A little bit about Carrie-Anne

[Carrie-Anne]

Firstly i would like thank everyone that sent messages in my last post that made me feel so welcome. I was asked if I could give a little more info about myself so here goes. I think I knew I was different when I was very young but didn't understand why. I remember being a page boy at a relatives wedding and crying a lot at the time. Everybody thought it was because I had to wear a frilly shirt and velvet trousers but really it was that I wanted to be one of the bridesmaids instead. I had a few thoughts i still did not understand as I went through the school years and then in the late teens the thoughts got stronger. I dated several girls and enjoyed it but always felt envious of the clothes they wore. In my early twenties i met a girl and we married. I thought this would solve all my problems and prove that I was just normal like all my mates. I held all my thoughts back for quite a long time but would occasionally try something of my wife's on when she was out. We eventually had children and I just tried to hide my increasing thoughts. I eventually became self employed and got a workshop which became my sanctuary for dressing in a skirt and top in secret when I could get the time. Time moved on and the kids grew up and moved out. I carried on in secret as I knew my wife would never be accepting in any way. The last few years have been very traumatic with other family problems so I kept things totally secret. I now live on my own so can dress a lot more often than ever before although I still have family commitments that take up a lot of time. I usually come home from work and change straight into a comfortable skirt or dress unless I know someone is coming round. This is where I am at today and am now hoping to take things further gradually using a lot of what I have already learned from this site and in the future. At least I now know that there are so many others similar to me around the globe which has given me some hope in my journey forward. Carrie-Anne

[Nikki A.]

Welcome Carrie Anne. We all can relate to what you're saying and many of us are in the same situation. I'd love to dress all the time, but there are times that we have to play the male card.

[Rachael Leigh]

Carrie welcome, and yes this story will resonate with many of us here, myself included. I finally accepted being different was ok a few years ago but also found that some don’t accept this kind of difference which still puzzles me. Anyway welcome and be blessed.

[stephaniestilley]

Hi Carrie Anne! I know how that feels, my biggest dream is that someday I can be Stephanie all of the time, but in the meantime we have to hang in there. This website certainly helps me a great deal. Very pretty name by the way! It reminds me of one of my favorite songs by the Hollies :)

[IleneD]

Carrie-Ann,

Blessings, welcome and thank you for your background story. I believe it resonates with many forum sisters who have a similar set of life markers.
One thing I am missing. Your children are grown and out of the house. I get that. You mentioned that you live on your own. What became of your wife and your marriage? Is she still part of your life and does she live with you? Have you even come out to your wife yet? (I may have missed Part 1 of your narrative).

[Rachelakld]

I feel your pain - but didn't cry, just upset she got to wear the dress and I got a silly suit.
293876

[Teresa]

Carrie-Anne,
How I also wanterd to be a bridesmaid but that was as an adult , I photographed weddings for thirty years , and aften stood at the back of the church wishing I could be one of the girls in their lovely dresses . I was also lucky that my darkromm was my sanctuary , I had all my clothes etc. so I could dress for hours when printing out my work , no one could enter because of needing total darkness , even if the family were only a few yards away .

All my family know as do many other people do but now I live alone I can really be out and about , I will add if I can do it I'm sure anyone can . Yes there are others , we never know what goes on only a few doors away , most people have something to hide but we shouldn't be one of them . The World is changing and being a CDer or TG whatever is far more openly accepted now as you will see now you're a member here and by the way welcome to a great forum I hope it does help you like it's helped me .

[alwayshave]

Carrie-Anne, welcome to the forum. I was a ring bearer at about 6 years of age, so I understand how you felt. To this day I still want to be a bridesmaid.

[Carrie-Anne]

It is such a shame we have had to live our lives how others expect us to and not how we truly want to be. Thanks stephaniestilley, I really like the name Carrie Anne too but didn't get it from the song although I do remember the song quite well. IleneD you asked about my wife. She suffered with severe depression which got much worse in the last few years of marriage which of course made family life very difficult. Sadly she took her own life a while ago now which came as a huge shock to us all. I did my best to help my kids through it but to lose their mum in this way was hard to cope with. I did actually try to have 'the talk' about the cding with her several years ago but realised she had problems of her own and didn't want to burden her with my problems too. My kids have now got homes of their own so this is why I now live alone. I have never told them about my cding either although I think they have a few suspicions but nothing is ever said. Carrie Anne

[ClosetED]

You fit right in with many of us - welcome and share whatever you feel comfortable with.
Hugs, Ellen

[IleneD]

Carrie-Anne,

I saw your response to my question on your relationship. I am almost sorry I asked, and please accept my most sincere sympathy. The grief you and your children live with is certainly life altering. You were loving and wise in not throwing another straw on the camel's back.

[phili]

Hi Carrie Anne,
I am another one of the thousands who share your basic origin story. I have come to understand that wanting to wear the dresses I saw around me was the tip of an iceberg of more difficult and seemingly dangerous feelings. Like many others here I have come to understand and accept being transgender in my personal way, and it goes on as an unfolding story until the day we wake up and don't feel we aren't 'wearing the wrong clothes'.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

You've been through some very heavy stuff Carrie Ann. Thank you for sharing it.

Never doubt that you can come here any time you want, just to get feelings off your chest. No one will judge you or tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself- we've all been through conflict and angst because of the frustrations and stresses of being a crossdresser.

You're very welcome here and we look forward to hearing more from you.

Hugs, nikki

[Beverley Sims]

I see your situation and I sympathise with you also.

Keep your chin up and keep smiling.

[Nikki A.]

Carrie Anne my condolences about your wife. Mine also suffered from depression and while it wasn't technically suicide, her actions did lead to her death. Only after her death did I have the opportunity to learn more about myself and live my life as I choose to.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Hi Carrie Anne ... My early childhood best friend was/is a Carrie. I keep wondering how it would be growing up if it was just accepted that we were whatever person we want to be. That's how I realized that I am some kind of queer person. I asked myself, how would I feel if this person was both man and woman, not one or the other.

Re: My kids have now got homes of their own so this is why I now live alone. I have never told them about my cding either although I think they have a few suspicions but nothing is ever said ... This statement made me think of my 22 year old (virgin) stepdaughter who lives at home. She and her mother are always telling me about how it is to be "queer". The daughter holds herself out as Q in the LGBT identification and her mother is incredibly inquisitive.

As a put down, my daughter calls me acting and wearing hair like an "early adolescent girl." If fact, in fem, I am that. But I can never say anything. I just have to act like a lug when they tell me how a transgender feels.

It is so weird. I am more transgender than either of them but they want me to be the silly male oaf. And this is the role I will play. And drive the truck around like the handy man character in a sitcom. There is no special magic that honesty bestows on life. Usually, it is the best policy but usually is not always.

I'm sorry the post brought up the loss. Life is what we are now.

Thanks for letting me vent a hello. It's been forever since I have posted on this wonderful site.

:kiss:

[tammy1]

Welcome Home!

[DMichele]

Carrie-Anne,
Welcome to the forum and I hope you can find peace and acceptance, especially from those that are dear to you. Sorry the loss and pain you experienced.
Best wishes!

[Judy-Somthing]

Your story sounds like a lot of us on here.
I've been dressing since 1963, I'm not to worried, my mother said it was just a phase Im going through!