One step forward and I can't step back

[Maria 60]

My wife's sister rented a beach house and asked my kids to go along to keep her kids from getting bored, I was surprised that they went and last Friday I came home to a empty house.
On Friday night I wore a full slip to bed and on Saturday morning I did my normal chores fully dressed, I know my wife likes the windows and doors open when she cleans so to respect her I got changed at noon.
Strangly most of the week I was only sleeping in full slips and nighties and instead of dressing at home I went for drives and when I came back I would watch TV wearing a slip or nightie . It's almost like once you take a step forward you can't go back, dressing in a cloesd house has become boring, even though I only drive around and never leave my car I guess it feels like I'm out.
Last night my wife opened a bottle of wine and told me the niebours went out for the weekend and if I want I could get dressed and sit in the back yard. I got dressed and joined my wife in the yard, she said to me that her biggest fear was if the kids leave in the future that Maria would go crazy and it would be all about Maria. Instead she said last weekend I respected her when I got changed while she was cleaning last Saturday and I only went out a few nights and mostly I enjoyed watching TV in a full slip or nightie and sleeping that way. She told me she was surprised I didn't dress more knowing how I would fight to get time to dress when the kids are there and how I wasn't dressed every minute and that she was happy it wasn't how she thought and believes if that's a sign of how the future is that we should be alright.
She couldn't believe that I didn't dress more at home and instead choose to go for drives, and how once I do something I don't go back. She reminded me that when I first told her I was happy with a slip, skirt and pantyhose and she suggested I get a bra and panties and when I joined here the wigs, make-up and jewelry came along and things got more complicated. It got more complicated because it took me longer to get ready and required me to need more time and just wearing a slip and pantyhose wasn't enough anymore. I can't even imagine getting dressed without wearing a wig, I'm more complete now, and she said I now took the step going out for drives and know dressing at home isn't enough and that I'm past dressing at home.
She commented on how far I've come and the power of when I take a step forward I don't like to go back and finds it strange that I enjoy to go for drives and present myself as a women in public and has always told me that I like to show a little to much leg when I drive that she finds it strange but believes I do it because I enjoy attention from men that she can't understand.
She said all I want to do now is go for drives and this last week was proof that the house was empty and I barely fully dressed at home and asked me if I didn't find that strange.
It was nice to be talking about this with her and I believe we have an open relationship but I guess I didn't even realize myself on my steps forward and I guess this week was proof that once you take a step out, inside isnt as fun. Strangly she said she didn't want me to stop because of our conversation and said for me to do whatever makes me happy and whatever I feel comfortable with.
That was nice of her to say that I kissed and hugged her and thanked her for being so understanding and how much I enjoy having these conversations knowing how she feels or what she's thinking.
Has anyone one else here not noticed your moving forward and don't realize really how far you have come. All I could say is, my wife is right about the no stepping back, once I take a step forward I don't like going back.

[Tracy Irving]

I built a large closet in my basement and told myself that everything needs to fit in it. Fast forward a few years and I am trying to make that a reality again.

[phili]

Maria,
Your story is pretty profound and significant in my view. Your wife is reaching out and touching all sorts of points about how you are in sync with her, and she is trying to support you. That she was worried about some things that seem less of a problem now, but is still worried about what might happen in a few ways.

Example is the 'leg showing'- when she says she doesn't understand, she means she doesn't know what is driving you, or more accurately, that she can see you are showing leg and the question is for who.


I told my wife I was dressing for her, which is because she is the love of my life and I want her to love me and be attracted to me as I see myself. She rejected this and waves me away with an angry sneer. [I will keep trying, of course. Love conquers all is my motto! ]

Your wife and you have not perhaps talked more in depth about what she feels in the bedroom, but I am sure she is feeling quite a bit, and hopefully you can return the favor and talk to her about what you see that has changed and evolved, and ask for her input.


She is saying she sees you are moving forward and not retreating. Your discussion as reported was a little objective- she is observing you going for drives, she trusts what happens there, maybe- or she might wonder if you are driving around looking for truckers to look down into your window. But she needs lots of information- you are her future, her safety net, her connection, her emotional resource, her children's father, etc. She is trying, and I think you see that- so keep edging forward a little more, talking with her and offering to work hard to understand what you feel and answer her questions.

[Teresa]

Phili,
To take up your comments in your third paragraph I had thje same feelings of wanting to totally share with my wife , I'm not going to tread on ant toes with labels here . I had tjhe same sort of reaction accompanied with the comments that she wasn't a lesbian . I wouldn't hold out much hope if it hasn't happened now it never will .

Maria,
Taking the leg exposure point , who do you think you do it for . I feel there are several reasons , many of us do have pretty good legs when the are shaved and cared for maybe covered in nylon . I have had so many comments about my legs so I'm more than happy if people do see them I don't really consider gender in this issue but women do like nice legs it's the one thing they do openly talk about . I didn't expect to be showing bare legs but it's something I've really enjoyed besides being out 100% you have to follow the trend with all the other GGs . I'm not looking to attract the guys if they look then fine but that's it .

I hardly feel dressing at home now is crossdressing , it just feels normal , going out feels the same, the butterflies have long gone , just stepping out the car to do my jobs is no big deal . I will admit I need to get out of the house on a regular basis , I just love integrating with the public .

If your wife fears that stage , reasure her not to worry , it's about finding your comfort zone .

[docrobbysherry]

Maria, your post almost seems to be written by a 3rd party. Your wife seems to know what u want more than u do!

It sounds like you're asking our opinion or for our approval? Ok, u have our approval and your wive's.
Now all u need is your own!:thumbsup:

[Millisense]

She couldn't believe that I didn't dress more at home and instead choose to go for drives, and how once I do something I don't go back.
She invited you in the backyard, perhaps you should invite her on a drive? Or does she go?

[Alice B]

I have also noticed a major change in how my wife accepts my presenting as a female and is more comfortable around me dressed. It as if a switch has been thrown. It makes me a great deal more comfortable

[Beverley Sims]

It is okay to step forward, but do it slowly so as your wife gets used to it naturally, without a feeling of being forced to advance along the way.

This way your assimilation will be smoother and your relationship will evolve more naturally.

[DMichele]

Maria,
I think Sherry raises a very interesting idea! It sounds like you continue to take baby steps - going from the closet out to the public. Perhaps your journey will take you to parking the car and venturing to window shop, etc. Your wife appears to be supportive, especially if you are happy.


Best wishes!