How do YOU reply?

[Darling Micki]

The past two weekends I have been working at a Renaissance Faire near Big Bear California. Both weekends I got up between 6am - 7:30am, in order tobe fully prepared to greet patrons when they started arriving at 10:00am.

I crawled out of my sleeping bag and tent, then proceeded to the nearest Port-a-Potty to answer natures call. Upon returning to my tent I began to get ready. Touch-up shave to the upper chest, full facial shave nice clean and smooth courtesy of a bottle of water, bowl and hand mirror. Then I got dressed. Tucked with the appropriate foundation wear, pantyhose and leggings, bra, forms, underbust corset, pirate top dress, bustier, calf high boots. I grab my mirror, makeup, and wig, then sit at a picnic table doing my makeup. Don the wig, clean up my makeup and tuck everything back in my tent in time for the opening of the gates.

Late on the morning of the 22nd, I was applying polish to my nails when a young patron girl, dressed as a pink princess, asked me why I was dressed as a girl. *Response documented in another post/thead*

This most recent weekend, on Saturday night, after the faire was over, "running" around site in a t-shirt, pleather leggings and heeled boots, a young faire child asked me why I was wearing "girl" shoes.

I asked her incredulously "[Was] I wearing girl shoes?"
Her:*nods*
Me: Are these girl shoes? *extending leg and showing off heels*
Her: *nods*
Me: What makes them 'Girl' shoes?
Her: Because they have these. *points to heels*
Me: But I'm not a girl. *only 1/2 presenting at that time*
Her: They were made for girls.
Me: But they fit me, and they're comfortable. I don't have a small girl's foot. I'm a guy. So what makes them 'Girl' shoes?"

She offered a few more reasons. Each one based on the premis only girls 'could' wear shoes like that. Each time I countered with I hadn't been born a girl, they fit, and I liked them, so how could they be girl shoes if a guy was wearing them. The adults around me, smiling, even offered some evidence supporting me.

Its not the first time I have been asked by people of various ages. It most certainly won't be the last.

But I'm curious. When people ask you why...
- Why are you dressed "like that"?
- Why are you wearing 'girl' clothes?
- What makes you want to dress "like that"?

How do you reply?
Is it educational, personal, combative, amusing?
What do you say? Especially to younger children just developing their view of the way things work?

If I have placed this incorrectly, I do most assuredly apologize, and request forgiveness.

[docrobbysherry]

You're lucky they ask, Micki. Vanilla folks that see me r too busy laffing or running away to carry on intelligent dialog!:eek:

[mykell]

i like how you played this out, i wonder if she will remember this when she is older... what may have transpired later when alone with her parents:D

[Phoebe Reece]

I like the way you handled that. I think my own answer would be simply "Because it's fun." Then I would have asked the child, "Don't you like to play dress-up sometimes?"

[marika_jaye]

Micki,

I LOVE the way you handled that! I've fielded similar questions from friends and family. Usually I reply that I just like to be girly. When I'm feeling a bit sassier, well, my signature is my signature because I've said it more than a few times. :devil:

I also love Phoebe's response. Wearing pretty, feminine things IS fun!

[Ceera]

When people ask ...
- Why are you dressed "like that"? (asked when I am obviously presenting female)
Because I like how these clothes look on me, and because I'm a woman, and this is what women wear. Why are you wearing what you have on?

- Why are you wearing 'girl' clothes? (asked when I am obviously presenting female)
Because I'm a woman, my dear. Why are you wearing (their gender) clothes?

- Why are you wearing 'girl' clothes? (asked when I am obviously presenting male)
Because these stretch jeans and sandals are the most comfortable ones I have ever owned. I don't care which department sells them - they fit and they feel great!

- What makes you want to dress "like that"? (asked when I am obviously presenting female)
The same things that make any woman choose her clothes. Comfort, fashion, suitability to where she's going. Why? Is something missing or damaged?

- You sound kinda like a boy. (Actually was an observation made by a child when I was very tired, and my voice slipped a bit back toward male from my usual feminine voice).
"I get that sometimes, yeah. I'm a pretty big girl, and some larger women do tend to have lower voices. That's all." His mom looked kind of embarrassed, and apologized. I told her it was not a problem at all.

- You're not a lady, you're male!
"Well, I was male, quite some time ago. But I've been getting so much better. I assure you, I'm a woman now."

- Are you a boy or a girl? You look kinda like a boy, but mamma says you're a lady. (Was actually asked this by a 7 year old boy. I was dressed and looking very female at the time, with boobs and makeup, but had also been walking around that same event earlier that day, dressed and looking quite male.)
"Your mommy is right, dear, I'm female. But it's all right if you can't tell for sure. Some ladies do kind of look like guys, and I know I look kind of confusing to some people."

[dana digs sweaters]

How do I reply? "Honey, it's for the fabulous closet I get to be spoiled with!"

294278

[sarah_hillcrest]

I've got so little experience dressing in public that the question has never came up, but a CD youtuber that I find hilarious addressed the question in a video explaining when he was caught by his mom dressed, "My Mom asked, Eric, why are dressed like a girl, to which I replied, Mom, I'm gorgeous."

[Princess Chantal]

I like the way you handled that. I think my own answer would be simply "Because it's fun." Then I would have asked the child, "Don't you like to play dress-up sometimes?"

Even though these explanations simply describes my own dressing, when asked I tend to refrain from using them now days in respect of those that don’t do it for the same purposes as me (folks that are transitioning and etc). I would not want people to think that all folks under the transgender umbrella ‘play dress up’. Especially children who may not be able to distinguish between my dressing and those that are transitioning.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I used the playing dress-up story the last time I was asked by a young girl (with her mom in tow) while I was primping in the ladies room.

[Jaymees22]

"Our you a boy or a girl?" I answer yes!

[Patience]

Tell them you're walking a mile in someone else's shoes.

Xox,

Tina V.

[Rachelakld]

Easy,
10 year old asked her mum why I was dressed as a girl.
Mum turned a bright red colour and was about to tell the girl off, but I got there first and explained
"When I was born, god gave me a mans body and a girls brain"
Girl and mum both happy and understood.

[Jenny22]

I'm ready to answer the question, if ever asked .. "a girl lives in my heart, and I need to let her out sometimes". Now i'm gonna use Rachel's as the first part of any explanation, with mine to follow. How could anyone find fault with such an explanation. OK, some will.

[kimdl93]

The answer depends on who is asking. I’d give a different response to a child than an adult. And a different response to an adult depending on the nature or absence of a relationship with them. I don’t feel obligated to explain myself to strangers.

[Michaelasfun]

I have told people “because it makes me happy.”

[Courtney_29]

michaelasfun i really like that reply the most so far simple and effective for child or adult. and very truthful lol

[Lana Mae]

Has not happened yet but I like Rachael's answer! Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Micki,
So far I haven't been asked that question directly , although the neighbour across the road from me told me he was OK with my dressing but his wife couldn't understand why I needed to do it , I replied at times neither do I .

You don't say how old the girl was but I wonder if some of your answers were a little over her head , but it worked out OK in the end .

[susan54]

Despite going out dressed hundreds of times I have never been confronted with this question. I would wonder why they waned to know - why does this matter to them? But the answer would be "Because it is fun". How a complete stranger dresses should not be an issue for anyone, ever.

[Confucius]

Honestly, I've never been asked. Still I have some prepared answers, just in case.

- Why are you dressed like that?
Because it makes me happy.

- I am sure most men don't agree with you. What makes you different?
I suppose it just how my brain is hardwired. When I feel pretty my brain releases neurotransmitters that make me feel good.

- Don't you understand that your behavior isn't normal?
I understand that society has problems with nonconformists. I suppose that makes me an activist for transgender rights. Let's agree that society needs more tolerance for gender nonconformists.

[aLEXisREX]

Tell them you're walking a mile in someone else's shoes.

Xox,

Tina V.

This is such a funny and smart reply. This almost gave me enough confidence to go out dressed one day. I dont think that would end well though. I live in a small city that is full of the unfriendliest ignorant people and there is a lot of violent crime. I have been ridiculed and shunned from all my social circles even in my own family. I've lost jobs and job opportunities because my ex talked about me dressing on FB and to friends/family in person to crush my masculine reputation I have in this tight-knit community, after she abused and left me (post about this coming soon).

Those who have enough guts to go out of the room dressed are lucky. I'm trapped and cant come out. I'll lose my children, my home, and possibly my life.

If I did decide to go out dressed, what would I do when someone asks this? I might break down and just cry. What if my children found out and they asked? Im such an awesome dad. We do so much cool dad stuff. I do kickflips down gaps. I build raised garden beds and chicken coops. We go camping and hiking and ride bikes together. If they knew I did this, I feel like I might lose their respect because their mom is teaching them that I'm not a man and not important by her words and actions (The state loves this). So if they knew then they would think she is right and that I may be lying about everything I say. I feel I'd lose fatherly credibility.

[looking_good]

When people ask ...
- Why are you dressed "like that"? (asked when I am obviously presenting female)
Because I like how these clothes look on me, and because I'm a woman, and this is what women wear. Why are you wearing what you have on?

- Why are you wearing 'girl' clothes? (asked when I am obviously presenting female)
Because I'm a woman, my dear. Why are you wearing (their gender) clothes?

- Why are you wearing 'girl' clothes? (asked when I am obviously presenting male)
Because these stretch jeans and sandals are the most comfortable ones I have ever owned. I don't care which department sells them - they fit and they feel great!

- What makes you want to dress "like that"? (asked when I am obviously presenting female)
The same things that make any woman choose her clothes. Comfort, fashion, suitability to where she's going. Why? Is something missing or damaged?

- You sound kinda like a boy. (Actually was an observation made by a child when I was very tired, and my voice slipped a bit back toward male from my usual feminine voice).
"I get that sometimes, yeah. I'm a pretty big girl, and some larger women do tend to have lower voices. That's all." His mom looked kind of embarrassed, and apologized. I told her it was not a problem at all.

- You're not a lady, you're male!
"Well, I was male, quite some time ago. But I've been getting so much better. I assure you, I'm a woman now."

- Are you a boy or a girl? You look kinda like a boy, but mamma says you're a lady. (Was actually asked this by a 7 year old boy. I was dressed and looking very female at the time, with boobs and makeup, but had also been walking around that same event earlier that day, dressed and looking quite male.)
"Your mommy is right, dear, I'm female. But it's all right if you can't tell for sure. Some ladies do kind of look like guys, and I know I look kind of confusing to some people."

These are questions I fear and they deserve thoughtful, honest answers. I appreciate how you respond. Hoping I can do as well.

[Beverley Sims]

I usually give a straight reply in a matter of fact way, after all the person asking the question was usually polite and interested.

[Darling Micki]

Haven't checked in for a few days and I see a few new responses. Wanted to reply to a few, I hope the following is acceptable.


Micki,
You don't say how old the girl was but I wonder if some of your answers were a little over her head , but it worked out OK in the end .

Grade School age, if memory serves correctly. They probably did. Sometimes I try very hard to be considerate, and understandable to children of that age... I don't always succeed.


How a complete stranger dresses should not be an issue for anyone, ever.

True that, but regrettably there are those that make it their business, and often with the worst of intentions.


These are questions I fear and they deserve thoughtful, honest answers. I appreciate how you respond. Hoping I can do as well.

Really a well thought out response, and yes the questions do deserve thoughtful honest answers. Though I admit I freely encourage people to ask me questions, advising "I can answer most of them, sometimes even correctly." I suspect should the time come, you will answer accordingly.


Confucius, great responses.


aLEXisREX, sorry to hear about your situation. Based on your 'advertised' location, I'm assuming we're relatively close. Based on that assumption I agree, the area is not the most hospitable to those that stray from societal norms. Talk about violent crimes, the police claimed my apartment complex as "the worst be far" in town after a recent shooting. My neighbors have seen me leaving/entering as either persona. I shudder to think what would become of me were I to strut my femme self to the end of my alleyway. Of course I also laugh myself silly at the visual of the crooks who kicked in my front door, going through all my lingerie.
In the eyes of your children, be as honest as possible. Be as manly as you need to be, and a better person than your Ex. When they are old enough they'll know how great a person you are regardless of how you present.
Message me sometime if you need to talk.

[Amelie]

When someone asks me why I am dressed the way I am, I tell them it's because I am a goth.

I rarely interact with children so I rarely if ever have to answer to a kid. Being goth scares most people away from me, I like that.

[suzanne]

The only "Why" question I have ever had was about my pedicure. I was on a road trip with my softball team, with many wives present as well. After a group dinner, we were walking from the restaurant back to our hotels. There was a water fountain and several of the women removed their shoes and waded in. I was in drab, as I am not out to any of them in that way-too-macho culture, but I removed my shoes and went in as well.

In the low light, one woman saw my toenails and asked "Are your nails black?" I said "No. They're burgundy" She said "Oh. Cool" and there were no further comments. Next morning, one of the wives came to me and said, "My husband wants to know why you have your nails that color." I had no idea what to say, but looking down at her feet, I saw hers were orange. So I said, "For the same reason you did yours in that color". I'm no good in a random unrehearsed conversation, so that was the best I could come up with. Most times, it goes like this: "Nice dress". "Thank you". The end

[Crissy 107]

A couple of years ago in early December I was getting a pedicure and when it came to the polish, my favorite part, my nail tech Traci picked up the classic OPI Red. The woman that was next to me asked Traci, are you going to put that color on him? Traci just said yes and the woman looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders and said, why not? Nothing else was said about it.
Crissy

[Pixie_94]

I don't know exactly how would I reply, but I know that high heels were originally worn by men and mostly for mounting, since they make it easier to keep your feet on the things at the sides of the chair, if not, I'd appreciate any correction.