Desire to go out

[Ronnie38]

So, lately, i have been haveing a desire to go out. The problem is that im very introverted with an extreme case of social anxiety disorder. I have also dealt with so much rejection of my feminine desires in my life that fear and guilt get in my way as well. Not passing or having someone else with me are also a factor. For those who understand social anxiety, whay are some ways to overcome this?

[VS Fan]

A great first step would be driving in your car... have you done that? If not, go get your windows tinted and take a couple hour drive to a park or something... even if you just turn around and go home. You'll think people are looking at you, but honestly how many people can you look at for more than a brief moment while driving? Once you can do that, then eventually hit a drive through etc, etc.... (full disclosure that I have not done more than this yet myself really!)

[Jaylyn]

Just start out with short times out, after you start having confidence it would be easier I would guess. This is coming from a member not out and about, but if I were going to that's how I would approach it.

[sarah_hillcrest]

I have the same desire and having been thinking about it. The car is of course a great idea, trying to find another CD or someone to be with you is great too. One thing I've been doing is when I'm out I look at people, check out their shapes, clothes, faces and hair. If you start really looking at people you may realize that you wouldn't stand out that much. I have been out in the car en femme and no one noticed, but I've yet to really go anywhere yet. A drive through is a great idea. Best of luck!

[Tracii G]

Taking a drive is a good way to jump that first hurdle.
Nobody gives more than a quick glance so its a really safe way to step out for the first time.
Saying you are introverted is just an excuse when you get right down to it.
Now I'm not saying social anxiety disorder isn't a real thing because it is but there are times you have to test yourself.
Testing yourself is just the beginning of getting over the anxiety issues.
We all have anxieties over certain things but facing them is what we have to do everyday.
Not doing something we want to do so badly is just us giving up on ourselves.
Don't give up on yourself and get out there even if you have to take baby steps its at least progress.

[Nikki A.]

It is hard to break the ice, but it is possible. Are there any groups that you can attend. No one will judge and I found that most if not all are supportive. Many will even let you dress there. Also many times after the meeting some head out for dinner or coffee.
After that you can decide what your next step is. First of all you'll see that the cosmos will not collapse on you.

[RADER]

I could never pass, I have a Mustache I have had for 40+ years.
I did meet a person who is either in Transition or about to be transition,
I wanted to ask her a thousand questions, but to embarrassed to do it.
Maybe the next time I run into her, I could talk to her.
She looks real good, but she admits to the fact that she was once a he.
O' How I wish i could go out like she does.
Rader

[Micki_Finn]

If you have social anxiety disorder, are you taking any Meds? Do they work? Do you have it under control normally? Have you talked to your psychiatrist about it?

[Shely]

Dressing at home does get really pointless and I agree a drive is a first step. I have been out only a hand full of times, but find it exhilarating, to stroll in the mall fully dressed in a skirt or dress with boobs and a wig. BTW, the mall's are all most deserted in the middle of the week and day, and those there are too busy shopping to pay you much notice. The other alternative is a park in the middle of a day, you can cruse through in the car and find a deserted area. I do this to take selfies with my tripod. In the end you really have to stop caring about what others thinking, as you will never really know what they are thinking. Once you re out a time or two you will love it.
293523

[Tracii G]

Shely thanks for mentioning parks those are a great choice for somewhere to go.
Another tip don't go out late at night or after midnight thinking it will be safer because less people are out that might see you. That is dangerous because the bad people are out at that time of night.
You may not see them but you can bet they see you. Please be smart and don't end up as a statistic.
Middle of the day most anywhere is the best time for venturing out, much safer because there are people out.

[Jean. Ann]

Ronnie. 36 and the rest
Haloween is coming up
Go to the city , go to the mall , and
just do it

JAS

[DIANEF]

Like many I took it in steps; a night time drive, a daytime drive, step out of the car, a quick walk, a longer walk. I'm not an introvert but I am quite shy so getting out there took a lot of effort. It can be done, Once you get over the initial hurdle it gets easier and easier.

[Ronnie38]

Thank you all for the tips. Ive always wanted to go to a park dressed. I think driving might be a good first step.
Micki, its been a long time since ive yalked with a shrink. I was diagnosed with s.a.d. when i was in my 20s. Large groups of people cause me to overevaluate my surroundings. Also causes me to gey disoriented, short of breath, and mild panic attacks. The larger the group, the worse it gets. Only medical remedy i use for it is herbal.
As for going out at night, i would only do that with others. I also practice aikido.

[Helen_Highwater]

Ronnie,

As others have said, a drive out is really the way to go. Top tip; if you're not practiced in wearing heels, don't try to drive in them. With practice it can be learned but for a first time, keep it low.

Even stopped at lights, people rarely look at the person next to them and for drivers going in the opposite direction they're to busy looking at the road to notice who's driving past them.

[Tracii G]

Carrying concealed and akido works up to a point but consider the clothing you have on and if you are flexible enough in those clothes to use your self defense skills properly.
I studied Shaolin Karate most of my life and I have had to use it a few times enfemme but I wasn't in a skirt or dress.
Something to think about.

[Ronnie38]

Good point tracii.

[sissythings]

Other than dressing up for Halloween two or three times, I had never gone out by myself until about a year and a half ago. I took the plunge and decided to drive over to meet another CD. Maybe it's just me, but I find it incredibly sexy to drive wearing my 5" pumps. Anyway... it was night time and I was nervous so I wound up ringing the wrong doorbell. Thank god no one was home! It would have been embarrassing for me as well as my acquaintance as her house was only three doors down.

[Alice Torn]

If you do go for a drive or get out of the car, it is a good idea to take a bag of guy clothes with you, in case of car trouble, or just needing to change back to guy mode.

[Sami Brown]

My first time out was after dark. I drove to a safe part of town and did some walking. It was one of the most exhilarating things I have done in my life.

Whatever you choose to do, the key is to set your mind to it and do it, even if is just for a minute. You will see that you can survive to try it again, and each time it gets a little easier.

I wrote a blog article about doing things to overcome fear. You might find it useful. https://crossdresserreport.com/if-you-do-only-one-thing/

Sami

[Aunt Kelly]

Driving is just an extension of your home - you're confined in a semi private space and usually don't have to interact with anyone. Same goes for walks alone in the park. It may help to get you over a psychological hump, but once there, many of us realize that it is actual interaction we're after. Let me also throw out my caution to avoid places where you might find yourself alone with bad people. Stick to more public places. Yes, I know. It may not feel that way but you are safer in the mall than the park.
And remember, age and venue appropriate attire, along with proper comportment (not appearing nervous or guilty) will make all the difference. I know, Ronnie, that with your condition, that may be asking a bit much. Going out with a friend can make all the difference. If you're in the PDX area, I can steer you to some resources that might provide just what you're looking for.

[docrobbysherry]

Simple, if you're a CD like me.:)

I don't go out alone to vanilla venues when I can avoid it. I don't pass and often get grief when out alone. So, I only go out with other dressers! Preferably to T friendly venues! :heehee:

No stress, just good times and fun!:hugs:
Find some local girls and meet them somewhere!

[Becky Blue]

Ronnie, I am going to suggest a slightly different approach to the majority here. I suggest you find a CD/TG makeover place that has supervised outings. Not only is it a LOT more fun going out with someone, they will discuss the outing with you and take you to the most appropriate place that will help you deal with your anxiety. They will have had others like you and will be experienced and empathetic.

[alwayshave]

Ronnie, I belong to a meetup dot com group for crossdressers and others on the trans spectrum. Meetings are usually at local hotels with lots of other ladies.

[Jean. Ann]

I think the desire to go affects many
if not most Crossdressers . It in a way
sorts a way to test all of our work. and
planning that went into our feminine
presentation.
The almost funny thing that if we do a
Really good job, it may go Un noticed
as we sorta blend in or " pass"


Jean Ann

[Xxmilliexx]

Following this, this really applies to my situation as well.

[Shayla]

I agree with Becky- get a makeover at/done by a trans specialist and go out with them or alone to a trans-friendly place afterwards. I did this my first time (in May) and it was exhilarating! I met some other CDers and she did such a good job with the make-up and styling my wig that my own family would not have recognized me if they saw me and so I felt very comfortable at the trans-friendly bar and then even walking around the downtown area afterwards. I feel very confident I will do it again when the need returns and am more comfortable about shopping for fem clothes in drab because of that experience.

[Xenia]

As a shy, introverted, and somewhat anxious person myself, I can relate to your position. The key, as others have said, is working up to it gradually.

Going out for a drive is an excellent place to start. You're out in public but still in a safe, personal space. And unless you're in a convertible in bumper-to-bumper traffic, no one is going to get a really good look at you.

When I was younger, I used to take walks around my neighborhood at 2 or 3 in the morning. Mind you, this was when I lived in a very boring, very quiet, very safe suburban neighborhood where crime was nonexistent and there was almost zero chance of encountering anyone else. Not really a recommended strategy for a lot of places, as others have rightly pointed out.

If you go for a drive late at night, find a 24-hour convenience store or pharmacy and go in and buy yourself a soda. If you're like me, this is going to be REALLY HARD the first time, and you'll be too nervous to say much or even look the cashier in the eye. But it's a safe environment and a quick, easy interaction to get your feet wet a little.

Most shopping malls open their doors several hours before the stores open for business. One near me opens at 5:00 a.m. every day, but I think 6 or 7 is probably more typical. If you're willing to get up that early, that's a great way to practice being in an actual public space, without having many (or any) other people around. And since the only folks you're likely to encounter are retirees getting their morning walks in, it's tough to imagine a safer environment.

Whichever route you end up taking, you'll have to step outside your comfort zone, but my experience has been that every step is easier than you expect it to be. And there's no shame in retreating if you feel yourself starting to freak out a little.....most of us have been there. As long as you stick to safe environments, whatever you're imagining might happen is almost certainly far worse than reality. I've been out dozens of times, I'm quite certain I don't fool anyone into thinking I'm a woman, and I'm still waiting for my first overtly negative reaction. Give it a shot, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how many people really don't care what you're wearing. :)

[Ronnie38]

These have all bewn great ideas and advice. Thank you for all of the replies. Based on all of the suggestions i think im going to build myself up to going for a drive. Not sure when but hopefully some time soon. I still find it hard to go out as normal me but have found comedy to be a good destresser as far as that is concerned. I work in a. Very busy retail environment and my coworkers dont know about my anxiety. They just thinkk im a real funny guy. Maybe i will eventually find a way to mmake it funny.

[Lea]

I have only been out for Halloween parties. My wife is not comfortable with going out in our own area dressed. Small town everyone knows everyone and what cars they drive.
Those times out were wonderful. Driving is a good chance to get out. It will be a fun experience for you. I enjoyed the small things, The seatbelt between my breast, catching glimpses of my painted nails and seeing my shaved legs in hose appearing from beneath my skirt. Getting in and out of the car.
Since it was Halloween I did not take any male clothing and I loved every mile farther away from home and anything male.
At first I was outside my comfort zone but looking back it was one of my favorite experiences.
Whatever you do please let us know what you did and how it went.

[Queen Bridget]

I was in the same boat. Wanted to go out, but have social anxiety.

I got around it by cosplaying at Comic Con. It was the perfect excuse to be in public and not worry about "passing" :P

[LeannS]

I am like Rader in a way have sported a mustache for over 40 + plus years.
I keep it so there is peace in the family lets say.
but that does stop me from driving around I have done it many times I have a surgical mask that hides it.
I get dressed to go set up a trailer for camping will leave a couple of days earlier to get a good spot. no one will look at you
I wear capri's, top, forms and my wig. and yes with a set of other clothes just in case.
and if I can do it you sure as hell can I have come a long way doing this as I am NO social butteryfly
but have fun and be safe doing it !!

Just my 2 cents worth here
Leann

[Eboni Robinson]

I started by dressing up and going out at night. Driving around is another great way to start working up your courage.

[Rayleen]

Going out when you're in closet and everyone knows everybody. Unless you come out, you are prisoner in your own home.

[Sallee]

Yes that desire happens. Are there any gay bars that have drag shows Thats always an easy place to go. How about support groups You'll meet friends there suffering the same problems we all have. You can even go to events like I mentioned in drab to check them out first. Don't be worried about people you know seeing you. If they do they are there for the same reason.
All or at least most of us have been through the same process and we all have over thought it.
Have fun and enjoy your dress up time and you will realize after a few outing very few notice and fewer even care.

[Mary Lawrence]

One place I have always wanted to go out -- to mingle and just be part of the crowd -- is the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade in NYC halloween-nyc.com/. A wonderful mix of participants and audience lining the route. It takes all kinds to make that parade a success. Unfortunately, the time was never right when I lived in the New York area.

[Taylor186]

Find a CD social/support group in you area. That was my first time out fully dressed other than Halloween. My group was low key and very supportive for those of us venturing out for the first time.

[Jenny123]

I understand what you are saying since I experience many of the same things. It's one of the reasons I don't go out as much as I'd like to. One thing I have found that helped was meeting people through Facebook and finding a local support group to me. Are either of those options for you?

[Jenny22]

Here's how I started:
1. Buy suction cup screens for driver's and passenger side front windows... blocks the clear view of others. Drive during the daytime.
2. Coming to a red traffic signal, slow down and let other cars pass. Then proceed and place your car so that your and their door posts, head rests block their line of sight. Its easy to do.
3. On a Saturday or Sunday, go to the parking lot(s) of an office complex. It will be empty or nearly so. Park. Look around. GET OUT of your car and walk around. Take selfies or a video with backgrounds to show you are out.
4. Being fully en femme with makeup and wig and possibly sun glasses, go to a fast food drive through and order. Have cash in hand so as not to fumble with your wallet. Order in your male voice. Go to pickup window, pay and get food. SMILE! you may well be recognized as a guy, but so what! They don't know you! Say thank you while smiling. I once had a nice girl say to me, " Have fun, beautiful." Loved it and thanked her.

If anyone would like more info, PM me.

[Yukihime]

If anxiety is your biggest hurdle, driving around dressed is a good way to get used to the feeling and to build your courage. A support group will accelerate this process, but you too must take the step towards meeting them as your femme self.

Something I can suggest, would be to scout suitable hotels in your vicinity and in neighbouring cities/towns, hopefully with attached malls and a restaurant. You can stay in the room the whole time and practice your dressing, and slowly build your courage to step outside the room. Even if you never step outside, you can still enjoy a full day dressed in all your finery, and just order in room service (ask them to leave it at your door).

As for me, ever since I first stepped out about 3 years ago, I've not lost the urge to go out and paint the town red shopping. It's only going to get stronger in future.

[Lynn Sealy]

Where in the PNW do you live? I expect there are several members of the group who live near you and could help. If near Portland, a lot of resources avalable there.

[hellkat13]

Way back when I first ventured out I stayed low key. I started small and went to smallish shopping centers usually with book stores. They are usually not very busy and you can browse around, sit and read, drink coffee, etc. and easily monitor your surroundings.