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View Full Version : Janelle’s second time out – hmm – not so sure about this...(long)



_Janelle_
03-18-2006, 11:56 AM
So about two weeks ago I went out en femme for the first time. It was a little of a spur of the moment thing. I went to a gas station and then to Nordstrom Rack to try on shoes. Everything went well that time and I was quite exhilarated by the whole thing.

So yesterday, I decided it was time to try this again, only this time I planned it out. The goal this time was to actually buy something!! Pretty scary stuff huh? So I get ready as usual and head on out. Always exciting leaving the neighborhood and avoiding the neighbors. One thing I did different was to throw a pair of jeans and a T shirt in the car in case the car broke down or something, so I could quickly convert to en drab.

Off we go to Nordstrom Rack. I decide to go to a different one this time to try on shoes (what else!). Couldn’t park as close as I would like – first bad sign – lots of people! I tell myself “just do it – just get out and do it – don’t think, just do!” I practice my walk and in I go – almost get run over by a car, so now I have to walk right in front of a car that stopped to let me past – pulse is now quite fast. I go into the store, and people are everywhere – they must be having some kind of a sale – bugger, bugger, bugger! Head down I walk over to the shoes – people everywhere arrgggghhh – everywhere I turn, someone is right there in front of me! Now I am starting to lose my bottle. I can’t even find a shoe I want to try on, so after 2 minutes of looking I head over to the clothing racks. That was no better. Now I no longer have the cover of the shoe racks to hide behind, so fighting the urge to run, I calmly head to the door – I’m done with Nordstroms. I feel as if some guy with a megaphone is about to yell “There’s a guy in a dress over by the shoe rack – check it out!”
Right as I am about to exit the store, I sense there is someone on my right just behind me, and I want to turn right as I exit. I turn and look down (since I’m 5’11” plus 2 ½” heels and look right in the eyes of a younger girl (early twenties). She looks right at me with a bemused look – arrggghhh – must have been read – don’t run, keep calm and keep walking. Quite unsettling. I go to the car, and a minivan has just pulled in so tight I can’t open my car door – that’s just great! I stand there as the van backs up and moves over a little. I dive in the car and skedaddle.

Next up is Goodwill, where I plan to buy some stuff. As I pull in, I start to feel a little over dressed for the Goodwill – knee length skirt, panthose and heels – what was I thinking? I repeat my mantra “don’t think, just do!” and in I go. Whew – much fewer people! I manage to calm down a little and pick out 2 skirts and 4 tops – not real sure on my sizes. Next I need a dressing room. I find an assistant and in my best femme voice ask for a changing room. Did she read me? Probably – anyway she starts banging on the rooms looking for an empty one – can’t find one – ahh that’s just great – lets just stand around here banging on the doors for a while! We finally get an empty one and I dive inside. Now I can relax and try on my stuff! Score! I get a Talbots calf length skirt, in pure wool and fully lined! It has a slit up the back and another one over the left knee – simply gorgeous – very classy. The tops are all way too big. I go back out and look for tops the right size. “Is this yours?” I turn and look – an assistant wants to know if the skirt is mine. I mumble “Yes” – crap – I’m sure I got read again. I find a red blouse to go with the skirt and go and check out – no problems there and dive back into the car.

The drive home is uneventful I love the new outfit I bought and will post pics when I get the chance.

So here’s the deal. I am about 200#, broad shouldered (19” across) and 5’11” tall plus 2-3” heels – I feel that I constantly get read – it is very unsettling. I love to crossdress and just want to be able to do my thing without bothering anyone else. But the feelings that come up inside, are that when I get read, most likely I get considered to be a complete pervert – a guy that shaves his legs, wears heels and pantyhose, has fake boobs, a wig and complete make up – what the hell is up with him! How do I reconcile these feelings without shoving myself back in the closet. My wife knows that I CD, but she has no idea it is to this extent. I know I am not TS and don’t feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body – I just like to CD – pretty simple really.

Anyway thanks for reading. If you have any insight to all of this, let me know your thoughts. I guess one approach is “who gives a feck what anyone thinks”. Perhaps the answer is 42!

Janelle

Annaliese
03-18-2006, 12:24 PM
I think you are two hard on your self. I the same size as you except I am down to 185 now I was at 205 and I had the same feeling as you do. When I lost the pounds I start to feel better about my selt and how I look. I want to get to 165 and a size 8 jean I ware a size 10 now, still a little tight.

Good luck and keep trying

Anna

Rachel Morley
03-18-2006, 01:08 PM
I know I am not TS and don’t feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body – I just like to CD – pretty simple really.

Hi Janelle,

Thanks for sharing that with all of us. I can only speak for myself but what you are thinking and feeling is pretty normal....that's to say, most of us that aren't TS at some point in our cding lives have felt pressured to conform and that somehow what we are doing is "not normal behavior for a guy".

So what are we going to do when we start to feel like this? I can't give you any holy grail words of wisdom other than to reiterate what you say to yourself. ("don't think just do"). I know it's not fair...we're not doing anyone any harm, and we're not breaking any laws, yet somehow we sometimes think we're doing wrong.

My advice to you would be to read as many posts as you can from members that go out in public en femme on a regular basis. I personally have gained a lot insight, advice and motivation from reading posts from people like Marlena Dahlstrom, Windy Cissy, Gypsy Karen, Phoebe Reece, Deidra Cowen, etc etc....(I know there are tons of others here that go out in public all the time but the girls I mentioned are the first names that came into my head as good examples of what I trying to say) to me...these girls have an awesome attitude about being read and generally being in public. They have a very emancipated attitude towards crossdressing and it's infectious and exciting.

I dare you to read posts from any of these girls about their outings and not feel empowered to get out there and be confident....I always do :) :notworthy:

Take care

_Janelle_
03-18-2006, 08:08 PM
Anyone else got any thoughts on this? I guess I want to know how do you deal with being read when you are out and about?

paulaN
03-18-2006, 08:33 PM
you said it your self. I just want to do my thing and not bother any one else. acording to your story you did not bother anyone. their where no negitive coments, no one hollerd out hay a guy with a dress on, exc. exc. you did just fine. I act like I go out all the time, but I don't, I wish I could. but I love going out when I do I have some of the same feelings as you. When I have gone out I have enjoyed it very much. I wish I had a sista to go out with. That would help me a great deal. but I don't so I have to go it alone. Ask yourself if you had a good time and was anyting that happened realy out of the ordenary. Keep on gurlen hun. and I think your avatar looks great, so your a big girl, there are lots of them out their too. I'll have to tell you about burger king in vages some time.

Summer
03-18-2006, 08:57 PM
Janelle,

Don't over dress, wear Slacks, conservative top with a pair of flats or 1 1/2 heel. especially in the day time. Look at the other women and young girl shopping when you go to the mall. They are not in full dress. You will be supprised at how more normal you will feel. Do this a lot and make sure your make up is top shelf. NOT to much though. Be confident and do not look at other people's looks when they look at you. When some one looks your way, smile:happy: And make a nod or jesture to let them knon you caught them looking. BE Friendly with you jesture. Once you have done this about a dozen times you will feel more secure in your self.

Don't go to places like the goodwill where there may be some one there that could be trouble. This is the worst thing you can do! Stick to the mall where there is security. Don't go on weekend or when teen are in the Mall. Park out side not in a under cover garage. Again security.

You can be just as much woman with out the high heels and short skirts.

Have fun not stressing your self out.
Summer 0.02

Phoebe Reece
03-18-2006, 08:59 PM
Janelle,

According to Deep Thought, the answer is 42.

Seriously, you should expect to be read. Very few CD's will fool everyone all the time. And yet, I find that I am surprised that more people do not read me than actually do. You should look on getting read as an opportunity rather than a failure. If people read you and want to ask questions, you are in a perfect position to put a positive spin on what crossdressing is and is not. People you encounter will often reflect the attitude you are showing. If you are happy and confident about your appearance, people will likely treat you in a lighthearted way. If you are acting like you are ashamed or hiding something, other people will not know what to do and will react to you in a very uncertain way. Even teenage girls (who can read any crossdresser at 100 yards or more) react positively to a direct smile.

Be proud of who and what you are, and you will enjoy your outings a lot more.

Marlena Dahlstrom
03-19-2006, 12:31 AM
So here’s the deal. I am about 200#, broad shouldered (19” across) and 5’11” tall plus 2-3” heels – I feel that I constantly get read – it is very unsettling. I love to crossdress and just want to be able to do my thing without bothering anyone else. But the feelings that come up inside, are that when I get read, most likely I get considered to be a complete pervert – a guy that shaves his legs, wears heels and pantyhose, has fake boobs, a wig and complete make up – what the hell is up with him!

I'm as big as you are, so I know where you're coming from.

Look, it's natural to feel self-conscious and nervous the first times you go out. Unfortunately, that causes you to get read more often -- it's just a survival instinct that people's attention gets drawn to someone who's looks nervous. The good news is that with additional time out, you'll start relaxing, once you realized the sky isn't going to fall in, nor will the earth swallow you up.

From your avatar, you look you've done a good job of being making yourself presentable. And you did try to dress like a woman of your age and background, albeit maybe a little overdressed. As Phoebe said, very few CDs are mistaken for GGs 100% of the time. I may blend well in a crowd, but I've got no illusions about being mistaken for a GG in upclose interaction.

But I'll let you in on a little secret: it hasn't mattered. I act like I deserve respect and I usually get it. And I find that if you're clearly making a good effort to present yourself as a women, people are usually willing to treat you as if you were one.

Let's replay your outings, no one gawked and pointed, right? Of course, there's always the occasional bemused smile, the look held a little too long. But to be honest, if anything they probably thought you were a sedately-dress drag queen -- the idea of hetro CDs just don't even occur to most folks. A useful bit of mental jujitsu is to turn the question of "passing" around: it's the other folks who have to "pass" -- pass the test of tolerance.

I've found that when I'm being read the best thing to do is look the person straight in the eye and smile back. Usually, they realize they're being rude and look away. I've never needed them, but it also helps to have a number of comebacks memorized in case you need them, stuff like:

- "Are you a man or a woman?" - "I take requests" or the drag queen standby, "I'm more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever get." (Just remember to reverse the pronouns if you're speaking to a teenage GG.)
- "Who are you trying to fool?" - "No one, I'm just making the outside reflect how I feel on the inside today."
- "You're a guy in a dress!" - "Why yes, yes, I am. You're very observant" or "Why yes, and you better believe it takes balls to wear a dress."

Anyway, as I've said, we CDs are horribly self-conscious. Truth be told most people really don't notice, and those who notice for the most part really don't care. So keep going out and you'll discover your self-confidence and comfort will increase with more outings.

_Janelle_
03-19-2006, 12:45 AM
Thanks for the replies - Paula - I wouldn't mind meeting up except I'm on the left coast :( and I do think I probably was a little overdressed (but not much). I love the drag queen standby Marla - that was funny! Again thanks for the replies. I was starting to think I was just going to bag it, but I think with a little different approach (ie dressing down a little) I may be more comfortable and less nervous - I'll keep y'all posted!!

Janelle.

Deidra Cowen
03-19-2006, 07:42 AM
I think you did very well for your second time. I promise you that I was just as nervous my second time out shopping enfemme. But you will get used to it and be less nervous as you gain more experience...and have more fun!!!

Like others said a huge part of not being read (notice I did not say pass ;) ) is to dress down a bit and BLEND in.

Cathy Anderson
03-19-2006, 07:53 AM
One thing I did different was to throw a pair of jeans and a T shirt in the car in case the car broke down or something, so I could quickly convert to en drab.
A very good practice.

I guess my reaction to this is and similar posts is: why is it so important not to get read.

Frankly, I think it's more "daring" to be recognized as a CD in public than to try to pass as female.

The secret to the whole thing, if there is one, is to be less concerned with yourself and more concerned with others. Like, with the girl who noticed you. If you really had it all together, you could just give her a wink and say, "Isn't it all fun and amusing!" Make light of the situation. :) :)

The worst possible thing is to be worrying about whether you're read or not.

_Janelle_
03-24-2006, 02:14 AM
FYI I posted some pictures here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=26472) of my new outfit that I bought - let me know what you think :)

Janelle

RobynP
03-24-2006, 02:53 AM
Janelle,

I, too, have gone through the same exact thoughts as you are having when I first started going out. Two things helped me... first, see if there are any local CD groups available. The members can often provide the direct support you need as you start going out more and more. The same is true for CD conventions that are held all the time in different cities. These provide a safe environment for those first starting out.

Second, I am about 200# and 6'1" without heels. When I first told my wife (now ex) about my cding, she said, "You're too big!" And I often felt that until I discovered Lane Bryant and other retailers selling larger size women's clothes and shoes. I rationalized that if there were retailiers MAKING MONEY selling larger size clothes, that must mean there are women out there who are my size or bigger. Are 6'2" 230# women not passable as women because of their size? NO! They are just big women... It is all a matter of attitude! and practice, practice, practice!

Robyn P.

Sweet Susan
03-24-2006, 03:02 AM
You'll get going on this, and you'll look back on it, and it will all seem funny!

GypsyKaren
03-24-2006, 07:37 AM
Hi Janelle

First of all, let me ask you this. Let's say you did get read, what happened next? Didn't the sun still come up the next day? Didn't the world continue to exist? Nothing happened! You're still here, and it's a new day, how about that. Moral: getting read isn't the end of the world.

I've always found that if you're courteous and polite to everyone, you'll get the same thing back. I smile at people, they smile back at me. Nothing is more disarming than a smile, it lets everyone know that you're not a threat, or a pervert. It shows you're a human being, just like them. I do get read, almost everytime I go out, and I've never had any problems. A couple of times I've had teen-age girls giggle at me, well boo hoo. I don't care what some 14 year old girl buying Jessica Simpson lip gloss at Walgreens thinks of me, I surely don't need their stamp of approval to live my life.

Note to all teen-age girls who giggle at trannies: No, just because Nick Lachey is available now since Jessica dumped him, this doesn't mean he's going to marry you, so there!

Janelle, I've looked at your pics, and I think you look very pretty, I think you're being a wee bit hard on yourself for nothing. I say keep on doing what you're doing, cause you're doing just fine. My only suggestion is to include your wife in your travels out into the world, you'll see that it's a lot of fun.

Karen