CD's, how can u be certain that's what u r!?

[docrobbysherry]

After reading so many stories of CD's that eventually became TS's, I wondered how many here r convinced that being a crossdresser is as far as they'll ever go? :battingeyelashes:

I know I am. But, it took me over 15 years to figure that out. And, my journey is rather unique. As I didn't have any interest in dressing until age 50+. Then, had urges for real breasts and to become a female out of the blue!:eek:

But, most of u have dealt with dressing urges from an early age. For those of that believe crossdressing is as far as u will go, what tipped u off? And, how can u be so sure?:straightface:

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

great question sherry, i am so lost as to whether i am a just a cd or deep down a non op transsexual woman?
i will never really find out as i don't want to lose my dear and tolerant wife by doing something that may or
may not solve the question.

[Charlotte-Jones]

It's really simple really. Since I have been going through this since I was 13/14, these questions already came up and have been answered to myself pretty much.

There was a point where I did legitimately ask myself "does this mean i wanna be female? Am I trans?"

I didn't have an answer at the time, but eventually i came to the conclusion that "No, I am not and don't want to".

The first thing I did was ask myself if I hated being male and felt i was ment to be a girl. The answer was no.
All things considered, i liked the male me and my male body. I just sometimes seeked a way to escape what I percieved to be the environment my "maleness" comes along with.

I very much still see myself as a male with a female partner in the future, nothing else. And any scenarios that deviated from that were just that. Scenarios. I could never see myself legitimately fulfilling the female role in a relationship let alone all the time on tue daily, and all things considered, I would be remise to lose my "garden hose" if you catch my drift.

It was kind of then that I came to the conclusion that my masculinity itself was somehow rooted in my dressing, as I concluded that "i would probably not even enjoy this if i wasn't a guy to begin with".

A great deal of my dressing i feel is drivrn by my apprieciation of the female form and feminiity, maybe even a bit of jealousy I suppose.

But none of that would have much meaning to me if I wasn't a heterosexual male.

Oh dear I think I rambled a bit there :doh:

To make a long story short, i know this is as far as it goes because much farther and it would probably ceasr to be enjoyable.

Hope i didnt get to confusing or anything :sad:

[KatrinaK]

It’s really not a binary question- there is an entire spectrum between the two.

[Queen Bridget]

I've had the urge to dress for as long as I can remember. But I don't think I have gender dysphoria. The desire to become female is more of an inner fantasy thing.

I see so many CD/TV's turning Trans later (One famous example being Eddie Izzard). I often wonder if that is where I'm eventually heading. Would I even be able to stop it if the urge came? It's kind of worrying.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Doc,

I have been questioning myself quite extensively as of late. I don't like to deal in absolutes but at this timeI believe I have answered the question for myself and I believe that I will remain "just a crossdresser" though believe me I have certainly had very strong feelings that I might be something more and, as I said I don't deal in absolutes so I won't rule anything out but I am very doubtful will pursue transition.

Before I explain what has settled things in my mind let me first say that this is my experience and these are my thoughts and feelings and they are in no way meant to discount the experiences of those who have chosen to transition after all, if you transition is it really a choice?

The more thought I gave to transition the more I thought that being female is a sum of life experiences that I just don't have. My dysphoria I not so strong as to be debilitating or causing me severe physical, emotional and mental stress. If I chose to transition I feel that in the end I might be disappointed that it wasn't the panacea I was expecting.

So at this time I expect that I will remain a crossdresser and I will enjoy that experience.

Elizabeth

[Teresa]

Sherry,
Lets face it we all start off as CDers it's an umbrella term , where we progress with it's needs is up to the individual , I don't believe any of us know exactly what level we've reached , it really is dependant on our circumstances . What sort of realtionship we are in , how much money we have to indulge ourselves , the list goes on , I still don't know all the answers at my age and I started at 8 years old . Why do so many of us have to seek counselling ? It's simply because we can't answer your basic question , if only it was that straightforward .

I now realise that being caught up in labels serves very little purpose , if you're deep in the closet they have no value and if you're totally out no one you meet is really that bothered . They only mean something to another TG person and the counsellors who need to find the right box to fit us in .

[tifftg]

It’s really not a binary question- there is an entire spectrum between the two.

I think Katrina said it best--there is a wide spectrum, I have chosen to stop at a certain place along the way to keep my life in balance between work and family--I may keep inching along we shall see.

[Alice B]

I think I havwe known this all along. I love my female side and all that goes along with this desire, but I alsolove my male side, that that goes along with this and the things I have accomplished in my male world. I doubt that many of these accomplishments could have happened as a female. This is a sad comment, but also true.

[Aunt Kelly]

I believe the most accurate answer is, "I don't know." Here's why.
I have a few TS friends. One identified as a crossdresser for decades, then one day decided she was really TS. I paraphrase, but that is how she puts it. Another of those friends has known all her life.
I have several CD friends. Most have been so all their lives and appear to have no inclination to change.
Even accepting the purely anecdotal nature of these cases, it's impossible to draw any valid conclusion about causality. I suspect that there is something deeper, probably several deeper somethings, at play when it comes to gender identity. There is a somewhat compelling argument in the pattern of gender identity changing later in life. There are plenty of examples of that here. What does that mean? I don't know.

There is some good news. There is at least some academic interest in understanding the CD population, a segment of the TG spectrum for which there is a surprising dearth of any rigorous study, even when compared against the research done on transsexuals. I and a few CD's in this area have been part of a pilot study being conducted by a university in the Houston area. Once validated, the tool will be distributed much more broadly, with the hope that from it will come a better understanding of Doc's rather incisive question, and at least some of the many other questions we have about ourselves.

[Micki_Finn]

None of us can really be certain of anything. If I worried about everything that might happen to me in the future I’d never get anything done today.

[Sarah Doepner]

Sherry,

I've been asking myself that kind of question all along this path. Is wearing panties enough for me? It was for a while but not for ever. Am I going to be satisfied dressing at home in the closet and never going outside? I was for a while, but not for ever. Will I ever need to do more than walk around after midnight? Sure, for a while. Now it's why isn't the dysphoria going away when I can dress for days at a time and I'm out to many in my family and I'm comfortable being in public? It seems if we pick an answer at any one time, when we look back we discover the goal posts have moved.

None of my rock solid answers in the past on my gender have held for ever, so I've sort of stopped expecting them to.

[Gillian Gigs]

A good question that I have asked myself many times over the years. The end answer to date is that I am a guy who whats to be a guy who likes to wear certain articles of women's clothing. Call it a fetish, or whatever you want, after the early years of dressing for sexual purposes, I now prefer to wear nylon lingerie all the time now and pantyhose when ever I can. Skirts are very comfortable while wearing pantyhose, there is just something about the snug fit of pantyhose and a skirt.
There has been an urge to have breasts several times throughout my life, not totally sure why. Some time after the age of 50 I started to grow small breasts which hasn't bothered me in the least. I figured that if I lost weight they would disappear, and after recently losing 25 lbs. they are still the same size according to the measuring tape. I'm not sure whether this is a blessing or not. The "girls" will show some what, and because I shave and trim most of my body, it is obvious if I am not wearing a shirt.
I have set my limits on how far I will go, and live comfortably within the limits.

[Veronica Lacey]

Hey there docrobby…

To look at the term "crossdresser" in the sense that Western society understands it then yes, a crossdresser is the furthest in this realm that I will ever be: a man who likes to wear the clothing and related items of women.

The interest in female clothing began at around age 7, possibly earlier. The soft feel of my mother's clothes was the beginning for me. By my early teens my curiosity was on fire and by age 17 I had begun to consider purchasing my own lingerie. At that age, coincidentally, a male cousin who was 4 years older shared with me that he was gay and slowly introduced me to his world (via open discussion, not in deed.) By 19 I had joined him going to a few clubs he wanted me to see, some gay-friendly restaurants downtown and a couple of similar book stores. I listened to countless hours of my cousin expressing so many repressed feelings from his small-town upbringing, of what he felt, what he could not say, what he longed for, of his new freedom to be himself. I felt comfortable - and comforted - in this new subset of our society and learned a lot about myself.

It was during these short years that I mentally explored his new expanding world which included homosexuality, bisexuality and transvestism, but never exploring them physically or sexually with anyone. Seeing and discussing - and private self-exploration - was plenty good enough for me to figure things out for my own self: I was a hetero-sexual male. I never told my cousin of my dressing desires and he never caught on (he would have definitely said something to me, to encourage me to come out.) This is when I learned that my love was more fetishist in nature as I gravitated towards silks and satins, stockings, heels as well as a love for more traditionally female colours and designs (love some floral patterns.) Sexual moments were prominent for years and have now subsided to comfortable levels with the reasoning that females wearing such clothing enjoy sexual moments then so can a man wearing similar attire, plain and simple. C'est la vie. Side note: my cousin learned that he was "just gay" and eventually married a man who likes to crossdress "a la drag" for performance purposes.

As I admire how beautiful the female form is - and in the process the beauty of the male form - my dressing desires apexed and concluded with wearing forms, clothing and some jewellery, a comfortable place that I have been ever since (now age 48.) Side note #2: for better and for worse wearing female heels has come naturally for me from the very first try; go figure? By the end of the 90's when the internet was really taking off the sites I viewed and the chats I shared solidified in my mind that it's ok to be who I am, that I did not seek any physical change towards being a female, that male/female sexual relations was the only way for me and that was where I would live for life. I met my wife, married, she knows of my journey and respects where I am today.

I love having a male body even if the fantasy of experiencing female breasts and similar thoughts crosses my mind from time-to-time. I am happy as a male dressing occasionally as a female as it coincides with my personality, a comfortable duality of stereotypical male and female traits. I consider myself very fortunate for all the experiences that have helped guide me to knowing who I was, who I am.

[MargaretJ]

I have been crossdressing, off and on, since I was about 4, and it has always been about wearing womens clothing. I was born in the late 50's and grew up in an era when mens clothing was drab blacks and greys, whilst female clothing was always bright and colourful, (to me anyway), so I guess that's what I found so appealing about it at such an early age. It has only been the last 10 years or so, that I have been so committed to cross dressing and had the time to do it. For me it is a hobby, and always will be. I've never had the urge to change my gender.

[sarah_hillcrest]

This is the million dollar question isn't it? As of now there is no way I could ever fathom having SRS. I say that now but I think about Sarah Charles response and think back on my past I could have easily written.

This is no way I could ever fathom buying or wearing panties.

I once told a girl there is no way I could fathom wearing a bra.

There is no way I'm going to out myself to my wife.

There is no way I'm going to risk taking pictures of myself dressed.

OK pictures are fine but there is no way I'm putting them online.

OK, its no big deal to post online but there is no way I'm leaving my house.

OK I've left my house but there is no way I'm going places dressed.

That's about where I'm at now. LOL

[Pat]

After reading so many stories of CD's that eventually became TS's, I wondered how many here r convinced that being a crossdresser is as far as they'll ever go? :battingeyelashes:

I am one of those who can trace their attraction to dressing back to the single-digit age range. 10 years ago I was convinced CD was as far as I'd ever go. Turns out I was misinformed. ;)

[susan54]

After 50 years of crossdressing I know how I feel and how I am always going to feel. I love wearing women's skirts and dresses and everything that goes with them. I hardy ever wear women's trousers. When I go out I add the make up and wig and I ACT as a woman but I never identify as one. I don't go out as much as I used to - I have achieved everything I want to in Susan mode I enjoy being a man and I particularly enjoy interacting with women as a man. I would never want to lose that. So I reckon I am as certain as I can be that it will never go further.

[Susan Smokes]

For me , I can't be sure. I am happy right now just being a Crossdresser, but I can't predict the future. I was over 50 when I started dressing, so who knows where this could take me.

[Nikki A.]

Some great replies and a great question. As for myself, I've enjoyed dressing as long as I remember. Like some of the others I always drew a line that I said I'd never cross, but I sure did. I think I'm at a point where I'm somewhere between a CD but not TS

[CarlaWestin]

I have been crossdressing, off and on, since I was about 4, and it has always been about wearing womens clothing. I was born in the late 50's and grew up in an era when mens clothing was drab blacks and greys, whilst female clothing was always bright and colourful, (to me anyway), so I guess that's what I found so appealing about it at such an early age. It has only been the last 10 years or so, that I have been so committed to cross dressing and had the time to do it. For me it is a hobby, and always will be. I've never had the urge to change my gender.

Thanks for stating it so neatly. That's pretty much how I am.

[Rayleen]

Doc,
I have been a crossdresser since my youth. My motive : I admire all women how they dress from head to heels.

I always envy being in their clothes and how I would look. Crossdressing was a progression and still is. I only dressed at home with my wife and no where else unless in the back yard.

I am glad now because I spend the whole day along side of mostly young and mid aged girls and its satisfying. I use them as a dressing trend to purchase some of the same clothing, and fetish that I'm one of them.


Fantasy plays a big part of my crossdressing venture. Like most said, they are millions of different individual pattern of CD'er

At a certain age, we tend to continue in the same path we enjoyed.

Rayleen

[Robertacd]

Meh... I gave up trying to label myself a long time ago, so I call myself a crossdresser for lack of a better term. Although I am probably trans, I did not have the resources when I was young to explore my options and now I have no real desire to transition, as at my age I do not believe the results would worth be the effort.

If I were 23 instead of 53 today I would probably be in or would have already transitioned.

[Alice Torn]

Charlotte Jones. Your story is a like like mine. A s musch as the fantasy to be a lady, married to a man, seems romantic, and sexy, and fun, the reality would be far different most of the time. It would get old fairly quickly, and all kinds of troubles i cannot even imagine. Sometimes, i am very glad to be a man, in spite of the strong desire to dress and look like the attractive lady i could have been,or wanted to have. i am single too, and may never date or marry agian, as i am 64 now, and an odd fellow few women would want, once they got to know me well.

[Jaylyn]

Doc for me it is just for the enjoyment of feeling the smooth clothing and dressing is kind of like many other things I enjoy in that I look at it like a hobby that I enjoy. I'm way too old to go any farther than just getting dressed up at home and dance in my heels like no one is watching because they won't ever see me out and about. I'll admit I sometimes think it would be fun to be around other CDs but it's more of just a fantasy at this time. Being nearly 70 it will probably never happen either. I did start doing this at a very early age though.

[Maid_Marion]

I enjoyed TG fiction on the Internet 25 years ago, and the pre-marriage gender discussion was about TG, not CD.
But, even with advances in gender equality in society, there are obvious benefits to staying where I am.
The most significant is health issues. My wife passed away due to health issues. I've also been taking very good care
of myself for the past 20 years, so I look very good for anyone with salt/pepper hair. My skin looks very good because
of that.
I easily pass as female anyway, so why do anything risky
Then there are the benefits of being a guy, such as the strength to maintain a very large flower garden. GGs often
need help planting large bushes. With patience and cleverness, I can often do stuff bigger guys can't.
It is also nice being able to get out of the house in 15 minutes, either to go to work, or, as I did this morning, see a movie
and eat out afterwards,.

[phili]

I've come to think that even though we say 'I am a crossdresser' it really doesn't describe a state of being.

I propose it is more accurate and useful to say "I crossdress because ….", or, …"as a way of experiencing …, or a way of communicating to others ….[fill in your own words here]"

We mostly all have concluded that the actual reasons why we got started on this path are lost in the mysteries of biopsychology, if they aren't simply explained by the obvious- women's clothing has lots of desirable physical attributes, and it is also highly symbolic, and a primary cultural messaging system.

It is direct and accurate to say " I am TS, or TG, and then we have to explain. I'm not even sure anymore if there is a clear line between TG and TS. But in any case, TG is still a broad term. I know I feel I am with my people when with others from the motley crew of TG. I don't wish I was female. I am a mirl- a male girl.

I am TG, therefore, and I crossdress bc I want all the physical pleasures of women's clothes, I want to enjoy the emotional freedoms and social privileges granted to women, and I want to message I am sexy in a feminine way. I am comfortable with a male body. I am gynephilic- I like being in relationship with women and not men. Typical TG/queer mashup.

Doc- you said you wanted real breasts- do you mean you wanted bigger breasts? I love my breasts, and I feel them as perfectly valid, sensitive, sexy, etc- despite being AA or less, and with more hair than most females find on their breasts.

Tell us how you went from that to 'knowing you were only a crossdresser'

[CDYoga]

Q: How can u be certain that's what u r!?

A: I don't try to look like a woman at all, I just like to wear the clothing & use feminine products.

[Beverley Sims]

I am still not certain of what eye yam! :-)

Ask me in another ten years.

[Kimberly Adams]

Personally just like to dress occasionally. Just a crossdresser. Absolutely no desire to go further.

[ellbee]

I think the bottom line is, you truly have to know yourself.

Cut out all the BS, and look deeply & honestly into your heart.


Looking back, apparently I also took the proverb "Measure twice, cut once" pretty seriously, as it pertains to all this.

During two extended periods in my life, I wrestled with the OP's question. I wanted to make sure, one way or the other. Heck, for a time I even more-or-less lived as a female, excluding work (where I simply had some "girly relationships" with some GG co-workers)... You know, just to put the theory into real-world practice. I recall even taking like a 10-day (stay-at-home) vacation, and lived 24/7 as a female, going about my daily life. Not gonna lie, it was somewhat difficult, especially towards the end. It was a great & eye-opening experience, but ultimately it wasn't for me.

I liked it there, but it felt like I was missing something at a fundamental level... Turned out, it was my maleness.


Anyway, that's my very abbreviated version. :)

[biancabellelover]

It is a great question, though. Doc, I’ve had a very similar pathway to you. I’m 55 and as little as two years ago I’d’ve been shocked to see where I am now.

I know that CD’ing isn’t enough, and consider myself TG.I have feminised my body a bit, and have more to do. I can’t ever see myself having SRS or FFS, but am happy for just about everything else.

But I can’t see a time in my life where I won’t have to present as a male at least some of the time, so there will be limits to how far along the TG spectrum that I can go.

Michelle

[Charlotte-Jones]

I just want to thank Doc for this lovely topic.
And Alice, I am glad my post was in any way relatelable! :hugs:

[alwayshave]

I'm pretty happy with my life as a crossdresser. Like the male side of my life as well. I have no desire to transition.

[Cheryl T]

Can't really say what would be "IF"...
I suppose on the scale I tend to be middle of the road, but there are certainly times when I feel much closer to taking this to a higher level.
Maybe, maybe not...I just don't know at this stage.

[Maid_Marion]

. I doubt that many of these accomplishments could have happened as a female. This is a sad comment, but also true.

So true. But, the world is changing, so it may be better for the next generation. I was pleased with the parts women got in Mission Impossible Fallout. And that Asian guy.

[Georgina]

I am happy to remain male as I love my male life. I began by dressing in lingerie and that was sufficient for a few years. Eventually I became curious as to how I would look dressed as a woman but never wanted to be one. Now at 65 I can dress when I wish and still have no desire to be a woman.

[Veronica4me]

I know I'm a man who likes to dress up privately as a woman (to an extent). I first stole my mother's pantyhose when I was about 12. The thrill of putting on each en femme item and parading around at home in a way I never would in public is part of the attraction for me. I would never venture out in public with any detectable feminine attire. Just panties and hosiery. I don't even feel comfortable shopping in stores on the other side of the aisle for myself. I know I shouldn't worry what others think, but I'd rather not give anyone a reason to be uncomfortable or angry. So, I shop online and do my best to keep my crossdressing to myself. I love to wear feminine things, but I am a man.

[Ressie]

At 65, CDing is as far as I've gone even though at 17 I told my mom I wanted to be a girl. I really don't know how much GD I have. I think it's more of a case of AGP for me. Being an actual women (having breasts and vagina) is a fantasy I have occasionally. Not something I dwell on.

[Felicia M]

Good timing for this thread for me. I have been on a week long vacation to the Atlantic coast of Florida. As the days moved on I was less and less interested in dressing and found it amazing to
spend time as a man swimming in the surf with my six year old son. We had some incredible bonding experiences.

Yes - I missed Felicia and I found it really interesting to watch GG's in bikinis stroll up and down the beach and try to figure out which one I would wear. One piece? Two piece? What color? (I want a black and yellow one!)
At one point I saw a GG in a bikini bottom, a rash guard top over her bikini top and a baseball cap on with her black ponytail sticking out the back. She had sunglasses on and as she strolled by I thought "I could totally pull that
off and almost no one would know!"

I can say I love both of these worlds. At some moments I love being a father and a man. At others I love being Felicia and dressing en femme. The challenge for me is finding the right balance.

[Tina Davis]

Many responses to this thread resonate with my own experience. I've dressed for over 40 years and have been content with that. I no longer underdress, preferring to have a fully female look with wig and makeup. But at the end of the day, I am male, like it that way, and am not looking for anything different. So I remain a crossdresser.

[LeslieSD]

I think the bottom line is, you truly have to know yourself.

Cut out all the BS, and look deeply & honestly into your heart.


Looking back, apparently I also took the proverb "Measure twice, cut once" pretty seriously, as it pertains to all this.

During two extended periods in my life, I wrestled with the OP's question. I wanted to make sure, one way or the other. Heck, for a time I even more-or-less lived as a female, excluding work (where I simply had some "girly relationships" with some GG co-workers)... You know, just to put the theory into real-world practice. I recall even taking like a 10-day (stay-at-home) vacation, and lived 24/7 as a female, going about my daily life. Not gonna lie, it was somewhat difficult, especially towards the end. It was a great & eye-opening experience, but ultimately it wasn't for me.

I liked it there, but it felt like I was missing something at a fundamental level... Turned out, it was my maleness.


Anyway, that's my very abbreviated version. :)

Hi Ellbee,

I am really curious about your 24/7 experience and how it turned out.

I have been pondering on the OP's question for quite some time. And the solution that I came up with is that the only way to find out the answer is to live 24/7 and see if that's what I wanted. I thought about what kind of 24/7 I can do, an extended vacation as a tourist in a new city, a stay-home break, or even a temporary job in a new city for some period of time (say a few months). I had thought that I may *need* to try to real life one to be certain, instead of just a tourist vacation. But of course, the real life one is probably out of reach given my family and job.

But your experience seems to indicate that even a stay-home mini vacation has given you plenty of clear indication. I know everyone is different, but I am really curious about how it went.

Thanks,

Leslie

[Becky Blue]

Its a good question Doc... From 12 to 40 when I was a classic CD, it never entered my mind that one day I may be 'more' than a 'simple male CD'. That was then this is now, after Becky emerged and I jumped quite far along the gender spectrum, I realised that the signs were there all along from a very early age of 4 or 5. That being said whilst I did jump along the spectrum I did not land at TS and so far have not gone there. I would be naive to say never however.

[Kiwi Primrose]

I love feminine clothing; I prefer the company of women; I have always supported the point of view of women.
But I have always known I would never transition, I am more than happy to stay as I am.

[ellbee]

Hi Ellbee,

I am really curious about your 24/7 experience and how it turned out.

I have been pondering on the OP's question for quite some time. And the solution that I came up with is that the only way to find out the answer is to live 24/7 and see if that's what I wanted. I thought about what kind of 24/7 I can do, an extended vacation as a tourist in a new city, a stay-home break, or even a temporary job in a new city for some period of time (say a few months). I had thought that I may *need* to try to real life one to be certain, instead of just a tourist vacation. But of course, the real life one is probably out of reach given my family and job.

But your experience seems to indicate that even a stay-home mini vacation has given you plenty of clear indication. I know everyone is different, but I am really curious about how it went.

Thanks,

Leslie


Ugh, that was like at least a decade ago. So much has happened in my life since, and right now it's late & I'm beyond exhausted! :(


I will say that I feel doing something like that is probably pretty much a must for those *seriously* questioning/considering. Think of it as a "dry-run," if you will. It's like, well, if I go down the TS road, here is basically a small sampling of what to expect from the daily grind -- particularly at the beginning of such. (I suppose the longer/further one goes, I would imagine some things do get easier/more routine/second-nature -- while eventually introducing a whole host of new issues & experiences that need to be dealt with accordingly.)


I dunno, just gonna ramble for a bit... But during my later en-femme days, I was always big on real-life, everyday presentation. And I was one of those who honestly felt I HAD to wear some make-up before I left the house, no matter where I was going or how quick the trip might be. My mother has always been the same way, and I probably just got that from her... Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, after all. ;) And even if I was just wearing some casual jeans & a top, I wanted to make sure that I still looked pretty good before I stepped out the door.

During this trial run, it got to the point where I thought of the grooming & presentation stuff as a time-consuming hassle. And yet, I simply *couldn't* leave the house looking like a mess! It just didn't internally jive with me. Oh, that daily grind was *real*, on so many levels.


Just one thing that has always really stuck out to me, from all this. There were all sorts of other thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences, observations, whatever, at the time. But that one hit home pretty hard, for some reason.


Anyway, I was already pretty "girly" during that era, in many aspects of my life. My social circle was the LGBT crowd & its awesome GG-supporters. At work I was pretty close to just being "one of the girls" (though not particularly presenting as such at the office). I was (and still am :heehee: ) a bit of a home-body, as well... And at the time I was really into "girling up" my home, really making it my own, having a nice little sanctuary of sorts? Oh, and I was also a bit of a mistress to some guy, as I explored my sexuality & romantic relationship potential as a hetero female. I dunno, stuff like that.

IOW, while maybe not 24/7, I was *already* living a lot of the life.

With that background, I just felt like I had to take it up a notch to 24/7 during those 10 days or so. And while I liked it & felt comfortable, as I mentioned earlier, it was also pretty tough at times! It was almost "too much," ya know? And I felt like something was missing... I missed the guy part of me.

Ah, there it is... Confirmation that I do have a "guy self." :wave:

It took me all that to realize that I'm not totally a woman, that I don't need to transition. I dunno, it's hard to describe, and it's way more than just that. I just hope I'm making a bit of sense here, LOL. I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it right now! :o

I guess it was like I was more-or-less intentionally ( :strugglin ) "erasing" my male self. And in doing so, I understood at a fundamental level that not only was I aware that there actually was something to erase, but that it was a part of me that I could never let go while still feeling right in doing so. It was like, "No, that's who I am, too! Why would I get rid of him?? That isn't fair or right!"


Honestly, towards the end, I couldn't wait for those 10 days to finally be over. As strange as that may sound to some, that's how I genuinely felt. I loved & felt comfortable being a visitor & welcomed guest, so to speak -- but I learned by actually doing that I didn't want or need to become a permanent resident. It was certainly an interesting & surreal experiment & experience... Not only those 10 days, but that era in my life. Kinda weird in a way, now that I look back it, LOL.



As for you trying something like that, Leslie? :)

Yes, if you truly feel you need to, then absolutely do it. No question about it. And how you go about it, is obviously totally up to you.

I will say try to keep things real. While all of those you mention (an extended vacation as a tourist in a new city, a stay-home break, or even a temporary job in a new city for some period of time) would be interesting & eye-opening in their own unique ways, I'd suggest trying to live your life as you would "as her" -- however that might be. Reality is key. And honestly, I could see any & all of those three ideas as plausible, depending on how you view & live them. Heck, try all three. :D

But as I alluded to, this is not a fantasy, this is not a game, this is not a stage. This is real-life. So, be sure to treat it as such.

If you genuinely & seriously put it into that context, I feel anyone would find at least some of the answers they're looking for.



I could probably write a book on this, but that's all I've got for now! Hope it helps!! :)

[Brandi Christine]

I'm positive that if there were no familial obligations I'd start transitioning, at the very least I'd get counselling to see if it was right for me. I'm considering getting help now to help me sort things out one way or another. It's complicated & difficult when you're married and the desire to dress up, to be a woman, is absolutely overwhelming.

Like many others I started dressing in my Mom's & Aunt's clothes at an early age, 9 or 10. I continued through my teens. When I was going to college I read all I could find on the subject and dressed frequently, but was afraid of what would happen if I came out. I infrequently dated girls during this time, but starting in high school my fantasies during masturbation transitioned from being about girls to me being the girl, by the time I went to college, ALL my sexual fantasies were of me as the woman. My romantic fantasies were of me meeting a guy and we'd live together as a couple, or he would be the guy who would sweep me away and have me turned into a woman for him.


I got married at 40 and dropped the whole crossdressing thing, purged my collection and tried to put it out of my mind. I'd still have fantasies about being a woman from time to time, and did dress up twice over about fifteen years, then something snapped about a year ago, and I've been running full girly since then, I've dressed up every chance I got, I have a hidden collection of wigs, clothes, shoes & makeup, and I think about it all the time…

As for now, as I said if I were not married, if something happened between me and my wife I'd run (IN HEELS!) for the nearest therapist and begin my journey…

[SaraLin]

But, most of u have dealt with dressing urges from an early age. For those of that believe crossdressing is as far as u will go, what tipped u off? And, how can u be so sure?:straightface:

Well Doc, I can be sure simply because I once ventured down the path toward "more" - hormones, counselling, spending as much public time as possible as Sarah, even checking with my company's HR dept. to see what their policy was (FWIW, non-discrimination).

But I was stopped by the 3M's... Money, Male body, and Mental fortitude.
Having a definite Male physique, it would have taken lots of Money to get the procedures to even begin to be believable as a female, and being something of a scaredy cat - I didn't have the Mental fortitude to risk failure and falling short of the mark.

SPEAKING ONLY FOR MYSELF: the thought of landing somewhere in the middle was worse than staying male. So I stopped. I'll never become the woman I should have been, but at least I can be a 'mostly OK' man who indulges his other side with a few girly things.

[dana digs sweaters]

Most of you have dealt with dressing urges from an early age.
I wondered how many here are convinced that being a crossdresser is as far as they'll ever go?
How can u be so sure?

I've never had any feelings that I should've been born a girl.
I never have been disappointed in my male body. Well, maybe only in seeing clothes and heels that I would not fit into.
Crossdressing had been so much fun for me growing up and continues to be as an adult.
Even in situations one does not expect :eek: :doh: :o

294456

[LilSissyStevie]

At times in my life I've fantasized about being a woman so much that I deluded myself into thinking it was actually what I wanted. I fantasized about having breasts but I never seriously wanted a vagina. Instead I would see myself with a tiny and useless penis and having orgasms from anal sex. Just a guess, but I don't think that's what most real women dream about. According to AGP theory there are four subtypes of AGP: anatomical, behavioral, transvestic, and physiological. Using that model, I would have mostly behavioral and transvestic AGP with only a touch of the anatomical. Physiological AGP does nothing for me. According to Blanchard, anatomical AGP is a strong predictor of future transition. Transvestic AGPs are probably the least likely to transition. My experience on this forum is that the CDs that go on to seriously consider transition are the ones that feel a powerful need to be perceived as women. They make a lot of long winded posts about their experiences out and about, etc. I've gotten to be pretty good at predicting to myself which ones will eventually come out as trans. I frankly don't care how others perceive me unless I want something from them so there is little danger I'm kidding myself about being "just" a CD.

[LeslieSD]

Ugh, that was like at least a decade ago. So much has happened in my life since, and right now it's late & I'm beyond exhausted! :(


I will say that I feel doing something like that is probably pretty much a must for those *seriously* questioning/considering. Think of it as a "dry-run," if you will. It's like, well, if I go down the TS road, here is basically a small sampling of what to expect from the daily grind -- particularly at the beginning of such. (I suppose the longer/further one goes, I would imagine some things do get easier/more routine/second-nature -- while eventually introducing a whole host of new issues & experiences that need to be dealt with accordingly.)


I dunno, just gonna ramble for a bit... But during my later en-femme days, I was always big on real-life, everyday presentation. And I was one of those who honestly felt I HAD to wear some make-up before I left the house, no matter where I was going or how quick the trip might be. My mother has always been the same way, and I probably just got that from her... Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, after all. ;) And even if I was just wearing some casual jeans & a top, I wanted to make sure that I still looked pretty good before I stepped out the door.

During this trial run, it got to the point where I thought of the grooming & presentation stuff as a time-consuming hassle. And yet, I simply *couldn't* leave the house looking like a mess! It just didn't internally jive with me. Oh, that daily grind was *real*, on so many levels.


Just one thing that has always really stuck out to me, from all this. There were all sorts of other thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences, observations, whatever, at the time. But that one hit home pretty hard, for some reason.


Anyway, I was already pretty "girly" during that era, in many aspects of my life. My social circle was the LGBT crowd & its awesome GG-supporters. At work I was pretty close to just being "one of the girls" (though not particularly presenting as such at the office). I was (and still am :heehee: ) a bit of a home-body, as well... And at the time I was really into "girling up" my home, really making it my own, having a nice little sanctuary of sorts? Oh, and I was also a bit of a mistress to some guy, as I explored my sexuality & romantic relationship potential as a hetero female. I dunno, stuff like that.

IOW, while maybe not 24/7, I was *already* living a lot of the life.

With that background, I just felt like I had to take it up a notch to 24/7 during those 10 days or so. And while I liked it & felt comfortable, as I mentioned earlier, it was also pretty tough at times! It was almost "too much," ya know? And I felt like something was missing... I missed the guy part of me.

Ah, there it is... Confirmation that I do have a "guy self." :wave:

It took me all that to realize that I'm not totally a woman, that I don't need to transition. I dunno, it's hard to describe, and it's way more than just that. I just hope I'm making a bit of sense here, LOL. I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it right now! :o

I guess it was like I was more-or-less intentionally ( :strugglin ) "erasing" my male self. And in doing so, I understood at a fundamental level that not only was I aware that there actually was something to erase, but that it was a part of me that I could never let go while still feeling right in doing so. It was like, "No, that's who I am, too! Why would I get rid of him?? That isn't fair or right!"


Honestly, towards the end, I couldn't wait for those 10 days to finally be over. As strange as that may sound to some, that's how I genuinely felt. I loved & felt comfortable being a visitor & welcomed guest, so to speak -- but I learned by actually doing that I didn't want or need to become a permanent resident. It was certainly an interesting & surreal experiment & experience... Not only those 10 days, but that era in my life. Kinda weird in a way, now that I look back it, LOL.



As for you trying something like that, Leslie? :)

Yes, if you truly feel you need to, then absolutely do it. No question about it. And how you go about it, is obviously totally up to you.

I will say try to keep things real. While all of those you mention (an extended vacation as a tourist in a new city, a stay-home break, or even a temporary job in a new city for some period of time) would be interesting & eye-opening in their own unique ways, I'd suggest trying to live your life as you would "as her" -- however that might be. Reality is key. And honestly, I could see any & all of those three ideas as plausible, depending on how you view & live them. Heck, try all three. :D

But as I alluded to, this is not a fantasy, this is not a game, this is not a stage. This is real-life. So, be sure to treat it as such.

If you genuinely & seriously put it into that context, I feel anyone would find at least some of the answers they're looking for.



I could probably write a book on this, but that's all I've got for now! Hope it helps!! :)

Hi Ellbee,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. That gives me a good reference point. Yes, I plan to try these if it is possible. I am married living with my spouse, so some of these might not be easily doable. But I do want to see what is possible within the constraint of the reality. I really like your comment that this is real life. That's what I wanted to find out too, the real life, how it really feels like to be there.

Thanks a lot,

Leslie

[Jane G]

Just lables. We are who we are and we sometimes change as life moves on.

[Judy-Somthing]

When I was in my teens I envied girls and if I could have snapped my fingers and became a girl I probably would have done it.
I never felt I was a girl, I just love the whole fem thing, well not when they're bitching on me!

[Millisense]

I would agree with you that CDing is as far as I will go too, I'm a little too old for other options, though I figure what will be will be. When I was a kid I read up on what SRS entailed, and recently I read and watched Youtube videos about what HRT entailed, both times mostly out of curiosity. It's not for me. Guess you could say that educating myself was the thing that tipped me off. But I never had any feeling otherwise.

I think it's be easier to ask TS's what tipped them off that crossdressing wasn't as far as they needed to go, and the answer I assume is....they just knew.

[Vickie_CDTV]

This is an easy one for me. I work with transsexuals. I knew many, many transsexuals prior to that. I know what transsexualism entails, as much as any third party observer can. I don't have any desire to alter my physical body, and find the idea of doing that to my own body disturbing. I just enjoy feminine things.

Ironically, many of the TS I work with find it hard to understand why I wear women's clothing but don't want to live fulltime, have real breasts or SRS etc., go figure.

[Bobbi46]

Also I think life is full of if's and but's
If I was younger I could have done this or that
But if I had would I have the same happiness as I do now?
If I had started dressing earlier in life would I have had HRT to have my own breasts?
If I had not married and had children would my life now be any different? yes for me it probably would
What is being said here is a very broad spectrum and concerns individual levels of lifestyle, age and orientation. Can I be certain of what I am? sure I am CD but with extremely strong feminine leanings. Will I transition I think not so far there comes a point in ones life whereby the thought of full transition is not an option because if ones life expectancy
and what one wants out of life.
I just want to be me, to dress and to be comfortable in dressing.

[Victoria_Winters]

I’m a cd. As I am now that’s as far as I will go. I enjoy being a gril part time but I enjoy the make me too. I am sexually actracted to women and not men at all. I enjoy being with women (my wife.... as long as we are still married that is (she recently found out and didn’t take it well)) sexually as a guy.

[Charlotte7]

Me, I'm definitely a cross dresser and won't go any further, I've been this way for far too long for things to change. In fact I'm probably the other way around from the assumption of the OP, in that I have become less TS as I have grown older. I, like many here, have been doing this for a very long time, now over 50 years and the world was very different then. Back then, becoming a girl would have been everything to me, and I would have jumped at the chance. But, that was then, cross dressing was hardly discussed let alone being fully TS. And so, with no outlet, with no prospect, it became suppressed and then that part of me was lost. I am as sure as I can be that if I were four years old now, then I wouldn't hide my desire to be a girl, as I did bck then, and I did so because my biggest fear was that the most important thing to me could be taken away, I would express it more and openly (well, at least I hope tht I would). I'm not too sad at that, because I am lucky that I can fully express my girl side at home and that has been my life. So, no, I am a CD and I'm not TS.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

I've had the urge to dress for as long as I can remember. But I don't think I have gender dysphoria. The desire to become female is more of an inner fantasy thing.

I see so many CD/TV's turning Trans later (One famous example being Eddie Izzard). I often wonder if that is where I'm eventually heading. Would I even be able to stop it if the urge came? It's kind of worrying.

If I was young enough, worry about my true gender is not what would be on my mind. I would love to go totally out but with no operation. Part of the reason is that I would be with people who are like me...ef’ up sometimes but still like me. I would never worry about it.

Carpe diem! ❤️

[docrobbysherry]

Just lables. We are who we are and we sometimes change as life moves on.
That's very flipant, Jane. But, entirely beside the point of my thread.:straightface:

Crossdressers r men who dress up in women's things from time to time. Yet, many who started that way and thot they would go no further, eventually changed their minds!

Many have become TS's that live as women. That means they dress every day! And, may take hormones, have had breast implants, and even SRS. :battingeyelashes:

Even u must admit that's quit a long way from being a crossdresser!?:D

[sometimes_miss]

For those of that believe crossdressing is as far as u will go, what tipped u off? And, how can u be so sure?
I guess it really depends upon how much one knows about why they crossdress. At first, I thought maybe I was gay. Then I thought perhaps transsexual. But it didn't quite fit; I thought I was supposed to be a girl, but there were little things that indicated otherwise. It took a long time to figure it out, I grew up way back when in the sixties, before any of this gender stuff was being talked about anywhere.
For years, I thought I was supposed to be a girl. So, I planned out my life, thinking that god would eventually fix his mistake, and I would resume my girl life after that.
Problem: I wasn't a girl. Nor was my mindset that of a girl, either. And that is what tells me that I won't ever progress or transition. I don't think like a girl does, see the world like a girl does, or communicate like a girl does. I have no desire to nest, no desire to talk endlessly about nothing in particular, no fascination about other people's relationships, no desire or interest in men or getting married. I don't particularly like kids, and find infants irritating. I can go for days, even weeks with no other human contact, and not feel like I'm missing anything. I can go for years between seeing friends and not feel like they're giving me the silent treatment. I speak in direct language, not indirect.
I'm a male. The problems that I have due to the gender mix up from my youth that could be solved by transitioning, would simply be replaced by other problems that would be caused by it, as being a post op MTF would not create a suitable life. The life that I thought I was supposed to have, wasn't ever a real possibility.
As I don't suffer from a huge amount of gender dysphoria, all I will ever be, is a crossdresser.
I do feel sorry for all of those who do suffer from it, as there have been a few times in my life when I really did think that I was really a girl stuck in a boy's body. Luckily for me, I was able to figure it all out. Today, there is help for those who can't do it on their own.

[Heather Anne]

I joined Sigma Epsilon Atlanta April 2004. During my introduction I made the statement that I have no intention of dressing full time, living as a woman full time, will not be taking hormones, will not have breast implants and last but not least, will not have anything cut off. I have not changed any of that. I will say that after 14 yrs I am more at ease going out dressed, going out more often now that I am retired.

[ClosetED]

How much is a desire to be more accepted by society (which changes) vs an innate need to be physically female - based on your definition. Certainly Ellbee's chance to live 24/7 is a way to find out, but best if done in a place with complete acceptance of MIAD or CDer who wants to pass. If society in no way reacted to how you dressed, would you still need have female organs. Is your desire to be treated like a woman by society, or to be able to have sex as a woman? What if you could just get the breast implants? Or just the facial surgery? Or just hormones? You need to decide what you truly need to be complete. Labels may define who you are based on which items from the above list you choose, but I won't go there.
Hugs, Ellen

[Alice B]

As Pop Eye saya..."I yam, what I yam" I know who and what I am and do not aspire to be anything else

[Sarah Louise]

It's a very interesting question and something I've been thinking about for a while.

I'm just a crossdresser. I don't want to transition but.....

..... I came back to dressing after a very long break about 4 years ago. The thing is, before this, I wasn't unhappy. I didn't have a need to express my femme side. I can't remember which it was, but I bought some underwear for my wife's birthday about the same time that there was a programme on tv in the UK about crossdressers who wear masks. You were in it Sherry, so maybe you have a lot to answer for - lol! Anyway, something triggered me buying some underwear for myself, then a floral dress.

Then I discovered crossdressers.com and befriended some girls on this site. Before I knew it, I was learning to do make-up, something I hadn't considered before. But I never wanted to leave the house. But then I did. There was no way I would go to a T girl event, but then I did.

It seems to me that cross-dressing for me is like a drug. The more I do it, the more I want to do it and then I need a bigger fix. So where's this going? How long before I do laser to remove beard growth? Then what, could this even get to the point where I want to do it full-time? Probably not, but I know that being married to my wife acts as a brake on taking this to far. I have too much to lose if I take this too far so I remind myself that I don't need dressing to be happy. It's not the end of the world if I still have to use beard cover. It's not the end of the world if I can't dress as much as I like. Dressing makes me happy. I'd miss it if I stopped, but I shouldn't need it to be happy.

But if I wasn't married, I don't think I know where this would end up.

Sarah

[KatrinaK]

I’ve said this before, and likely even a few times on this thread, but it’s not a binary question. I crossdress, but I undoubtedly have gender identity dysphoria, it’s just manageable. There’s an entire spectrum out there of people like us.

Two things:

1) I think the nomenclature generally used in this forum is outdated
2) I think there’s a pervasive fear in the CD community to explore the modern non-binary spectrum because it might involve having to acknowledge a little GID. But even that is a spectrum and you can live a full happy life without even considering transitioning.

[HollyGreene]

I've been a CDer for a very long time and that's how it will always be.
Having said that, I've always wished that I had been born female.
Wishing I was female does not mean that I want to transition though, and the thought of me transitioning has never been something that I have needed to consider.

[Janine cd]

I am old enough to know that there is no way I could ever transition fully. If I had been born 30 or 40 years later, that might have influenced me to consider the possibility. Like Jaylyn, I'm never going to be able to join other CDs in experiencing the delights of sharing our common bond.

[Jaymees22]

I think my signature line explains where I'm at. It seems for me that transitioning has more cons than pros. I too have thought about living as a woman but I'm afraid I'm not up to the challenge of it all. Anyway there's hardly ever a line at the men's room!

[Cheryl T]

I can't be sure at all.
I've always desired to be female, but I'm not sure that qualifies me as TS. There are days when I feel I want so much more and then there aren't.

Where this journey ends I can't say, but I am surely enjoying the ride.

[Stephanie47]

I am probably more than a cross dresser. As I have stated many times a counselor I talk to is of the opinion each man or woman has some dna component within of the opposite sex. In some it is more than others. Her analysis makes some sense, even if it cannot be proven. If I were to put that concept on a sliding scale from 0 to 100, where would a person be? 10%? 20%? 90%? And under what circumstances would the inner woman arise and take over for the hour, or day or forever?

I am comfortable also being a male and acting in societal male roles and wearing male designated attire. I suspect I'd have to be pretty far down the sliding scale towards that 100% before I would entertain the thought of transitioning to a female body to correspond to a female mind. Reflecting back to the past I see where there were stages in my dressing and feelings that were akin to girls, teenagers and mature women. I see that aspect of appearing as a female conforming to the societal expectations of a female.

[Stacy Darling]

My studies tell me that I cannot be certain!

I study myself everyday, and know that I am part of the Evolutionary Chaos Theory!

Comfortable knowing that I will be who I am!

Stacy!

[KimberlyJean]

I think you can be certain in the right now, but who knows what the future brings. Try to find balance and contentment with who you are right now. Sherry, I am never certain about where this journey ends.

[Tracy Irving]

how many here r convinced that being a crossdresser is as far as they'll ever go?

Being a crossdresser is as far as I will ever go today, just as it has been my limit for my entire life, to date...

I can't speak for tomorrow. It is a new day with new challenges and I look forward to participating in its unfolding.

[KatrinaK]

I’m gonna sign off this thread after this post to avoid having an aneurism out of perpetual frustration, but you’re all still comparing apples to oranges.

Crossdressing is an activity. Transsexualism is a manifestation of gender identity borne of severe dysphoria. Ask yourselves WHY you feel the need to crossdress, explore that, and then compare that sentiment to the transsexual experience. There are 31 flavors of in-between to choose from.

Otherwise it’s like comparing democracy to capitalism. Ones an apple and the other is an orange.

[Janine cd]

I was 4 when I first had the desire to be a girl. The feeling never went away. When I first began crossdressing at age 11, the desire became stronger to change my gender. Unfortunately, my body was developing into a burly male and the idea of transgender had only been experimented. As time went by, gave up any thought of becoming a female and focused on trying to look like one. Although the appearance never made it to a passable woman, I am still struggling with that desire.

[Patience]

This is where I started. I'm picking up where I left off.

And a lady has a right to change her mind.

[Charlotte-Jones]

Crossdressing is an activity. Transsexualism is a manifestation of gender identity borne of severe dysphoria.

Agreed and well said!