and crossdressing

[phili]

I thought it might be useful to try to discuss the evolution of a variety of sexual feelings with respect to crossdressing.

I started out at age 4 as a crossdresser before i understood sex as something with others. I enjoyed the sexual arousal in the smooth front of my sister's plain cotton panties, compared tto the ribs of the Y front tighty whities I was issued.

As a 7 yr old I was more interested in the world of girls and wearing their clothes, but it wasn't sexual at all.

At puberty I refound sexual arousal and babydoll pjs went together well. I tried to figure out what made skirts fun for girls if they didn't have an erection, and began to enjoy the swish on my thighs and begin to notice a larger variety of clothes. I began to feel the sexual tension and wish I could be on their side of the equation.

As a 15-60 something I would say it looked more like a sexual fetish, but the details in hindsight tell more. I would find some piece or two of sexy lingerie and wear it. I would feel at peace, but needed a way to do something exciting or active or somehow engage with it. I could enjoy the arousal, and the simple unaroused comfort, and I didn't want to take it off, but it didn't work in my life as a man, so I needed a way to end the connection and hang up the call, so to speak. Orgasm worked, and I could find relief and forget about it for a bit.

Then I retired and became an empty nester. I still wanted to wear women's clothes, and not just exotic lingerie. I wanted the simple nice filmy blouse and skirt, or even just a colorful garden party dress over the knee and swirling around. Shorts and halter top. Swimsuits! I'm on a voyage of discovery, catching up on all the clothes I never got to wear.

The variety and beauty and style are my playground. I want to go out and share my style with others. It isn't about sex as orgasm, it is about sex, or more accurately, gender, as femininity. The background is the male/female reproductive sexual tension and interplay, but it is not the main point.

After more hours in the dress, I might feel none of that either- just hungry or sleepy or bored, or sweaty, and my clothes are just clothes. I don't like that, but clothes need to recede from focus so I can pay attention to anything else. Then they are more of a uniform- check ourselves in the mirror and then forget about it.

Looking back, I am now convinced that acute sexuality with arousal and orgasm was never the point. The simple sensual pleasure of a dress is enough, and the feeling of being identified as a woman, or at least a feminine member of society. Sexual play can involve clothes, and clothes can hint at sexual interest or readiness. Sexuality can be part of cross-dressing alone without it degrading the validity of our desire. It can be part of sex with others, though I found it kind of becomes irrelevant quickly if we are not objectifying each other!

And at any age sex as an issue can also recede naturally and not be part of fully enjoying crossdressing at all!

My post is to start a discussion that takes the guilt out of our sexual dreams.

[Luvtights]

Thanks for posting that. In my normal life I don’t “feel” sexy I’m just who I am but when I put on a tight dress and lovely stockings and heels , I actually feel “sexy” and I get pleasure from that. Yes I can go around the house and feel sexy and I want to make that feeling last.

[Jean. Ann]

Great post
I think you brought some great points about feeling sexy and good vs sexual
I think probably most women understand this far more, better than men

[Chelsea B]

Great perspective, Phili. A very thoughtful and articulate post that resonates with me. However, when I first stated in my early teens, it was all about sexual pleasure, to the extent that I couldn’t wait to get those clothes off, in guilt and shame, after orgasm.
It’s a far more interesting and profound ride now, in my sixties.

Chelsea

[Stephanie47]

For me the initial wearing of women's clothing was my mother's full slips. She hung them to dry in the sole bathroom or on a clothesline in the hallway to the bedrooms in our apartment. As a young child I had to pass through the mass of drying clothes and come into contact with those nylon slips. I was drawn to the fabric. Nylon was like no other fabric I ever felt. I would fondle the nylon slips. Finally I got the nerve to take one off the drying rack in the bathroom and try in t on. I did the same with her floor length nylon nightgowns. There was no sexual motivation. I was probably five or six years old. I was young enough that I had to stand on the edge of the bathtub to take the slips off the drying rack.

When puberty hit sexual motivation hit. As many have stated over the years of reading here there was shame and guilt. One for trying on women's clothing. I'm sure if I did it purely as a lark there would have been no shame or guilt. However, back in the 1960's crossdressing men were viewed as homosexuals. Society was not what it is today. No acceptance. It was a time of confusion for me. Was I a homosexual? It did not seem logical since I really really liked girls of my age or starlets. I drooled over Annette Funicello while watching the Mickey Mouse Club, and, then in the various Beach Party movies. Thoughts of possibly being gays drove me nuts. Damn, I wish this forum was around in the 1960's. Where was Al Gore when you needed him the most?

Now? Wearing women's clothing is nothing more than wearing something to reflect how I feel on a given day. Some days it is my guy clothes and several days of beard growth. Like today. Some days I feel so natural wearing a dress, hosiery and heels, and all the undergarments and doing domestic chores. No sexual motivtion. No sexual enhancements. Just another day as a woman.

A counselor who I see for PTSD war related issues is of the opinion each man and each woman has some component of the other sex's DNA in him or her. That's the best explanation I can see as to why that influence arises on some days and not other days.

Once word or phrase I have to take exception to is "fully enjoying crossdressing." I find it is not a matter of enjoying. It is a matter of just doing something that is natural, part of my inner being even if it is a small part of who I am.

[docrobbysherry]

I think my case may be VERY DIFFERENT from anyone else's here, phili:

I had NO gender issues until after age 50. At that time, I was just separated from my now ex. And, had plenty of private, alone time when the kids were at my ex's. I was despondent and seemingly had no interest in women or sex. But, I began having gender issues and to experiment with dressing. Finally, my interest in sex returned because of Sherry's appearances in my mirror! :o

That was over 20 years ago and she still inspires me to--er---greater heights!:heehee:

[Teresa]

Phili,
I told my story sometime ago in the TS section.

The early years for me were so different to your's . The clothes never attracted me , I was more ebarrassed by early erections, they were a total mystery . Then it all happened with a bang at the age of 8-9 years . I became attracted to a swimsuit , not to wear to see how it felt but something had clicked inside (I guess the T had kicked in ) , the item suggested a womans body , my mind wanted sex with it and but as young boy I didn't know why. After wearing it a few times my first orgasm happened , I found it more traumatic because it was an involuntary action I didn't induce it . I really knew nothing of why and what had happened , I describe the events as a combination lock being set in my brain with no key to unlock it . I now realise that my male side was driving me through T kicking in but the clothes were the need from the female overlay and the whole situation was bound together by sex , I also feel that it made such a deep and lasting impression because of the traumatic way it happened , many young males don't experience that situation for up to ten years later . After all these years I've finally lost the gut feeling that started at that point , it's only now I can dress freely and feel comfortable from ther legacy of those early events .
I admit sometimes it is still sexual , but I find that an annoying distraction at times , if I'm still a fully functioning male there's not a great deal I can do about it . I did raise the question of what happens when the T finally fades away either natuarally or through hormone intervention, truthfully I admit I love my dressing now , I would hate to lose the enjoyment , comfort and happiness it gives .

[Alice_2014_B]

There is something about trying to look as passable and sexy as possible that brings me a feeling that is kind of difficult to describe.
That being said, I'm sure at least 95% on here know what I am talking about.
:)

[CONSUELO]

After being dressed up by my elder sisters at a very young age, perhaps about 5 or maybe 6, I embarked on a journey of sexual discovery through dressing up in lingerie. Feminine clothing, especially lingerie, had an extremely strong sexual connotation with me and I was regularly achieving orgasm through dressing and using the physical stimulation afforded by those soft materials well before puberty.
So, for many years after I was able to read about transvestism I believed that I just had a fetish for lingerie, especially full slips. Later in life I discovered the pleasure and comfort of dressing fully in female attire and wearing wigs and makeup to make myself the best facsimile of a female that I could manage.
Even now I slide back and forth between the wonderful feelings of comfort and well-being that I get from dressing and the sexual charge that comes with it.

We all have had very different experiences and so our cross dressing journeys are many and varied. But I hope that the members of this site remain open to the wide range of experience and expression in our community and remember that when we expect tolerance we should also practice it .

[Jean. Ann]

Yes Alice exactly the feeling I was trying to explain

JAS

[Gillian Gigs]

Phili, like you, I had my first experience at the age of 4, but mine was not a pleasant one at the time. Before puberty set in I went back to it for unknown reasons (I know why now) and experienced a euphoria that kept me going back. Then, with puberty setting in things changed. CD'ing became a very sexual thing until my mid 40's. At that time, the lingerie wearing became just as important, and at times more important than the sexual release. This has grown to the point of the clothes being way more important today (90%). I would be a liar to say that there is still not a sexual aspect to dressing. That tactile feel of nylon against the skin still has a strong pull for me. Today, I love skirts, but why wear a skirt if you are not going to wear hose of some type at the same time. This evolution has gone from a guy with a fetish to a guy who likes feminine under clothes. Maybe they are the same to some people, but I am the one who accepts myself, and I see a difference. My lingerie dressing is such a second nature to me that I don't think about it much anymore.
A comment made says, " My post is to start a discussion that takes the guilt out of our sexual dreams." Funny I haven't had a sexual dream in a long time. When I did have sexual dreams they were usually about wearing bras and panties. With wearing panties all of the time and bras as I choose, it kind of takes the wind out of the sails! Suits me fine now.

[Rayleen]

Philli.

Starting at a young age, I was admiring some of women visiting my Mom. looking every detail of their nice soft and colored blouse and skirts.

I wondered why women dressed a lot prettier than our grey trouser and dull colored shirts.

Sometimes, our neighbours kids were at the house on Saturday and we got to go in Mom closets and play dress up. Wow what fun and sexual excitements.

At puberty, began exploring wearing lingerie and it was sexual arousal every time.

Then it was a quit time, going to college and being intern with a group of boys.

It was after in my thirties that the passion reappeared, now it was more female gender appearance in dressing, it was stimulating without sexual arousing every time.


Then I started going shopping , and it continued to today as it is a hobby and a de stresser .


Now hooked on the wonderful world of CD .


Rayleen.

[stephenie3756]

LuvTights - agree 100%. When I am in a bodycon dress, hosiery and stilettos, I feel absolutely sexy from the neck down. Dressed in regular man clothes and I do not feel sexy at all.

[TheHiddenMe]

My wife always says I'm a walking contradiction.

My urged to wear a dress date back to when I was 7 or 8, and had zero sexual connotations. I just wanted to wear the clothes.

Fast forward to around the age of 14 and I tried on a pair of my sister's pantyhose--and all of the sudden I am ejaculating, which is the first time I can remember that happening.

These days, I don't get aroused when I dress--but the idea of dressing is highly stimulating.

Guy's sexuality can be weird.

[Eboni Robinson]

I've gotten to a point in my life where I feel attractive both ways. I've noticed that I can turn heads dressed or not dressed. I still have the sexual feelings that come with quite a few crossdressers. They don't get in the way. Those feelings add more to the experience, at least for me. The build up to becoming Eboni is a feeling I can't replicate anywhere else.

I used to have that shame/guilt feeling after release. Now its just a "I'm tired, or bored now" feeling. I may stay enough femme or change depending how I feel at the moment.

[Ronnie38]

This is an interesting and unusally apropriate topic to me as i have been dealing with stress and depression these past 4-5 weeks as a result of my dressing. I too started very young at around 3 or 4 and was met with imidiate rejection by my family. The desire and alure never went away.

At around 12 or so it became for me a sexual thing. Givin my upringing in a homophobic family it became more of a confusion that i could not accept in myself.

Later in life at around 16 i decided maybe i was gay and explored that possibility. The boy i was dating rejected me because i was a crossdresser. But the desire never went away. I explored with boys and girls but was met with a lot of rejection. I always felt that wanting to be femmenine was wrong and stupid because of it.

I got married to a girl who explored crossdressing but more as a reason or excuse to cheat on me repeatedly. Fast forward to my current wife. I told her from the start and she and i explored in the bedroom for quite a few years. I began to realise then that it was more than a sexual thing for me and that i wanted to play the female role so to speak so i stopped dressing around her.

Recently we had some talks, and still do, and i have started dressing every so often and trying different types of clothes and things like shoes wigs and makeup.

There is still a desire to be sexual but its more about feeling sexy desirable and wanted. For me i just want to feel pretty. And not feel guilty about it. Its still a struggle because i dont want to become a woman. Its not sexual for me but being intimate while dressed is more exciting for me than when not.

My shame guilt and embarassment never goes away though so it is still a struggle dressing with my wife or sharing my thoughts and feelings about it. My "girly" desires i have realized are not sexual but i enjoy being "sexualized" as a girl.

I hope that makes sense.

[DMichele]

Phili,

My first experience with wearing female clothing came at about the age of 10 or 11. My sister, 3 years older, was in junior high school and had a nice selection of dresses and lingerie, which she wore for dances and a few other occasions. I wanted to be like her - i.e. experience dresses, skirts, blouses, stockings, etc. I would sneak into her room and try on her clothes. It did result in sexual arousal, but a seed was planted. Yes, I was ashamed but the desire to wear women's clothes drew my back to her closet and dresser. As I grew I explored my mothers clothes, etc.

Looking back, I was not looking for orgasm, but rather it was about the clothes. Doing my marriage, I did dress in sexy lingerie with the intent to make love with the wife, whom I had told about my CDing before we were married. At some point during our love making, I took the submissive position and experienced attention getting orgasm. It became my favorite position during love making, and it probably was an indication of my trans-feminine identity.

Underlying my life's journey I had a simple desire to wear female clothing. I have considered that I am curious about bi-sexual, but at this point I have no desire to explore any further. So today, wearing ladies clothing is not for sexual reasons, but rather to be authentic.

[IleneD]

There is something about trying to look as passable and sexy as possible that brings me a feeling that is kind of difficult to describe.
That being said, I'm sure at least 95% on here know what I am talking about.
:)

This is a question my beloved wife has asked about my CD and motivations. What does it mean? WHO am I dressing for? Why am I trying to be pretty and WHO am I trying to be pretty for? Am I trying to attract other men?
Maybe it's a question I can't answer or don't want to answer. Yet there is and has been a strong "F me" [in a good way], when I'm fully dressed and feeling pretty. "Take me! I feel beautiful". Somewhere in the back of a crossdresser's mind there's that underlying woman wanting to be taken into a man's arms. I think this happens even among the fully affirmed heterosexual CD-ers. "Take me. Pamper me. Make love to me." Come on..... confess that you feel it once in a while.

[Pat]

This is a question my beloved wife has asked about my CD and motivations. What does it mean? WHO am I dressing for? Why am I trying to be pretty and WHO am I trying to be pretty for? Am I trying to attract other men?

It's a question you have to answer for yourself before you can know where you're heading, but in my case, the answer is that I dress for me. Yes, I do feel the sense of looking fabulous at times, but it's all so I feel great, I don't really care what anyone else is feeling. The fact I'm dressing for me makes me pretty bullet-proof to others' opinions. ;)

[Teresa]

Ilene,
This was a question I asked some time ago .
I agree it's not a simple answer , my conclsion was part of the equation was AGP . I know I don't dress to attract men but I know there is an element of dressing to please and attract a woman . I can't honestly answer what role I would play in a relationship like that if it ever were to happen at all . Unlike others I'm not saying never !

I have to agree with Pat looking fabulous at times feels great in those circumstances I'll happily take the comments no matter who makes them .

[Alice Torn]

Ilene, I know what you mean there. Only when i am dressed op, do i feel that way, pretty, sexy, gorgeous, and part of me wanting to be appreciated for it. But, NEVER, when in normal guy mode.

[docrobbysherry]

I think Pat makes a good point. And, like her, I and I believe most here, dress for themselves. In my case, to the extreme. Compromising what I wear out is NOT something I enjoy doing. I really hate, "dressing to blend"!:doh:

Apparently, (altho I don't really care), a lot of people seem to like Sherry's looks. I delete on the average, 3 to 5 "Friend" requests on FB every day!:heehee:

[Jean. Ann]

I think , for me , it is about looking and feeling good . If you will having pride in what and who you are .
Some are overlooking the fact that one can be appealing , appreciated by those ofopposite or same gender , but not necessarily in a sexual way .

JAS

[StarrOfDelite]

I think my case may be VERY DIFFERENT from anyone else's here, phili:

I had NO gender issues until after age 50. At that time, I was just separated from my now ex. And, had plenty of private, alone time when the kids were at my ex's. I was despondent and seemingly had no interest in women or sex. But, I began having gender issues and to experiment with dressing. Finally, my interest in sex returned because of Sherry's appearances in my mirror! :o

That was over 20 years ago and she still inspires me to--er---greater heights!:heehee:

I don't know whether we are both unusual, or whether there are a lot like us, but my story is very similar to yours, even to similar time frames. With the wisdom of hindsight i can remember incidents or moments in the past where I didn't look or react in a typically "masculine" manner, but those were isolated, and since I had no frame of reference from growing up in the 50's and 60's I never recognized that I was Trans. The incidents I'm talking about almost never involved sexual thoughts, they were just situations where I noticed that my reactions to siuations and events was different from "the guys." By the time I was separated, divorced, over 50, and not particularly interested in dating, I basically felt little drive to have a sexual relationship. I found, however, that I enjoyed the feeling of being intimate conversationally and socially with a woman was liberating, and I finally realized that it was because I identified with women, and really wanted to be a woman more than I wanted to have sex with a woman. It took me a while to adjust to that intellectually, and even longer to pursue the paths where that realization took me. I just feel more complete embracing that I am androgynous, and probably more female than male in my basic psyche and sexuality.

[Alice Torn]

Starr, I am very much the same way.

[candice.aihara]

For me there's always a sexual component. Sometimes it's subtle while other times . . . oh my! In all cases, it's all good fun!

[Janine cd]

Ilene, I, too, have felt the same way about dressing up totally as a woman. I love to feel as if I am really a woman who could be attracted by a man,but the desire to be with one has never occurred. Dressing is enough for me.

[Asew]

My dressing started around the same time when I started masturbating. This linked the two of them together for a long time. Now that I dress more around the house and such, it isn't arousing on its own accord. But I definitely get aroused quicker when dressed though (and the sexier the outfit the quicker it is).

[sometimes_miss]

We can be both crossdressers experiencing that particular behavior, and also be horny at the same time, while neither is connected to each other. Most men are on the verge of being sexually aroused almost all the time (for me, it may only take a glance at a very hot chic; happened at work one day, a smokin' hot young woman in a revealing outfit and also wearing perfume walked by, and I felt the physiological response almost immediately). So it's no surprise that it happens when we're crossdressed, too.

[sammifromga]

I started dressing not expecting to desire a man. Over time that has changed. I desire, and have enjoyed a man, while dressed.

[Danika]

What a fantastic thread and interesting topic!!!

[Judy-Somthing]

Thanks for sharing, you seem to know how I feel.
My wife was watching a show about guys who want to be women. It really bothered her.
I wish the show showed more levels like for me, I love to dress up but have no interest in being a woman.
I find it so cool to dress fem now and then but not all the time especially now that I'm 60 , it's way to much work!
Maybe if she knew it was just fun, it wouldn't bother her so much!

[Teresa]

Lexi,
How would you have survived in my situation as a professional photographer being surrounded for hours with beautifully dressed women when attending weddings , not only that you had to arange their dresses and persuade them how to look more attractive in front of the camera , to think I actually got paid to do this !!

Judy,
Maybe your wife should consider it's not only men who wish to crossdress or have gender issues , some clinics are now looking at a 50-50 split , so how would she deal with watching a program about F/M TSs ? Maybe you should try asking her that !

I'm 67 and looking to dress more , yes it is more work but it has to be brought down to a level of how GGs go about their business everyday . Makeup , hair, clothes , everyday is as harder to achieve than dressing to the nines . It's not about feeling girly all the time , it's more about about looking female enough to integrate .

[Ressie]

It's mostly been a sexual obsessive/compulsion throughout my life. If I had never become active in this forum, I never would have gone out dressed.

[Sallee]

- - - Updated - - -

What a great post kind of like coming out of the closet and admitting that cloths are a turn on. When I was young 10 or 11 for some reason I wanted to mimic boobs, softballs in my t-shirt but as I got older 13 thru 16 cloths, slips, bra, girdle were a major turn on and part of the means to the end. They remain that way to some extent but lesser so no that I am in my early 70's . I enjoy the act of dressing, the makeup and hair and differnt outfits, but they are less of a sexual turn on. I do enjoy going out when dressed and seldom have a problem, I dress to blend, and as Phili said the cloths just become cloths but as I pass by a window or mirror and I recognize that reflection the turn on is there.

I guess my question would be are all hobbies this much fun. I hope so.

- - - Updated - - -

Chelsea You are right about the guilt especially at that age. It was get dressed, get off ,get them off and be ashamed until the next time. Not so much now I still suffer some guilt but I don't let it bother me and I enjoy my girl time

[ShoeziQ]

I started dressing in my teens. In my 30's I went out and bought my first pair of heels, and that did it. It became more sexual over time I think. I am a male and not trying to change that. I like wearing traditional women's clothes. I am open to a variety of sexual options. I prefer to dress in lingerie when a sexual opportunity arises. I don't feel bad about it. I'm not sure "what" I am now.

[StephanieH]

I began dressed when I was a child as well, long before I knew what sex was. I love to dress whenever time allows, generally only allows me to underdress most of the time. Wife accepts it and has been very good about it, we have an interesting relationship. I am definitely much more sexual when I'm dressed, no doubt about it. Maybe fetish, maybe taboo, I don't care which and neither does she!

[Valentina_Rossi]

This is a question my beloved wife has asked about my CD and motivations. What does it mean? WHO am I dressing for? Why am I trying to be pretty and WHO am I trying to be pretty for? Am I trying to attract other men?
Maybe it's a question I can't answer or don't want to answer. Yet there is and has been a strong "F me" [in a good way], when I'm fully dressed and feeling pretty. "Take me! I feel beautiful". Somewhere in the back of a crossdresser's mind there's that underlying woman wanting to be taken into a man's arms. I think this happens even among the fully affirmed heterosexual CD-ers. "Take me. Pamper me. Make love to me." Come on..... confess that you feel it once in a while.

Hi!!!!!

I agree with Alice that I want to look as pretty and sexy as possible... but for whom? I am not sure about that. I do all in privacy, and I am terrified to be seen. On the other side, I definetly crave some validation of my femminity. I just did not expect to have adolescent insecurities well in my forties, and now from "the other side".

And I DO confess that I have felt like Ilene describes, even if I consider myself to be a (mostly) heterosexual male :)

Love love,
Val

[Solange]

I have pondered the term autosexuality for part of the dressing motivation. In part-not the whole because calling it all sexual would discount the simple joy of dressing femme-cross dressing allows me to play both roles at the same time, indulging in (even exploiting) a fantasy woman that shares my fetishes without the complications that usually arise.

[Brandi Christine]

As most of you I started dressing up as a child, either my aunt's (who lived with is) or my Mom's clothing, mostly 'girly' stuff, bathing suits, bras & lingerie. At this time my sexual fantasies started transitioning over several years from being about girls to being about men, with me as the girl. Eventually all my sexual fantasies were me being the girl. As I got older I would acquired clothes & makeup then crash and throw them all away, then start over as the urge got too strong. I dated off and on during this time, but never revealed my other side to any of my girlfriends.

I went through that several times. Then I bought a wig, then another, then another and ended up with a whole wardrobe. I would dress up, spend the day en femme, end it with me having sex with toys and crash and feel awful about myself. This lasted through my twenties.

I also had a fantasy about meeting the right woman who would 'fix' my issue, and I finally thought I did meet her, got married at 38 and threw away all my clothes. I didn't dress up for about five years, but had continual fantasy's about it and actually did it twice over the next six or seven.

Fast forward another five years, and again the urge has got the best of me, and maybe I'm finally OK with that. For me it is about being the woman, I feel soooo fantastic dressed up that I will have 'sex' with toys but not to orgasm because I know that will end it. This can happen several times during a session (My dressups are few and far between due to my wife, who would never accept it if she knew, and always at a hotel while I am travelling for work). I even get arousal from stepping outside my hotel room for a minute or two, tempting fate walking down the hallways. Maybe I want to be caught?

I still consider myself a hetro male as a man, but dressed up I am the woman, and if I could go back 20 years and start over who knows who I'd be...

[Beverley Sims]

Presenting as a female has gone from adventure in the early days to owning it and looking neat and in place when going out.

[KelleyB]

It occurred to me, today, I found my mother's panties and half slips enticing at age 6, long before any sexual thoughts can start milling about the brain.

Thankfully, my wife indulges me...though neither of us really can figure out why I like wearing a bra, and she hates it. I think it's because they're a treat to see in the 'wild'.

I'm purely hetero, but love to dress at home and sometimes sleep in several layered half slips. Love bridesmaid dresses/formal satin gowns, tool.

It started as curiosity, I guess, and sexuality took over when i was about 12. Every time my mother and sister wanted to go to a store or whatever, I'd always stay behind and raid my mother's dresser and closet. She and I were about the same size when I was that age, and she was nicely large in the breast. There were a couple of skirts of hers and one particular dress I loved.

I'm sure she caught on at some point, but I was always ultra-careful with the way things were arranged.

Unlike many of y'all, I have no desire to pass, or even go outside. This is for me (and my lovely wife, if she wants), and that's all. Even after 44 years of doing this, it's almost purely sexual in nature.

[Felicia M]

This is a question my beloved wife has asked about my CD and motivations. What does it mean? WHO am I dressing for? Why am I trying to be pretty and WHO am I trying to be pretty for? Am I trying to attract other men?
Maybe it's a question I can't answer or don't want to answer. Yet there is and has been a strong "F me" [in a good way], when I'm fully dressed and feeling pretty. "Take me! I feel beautiful". Somewhere in the back of a crossdresser's mind there's that underlying woman wanting to be taken into a man's arms. I think this happens even among the fully affirmed heterosexual CD-ers. "Take me. Pamper me. Make love to me." Come on..... confess that you feel it once in a while.

This is a fascinating topic and it has really shown me just how "fluid" we are as human beings. Motivations are so hard to pin down but Ilene's comment about wanting to be taken struck a chord. For me I want to present as much as a woman as possible and deep down that includes wanting to be taken. Mind you I have no desire to sleep with a man and am incredibly turned off by let's say gay porn. But....when I am en femme I love the fantasy of catching a man's eye and being wanted. I think that comes with the territory of wanting to dress and be a woman....for me that includes the fantasies that come with it.

[StephanieH]

I dressed as a child, long before I knew what sexuality was. During my puberty years, however, I did find it more exciting to be wearing ladies undies and things instead of guy undies. I suppose I'm one of those who would say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, as I've always been fascinated with women and all things to do with them, but admittedly, I certainly have a lingerie and panties fetish that is incurable. Whether my wife is wearing them or I'm wearing them, or we're both wearing them, yes, things are much more exciting and I'm much more in tune with "getting busy."

That doesn't mean every time I get the occasion to dress I am aroused, far from it. I am underdressed most of the time and I don't walk around constantly aroused or going crazy. It definitely does enhance the moments though, as when I'm in normal guy undies and guy clothes, as others have said, I feel about as "sexy" as a burlap pillow.

[Maid_Marion]

What really got me was learning to appreciate fashion. I can look at great fashion all day long!

[Charlotte7]

Me, I started dressing as soon as I learned that there were boys and girls. I've always self identified as a girl, though due to the times I grew up in I never told anyone about it. Initially I didn't know about TS issues, they just didn't feature in the mainstream media and so I learned to hide it. I would dress whenever I could, there was nothing sexual in it for me, only fulfilling my need to identify in some way as being a girl. My dressing started at 4 years old, well before I could know of anything sexual and continued ever since, now over 50 years, so the sexual things was never there for me. I suppose the best way that I can describe it, is that I have a need to be female and I find this need through dressing as a female, but in dressing I don't change character, I stay as me. I don't feel the need to wear make-up or present in a more feminine way. I think this is because I identify myself as female and all I'm doing is wearing the clothes which are appropriate for me to wear. I know that to the world outside I an just a man in a dress but that doesn't matter, it' what's inside me that counts, it's that which makes me, me. Over the years I have accepted that I am as I am and I have no wish to change anything as I am in a happy, accepting relationship and can live as I want. However, if I were 4 years old now, I would definitely want to transition and do so at a very young age. So, to sum up, dressing for me isn't sexual, I don't dress to impress, I dress to allow me to be me.

[Brandi Christine]

This is a fascinating topic and it has really shown me just how "fluid" we are as human beings. Motivations are so hard to pin down but Ilene's comment about wanting to be taken struck a chord. For me I want to present as much as a woman as possible and deep down that includes wanting to be taken. Mind you I have no desire to sleep with a man and am incredibly turned off by let's say gay porn. But....when I am en femme I love the fantasy of catching a man's eye and being wanted. I think that comes with the territory of wanting to dress and be a woman....for me that includes the fantasies that come with it.

I totally agree with the fluid thing. I appreciate nice looking women, and when I see someone really pretty I have two trains of thought; on the surface it's "what would it be like to be with her" (as in dating, not necessarily having sex), on another level is it "what would it be like to be her," the second is the one that attracts me more.

As for being attracted to men, as a guy absolutely not, but as Brandi, I have a particular type of man that I like, and when I see see that type of man my thought process is "Yea, Brandi would definitely go for him."

In my current situation I would never sleep with anyone (male or female) right now other then my wife, I feel bad enough about what I am doing to her as a crossdresser even if she doesn't know. It sucks that what makes me happiest wracks me with guilt...

But, if things were different, I would be en femme every waking moment (and sleeping too :sleep:) and would definitely start looking into transitioning.

[Ingrid1999]

I started trying on my mothers clothes around 8 or 9 years old out of curiosity there was nothing sexual about it.

As I got older and entering puberty I just thought women looked cool and beautiful and I wanted that for myself, which has never changed 30+ years later. As I got older I would imagine myself as one of the fashion or bikini models in the high fashion magazines we had at home. In my teens and 20s I dreamed of being a couture model or fantasied of being the centerfold, being the object of desire.

I was never attracted to guys, only girls, but over the years I realized I was not attracted to girls in the same way as my friends were. I didnt want to "get" the girl I wanted be "with" the girl. Not surprisingly this does not always appeal to many women. I never was attracted to guys and for the most part they never seemed attracted to me. However, I really liked aggressive women, who are very hard to find. I loved being desired, being "taken" or sharing, but not generally being some kind of alpha aggressor type, except on rare occasion. Lately I find myself imagining being with a masculine man, as a woman, but in reality men still are a turn off for me.

[Felicia M]

I totally agree with the fluid thing. I appreciate nice looking women, and when I see someone really pretty I have two trains of thought; on the surface it's "what would it be like to be with her" (as in dating, not necessarily having sex), on another level is it "what would it be like to be her," the second is the one that attracts me more.

As for being attracted to men, as a guy absolutely not, but as Brandi, I have a particular type of man that I like, and when I see see that type of man my thought process is "Yea, Brandi would definitely go for him."

In my current situation I would never sleep with anyone (male or female) right now other then my wife, I feel bad enough about what I am doing to her as a crossdresser even if she doesn't know. It sucks that what makes me happiest wracks me with guilt...

But, if things were different, I would be en femme every waking moment (and sleeping too :sleep:) and would definitely start looking into transitioning.

Exactly this Brandi (the bolded above). When I see a woman I am attracted to I now have that switch that says “what would it be like to be her and have someone be attracted to you and have them pursue you. And what would it be like to surrender to him and have him take you and make love to you.”

It takes a pretty high acceptance level of where you are at in this journey to come to terms with that thought process in my humble opinion.

[LilSissyStevie]

Like others I started CDing and fantasizing about being a girl when I was four or five. But unlike others I'm willing to admit that it was erotic even then. I remember having an intense infatuation with Annette Funicello after seeing her on re-runs of the Mickey Mouse Club on TV. I didn't know anything about sex but I knew I "liked" girls and Annette specifically and I didn't like boys in the same way. I also liked the idea of being a girl and the feelings i got from CDing and fantasizing about being a girl were very similar to my attraction to Annette. It was only when I reached puberty that I could recognize that these feelings were sexual. This strange sexuality caused me a lot of grief over the years because I couldn't understand it and thought it meant something like that I was gay or transgender and I therefor tried (unsuccessfully) to suppress it. What made it even more confusing was that when I finally surrendered and tried to embrace my gayness and/or transness I found it wasn't that either. I eventually discovered that what turned me on was associating to symbols of emasculation, probably as a result of childhood emasculation trauma, where being a sexually submissive ultra feminine female is just about as emasculated as you can get. Oh well! It's a stupid fetish but relatively harmless as long as I don't start believing it's anything more than that.

[Lucy Lou]

I do feel that also. I love dressing and it does have a sexual element. Being feminine makes me feel like I want to be treated like a woman including having that experience. It has never happened as my dressing is always a private affair but if the situation arises I would not be able resist. One day it might happen.

[Becky Blue]

This has been an interesting thread, in my case I have been on both sides of the equation so to speak. From age 12 to around 40 dressing was totally sexual, putting on any items of woman's clothing was a massive turn on. At this stage there was no Becky, I thought of crossdressing as a hobby, something to do on occasion that was fun, I had no compulsion and at times could go years without.

Then literally overnight click I switched, the sexual side disappeared totally, thats is when dressing became a need and Becky emerged. Since then when I dress its for myself and at times I love to look good and it does feel sensual but gone is any turn on.

For me it was quite weird that one day putting on a bra for example was a turn on and the next day putting it on made me feel more complete.

[Linda Stockings]

I have lost count of how many times I have read, in detail, this thread. I can conclude that in almost each post, I find that I have shared similar parts, stages, urges, desires, etc. And yet I haven't found anyone's life story to be as identical as I thought at first. None of that really surprises me, we all have our identities, personalities, and share our cd'ING to some level of similarity. I believe I have realized something in myself that has been true since my earliest memories - I do indeed hold women in extremely high regard in every way I can observe. I have loved some very dearly in heterosexual relationships, of the past, and wish I could have some of them back. What has jolted me the most recently has been brought up by others as well. I most definitely envy women (in a very kind and supportive sense). And in almost each of my past relationships, I have ADMIRED ALL of them, and yet somehow, I have DESPERATELY WANTED TO BE THEM AS WELL. I have wondered If I have simply held the highest form of flattery (mimicry) or if I have been wanting to BE ONE OF THEM that my feelings manifested so deeply that I hadn't recognized just how much I craved being female and everything that goes with it. Even though I'm sure I don't recognize EVERYTHING about it. I can recall sitting each morning watching how expertly my wonderful mother dressed in fully fashioned stockings, garters, slips, skirts, dresses, and heels, then applied her makeup so pretty. Yet I'd watch my dad shaving every morning and wish I had whiskers to shave off just like him. The last part of those things were always seeing my mother put on her red lipstick and other products such as eye shadow, liner, mascara, foundation, and blush. My sister, 5 years my senior, would always ask (beg) for just a little aplied to her face. With never an arguement, my sister received light makeup. I always begged and received lipstick, Revlon's "Cherries in the Snow " (my absolute favorite), blush, and just some light eye makeup. When we spoke of it later, we each felt proud, very special, and we both wanted to emulate ladies to the highest regard, and be as respected as elegant ladies as much as we felt we possibly could. My sister found ways to fix my hair in feminine ways.
Even though so young (about age 3 - 5) I feel those early memories and placing such a high value on femininity has lasted to varying degreed my entire life.