Does my mother know?

[TolerantCD]

When I was in puberty, I regret to say I wore my mother’s clothes more often than I feel comfortable admitting. I have the suspicion my mother has always known, but has just never confronted me about it. I don’t reallu know why not, either. She seems tolerant enough, and she even says she loves gay men because they’re usually very nice, have great taste in fashion and are very funny, not because she laughs at them, funny in a friendly way.

If she seems so open about gay men, I’m puzzled as to why she hasn’t told me she has always known and that it’s not big deal. I wouldn’t bet my life on it, but there’s even a chance she could buy me women’s clothes if she knew.

My sixth sense tells me she’s always suspected, since she’s smart and her female intuition has always been unexplainable powerful.

Do you think mothers normally know? I certainly think so, no one knows us like our mothers do.

[VS Fan]

My guess is that if she does know, she'd be worried about your feelings... as in she'd be worried you'd be terribly embarrassed and she figures "why do that to you"... ?

[Crissy 107]

There is a good chance your mother may know. If you feel comfortable with it why not open a conversation with her when the time is convenient to the both of you. Good luck and let us know how you do.
Crissy

[TolerantCD]

Perhaps that could be the case, yes. But couldn’t she just surf the internet or talk to a psychologist of someone else abou the best way to tell me, or even test me by causally bringing out topics about cross dressing to see how I react? I’ve made my tolerant and liberal views about gay people known to her, so I think she should know by now I have no issue with “non-normal” people I guess is the word? I’m “non-normal” so it’s not an insult at all.

So far she hasn’t brought it up, so I’m either real dense, she doesn’t know (which I somehow doubt) or she just doesn’t want to bring it up at all.

If I knew she was going to be supportive of me and wouldn’t mind from the first moment I would tell her right now, and then give her some money and send her pictures of clothing i’d love to own and beg her to go to yeh shop for me. But I have no guarantees of that happening. Damn uncertainty!!

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Oh no I’m not comfortable at all. I haven’t told anyone and I don’t have the courage to do so. I would only consider telling my mother at the moment, and even her I can’t tell how she’ll react. So that’s a big no no for me at the moment. But I would love it if she confronted me about it and let me know it was alright and that she’d support me in that and even let me wear those clothes at home in total liberty.

[char GG]

My guess would be that she knows but doesn’t want to shop for you😄

[TolerantCD]

Awww if that’s true than it’s a real shame. She’s already my hero but if she did that for me I’d melt.

It would save me trouble in the supply section too.

[Beverley Sims]

It is time to broach the subject so as you can advance to the next stage.

[TolerantCD]

Out of the question. I don’t have the courage at all.

[Alice B]

Both my parents passed away well before I started dressing, but I am sure my mother woukd have been totaly OK with it. My father would have been another story

[JenniferMBlack]

She knows and is waiting for you to come tell her. That's what the professionals recommend these days so as not to embarrass the child. Go talk with her then go shopping.

[TolerantCD]

Nope, I can’t. At least not now. I can’t at all.

I’m a coward

[Aunt Kelly]

I understand. It's a big step, and one from which their is no coming back
If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? That might factor into what the best course of action might be.

[TolerantCD]

Hello. I’m in my twenties. I think I made a mistake when i put my year of birth, but I can’t find it so I can’t correcf it.

[marshalynn]

TolerantCD, when you are talking to your mother some time, ask her what she thinks about crossdressing in around about way. This will let you know how she feels. I waited 70 years to tell my mother, she was a little mad at me for not telling her sooner, so she could have helped me. It was the best thing that I ever did, we have good talks now about clothes and what ever female thing we wish. I wish, I would have told her earlier in my life, wasted a lot of time and feeling guilty about being transgendered. Marshalynn

[alwayshave]

Tolerant, my mother knows. We were out to dinner, her in her 80s me in my late 40s, she asks "do you still cross dress?" Me a little shocked, "yes." Then she starts to talk about something else. I know I should of pursued it, but it so came out of left field.

[LaurenS]

Tolerant, my mother knows. We were out to dinner, her in her 80s me in my late 40s, she asks "do you still cross dress?" Me a little shocked, "yes." Then she starts to talk about something else. I know I should of pursued it, but it so came out of left field.

That’s funny! Do you think she was suspicious and was looking for an admission, or she already knew and was just curious if you still crossdressed?

[Danielle_cder]

Oh yea my mom knew and still knows! She has always been great too me very loving caring accepting. For many many years my mom has come over for Halloween I dress up she will wear some type of costume (typically a witch lol I know how predictable) and we hang out hand out candy. It’s always a good time.

[AKADonna]

Tolerant, I agree with Marshalynn, you really need to find a roundabout way of opening a discussion about womens apparel or shoes, or commenting on a nother women's appearance . Something just to bridge the conversation into a casual remark about crossdressing to guage how she feels.

When I was a teen and sneaking Mom's bras from her drawer occasionaly, she bought a new bra in my size, put it under my pillow with a note "Now you have your own bra, quit messing with mine". Not another word was said over the next 50 years about my feminine side, and now I only wish that I had opened up to her many years ago, before her death. Don't miss the chance with your Mom, Tolerant!

[TolerantCD]

Oh boy your moms are all beautiful women. They’re my heroes, I wish my mom accepted it and confronted me about it to let me know it was OK. Talking to her about clothes would be the coolest ever, she could go to shops for me so that I don’t have to expose myself.

But I can’t tell her, I can’t hint at it. I realize I might regret it but I physically can’t. It’s just not in my DNA. I’m so sorry, you guys are the best, let’s hope my mom tells me she knows, she doesn’t care and that she’ll get me clothes, that would make so happy

[kayegirl]

Your mother knows, mums know everything, but she is probably like my mother was. She feels that this is your secret, and that it is down to you to open up. The other thing for me was that I never used any of my mother's clothes, had I done that then I am pretty certain that the muck would have hit the fan, big time. Thank goodness that I was able to borrow my sister's stuff.

[TolerantCD]

What I can do, is whenever she gets mad at me about something a little embarrassing is to just laugh it off and show her I don’t care, saying something like “we only live once anyway, you should just do what you like and have fun as much as you can.”

Hopefully she’ll get the hint that I want her to confront me about it, but only if she’s ok with it

[AKADonna]

I'd love to know both you and your Mom personally and then I bet I could find a way to let her know without embarrassing you. Perhaps you might have a common friend that could bridge that gap for you?

[Micki_Finn]

My question is, why would you ever want your MOTHER to buy you clothes? Moms generally aren’t exactly fashion plates, especially for those of us a little older.

[TolerantCD]

I can tell her what to buy

[Pat]

Time fixes these things. Someday you'll realize that you have to come out, it's not anyone else's job to bring you out. As you read through the forum you'll see it happening all the time -- some people at a young age, some at a later age. Sooner is better, but not before you're ready. ;)

[TolerantCD]

Yeah I’m a guy who always procrastinates and always puts off doing what must be done.

I’m not too sure I’ll ever have the courage or motivation to reveal this to my mother

[Charlotte7]

Moms generally aren’t exactly fashion plates, especially for those of us a little older.

You've made remember something of my mother's. You have to remember that this was back in the late 70's and I would regularly put her clothes on, I don't think that she knew. Anyway, each evening when I got back from school, I would change out of my school uniform. This would be a favourite time for a quick spot of dressing, as sharing a smallish house with 4 other people, time alone was a bit of a premium, anyway, at these times, when I was getting changed, there wasn't any problem if I was caught in a state of partial undress. Anyway, back to my mother's skirt. It must have dated from the 50's (it'd be classic vintage now), it was essentially a grey and green check, quite heavy cotton (before man-made fibres), pleated, and lined, it came to just below my knees. It became a favourite of mine. So, yes, my mother had her moments when it came to fashion.

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I’m not too sure I’ll ever have the courage or motivation to reveal this to my mother


I'd say don't then, but learn to not let it bother you.

[colourmannn]

When I was in puberty, I regret to say I wore my mother’s clothes more often than I feel comfortable admitting. I have the suspicion my mother has always known, but has just never confronted me about it. I don’t reallu know why not, either. She seems tolerant enough, and she even says she loves gay men because they’re usually very nice, have great taste in fashion and are very funny, not because she laughs at them, funny in a friendly way.

If she seems so open about gay men, I’m puzzled as to why she hasn’t told me she has always known and that it’s not big deal. I wouldn’t bet my life on it, but there’s even a chance she could buy me women’s clothes if she knew.

My sixth sense tells me she’s always suspected, since she’s smart and her female intuition has always been unexplainable powerful.

Do you think mothers normally know? I certainly think so, no one knows us like our mothers do.

Mothers know. When you're ready, talk to her. A loving mother loves unconditionally.

[TolerantCD]

Would you do it in my position? I don’t even know what I’d say

[Desiree2bababe]

Mine did, she caught me.........said if I didn't stop she'd make me dress up in front of everyone. It took psychiatric help for me to help her understand.......

[TolerantCD]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I only want my mother to confront me if I know for sure she’ll be supportive and offer to buy me clothes. Otherwise no.

If only someone could guarantee she would react the way I want I would tell her right now

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You know I’ve noticed my mom doesn’t put her leggings in the dirty clothes basket. She used to always do it but now they’re never in a place I could borrow them without being discovered.

Maybe it’s a hint that she knows and doesn’t like it

[Davinnia]

Unfortunately, nobody can guarantee how someone else will react in any situation. Indecision can be agonising & block progress in your life & you end up spending all your time on "what if" imaginings. it's like finding someone attractive & hoping they will ask you on a date, they could well be waiting for you to ask them. Only you can find the right words / timing to bring the subject up with your mother, it could well be a relief to her as well.

[Jennifer in CO]

just to add a ditto...Mom's know. They know EVERYTHING. Just have to add tho that they can also be pretty tolerant of they're crazy children doing crazy things. Like wearing girls clothes as if nobody notices. I've shared this many times before - In 1973 Mom was on vacation and for what ever reason (ok, I know the reason) decided to clean out my closet (a large bomb would have left less of a mess). I came home that afternoon to all my girl clothes on my bed in a pile. I threw them back in the closet and under the bed. Came home the next day to all my girl clothes on my bed...clean and folded. I threw them back under the bed and in the closet. Came home the next day to no clothes on the bed. They were hanging in my closet and the other stuff in the appropriate drawer in my dresser. She never said anything to me or me to her but from that day forward over the next 6 or so months as she bought me clothes (Mom bought everything for my Sister and I) what she bought was more to the feminine and less to the male including by the end of that 6 months my underwear drawer was now a pantie drawer.
They know...

[Becky Blue]

i have a suggestion for you Tolerant, the next time there is a news item on TV or whatever medium about a transgender person, start a conversation about them as gauge her reaction...you may learn something from what she says.

[TolerantCD]

just to add a ditto...Mom's know. They know EVERYTHING. Just have to add tho that they can also be pretty tolerant of they're crazy children doing crazy things. Like wearing girls clothes as if nobody notices. I've shared this many times before - In 1973 Mom was on vacation and for what ever reason (ok, I know the reason) decided to clean out my closet (a large bomb would have left less of a mess). I came home that afternoon to all my girl clothes on my bed in a pile. I threw them back in the closet and under the bed. Came home the next day to all my girl clothes on my bed...clean and folded. I threw them back under the bed and in the closet. Came home the next day to no clothes on the bed. They were hanging in my closet and the other stuff in the appropriate drawer in my dresser. She never said anything to me or me to her but from that day forward over the next 6 or so months as she bought me clothes (Mom bought everything for my Sister and I) what she bought was more to the feminine and less to the male including by the end of that 6 months my underwear drawer was now a pantie drawer.
They know...

I certainly thinks my mom knows. Just wish she’d tell me she alright with it😭😭

[Crissy 107]

Tolerant, You need to have a talk with your mom. If you think she knows you are most likely correct. It will take a large weight off your shoulders. Crissy

[ClosetED]

Based on her different behavior on leggings in the laundry, I am sure she knows and knows your weakness for (her) leggings.
You should buy your own and after wearing them, and not with any significant stains, put them in the laundry. From your description, it sounds like there is a common hamper and she may be the one to do most of the laundry. When she washes YOUR leggings and returns them to you, she will know you were adult enough to get your own and not hers, that you wore women's leggings (unless you got some men's version), and then you can see what she says. If she says nothing, then she is putting the ball back in your court. You could ask her opinion of your choice of leggings-were they stylish, a good buy, whatever. If she doesn't want to talk about it, she may mumble "they're okay" but if she would like to talk about the elephant in the room, she may ask "you did know they are women's leggings?" or "glad you finally got your own" or the stereotypical "are you gay?". So you don't have to be brave enough to ask, just to leave them in the common laundry.
But do NOT leave them with a body fluid stain.
Hugs, Ellen (father of 3 grown kids)

[TolerantCD]

Tolerant, You need to have a talk with your mom. If you think she knows you are most likely correct. It will take a large weight off your shoulders. Crissy

I literally cannot follow your advice. I’m sorry. The only way I’m gonna know she knows is if she confronts me

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Based on her different behavior on leggings in the laundry, I am sure she knows and knows your weakness for (her) leggings.
You should buy your own and after wearing them, and not with any significant stains, put them in the laundry. From your description, it sounds like there is a common hamper and she may be the one to do most of the laundry. When she washes YOUR leggings and returns them to you, she will know you were adult enough to get your own and not hers, that you wore women's leggings (unless you got some men's version), and then you can see what she says. If she says nothing, then she is putting the ball back in your court. You could ask her opinion of your choice of leggings-were they stylish, a good buy, whatever. If she doesn't want to talk about it, she may mumble "they're okay" but if she would like to talk about the elephant in the room, she may ask "you did know they are women's leggings?" or "glad you finally got your own" or the stereotypical "are you gay?". So you don't have to be brave enough to ask, just to leave them in the common laundry.
But do NOT leave them with a body fluid stain.
Hugs, Ellen (father of 3 grown kids)

Are you kidding? You think I have the nerve to do that? That’s the same as telling her only with even more awkwardness involved. Maybe in a parallel universe, certainly not this would I ever EVER gather the courage to do THAT.

Can’t say I don’t fantasize about doing it though, but reality is a totally different animal, an animal with no reverse gear, once it sets foot in one direction, ain’t no such thing as going back

[JustAlex]

It's hard to tell for sure. I think my mother knows. Like you, I wore her clothes for years, since my chilhood to my late teens. She never ever mentioned it or even hinted. But she's prone to denial in many other things, maybe this is just another brick in the wall. I don't complain, it works for me.

[TolerantCD]

I do. If we both know what’s the point of keeping it a secret. She could buy me the clothes, something very convenient for me

[Crissy 107]

Tolerant, If you choose to follow any advice here, after you asked, is totally up to you. We are just trying to help.

[TolerantCD]

Probably not. Ain’t got no guts to do it

[Stephanie47]

My mother had a good idea I was dabbling in her lingerie draw. How else would her only 34B black bra snapped a strap? My mother and father were totally intolerant toward gays and lesbians. They thought masturbation was a cardinal sin. Numerous times they tried to catch me in the act of doing something. If my parents had been able to catch me wearing mom's clothing, I'm positive I would have had the crap whipped out of me. It would have made more sense for me to have ended up hating women rather than emulating women. Go figure!

[TolerantCD]

Is she knew why didn’t she confront you?

[Stephanie47]

She did not have the balls to do it. I had a brother one year older than me. Maybe she thought it was him?

[Sara Fina]

I was around 13 years old and locked my bedroom door. I slipped into a pair of black pantyhose and a black tshirt. Somehow the bedroom door wasn’t shut all the way and my mom walked in and saw me wearing the hose. She casually closed the door and walked out. She never mentioned it or ever brought it up.

[SamanthaToday]

Tolerant, not to be mean but your entire thought process is full of "cant" "wont" "never" "uncomfortable" "no courage" on and on..

There is no point in giving advice since you wont even consider it, I would have said "maybe write it out her for just like u do here and have her read it"

But whats the point since you "cant" do that or even try to change so you "CAN" do it someday.

Also your reasoning for wanting to tell her is a bit on the selfish side. Telling her just so She can buy you clothes is a bit immature..Sorry. good luck

[Lygophilia]

Do you think mothers normally know? I certainly think so, no one knows us like our mothers do.

In my case before she died. She was scared. She didn't know that I was going to transition.

[TolerantCD]

Tolerant, not to be mean but your entire thought process is full of "cant" "wont" "never" "uncomfortable" "no courage" on and on..

There is no point in giving advice since you wont even consider it, I would have said "maybe write it out her for just like u do here and have her read it"

But whats the point since you "cant" do that or even try to change so you "CAN" do it someday.

Also your reasoning for wanting to tell her is a bit on the selfish side. Telling her just so She can buy you clothes is a bit immature..Sorry. good luck

You're right to say giving advice that’ll fall on deaf ears is a waste of time. But to be fair, the question here is “does my mother know”, not “how can I tell her”

Ok I won’t lie saying I’d love it if she could go to the shop for me. But that’s just a syntom that what I really want is for her to know that this is a sexual fantasy I have and it’s real, and that she shouldn’t be scared or judging, and that we could talk about it freely and even have some laughs and jokes about it. I mean let’s face it, guys dressing up as women is kind of funny.

That’s what I’m talking about, that she could tell me how I look in my beautiful leggings, for example, just like she’d do if I was her daughter and not her son, when I’m expressing the more femenine aspect of my personality.



Also, today we went to a mall together and when I asked her to take a picture of me and she accidentally accessed my picture gallery and saw a picture of a woman I found on google wearing a great pink tank top and white leggings and she was also very hot. She said nothing and ignored it completely, but I wonder if she thought I had the picture because the woman turned me on or if she thought her clothes were my main point of interest. Just silence from her.