Did I miss a golden opportunity? or would it have been a mistake?

[Bobbi46]

In previous posts I have talked about whether I should tell my daughter and son about my dressing (both of whom live and work in the UK) the general consensus was would it solve anything in them knowing? the obvious thing to that was no, but it still hovers in my mind that I am keeping a secret however I did not tell them.But June just gone my daughter as always makes sure she flys over with my birthday presents, now I no longer have any male underwear, nighwear or socks it is all femme stuff, this part is crucial to what I am trying to say, we were getting ready to go out for the day and as is normal I was wearing calf length 10 denier hose and when my foot was halfway into my shoe I was gripped with a horrible attack of cramp in my foot, crying out in pain I took my foot out of my shoe to massage it, my daughter looked down, one would have had to be blind not to realise I was wearing something femme on my legs. Anyway still looking at my foot I finally was able to get my shoe on and we went out.
She never said anything like why are you wearing such and such her face gave nothing away at all.
The point I want to make, is did I miss that one golden moment to tell her or is it better to have left everything as it was before?

[Robertacd]

I don't have any advice for you, but maybe your daughter thought you were wearing compression socks, you know for your leg cramps ;)

Even men's compression socks look like knee high's.

[Tracii G]

I agree with Roberta.
Parents are allowed to have secrets don't feel you have to tell them anything.
Your kids have secrets about things they did or do now and they don't feel the need to tell you.

[Joyce Swindell]

My wife would say...Only one way to find out.....ask her if she noticed. Plan for the answer. If she says yes then tell a lie or tell her the truth. If she says no then tell her a lie or tell her the truth. Bottom line is the door is still open if you choose. So the answer to your question about opportunity missed is nope... opportunity is still there.

[Bobbi46]

Roberta
To answer about the your query there was no way these could have been construed as being compression wear, they were far too thin for that but it is what I wear everyday.
Tracii
Fair comment there must be lots I do not know about.
I guess there is no need to upset the apple cart my daughter will be out again at Christmas I will wait and see what happens then. Ther's no hurry but should it arise she will be told the whole truth and everything.

[Tracy Irving]

Bobbi,

You did exactly what I would have done!

Unfortunately, I don't know if it is an opportunity missed or not.

[Crissy 107]

Bobbi, When the time is right and the opportunity presents itself I know you will do it. You have given it a lot of thought and sometimes we can overthink things, I know about overthinking things as I am guilty of that myself. The next time your daughter comes to visit sounds like the perfect time.
Crissy

[Bobbi46]

Oh how I hate secrets! but theres still next time

[Robertacd]

Roberta
To answer about the your query there was no way these could have been construed as being compression wear, they were far too thin

The (men's) compression socks I have are very thin and look just like pantyhose on the foot as the foot is not compressed.

[Stephanie47]

You did miss an opportunity. However, you do not know what the outcome would have been. The kids are adults. In some way they should have an opinion whether or not they know of your status. Growing up did they voice any opinions, positive or negative? In the long run I think this is a problem more for a father. Will my kids think less of me if they know? Even if your daughter approves will that be interrupted by you to give yourself free reign to be totally en femme during her visits? Or will wearing women's clothing remain a private affair? Not telling her will let her mind race to conclusion that are not valid or true. It may leave more questions unanswered. If she and her brother were to find out after your death you really did not have an opportunity to clarify any questions they may have had.

Tough decision.

[Rayleen]

Bobbi46,

I never told my daughter, but she probably knows...she always looks and says nothing until I mention something.


They have more intuition than we think.

[Bobbi46]

Roberta,
Ok I stand corrected I did not know compression socks were that thin, I learn something every day.
Stephanie,
In a way I suppose it was a missed chance, It could have been a time of one or the other saying the first word. Could she, and she probably did know these were not normal mens wear, possibly did not want to put me on the spot although I was quite ready to explain everything, maybe she was waiting for me to speak first. I just do not know.

[docrobbysherry]

Bobbi, why do u keep saying, "This was a missed opportunity"? Every minute you're alive is a "missed opportunity" to tell her!

It sounds like u really want to tell her, so do it!:thumbsup:
But, u pick the time and setting that suits u. If u don't tell her after you've set it all up? Then, it's a missed opportunity!

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
How much difference would it have made to your dressing not that much I would guess now. There's always a next time maybe by then it will be even less of a problem as more people know about you and you become so comfortable with it . I have to say dressing at home now doesn't feel like dressing , I'm sure you are beginning to feel the same way .

[Bobbi46]

Teresa,
If the opportunity had presented itself would it have changed the way I dress? no but it would have meant a degree of completion as regards to my family and may have brought my family closer.

[AllieSF]

I totally agree with Sherry. It was NOT a missed opportunity if you were not looking, nor, needing to tell her. I dressed and went out for 10 years and always said, I will tell someone when there was a need to tell. About 3 years ago I felt that need and directly came out to everyone. I did that because I needed to do it, and I needed to do it because I told myself that I should tell them. I was not worried about being caught or some other negative reason, like guilt. Do it when you are ready, and then plan and look for those opportunities to miss or take advantage of. Good luck.

[Jaylyn]

Nothing said can't hurt feelings and if she did notice I think Roberta has the right answer. I don't think we have to tell our kids everything. They'll know if I'm killed in a caccident but other than that I doubt they need to know.

[Bobbi46]

Yes thats true we do not need to tell them everything but it nice to have everything out in the open, one thing I have just remembered is that when I took my foot out of the shoe again i did notice my daughter look down and then a moment later we looked at each other but nothing was said in hindsight maybe that was the missed moment thinking about it now it was.

[Beverley Sims]

I do not think so, you have kept it covered all these years and if you only get occasional visits, just be sure that everything is in place before the next visit.

If she asks you then may make a decision in telling her.

[Bobbi46]

Beverly,
A good suggestion to say the least, not to leave anything obvious out and let it come from her, I will heed your advice.

Also others have mooted the same point as well regarding letting it come from her first.

[SaraLin]

I think that she probably noticed. What I think is more interesting is her (non)reaction.

From what you've told us, she didn't have the OH MY GAWD shock and horror reaction - and that's a good thing. You're not in imminent danger of her storming off, wanting to never see you again.

She also didn't smile and go "COOL! Show me more and tell me all about it!" which says that she's probably not going to be a super fan either.

No - she just went forward, as if nothing unusual happened.
Maybe she knows more than you think. Maybe not.
Either way, she seems to respect you enough to be willing to let you do as you choose, without needing to jump into judging or condemning.

You could probably tell her without excessive fallout, but why? If she wanted to know more, she would have asked. Unless you're planning to go full-time, or enough that she will meet you as Bobbi, why would you feel any need to tell her? That's still the big question, isn't it?

[robbieatbest]

It is quite likely that your daughter did not connect that what you were wearing was femme, that you were intentionally wearing women's clothing. We cross dressers assume that everyone notices what we are wearing and also that we think they should say something about it. In my experience it is rare for others to comment and rare that they notice it is femme.
I told both my son and daughter. First my daughter who is quite OK, second my son who is Ok but does not want to see me dressed. I can talk openly with them both but the subject does not come up very often. I did not want them to find out about me until after I died, I thought that would be very hurtful for them.
When I told them I felt better in myself, quite a relief. In fact each time I "come out" I feel a sense of relief.
If she knew what you really like to wear you might get a very enjoyable present.

[Bobbi46]

Actually you raise a very valid point about my daughter also my son suddenly finding out that in fact my dressing had been hidden from them they might have felt hurt that I had had the courage to talk about it with them in the beginning, I too have wondered about this very point, its something that you having mentioned is something which must resolved at the moment my daughter is seriosly ill and not due to visit just yet she usually comes over just before Christmas so then might be the time.