Ceera
08-06-2018, 12:18 AM
I graduated from high school in 1975. Back then, I was just a typical male computer geek. I did play a little sports - like tennis and basketball, but the only school team I was on was track, throwing the discus. Nothing about me back then hinted at the woman I am becoming today. And as can be expected over the course of more than 40 years, I lost track of everyone I knew in high school.
About nine months ago, a guy I knew back then contacted me via Facebook. My male name account had come up as ‘someone you may know’ for him. He was one of the guys I hung out with, but not a close friend. He is still a tech geek, with low social skills, and still lives in my old home town. We chatted a bit via Messenger and Skype, but I did not let him see me as a woman, or know I am bi. I was kind of glad I had been cautious, because he eventually commented that another guy we had both known back then was now female. And his tone was rather disparaging, when mentioning her. I came to the conclusion that I had little reason to remain in contact with him. The next several times he messaged me, I just ignored him.
Well, today he messaged me again, repeatedly, asking if I was going to go to a school reunion picnic that is coming up. I was going to ignore him again, but a lady I am renting a room to commented that if it was her, she would tell him, and make it a ‘teaching moment’. Especially since I really did not care if I ever talked to him again. Nothing to lose, and maybe could make him understand trans people better. So the conversation went something like this...
===
Him: Hey dude. There is an event coming up at our high school. Where did you say you live?
Me: About a two hour drive south of you. Have a pretty busy schedule, so unlikely I can attend any reunion events.
Him: Do you ever get into Portland?
Me: Not often. I have a tight budget, so with the cost of gas, I really need to have several reasons to go there. Last time was for a two night stay, to attend the Pride festival.
Him: pride festival?
Me: Yes, as in LGBTQ pride.
Him: yes I know - why?
Me: Because I am part of that community. You mentioned once that one of the guys we knew in high school is now female? Well, she isn’t the only transgender person you know. I am too. In fact, in another year or so I should be female full time, with my legal gender changed.
Him: WHAT? You are going to change?
Me: Yup. I am already doing almost all my social life as a woman, and enjoying myself much more.
Him: Wow... Never expected that.
Me: (sent him a photo of me en-femme, clearly outdoors and in public. Smiling and looking completely passable.) That was me, yesterday.
Him: Why? I know that women are allowed more clothing options and allowed to show emotions. Women here treat men like pond scum.
(my thought was, ‘well, perhaps they treat you that way...)
Me: There has been a strong feminine and bisexual part in my mind for a long time, but I repressed it heavily, because my dad could never have accepted his only son not being straight. I got married and tried to live as expected. But the girl in me kept coming out in various ways. Like when playing RP games on-line, I would play a female character so well that gamers who had played with me for years were certain I was female in real life.
Him: When did you discover this?
Me: After my dad and wife were both deceased, I re-evaluated my life, and realized I probably would have been much happier as a woman. So since 2014 I have been exploring that side of me.
Him: Men may make more money. But I think women rule, via sex. (Followed by a sexist comment)
Me: (sent him a pic of me at a lesbian dance posing for a picture with three lesbian friends. I look pretty stunning.) Me, last night, at a dance with friends.
Him: ok - wow. I would never have suspected you.
Me: 2/3 of my social friends are lesbians, who accept me as one of them.
Him: wow. Women literally run away from me. They ignore me at winco foods, even. Ok, later then. I need to get lunch.
Me: (sent him one last pic as he was typing the previous line)
Him: What is your name?
(surprised me that he asked that. Maybe he learned something after all.)
Me: (I told him my female name, and he just closed with “okay, later”)
===
So maybe it was a good teaching moment, after all! More accepting than I expected from him, to be sure.
About nine months ago, a guy I knew back then contacted me via Facebook. My male name account had come up as ‘someone you may know’ for him. He was one of the guys I hung out with, but not a close friend. He is still a tech geek, with low social skills, and still lives in my old home town. We chatted a bit via Messenger and Skype, but I did not let him see me as a woman, or know I am bi. I was kind of glad I had been cautious, because he eventually commented that another guy we had both known back then was now female. And his tone was rather disparaging, when mentioning her. I came to the conclusion that I had little reason to remain in contact with him. The next several times he messaged me, I just ignored him.
Well, today he messaged me again, repeatedly, asking if I was going to go to a school reunion picnic that is coming up. I was going to ignore him again, but a lady I am renting a room to commented that if it was her, she would tell him, and make it a ‘teaching moment’. Especially since I really did not care if I ever talked to him again. Nothing to lose, and maybe could make him understand trans people better. So the conversation went something like this...
===
Him: Hey dude. There is an event coming up at our high school. Where did you say you live?
Me: About a two hour drive south of you. Have a pretty busy schedule, so unlikely I can attend any reunion events.
Him: Do you ever get into Portland?
Me: Not often. I have a tight budget, so with the cost of gas, I really need to have several reasons to go there. Last time was for a two night stay, to attend the Pride festival.
Him: pride festival?
Me: Yes, as in LGBTQ pride.
Him: yes I know - why?
Me: Because I am part of that community. You mentioned once that one of the guys we knew in high school is now female? Well, she isn’t the only transgender person you know. I am too. In fact, in another year or so I should be female full time, with my legal gender changed.
Him: WHAT? You are going to change?
Me: Yup. I am already doing almost all my social life as a woman, and enjoying myself much more.
Him: Wow... Never expected that.
Me: (sent him a photo of me en-femme, clearly outdoors and in public. Smiling and looking completely passable.) That was me, yesterday.
Him: Why? I know that women are allowed more clothing options and allowed to show emotions. Women here treat men like pond scum.
(my thought was, ‘well, perhaps they treat you that way...)
Me: There has been a strong feminine and bisexual part in my mind for a long time, but I repressed it heavily, because my dad could never have accepted his only son not being straight. I got married and tried to live as expected. But the girl in me kept coming out in various ways. Like when playing RP games on-line, I would play a female character so well that gamers who had played with me for years were certain I was female in real life.
Him: When did you discover this?
Me: After my dad and wife were both deceased, I re-evaluated my life, and realized I probably would have been much happier as a woman. So since 2014 I have been exploring that side of me.
Him: Men may make more money. But I think women rule, via sex. (Followed by a sexist comment)
Me: (sent him a pic of me at a lesbian dance posing for a picture with three lesbian friends. I look pretty stunning.) Me, last night, at a dance with friends.
Him: ok - wow. I would never have suspected you.
Me: 2/3 of my social friends are lesbians, who accept me as one of them.
Him: wow. Women literally run away from me. They ignore me at winco foods, even. Ok, later then. I need to get lunch.
Me: (sent him one last pic as he was typing the previous line)
Him: What is your name?
(surprised me that he asked that. Maybe he learned something after all.)
Me: (I told him my female name, and he just closed with “okay, later”)
===
So maybe it was a good teaching moment, after all! More accepting than I expected from him, to be sure.