The CD Mind

[deebra]

Julie C said it so well in her post "Moher's clothes", she describes that dressing in her mothers clothes got her started and how it felt and made her a crossdresser. What was in her mind, our minds that cause us to want to try on women's clothes, the excitement and wonderful, dangerous, sexual feeling that comes with it and why we want to continue? Why us and not other males. Are we born with more femininity than other males? Do we have more of this mind set than females since we might enjoy the clothes, etc. more than they do (they wear the clothes to cover their body, we wear it for pleasure). As male to female crossdressers we can't let it go, the pink fog or whatever won't allow it. We are into feminity and crossdressing for life. I know, I know don't analize it, just enjoy it, but WHY US???

[dana digs sweaters]

Why for men that never crossdressed while young, became full blown crossdressers as an adult?
How many youngins have dabbled with female garments and have no real interest as an adult?
Womanless beauty pageants Not creating more transvestites/crossdressers?
294945
For some youngins I am sure there was the thrill of avoiding being caught. The raising of one's heart rate.
Those of us (hand raised here) that were avid crossdressers before puberty hit us, were dressing for the clothes.
For how many trying to recapture our youthful delights of puberty while wearing female garments?
Escapism to creating a female image that we could call our own? And continuing that as an adult?
Why ask why?
Just enjoy!

294938

[Michelle1955]

It is in the brain, I was looking at the bras, panties, children cloths in Sears and JCP catalogs way before asexual thing. Like 5 years old, and admired my friends female cloths at that age also. I am a a cross dresser but actually a female in a man body. Currently 62 years old. And wear panties everyday. Mother cloths came much later. First panties were a friends of mine I tried on hers and She tried on my boy underwear at about 6 years old at her house.

[Alice Torn]

I don't think anyone can really explain why.

[Veronica4me]

Like most, I started so young, that there were no inhibitions, and before puberty, there was no pesky body hair to contend with. The clothes felt so wonderful on my skin, I couldn't resist. I think the lack of inhibition and fear made it easy. The clothing kept it compelling.

[Stephanie47]

I have to agree with Alice. I 'really' don't know "The Why." If I could come up with an answer it would be great so I could offer an explanation to my wife. A counselor I see for combat related PTSD, who knows zilch about my cross dressing, holds the position each man and woman has some dna of the other sex. She feels it is stronger in some than others. I guess, if that is true, then perhaps that would explain the vast continuum of sexual behavior/preferences to include gays, lesbians and all transgender issues.

My first interest in women's clothing was my mother's nylon slips. I had no sisters or female cousins, so there was no influence with siblings. I loved the feel of nylon. I was a rough and tumble little boy. I got in more than my fair share of problem. It was sports, sports and more sports. In the blistering summer heat or the frigid cold of winter it was baseball, basketball, football, roller hockey, street games. I do remember visiting my grandparents home and out of sheer boredom finding and trying on and prancing around in one of my mother's teenage articles of clothing left behind from the 1930's. Rather than sit with my hands folded I found ways to break the boredom until I was old enough to play on the sidewalk outside their house.

The only other weird reason I can envision, and, I never gave it much thought until my wife started watching shows on prior life experiences. When we moved to a new apartment and I was four or five I had dreams/visions that I had been a young woman who was battered and bruised and murdered. I was found curled up dead in the snow in an earthen parking lot wearing only a white slip. We did not have a television yet. I have no idea why a little boy of four or five would have a dream/vision like that. I still have that image etched in my mind. Another possibility for my cross dressing behavior? An influence from the past?

[Teresa]

Deebra,
We possibly do have more of a mindset than GGs , for most of us especially in our earlier days the clothes do have a sexual component whereas women don't see clothes in the same way , they may make them sexually attractive but not sexually turned on .

Why we want to continue , well it unlocks so many feelings , liberates us if you like . What keeps us coming back may not be so much of pink fog but the fact we keep developing , wanting more but not knowing in which direction . Did I know I would be so freely walking out the door even when I joined this forum , NO ! It was for others with the expertise and confidence , I was stuck in the closet in a DADT situation , How things can change !

[CONSUELO]

My earliest memory of dressing was when my older sisters thought it would be a great joke to dress me in my aunt's longline corset. She was staying for the weekend with us and I have no idea how the plan to dress me evolved. I just remember standing in my sister's bedroom in that longline corset and watching them laugh. I don't know how old I was exactly but I am guessing that I was only about 5 years old. It was a vivid memory of standing there in that corset with sunlight streaming through the bedroom window and making the satin fabric shine. I became enamored with the sheen of the satin and the feel of the slippery fabric against my skin. That was the only time that they dressed me though the youngest of my three sisters who was six years older than I, did apply makeup to me and she made me sit in front of the house so that I would be seen.

I believe I can trace two strong desires back to those times. First the desire to dress in silky fabrics which I did frequently as a part of my sexual and erotic explorations for many years before puberty. Second is the desire to be sexually dominated, an aspect which I did not explore until later in life when I was able to visit and dress for dominatrices.

Indeed I did try on my Sister's and my Mother's clothing frequently but clearly the trigger came from being dressed by my sisters and being sexually aroused by it.
An unanswerable question is whether I would have become a cross dresser without that very early trigger event.

When I read the many stories by members of how they remember their early interest in cross dressing I am struck by the great variety of our experiences. Yes, there are some common threads but also so many variations.

A long time ago when I was being treated by a psychiatrist for depression I told that story of being dressed and he responded by characterizing it as "sexual abuse". It made me realize how the psychiatry/psychology professions so easily fall into parroting oversimplified explanations rather than trying to truly understand. I have been wary ever since. I never felt that I had been abused and in some ways I am even grateful to my sisters for helping me along this path.

[Alice B]

I did not dress as a youngin and never had any desire to dress until late in my 50's. Then out of the blue I wanted to experence it and let out the female that I thought was bottled up inside me. I was suddenly aware that I had no idea what triggered this. I spent a lot of time researching it on my computer and getting more and more excited about it. Being fully aware of the effect this would have on my wife. I openly discussed it with her and gave her selected reading sections that I felt would help her understand. She agreed to it on a limited basis and Alice was born.

[docrobbysherry]

Like Alice, I had no interest in women's things before my 50's. Beyond that, "regular" men don't even think about wearing women's things! I had plenty of opportunities when young. Then, with girl friends and a wife. My only thot about women's clothes back then was to get women OUT OF THEM!:D

As far as continuing dressing after we start? I mean, it's not like we really have a choice, is it!?:brolleyes:

[Gillian Gigs]

I believe that there are as many reasons for CD'ing as there are minutes in a year. I can only speak for me and I spent years asking the "why" question, I think I finally have my reason for what has happened.

My first experience was as a punishment at age 4, which was being put into a pair of my sisters panties, being spanked and then being made to wear the panties for the rest of the day. I also had to put up with my sisters taunting me, and calling me a sissy for the rest of the day. They made sure that I didn't get changed out them also. This was the start of something that whether it was used as a threat, or actually happened went on for many years. Around age 12 I started to wear panties by my own choice, then other lingerie from my mothers dresser. The why of me doing it without an apparent underlining reason haunted me for many years. My conclusion was that I wanted to be in control of when it happened and for how long it happened. To take the power away from some one else and put it into my own hands.

The dressing developed into a fun game when I was alone and I was alone a lot by that time. Then one evening things changed for ever. I had my first ejaculation while dressed in lingerie, one experience led to another, which lead me down the slippery slope to a fetish. This fetish consumed me for many years leaving me with self loathing, a lack of self esteem, etc, etc, etc. With the internet I started to see that I was not alone and I started the journey toward accepting myself. I wanted to be in control, so I started to wear panties all the time in an attempt to stop any sexual component from happening. I thought if I normalized this I would take the sexual thing out of it. It took time, through the process I now underdress all the time and have added skirts and other clothes into the equation. Is there a sexual component today, yes, but it is now like 90% the clothes and 10% about sex. Fortunately I have a loving wife who understands and accepts this side of me.

I have had this innate pleasure of wearing anything nylon for as long as I can remember. The snugger the panties, the better and I can only figure that this came from the original experience. There is nothing to me more comfortable than to dress wearing a stretchy cami, panties, snug pantyhose and skirt, this is a happy place for me. Whether it was a good or bad start doesn't matter now.

[Wildaboutheels]

Basic Math 101.

I am not aware of any reliable evidence, but I would bet that male CDers outnumber female CDers by at least 10 to 1 if not 100 to 1. Possibly 1000 to 1.

Because of vsion, plain and simple. Very few women are "turned on" visually as it goes aginst their most basic programming.

Per the vast majority of input here, most men go through a period of "sexual component". (At the very least)

Or, started that way.

Or still have "it" currently, possibly multiple dozens of years later.

CDing is mostly a VISION thing.

Take away most CDers' cameras or mirrors and what do you get?

[Rachael Leigh]

The studies I’ve read are pretty clear, there are some environmental reasons and such but most have concluded they just don’t know why men or boys crossdress or are transgender it’s a mystery. And it sure can mess up relationships

[Micki_Finn]

There are as many answers to that question as there are crossdressers.

[Rayleen]

Deebra,

One thing is sure, some of us CD'ers have female wired brain. I know for a fact that at a tender age I was only interested in girls dressing up and female interest. I remember watching how they dressed, and wondered why my body did not match.

Its not only the clothes, but the aspect that my brain is not compatible to male behavior , but I guess we are each an original person .

Crossdressing is some moments to enjoy some satisfaction to ease the tension of my feelings.

[redtea]

I believe it's because we were more curious than other males and less close minded which allowed us to do something we knew was a social taboo.

That and our bodies may have been feminine too to help create the idea of wanting to try it.

my father figure also degraded me in my teenage years so by crossdressing i'm playing off of the taboo of being what he said i was, A girly boy.


Moral of the story, Divorce impacts boys way more than girls and boys really need a good father figure more than a mother who will let them go astray.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Since there are different reasons for CDing, like "Escapisim" from one's self vs "finding one's "true self" to getting a high from "breaking taboos" to masochistic "humiliation" to various fetishes, It would be impossible to make any general statements about the minds of CDers---as CDing is just something those of us with several different mental and Psychological "conditions" simply have in common to use for different ends.

[Beverley Sims]

As a man when I was twenty I was a 98 lb weakling and was not attractive to girls, in a dress I looked like a blond bombshell and attracted all the girls I wanted.

I was popular with all the girls and even some of the boys who did not know, so I just continued on and still enjoy life.

[sometimes_miss]

WHY US???
Something tipped the balance, and we wind up feeling better adorning ourselves with female clothing. Whether we're chasing being female or running from being male, all depends on the individual.

I don't think anyone can really explain why.
Well, some of us can. Trouble it, the way we're brought up, since being feminine in any way is the worst possible thing a boy can be, it's simply unacceptable to the male mind. So we repress any ideas that might suggest we have any type of stereotypical female feelings at all.

I have to agree with Alice. I 'really' don't know "The Why." If I could come up with an answer it would be great so I could offer an explanation to my wife.
Trouble is, the truth can be so disturbing to our SO's that they can't handle it, either.

Since there are different reasons for CDing, like "Escapisim" from one's self vs "finding one's "true self" to getting a high from "breaking taboos" to masochistic "humiliation" to various fetishes, It would be impossible to make any general statements about the minds of CDers---as CDing is just something those of us with several different mental and Psychological "conditions" simply have in common to use for different ends.
^Best short explanation. The big problem is, everyone is searching for the 'one, and only one' true reason for crossdressing, and there isn't only 'one' cause. And because so many cannot accept the potential reasons, it's become fashionable to just tell people that they were born that way. While that may be true for some, it doesn't explain why their crossdressing desires & behavior doesn't show up for years or even decades. And it doesn't have to be one thing, either. It can be a number of events or hormonal actions that can leave us vulnerable to the eventual tipping point that pushes us over the edge (and into a dress, or such).
Consider.
I was occasionally dressed in my sister's old clothes as a toddler. At that age, I had no idea that I had been wearing girl clothes until dad found out and blew a gasket over it.
I was envious of my sister getting more attention with getting dressed and having her hair fixed, as well as being told that even if she hit me, I wasn't allowed to hit her back because 'men never hit a lady, EVER'. Sis had lots of friends, I had none. Seemed better to be a girl for many reasons, and none benefiting being a boy.
Boys had to fight, and I was always the smaller kid getting beat up, but not allowed to quit or get help from an older sibling, I was expected to stand up for myself and always fight back, even though I always lost. Always losing the fights, and watching and noticing that girls didn't get into physical fights much if at all, seemed better to be a girl.
By the time I started school, the fight had already been beaten out of me, as I just assumed that whenever I hit someone back, I would get a beating. So I stopped fighting back, resulting in be being labeled a coward and a sissy.
And so it went. Just before I turned 7, when someone told me that god made a mistake, and that I had really supposed to have been born a girl, I believed it, because he presented what seemed to be valid reasoning to support that idea (I was six, I didn't have the ability to debate what an older smarter person was telling me). Then with that in mind, learning about my family's past, I saw other events that pointed to that being the case as well, and I was then reinforcing the erroneous hypothesis that I was really a girl through my childhood.
Trouble was, until I was 6, I was still a normal boy, with normal boy desires and thoughts. If I was born a crossdresser, where were those desires until then?
If just one of those things happened, even two, I don't think I would have wound up being a crossdresser with transgender feelings. But add it all up, and, well, here I am; only truly comfortable when dressed up as a girl.
Confusing parts were, if I were a girl, why wasn't I romantically interested in boys? We know NOW that gender and sexual preference are different, but in the 60's no such knowledge was available. And why didn't I think like girls did? Where was the preoccupation with relationships? Why did I get irritated with all the nonsensical discussions that went nowhere? Girls love to talk about nothing in particular, but it just irritated me. The truth about it all finally started to come out in the 90's, when psychologists finally got around to figuring out the differences in the male and female mindsets.
But today, we still suffer from our upbringing. And I see it continuing, because much of society still has preconceived ideas of what is appropriate for each sex, and what isn't. Until that changes, us males will still feel the stigma of wanting to do what are considered behaviors only allowed to girls, and we may very well continue to repress why we feel that way.

[ClosetED]

I can't quickly find the data source, but I recall many percent of boys (?20-30) try on women's clothing as an experiment and don't go any further with it. But we are different and the data suggests that there is a genetic difference in us that makes us enjoy it more when we do get around to trying it. Based on social environment, it might be allowed early or suppressed by parents and show up much later.
Hugs, Ellen

[laura.lapinski]

The only trauma in my nuclear family life growing up was verbal fights as in yelling. My dad use to yell at us, and us kids fought with each other. I was the youngest of all, so I was in the most vulnerable position. I think I turned to self-stimulation at a young age as an escape. I was dressed up once at age three by my sisters and a female cousins, but that was innocent fun by them, and there were even some pictures taken. As I developed, I did some self-pleasuring, but knew nothing about it as far as that it was related to sex. I didn't even know that men and women had sex, and had no idea where babies came from. I would say that the stress of other people not getting along caused me to escape into myself at times. I did see and like some Playboy and Penthouse magazines as a youngster and like them. I would get turned on by them, but I still didn't know about sex, but I think we start gathering information and figuring it out along the way. Nobody ever molested me, and made me do anything against my will. I think sex just became a stress relief for me. I think that the CDing is partly genetically embedded in us.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Basic Math 101. Take away most CDers' cameras or mirrors and what do you get?

A common theme here, and it's described very clearly in Consuelo's post, is the feel of the fabrics. But for me and countless others, the look of women's clothing is as, or more, important than seeing images of ourselves wearing them.

You might have taken Basic Math 101, but many others have gone on to do a Phd.


Divorce impacts boys way more than girls and boys really need a good father figure more than a mother who will let them go astray.

This should be a thread in its own right. I don't know how factual it is, but it's deeply intriguing - especially to me, having been raised by a single mom. Personally I disagree with the idea, but I'd like to know what others think about it.

[Devi SM]

Some researchers are trying and already find some traces in transexuals, trasgenders DNA.
I love the LGBT flag because is a the rainbow colors. Any color changes to its similar next passing in between for other colours and successively I to other including all variances. The reason of the colors, just light, the reasons of us, just us.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Deebra :hugs:, I am not sure that anyone really know why we do what we do. >Orchid ..0:daydreaming:0..

[Robertacd]

Since accepting myself I have lost the need to know why. Sure I can tell you what I think the reason is.

But in reality I think true self acceptance means you don't need to know "why" you are the way you are. Because you no longer need an excuse or a scapegoat to explain yourself to anyone, including yourself.

[Tracy Irving]

Never asked why. Don't care.

I just hope it doesn't go away.

Pink fog forever!

[Wildaboutheels]

FACT. Numbers don't lie.

Even someone with bad vision should easily notice in the pic gallery the threads that jump out with the staggering # of views and responses. These threads are not featuring granny dresses, jeans, flats, forms, bras, makeup, shapewear, or ... ?

The shared commonality of certain popular threads is obvious and undeniable.

Without a doubt though, this CDing "thing" is more mental than visual for some. I'm sure some members never even peruse the pic gallery but simply stick with the regular threads.

[RainbowDash]

I am constantly asking myself why I love wearing women's clothes so much. The answer is simple.... I love the clothes and everything about them. Lingerie feels so good and can make one look sexy and hot. Women's clothes can sometimes feel a bit tighter, but if ur like me and are going for a sexy look, then u don't mind it much. Men don't get to wear these things and women do, that's why I dress up.

While I have absolutely no desire to become a transwoman, I do feel there is a very strong feminine side in my body that screams to get out, and I release my feminine side by crossdressing. I do feel a strong urge to be a woman, at least on the outside, and dressing allows me to become the woman I so badly want to be without going through the long lengthy process of a sex change.

When I see a fancy dressed woman, I think 2 things.... 1. Looking at her I think how great she looks and 2. I start to visualize myself wearing what she is wearing. Next thing u know, I'm on the web searching for the outfit I saw her wearing, or at least one that is close enough to it. I love the way women express themselves with their clothes, and their confidence, swagger, and attitude when they do so. Sometimes it seems like these women have more confidence and self-esteem than other women, almost like they're ready to take on anything or anyone that life throws at them.

[Ressie]

I'm sure there are different factors and variables for each of us. As for myself, I see a lot of nurture and nature aspects.

Nurture - Each member of my family had some influence on me. My older brother was a bit physically abusive and my sister loved glamour/sexiness. Is it any wonder that I love sexy clothes and somewhat aggressive sex partners?

Nature - I don't have a very hairy body and my facial hair isn't as full as most men. My legs are thin, which adds to my imagination when wearing heels, hose and dresses. So, I tend to think there's something going on with my hormones.

[Connie D50]

Great post I started young before puberty. I also looked at sears catalog and found myself looking at the girls cloths more then the boys cloths (I still do look at the ladies section way more then the men's lol), and yes there was some sexually attraction. I'm not sure the sexually attractive came because of the way I felt wearing the cloths or the way I looked in the cloths.
I know this I would love to find out what makes me want to wear women's cloths.

[Angela Marie]

Interesting thread. As I noted on other threads I started by wearing my mothers tights. I also grew up with a single mother who was a very strong woman. I clearly identified with that and I have to think, developmentally at least, it contributed to a stronger feminine orientation.

[Ginni]

I dress to be the woman in me. I started at a very young age. Then I thought it was curiosity, but now i think it is meant to be. Later I thought it was sexual, but now I think the male in me is aroused by the female. I am beginning to accept who I am and what I am. I do really enjoy dressing.

[LilSissyStevie]

I gave up on the idea that I could find a one-size-fits-all unified theory of CD. I never really believed there was one anyway. As for myself, I trace the roots of my fetish to emasculation trauma as a child. Crossdressing isn't my fetish, it's just a way to accessorize my fetish which is masochistic emasculation. When I was little my grandmother was our primary caretaker. She was abusive to me both psychologically and physically. One thing she would do is force me to play with the neighborhood boys who were all older and bigger than me. Being small and meek, I got picked on and bullied a lot. When I complained, my grandmother called me a sissy and a crybaby and told me I needed to stand up for myself. I did that once and got my ass kicked real good. She said it would toughen me up. Bitch! My sisters never had to deal with any of this and my grandmother doted on them. Naturally, I started to wonder about how much better my life would be if I were a girl. I would sometimes dress up in my sister's clothes and fantasize about it. Whenever I could get away with it, I stayed home and played with my older sister and her friends. One day one of my sister's friends was going on about why was I playing with them when I was a boy? I was trying to think of some way to defend myself, and not really having a deep understanding what it meant to be a boy, when one of them came up behind me and pulled my pants down and they all pointed and laughed at the sight of my appendage. It was deeply humiliating to me and made me want to be a girl even more. That "thing" was standing in the way of me having real friends.

When I reached puberty, I accidentally discovered a little pornographic novel concerning the antics of some gay crossdressers. Although I had been having sexual feelings for girls for some time, this story put my libido into hyper-drive. I didn't understand it at all. I wasn't attracted to males yet the idea of being a CD "girl" pleasuring men in this fantasy was highly erotic. It led to my first real orgasm. Only the fantasy of sexual domination by women could rival that feeling. Not long after this I had an opportunity to have sex with a girl that was a little older than me. I completely failed to "rise" to the occasion and it was very humiliating. Although she acted like it was no problem, I knew she was laughing about it with her friends. It just reinforced the idea in my head that I wasn't a "real" man and that I was more like a girl myself. I was afraid to even try to have sex again because I didn't want to fail. When I did, my anxiety would cause my fears to be confirmed. To top it off a psychiatrist once told me he thought I might be a "latent homosexual." It was hard to argue with him since my sexual fantasies about women almost always involved activities that didn't involve me using my penis. More often than not they would involve the woman having a penis or giant clitoris and using it on me. Weird!

For most of my life, I kept my fantasies and CDing private and didn't really ask myself why I did it. At some point I decided I just had to know since it was wrecking my relationships. Maybe there was a way to "fix" it. I've read anything I could find on the subject and at different times I've wondered if I was "gay and in denial," bisexual, transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, gender fluid, autogynephilic, transvestic fetishist, blah, blah, blah. Autogynephilia comes close but doesn't really have a good explanation of "why?". I finally settled on the fact that I'm just a masochist. I used to think that masochists were people that enjoyed pain. I certainly didn't enjoy pain so I thought I couldn't be a masochist. What I understand now is that masochism is a defense mechanism where one substitutes pleasure, mainly sexual pleasure, for something that is painful. I found emasculating experiences to be very painful so I sexualized them and made them a source of pleasure. What is arousing to me is the anxiety of association to symbols of emasculation. There is no way to "fix" it, I'm afraid. People rarely, if ever, change their sexual orientation once it becomes imprinted. I've just learned to live with it. Thinking that I was trans or an effeminate gay person was just like throwing gasoline on my fetish fire. Sometimes a fetish is just a fetish.

[Ressie]

Thanks for sharing that Lilsissystevie. ^Interesting story that makes sense. A few people are lucky to have had a loving childhood without trauma or abuse. I had love from my parents with some abuse from siblings.

[krissysSecret]

This is a great thread topic. So many interesting replies. Growing up, my best friend was my sister who was just a year older than me. We did everything together and I played with her and all her friends more than my guy friends.my sister would let me wear her clothes as we were always home together after school and mom was at work. I developed a crazy fetish for swim suits. We would both put on girls swimsuits and play in the backyard! Ah..the good old days. Later, my mother opened a woman's clothing and accessories store in a shopping center where I would help out after school. Crossdresser boy heaven!
Being a crossdresser took its toll on two marriages, the that long ago. I finally realized that I didn't need a partner anymore and have enjoyed my cross dressing life everyday as I please. No commitments other than to myself. I still enjoy my ladies swimsuit collection to this day!

[JeanTG]

I agree with Alice, nobody really knows why. I do know my mother wanted a little girl and would dress me in sissy clothes, leotards, etc.

I also know that I am inclined to OCD behaviour. Once I got hooked on crossdressing, it became my OCD focus. I've recently had some success overcoming the dressing. I put all my femme stuff in a big storage tub and shoved it into a very difficult to access part of the attic. If the urge strikes again, I hope my laziness will overcome the urge! I've also been trying to shift my OCD focus away from dressing, to less damaging (to my marriage) pursuits: my hobbies and cycling. Result, I've got killer legs, but not in a feminine sense! I also am a person of faith. I've recognized that I am and always will be a crossdresser. I've accepted that but have also accepted that it can be very damaging to relationships. I was within an inch of losing the woman of my life and of the past 41 years, 30 of them married.

I was angry for her not "accepting" but now I'm grateful she wasn't an enabler. Instead of asking the impossible, every morning I pray to God to keep my obsession at bay for only one day: *today*. I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

It had become an overwhelming obsession and giving into it was the very opposite of freedom, it was becoming enslaved to it. Yes it gave me pleasure, but no joy or happiness.

It's been 4 weeks since I put away all my femme things, and it's been wonderfully freeing. I even broke down and bought some men's underwear for the first time in YEARS.

Everyone is different of course, but for the first time in a long time I feel truly free.

[Diane Taylor]

There's no sense in knocking ourselves out trying to figure out WHY? when we should just go with the flow and enjoy it while we can.

[Charlotte7]

Me, I think that there's a genetic element to it, but allied to that I think that there's a hormonal element too (from both us ourselves and also our mothers), and only when the two things happen together does cross dressing express itself. For me it has to be innate as it has always been there. My never ending desire to dress up as a girl started from an age before I could know anything about it. It just happened. And, I hope that, as many have said before, it doesn't unhappen, but after 50 years I'd be pretty surprised if it did.

[Veronica4me]

Here, here, Diane!!

[Confucius]

The way I see it, my brain is hardwired to release feel good neurotransmitter (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and others) when I crossdress. When I try on something new, or when I push the transgender envelope, my brain releases more neurotransmitters. When I have an orgasm my brain releases prolactin which causes the "pulling away" response and lowers dopamine levels. Wait around awhile and my neurotransmitters return to normal operation.

So why does my brain release these feel good neurotransmitters when I crossdress, but "normal" guys can crossdress and feel nothing but embarrassment? I believe it has to do with neurogenesis. There are periods in our lives (early childhood and puberty) when our brains create many new neural pathways. This is followed by neural pruning where pathways that are not used are eliminated, and others are reinforced, through the learning process. This is only my opinion on why we crossdress, but I do believe there is some good science behind it.

In my case, when my mother was pregnant with me, she wanted a girl, and did everything she could imagine to have a girl. So when I was born she was disappointed. However she didn't have to wait too long. I was only six months old when she became pregnant with my sister. She often told us how my sister's birth was the happiest day of her life. My sister became my mother's pampered little princess. I grew up thinking my mother would love me more if I was born a girl. I recall crossdressing when I was only around 3 years old. However by the time I started school I was conditioned to believe that the worst thing a boy could do was to be girly. I learned to keep my interest in girly things a closely guarded secret. Yes, I would often pray that it would go away, but my brain was already hardwired.

[Jaymees22]

Why ask why, when we should ask "Why not?"

[Brandi Christine]

I too started very early, and I'm also from a broken home where my Mom kept things together. As the oldest of three I also picked up a hyper-responsibility thing, maybe my dressing was (and is) a way to let go. I would wear my Mom's and my Aunt's clothes because I liked them, and I liked the feeling of being girly, you know, I wanted to be sugar and spice rather than slugs & snails & puppy dog tails... Sex didn't play into it at all until high school, by then not only was I identifying with the girls (and was still attracted to them) but I also started fantasying about being the girl in sexual relationships, over a few years my fantasy's transitioned to the point where I was always the female...

I understand the visual aspect of it too, I love doing photoshoots, and when I bought my first house i installed multiple mirrors in my bedroom so I could see myself en femme. I also did (and still do at times) the 'virtual crossdressing' thing when I couldn't dress the part by using photoshop to make myself into the woman I so desire to be.


I just know whether I stay married or not I will never stop, for some reason with age the guilt has faded while the desire has heightened… The pleasure has heightened & gotten deeper too, when I finish and see myself, the makeup, the hair, oh my God the feeling is so great! For lack of a better term I feel high...

[Roxanne Lanyon]

Honey, I agree with Diane Taylor, below. Just go with the flow! I could spend all of my energy trying to figure out "Why", for the rest of my life, but, honestly, It just makes me happy! I love being Roxanne, I "bathe" in it! Sometimes I think I want to be Roxanne for the rest of my life! I will never, ever know why, and, so what? I am a happy girl!

"If it feels right, then maybe it is!"

Roxanne Lanyon

[Devi SM]

My experience is similar a many here but the question still not answered yet.
I spent so many years try to justify my behavior, then rationalizing it blaming someone else, family, a pastor in a church when a kid that was a sexual abuser, doing all kind of things and being very sexually promiscuous, reasoning religiously and answered didn't come.
When I accept myself is when the peace came.
Now I'm in transition, wife is supportive and we stop looking for answers because is a waste of time, just enjoy yourself and whoever accepts you, life is too short to waste on witch hunting...