DADT Twists and Turns

[michelleddg]

Had an amazing change in my wife's attitude towards my CDing a few weeks back. I'm still digesting it, and it's gonna sound like cheap CD fiction, but it's all true. First, some background:

1980 - Wife and I have "the chat" a while before marriage. We enter a decades long phase of cold DADT. There's an understanding I'm going to do my thing if she's not in town but otherwise she will have no exposure whatsoever to Michelle.

2014 - I ask my wife, for the first time ever, if she'd like to be directly involved. I'm shocked she replies she'd be game. We take a girls trip to Las Vegas. She is a total trooper, pleased to experience first hand it's all kind of harmless.

A new dawn! I move my stash from a suitcase in the attic to the closet in the spare bedroom. I ask a year later if we're going back to Las Vegas. "No, that's your thing, I don't care to be involved. You go, have fun." We enter a stage I think of as "tolerant DADT".

2018 - I prep for a big Michelle weekend which includes renting a dress from Rent The Runway which is scheduled to arrive the day after she leaves town. The day before she leaves town I return home from the gym and she announces "Michelle Houston just got a package from Rent The Runway. Please explain." Ugh ugh ugh. "A group is going in drag to Hamburger Mary's on Saturday so I rented a party dress."

Her response was most unexpected. "Sounds like fun! I get to see the dress. Not on you, just see it. Oh, it's very sexy, you'll look nice in it. May I try it on?" She tried it on and, yes, wore it much better than me. Then: "We could go to Hamburger Mary's, that would be fun." Puzzled expression from me. "Yes, you would dress up."

WOW! Like I said, I'm still processing, but looks like tolerant DADT might be heading in a new direction. Stay tuned! Hugs, Michelle

[Pat]

Awesome! Think about what you did in Las Vegas and see if there's a reason she thought of it as 'your thing' and not a shared thing. Don't do that again. ;) It would be cool if she could start thinking of it as something you two can do together.

[sarah_hillcrest]

Wow, so cool. Hope she gets into it with you.

[Lana Mae]

Very cool! Best wishes that it stays very cool and this becomes something you both share often! Hugs Lana Mae

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Michelle :hugs:, Just like a light switch It turn off & Back on on.

Lets hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is not just another train coming the other way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>Orchid ..O:daydreaming:O..

[char GG]

Although I don’t mind if my SO CDes, I told my him there is really nothing in CDing for me to “see” him in women’s clothes. If he just stayed home and hung around the house while dressed, it would not be anything I would consider “participating” in. Why would I want to stay home dressed up??!!

So that said, we decided that we would do things together that is fun for both of us. (Not grocery shopping!!!). So we go dancing, restaurants, concerts, dress up events at a local hotel, music night at a various pubs, volunteer for things, etc. We went to a Lady Gaga concert where my SO had the greatest dress and I got to wear sequins! My favorite. Being able to dress up and participate together is fun for both of us.

I believe the OP hit on the key for some SO’s to be able to have a good time while their partner enjoys CDing. Make sure there is something fun in it for her.

[Teri Ray]

Sounds ery encouraging. Best wishes to you and your wife for a great time.

[Julie Denier]

Great news! Keeping my fingers crossed for you ;)

[Veronica Lacey]

Her response was most unexpected. "Sounds like fun! I get to see the dress. Not on you, just see it. Oh, it's very sexy, you'll look nice in it. May I try it on?" She tried it on and, yes, wore it much better than me. Then: "We could go to Hamburger Mary's, that would be fun." Puzzled expression from me. "Yes, you would dress up."

WOW! Like I said, I'm still processing, but looks like tolerant DADT might be heading in a new direction. Stay tuned! Hugs, Michelle

Always an adventure, isn't it michelle? Looking forward to the next post! :)

[Solange]

Michelle et al,

One of the most encouraging things about this site has been learning how common the DADT roller coaster is. You all give me comfort and hope.

Solange

[Rayleen]

interesting story, sound like you had fun.

[2B Natasha]

I agree with Char GG on this completely. Unless you plan on transitioning, and that is a step that needs lots of discussion with your with about a lot of things. Making it fun for both is key. I think we forget that a lot. You mentioned Vages and how she was up for it once and not the other. I always look at Vegas as an acquired taste. Taken a little at a time. Perhaps Vegas just wasn’t her thing. Myself and my wife do plays, shows, dinner, festivals and such. But not grocery shopping. I may do,the MIAS for grocery shopping or running errands. But not the ball gown! One other thing I always try to keep in mind. I try very hard to not make EVERY NIGHT OUT an opportunity to get dressed up. I try and split it 50/50 or 75/25 at the most. Remember. Sometimes she wants to just get lost in lust for her husband. It’s a partnership not a dictatorship. Cheers

[Sami Brown]

I look forward to hearing how it goes. I hope you have some great news!

Sami

[alwayshave]

Michelle, well that is a step in the right direction. Maybe she is just accepting this is part of you.

[Leslie Langford]

Good on you, michelle! And here I always thought that "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" as the time-worn advertising blurb puts it. Who knew? ;)

But really, girlfriend...you need to fill in some blanks here as to how you got from Point A to Point E via Points C and D (no pun intended - LOL! :heehee:) with your wife. The rest of us here who are still deeply entombed in unyielding DADT situations desperately need to know the name of the magic elixir (shades of Love Potion #9?) that you fed your wife or, alternatively, who the accomplished hypnotist was whose services you used here and which enabled you to achieve this amazing breakthrough. :eek: :daydreaming:

Consider it public service, and in the meantime, color me "Jealous"... :doh: :heehee:

[Suzie Petersen]

The old rules goes: "If you think you have it figured out, you are probably wrong!".
Dont jump to conclusions based on a few data points.

[phili]

I hope you will ask her to explain the why of her changing views over the last 30 years, and then tell us.

[Beverley Sims]

Michelle,
You should have a good time, just roll with the suggestions from your wife, don't try pushing by testing the waters too much.

In other words don't ask her opinion of your appearance too often let her suggest something and then act on it even if you don't like it.

[Aunt Kelly]

Interesting changes indeed. I don't know about you, but I am dying to know what brought about such marked change. Wow.

[chelyann]

that is great news, I would not push it very fast though, she may change her mind

[Zoeytgtx]

Michelle:
Could it be possibly the over the top quality of going out with you to Hamberger Mary's that has your wife intrigued? You rented an amazing party dress for your adventure and maybe she would like to share the experience of an amazing dress and possibly some makeup way beyond what would be normal for her? My wife really got into a costume party she organized for her place of employment one time. Maybe your wife would like to blow off some steam going out as someone way out of character. As long as she's possibly dressed in a gorgeous dress she's willing to share the experience with you?
Sounds like fun as long as she doesn't change her mind.
Zoey

[suzanne]

Wonderfully inspiring story. It gives us all hope that DADT or unaccepting relationships can be turned around. Thanks for sharing.

Isn't it funny how variable relationships are around crossdressing? My own wife knows everything about mine, and has seen me in all kinds of outfits, and tells me she likes most of them, but refuses to be seen in public with me dressed. While you get a dinner out with yours! Maybe DADT is not where youre at anymore! Congratulations on how well your patience has paid off.

BTW, be careful around her trying on and borrowing your dresses. You could end up losing a few! LOL. But then again, you could parlay that into a shopping trip or two.

[kimdl93]

That’s pretty amazing, Michelle. It certainly sounds like progress. I hope the two of you give it a try, and both have a wonderful time!

[michelleddg]

Wow, Ladies! I posted this mostly to entertain, did not expect all of the perspectives, insights and encouragement, thanks so much! Hugs, Michelle


Good on you, michelle! And here I always thought that "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" as the time-worn advertising blurb puts it. Who knew? ;)

But really, girlfriend...you need to fill in some blanks here as to how you got from Point A to Point E via Points C and D (no pun intended - LOL! :heehee:) with your wife. The rest of us here who are still deeply entombed in unyielding DADT situations desperately need to know the name of the magic elixir (shades of Love Potion #9?) that you fed your wife or, alternatively, who the accomplished hypnotist was whose services you used here and which enabled you to achieve this amazing breakthrough. :eek: :daydreaming:

Consider it public service, and in the meantime, color me "Jealous"... :doh: :heehee:

Leslie Girlfriend, I have long been saddened by your wife's intolerance, hoping my wife's startling offer serves as a magical mysterious catalyst for your to thaw her views. At least a little :-)


Michelle:
Could it be possibly the over the top quality of going out with you to Hamberger Mary's that has your wife intrigued? You rented an amazing party dress for your adventure and maybe she would like to share the experience of an amazing dress and possibly some makeup way beyond what would be normal for her? My wife really got into a costume party she organized for her place of employment one time. Maybe your wife would like to blow off some steam going out as someone way out of character. As long as she's possibly dressed in a gorgeous dress she's willing to share the experience with you?
Sounds like fun as long as she doesn't change her mind.
Zoey

Wow, Zoey, this flat out never occurred to me! My mind set was we'd go all soccer mom blendy, but maybe she'd prefer to do a high end out in dress and heels (at a more appropriate venue than Hamburger Mary's, of course). Or maybe, just maybe, she'd really enjoy exploring her wild side in drag. She's girly, but not flashy. We've never done costume parties. She enjoys drag - has taken me to showings of Kinky Boots, La Cage, etc. Can you imagine how much fun doing up your wife in drag would be?

[Zoeytgtx]

Michelle:
I will never get my wife to ever share an evening out with Zoey. I took her once to an fun burlesque show in Dallas once. I was in guy mode for that one. She enjoyed the evening and she actually got dressed up and surprised me by wearing a very cute corset I bought her for a gift. So that's why I suggested possibly she might be into going out in a really hot outfit with you if that was typically out of character for her. Also, it might in her mind create an air of a disguise in case you ran across someone either of you knew.
Good luck girl!!! Zoey

[Becky Blue]

Very cool story and wife Michelle, looking forward to hearing the next step....

[Meghan4now]

Well Chicka,

You should have expected all the feedback. It may not FEEL like as big of a deal as, say, flying pretty, but for many of us, it is like crossing the Berlin Wall!

[michelleddg]

Well Chicka,

You should have expected all the feedback. It may not FEEL like as big of a deal as, say, flying pretty, but for many of us, it is like crossing the Berlin Wall!

Oh, trust me, girlfriend, it does indeed feel like a huge deal. I mean, can you imagine? Hugs, Michelle

[mykell]

Michelle:
Could it be possibly the over the top quality of going out with you to Hamberger Mary's that has your wife intrigued? You rented an amazing party dress for your adventure and maybe she would like to share the experience of an amazing dress and possibly some makeup way beyond what would be normal for her? My wife really got into a costume party she organized for her place of employment one time. Maybe your wife would like to blow off some steam going out as someone way out of character. As long as she's possibly dressed in a gorgeous dress she's willing to share the experience with you?
Sounds like fun as long as she doesn't change her mind.
Zoey


this seemed to be the catalyst when i read your tale....the package from the dress rental and having an event to wear it too peaked her interest.

at your next event like this maybe you can ask if she would like to rent something glam as well....best of luck and enjoy it while it lasts.....the moons may not always stay in alignment.....pity my wife does not fancy being fancy....

[Ameli]

Great thread Michelle. And I love your term “tolerant DADT”. I think that is a good description of what is happening between my wife and I. Our lives are hectic with young children and aging parents and I believe that she would prefer the whole gender thing to just go away. I crave acceptance from her as a way to know that I’m worthy just the way that I am.

[ClosetED]

I have been on the rollercoaster many times and still get confused.
Possibly she is finally over the fear you will transition and that this is a sometime thing that makes you happy and why should she miss out on fun times with you.
I would suggest not outshining her - maybe if she looked better in the dress than you, offer to let her wear it and get something lesser. You did hope to shine but in the long run having her be more accepting would be a bigger win.
Hugs, Ellen

[Jenny22]

Michelle, a wonderful story! Question: Have you considered both of you seeing a qualified gender therapist to allay any concerns she may have about you, she and dressing? It could be a positive move for both of you, and she may become fully supportive. But never forget that she wants her man, too.

[Stephanie47]

would think after thirty four years (1980-2014) your wife or any wife should realize who her husband is or is not, whether or not he is a cross dresser. Glad to see she is coming to realize this is a harmless side of you. If she was not convinced this was harmless she would have dumped you a long time ago. She may still have reservations of family and friends knowing because of their lack of education and possible negative consequences.

[Kandi Robbins]

Very happy for you DDG! Hope that new twist continues in your direction.

Look forward (I hope) to see a picture of you in that dress!!

[Helen 2]

Hi Michelle and thanks for that wonderful story...many warm and positive thoughts to you and your spouse.
I loved your phrase 'tolerant DADT' as that's where my wife and I have been -curiously, since the same year as well, 1980- but sadly, I have no such hopes.
Enjoy the baby steps and good tidings!

PS: I love your avatar....you and that dress are made for each other and you look lovely