_Janelle_
03-18-2006, 11:56 AM
So about two weeks ago I went out en femme for the first time. It was a little of a spur of the moment thing. I went to a gas station and then to Nordstrom Rack to try on shoes. Everything went well that time and I was quite exhilarated by the whole thing.
So yesterday, I decided it was time to try this again, only this time I planned it out. The goal this time was to actually buy something!! Pretty scary stuff huh? So I get ready as usual and head on out. Always exciting leaving the neighborhood and avoiding the neighbors. One thing I did different was to throw a pair of jeans and a T shirt in the car in case the car broke down or something, so I could quickly convert to en drab.
Off we go to Nordstrom Rack. I decide to go to a different one this time to try on shoes (what else!). Couldn’t park as close as I would like – first bad sign – lots of people! I tell myself “just do it – just get out and do it – don’t think, just do!” I practice my walk and in I go – almost get run over by a car, so now I have to walk right in front of a car that stopped to let me past – pulse is now quite fast. I go into the store, and people are everywhere – they must be having some kind of a sale – bugger, bugger, bugger! Head down I walk over to the shoes – people everywhere arrgggghhh – everywhere I turn, someone is right there in front of me! Now I am starting to lose my bottle. I can’t even find a shoe I want to try on, so after 2 minutes of looking I head over to the clothing racks. That was no better. Now I no longer have the cover of the shoe racks to hide behind, so fighting the urge to run, I calmly head to the door – I’m done with Nordstroms. I feel as if some guy with a megaphone is about to yell “There’s a guy in a dress over by the shoe rack – check it out!”
Right as I am about to exit the store, I sense there is someone on my right just behind me, and I want to turn right as I exit. I turn and look down (since I’m 5’11” plus 2 ½” heels and look right in the eyes of a younger girl (early twenties). She looks right at me with a bemused look – arrggghhh – must have been read – don’t run, keep calm and keep walking. Quite unsettling. I go to the car, and a minivan has just pulled in so tight I can’t open my car door – that’s just great! I stand there as the van backs up and moves over a little. I dive in the car and skedaddle.
Next up is Goodwill, where I plan to buy some stuff. As I pull in, I start to feel a little over dressed for the Goodwill – knee length skirt, panthose and heels – what was I thinking? I repeat my mantra “don’t think, just do!” and in I go. Whew – much fewer people! I manage to calm down a little and pick out 2 skirts and 4 tops – not real sure on my sizes. Next I need a dressing room. I find an assistant and in my best femme voice ask for a changing room. Did she read me? Probably – anyway she starts banging on the rooms looking for an empty one – can’t find one – ahh that’s just great – lets just stand around here banging on the doors for a while! We finally get an empty one and I dive inside. Now I can relax and try on my stuff! Score! I get a Talbots calf length skirt, in pure wool and fully lined! It has a slit up the back and another one over the left knee – simply gorgeous – very classy. The tops are all way too big. I go back out and look for tops the right size. “Is this yours?” I turn and look – an assistant wants to know if the skirt is mine. I mumble “Yes” – crap – I’m sure I got read again. I find a red blouse to go with the skirt and go and check out – no problems there and dive back into the car.
The drive home is uneventful I love the new outfit I bought and will post pics when I get the chance.
So here’s the deal. I am about 200#, broad shouldered (19” across) and 5’11” tall plus 2-3” heels – I feel that I constantly get read – it is very unsettling. I love to crossdress and just want to be able to do my thing without bothering anyone else. But the feelings that come up inside, are that when I get read, most likely I get considered to be a complete pervert – a guy that shaves his legs, wears heels and pantyhose, has fake boobs, a wig and complete make up – what the hell is up with him! How do I reconcile these feelings without shoving myself back in the closet. My wife knows that I CD, but she has no idea it is to this extent. I know I am not TS and don’t feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body – I just like to CD – pretty simple really.
Anyway thanks for reading. If you have any insight to all of this, let me know your thoughts. I guess one approach is “who gives a feck what anyone thinks”. Perhaps the answer is 42!
Janelle
So yesterday, I decided it was time to try this again, only this time I planned it out. The goal this time was to actually buy something!! Pretty scary stuff huh? So I get ready as usual and head on out. Always exciting leaving the neighborhood and avoiding the neighbors. One thing I did different was to throw a pair of jeans and a T shirt in the car in case the car broke down or something, so I could quickly convert to en drab.
Off we go to Nordstrom Rack. I decide to go to a different one this time to try on shoes (what else!). Couldn’t park as close as I would like – first bad sign – lots of people! I tell myself “just do it – just get out and do it – don’t think, just do!” I practice my walk and in I go – almost get run over by a car, so now I have to walk right in front of a car that stopped to let me past – pulse is now quite fast. I go into the store, and people are everywhere – they must be having some kind of a sale – bugger, bugger, bugger! Head down I walk over to the shoes – people everywhere arrgggghhh – everywhere I turn, someone is right there in front of me! Now I am starting to lose my bottle. I can’t even find a shoe I want to try on, so after 2 minutes of looking I head over to the clothing racks. That was no better. Now I no longer have the cover of the shoe racks to hide behind, so fighting the urge to run, I calmly head to the door – I’m done with Nordstroms. I feel as if some guy with a megaphone is about to yell “There’s a guy in a dress over by the shoe rack – check it out!”
Right as I am about to exit the store, I sense there is someone on my right just behind me, and I want to turn right as I exit. I turn and look down (since I’m 5’11” plus 2 ½” heels and look right in the eyes of a younger girl (early twenties). She looks right at me with a bemused look – arrggghhh – must have been read – don’t run, keep calm and keep walking. Quite unsettling. I go to the car, and a minivan has just pulled in so tight I can’t open my car door – that’s just great! I stand there as the van backs up and moves over a little. I dive in the car and skedaddle.
Next up is Goodwill, where I plan to buy some stuff. As I pull in, I start to feel a little over dressed for the Goodwill – knee length skirt, panthose and heels – what was I thinking? I repeat my mantra “don’t think, just do!” and in I go. Whew – much fewer people! I manage to calm down a little and pick out 2 skirts and 4 tops – not real sure on my sizes. Next I need a dressing room. I find an assistant and in my best femme voice ask for a changing room. Did she read me? Probably – anyway she starts banging on the rooms looking for an empty one – can’t find one – ahh that’s just great – lets just stand around here banging on the doors for a while! We finally get an empty one and I dive inside. Now I can relax and try on my stuff! Score! I get a Talbots calf length skirt, in pure wool and fully lined! It has a slit up the back and another one over the left knee – simply gorgeous – very classy. The tops are all way too big. I go back out and look for tops the right size. “Is this yours?” I turn and look – an assistant wants to know if the skirt is mine. I mumble “Yes” – crap – I’m sure I got read again. I find a red blouse to go with the skirt and go and check out – no problems there and dive back into the car.
The drive home is uneventful I love the new outfit I bought and will post pics when I get the chance.
So here’s the deal. I am about 200#, broad shouldered (19” across) and 5’11” tall plus 2-3” heels – I feel that I constantly get read – it is very unsettling. I love to crossdress and just want to be able to do my thing without bothering anyone else. But the feelings that come up inside, are that when I get read, most likely I get considered to be a complete pervert – a guy that shaves his legs, wears heels and pantyhose, has fake boobs, a wig and complete make up – what the hell is up with him! How do I reconcile these feelings without shoving myself back in the closet. My wife knows that I CD, but she has no idea it is to this extent. I know I am not TS and don’t feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body – I just like to CD – pretty simple really.
Anyway thanks for reading. If you have any insight to all of this, let me know your thoughts. I guess one approach is “who gives a feck what anyone thinks”. Perhaps the answer is 42!
Janelle