Let's talk about the need to be free, and the gains

[Cassandra Lynn]

One thing I struggle with is keeping an even keel when reading threads in this forum.

I'm a moody person and when i'm in certain moods I can easily get tweaked when I read threads dealing with the shame, guilt and fear of being 'seen', even if just the little things.
One of those threads dealt with nails in public and in particular the workplace. I've been around awhile and so I fully understand that many have relationship issues that mean compromises.....the dadt couples and whatnot. But this thread got to me because the fear I saw in it was that.....'I might get called out by people and have to explain why my nails are this, that and the other', kind of fear.
Wow, I guess that means there'll be a lynching?

I admit my situation in life is so different that i'm looking at it all from the other side; been there and done that (and have the t-shirt).

I have the freedom to be and present both my genders as I wish and although I lean to the F I still show plenty of M and i'm comfortable. But sometimes I can still push through boundaries and sometimes those boundaries have little to do with what I am wearing.
I'm talking about the confidence to not be extra careful about every little thing, speaking openly about gender related topics in public and around people casually, and many other ways we take ownership of our Transness.

I was at a recovery camp-out this last weekend and after the Saturday night dinner we had a pirate raffle (nope, no pirates were available, it means that items can be stolen). Towards the end there was 2 items left on the table, one of which was a designer type bag with a summer swim cover-up. A couple of women had already took it out of the bag and held it up for inspection so everyone knew what it was.

It was a black open weaved pull-over, rather on the sexy side you might say. And so my number is drawn. Now the items still available for me to steal weren't anything I was too interested in and the other item left was a knitted stocking cap and ummm,….....no thanx.

Oh, perhaps I should back up for a second...….there was 40 or so folks there and of those there was 3 who know me as trans, though prolly 6 or 7 others have been around me long enough to make assumptions based on what they see. The remaining people were all new to me.

So as i'm standing in front of this crowd, I come to the conclusion that I want to make a statement of sorts, a symbolic gesture of freedom if you will. Ftr, I do own a bikini bottom, a pretty little pink floral number that I wear to the tanning beds and when I go to certain swimming holes outdoors. I have no need for a cover-up and since I was looking fairly drab at that moment, I was hearing quite a bit of joking and wise-cracking behind me by people thinking I was just goofing off.
I even took the garment out of the bag and held it up to gauge it's size (yes, I have since put it on and it does fit), because I know a gal or 2 who might like to have it.

One of the gals who knows all about me says loudly, "go ahead sweety, you know you want too", and so as I collect it and walk back to my seat I see lot's of confused faces. I'm sure many just shrugged it off as thinking I have someone to give it to, and i'm also sure many assumptions were made. Like I said, quite a few of these people have seen enough of me femmed up, to add 2 to 2 and get 4.

But, I guess what i'm getting at is how nice it feels to be free, even if it's just a little peek.
Remember too, what there is to be gained. Every little advance in the public eye, makes for change in the perceptions from joe public.

Of the reactions after the fact, most were positive, but I did get to have a bit of fun with one ol' redneckish sort later in the evening. The lady friend who knows me, was telling me how cool it was that I got that wrap, and the fella is standing near and hears her and says to me "I'll pray for you my friend", and laughs in a friendly way. I just winked at him and said "oh thanx, pray that next time I get the chance like that, it'll be a dress and in pink or floral print"! .
The lady friend nearly spilled her coffee and the guy's face went blank and he walked away not knowing what to think. The next morning he treated me as any other person, so again, I consider that an advancement in educating society.

Sorry for the long thread, I hope you get something from all that.
Cass

[Andie]

Thanks for sharing those thoughts Cass. I strive to be that free someday.

[Maddie_h22]

Thanks for saying that Cassandra. I really appreciate that act of freedom.

[Becky Blue]

Thanks for sharing your story Cassie and good on you for just being yourself... and for advancing the cause, alas some of us can't do this due to marital situations etc... so all the more power to you girl!!

[DaisyLawrence]

You are right, it's these little things that all add up to break down barriers in the publics mind. I like to do my little bit for gender expression everyday in my own way. If I had been given the same opportunity that you were given I would have done a similar thing. It is difficult to dislike the message if the messenger delivers it with confidence and a smiling lighthearted approach. Well done you. :)

[Beverley Sims]

I am breaking free although not as free as you yet.

I aspire to be though.

[Pat]

Cool story. One of the things you have to keep in mind in the Crossdresser's forum is that there are so many individuals viewing it through so many different lenses. Sometimes, depending on who's speaking, it can be pretty hard to empathize. Sometimes when we speak of freedom, we're talking to someone who thinks such freedom is impossible for them, for whatever reason. I'm glad you're where you're at, Cassandra, and I'm glad for the person who has just summoned the courage to spend a day at work wearing women's underwear under their men's underwear, under their jeans. Each person's advance is real to that person, and thus respectable. Sometimes reading the details breaks my heart because of their situation (e.g. DADT) but I always admire their courage. ;)

[Rachael Leigh]

Cass I get it, I’m non binary and there are days I’m fully in between both in dress and look. It’s just a part of me. I enjoy my female side more than my male side and I’m really over how and what people think but yes I still hesitate some days
Yes the gender rollercoaster is fun

[Tracii G]

I get where you are coming from Cass.
If people would just own it the way you did they would be much better off.
I was at a company raffle and won a new crock pot. I was elated because I had been thinking about buying a new one.
One guy started laughing and I said at least I can cook and don't need have someone cook for me.
The people in ear shot started laughing at him.
One of the ladies there had won a fishing pole and she said hey you want to trade? I said heck no GF I need this crock pot.
That got a huge laugh from people close by.
The point is being free to be who you really are without the fear of what people might be thinking.
There are a lot of threads here that deal with the fear and as much as we say there is nothing to be scared of it still persists.

[suzanne]

Tracii, your story is almost as good as the O.P. Just like Cass, your owning it is the greatest tool for disarming the haters. There is nothing like being able to walk out the door with your head held high because you feel like a million bucks in that new dress. Every time I do it, I like myself more and gain self confidence. It's incredible.

[Tracii G]

Just relaying an incident I had and it is one of many I have had over the years.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Thanx for your comments ladies.


One of the things you have to keep in mind in the Crossdresser's forum is that there are so many individuals viewing it through so many different lenses. Sometimes, depending on who's speaking, it can be pretty hard to empathize. Sometimes when we speak of freedom, we're talking to someone who thinks such freedom is impossible for them, for whatever reason.

Each person's advance is real to that person, and thus respectable. Sometimes reading the details breaks my heart because of their situation (e.g. DADT) but I always admire their courage. ;)
And thank you Pat. I had initially intended to post this in the TG/NB forum, but realized that due to the fact that most of the peeps there are also on the other side, the thread fit better here.
I hope the tone and nature of my discomfort with this issue wasn't to off putting as I shared it, I really don't want to be like that.

I was there once too; even just a couple of yrs ago when I had an attractive female SA ask me point blank if the clothing I was buying was for me, was nearly enough to make me walk away. I held my ground, answered her just as bluntly, and she gave me a bright smile and treated me like gold after that.

I too feel that twinge of heartache for those who have to reign in their needs to meet the needs of the relationship they're in.

For those of you who are just spreading your wings tho, the rewards will always be greater than the less fun times, trust me on that.
I remember a darling elder lady sitting next to me in a nail salon pedi chair one day treating me like I was her best lady friend ever, not one iota of awkwardness from her.

In fact, I recommend salon trips as a good place to go for those of you trying to ease your comfort level in public.


Thanx again folks.
Cass

[Teresa]

Cassandra,
Good for you , you know you would kicked yourself after if you had backed down. Keep doing these things and build your confidence , you don't have that much to lose .

I made this point in another thread , in my situation I was thinking what some of the guys were thinking as I walked past them on the way to the bar , I was wearing the dress in my avatar . I wouldn't mind betting some were frustrated CDers wishing they could be in my shoes . So although you were hearing jokey comments one or two could be wishing they could be picking up that prize so they could slip into it later . We are not alone as I'm finding when I talk more openly to people , I've found out about three more CDers in my new town alone in the last week or so .

[Aunt Kelly]

Of the reactions after the fact, most were positive, but I did get to have a bit of fun with one ol' redneckish sort later in the evening. The lady friend who knows me, was telling me how cool it was that I got that wrap, and the fella is standing near and hears her and says to me "I'll pray for you my friend", and laughs in a friendly way. I just winked at him and said "oh thanx, pray that next time I get the chance like that, it'll be a dress and in pink or floral print"! .
The lady friend nearly spilled her coffee and the guy's face went blank and he walked away not knowing what to think. The next morning he treated me as any other person, so again, I consider that an advancement in educating society.

Cass
Well played, Cassandra. :clap:

[Sami Brown]

I think this is a very inspiring and thought-provoking thread. It's great examples like this that keep me coming back to this site for more.

[Darling Micki]

Cassandra,

Great story. I love that you are taking ownership of being you.

I often hear people say they CAN'T do something. Not because of a physical limitation, but something internal. Usually in regards to walking in high heels. But in other subjects as well.

When I am asked about how to walk in heels. One of the things I tell them is regardless of actual skill level, when they walk in wearing heels, own it. "Every eye in the room is checking you out because you are rocking it" whether you are or not. Because if you go in afraid, thinking you're going to trip, make a fool of yourself and EVERYONE is going to see it. You're going to telegraph that and everyone is going to intently watch you because you are so nervous.

I strongly believe we defeat ourselves before anything starts because we think/say "I CAN'T do that"

There's quite a large gap between "Can't do" and "not good at"

I mimic character voices, sometimes good, sometimes not so much. I design costumes, do needlepoint, macrame. I cook. I'm artistic.

I don't always do a good job, but what I do, do, I own it. I didn't do great this time, but next time I will do better.

I wish more people started off with "I can try." Instead of "I can't"

[Cassandra Lynn]

Thank you for that Darling Micki. I read your post in the long nails thread, and i'd like to take this moment to tell you..... Atta Girl!


As many people have noted in that thread and on other threads, the very best way to shut people up when one is out and about and gets questioned about something in their presentation is to simply own it. Look them in the eyes and say yes...…"I do pluck my eye brows", "yes, I do go to the nail salon", and when and if the 'why' question follows, the best response is...….because I can.

Cass