Wondering

[Michelle Crossfire]

Having been a part of this forum for some time, I have read and reviewed many posts on here. One common theme that I have noticed is while some on here are in a DADT type relationship, or in some cases, no input from the wife or SO, others are in a more open, if not completely accepting type of relationship, with others somewhat in between. So I want to pose this question. What type of a relationship are you currently in, and If you had the choice or the deciding vote, what type of relationship would you like to have with your wife or SO in regards to your dressing and why? How much of that would be impacted by your personal reasons for dressing and how much of that would be impacted by your wife or SO?

[Samm]

That's more than one question lol. My wife is 100 percent supportive. But with "life" in the way, I can only manage an hour or two of complete dressing. Sunday evenings are usually my time. If I could, I'd dress every day after work. And all weekend. But I know that will probably never happen. Too many obstacles. Besides, my wife would probably not be so supportive if that were to happen. But, I take what I can get, when I can get it.

[Charlotte7]

I am in a 100% supportive relationship and I can dress more or less when I want and when I can. Obviously, as Samm says above, real life does get in the way, but it's like everything, give and take is the best way to go. My choice is impacted by my never ending need to dress and my SO's liking of men wearing women's clothes, in fact it's not unknown for my OH to arrive back from her work and say (disappointedly) "Oh, you're dressed as a boy."

[colleen ps]

My wife is also very supportive up to a point. I wear skirts and tops at home with my nails painted most of the time and my wife, son, neighbours etc are used to seeing this, but for me to take it further with makeup wig etc, it has to be when it is just me and her. I have been out driving with her and short walks in parks etc dressed fully,but she is not so comfortable with it. We recentlay had a week away and i was dressed fully most of the time except when we went out. She has no problem with this, but i think the barrier for me being out more is that she will feel uncomfortable or embarassed. My wish is for us to be able to go shopping and sightseeing both dressed comfortably and not worry about others thoughts or opinions. I am sure i can cope but i am not so sure about her being comfortable. That said, i am happy the way we are and will not cross any boundaries without her agreement.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Michelle :hugs:, My:love:Wife knows about everything but just don't want to see me while I a dressed.


We Have a very workable DA/DT I stay within my boundaries and life is great.


Oh Yes I do wish that she was totally acceptable. >Orchid ..+:daydreaming:+..

[Sami Brown]

My wife is the one who brought me to the realization of who I really am before I recognized it myself, and she encourages me to express myself. Having said that, I have had limited time to dress as I please due to relatives living with us and living in a rural area.

This changes next month when we move to Las Vegas, Nevada. There will be no relatives, and it is a big city. She was an instrumental part of the decision, knowing how much the feminine expression of my personality means to me. She has said she would like me to dress as a male once a week. Overall it sounds like an ideal situation, doesn't it?

Having said that, we haven't yet started down that path. I am hoping that dressing more won't change our great relationship, but I won't know for sure until I try it. Believe me that I will be keeping an eye on the relationship to make sure it doesn't turn for the worse.

So to answer your questions, I have my wife's support and am looking forward to being able to live my life as I like. I don't yet know how close to 100% of the time that will be, but I can't imagine being in a better situation than the one arriving soon.

Sami

[Crissy 107]

I was deep in the closet until a few years ago and after joining another forum I got the advice and support from the members to have a talk with my wife. She at first was very much ok with my feminine side and has bought me panties and a few other things and also started painting my toenails. She however is very worried that someone else will find out. I told her a long time ago that I would never intentionally embarrass her. That has worked so far. She has been ok with me going to a salon and getting a pedicure with color though recently she has pulled back on that but it is going to happen soon. Would I like more, OMG yes, and being a member here only makes me try and figure out how to get more acceptance. It has always been a fine line between acceptance and tolerance and she jumps back and forth. I’ve said that if all the acceptance I got was to be able to wear panties 24/7 I could live with that and be happy. I do more then just that but not much more. I’m looking forward to shaving my legs again in a few short weeks and I do shave my bikini area and my pink Venus razor hangs on the wall of the shower so for me it’s the little things. I am always ready to nudge the envelope a little more.
That all said I really enjoy seeing and reading about everyone’s adventures here.
Crissy

[Teresa]

Michelle,
It finally came to the point where my wife couldn't live with it and I couldn't live without ! It was raising too many issues to finally deal with but it was still a tough one to walk away from after 44 years of marriage , we are now back to being amicable but we are are both happier not having to walk on eggshells .

It was a shame she just couldn't get her head round it , she knows now many of her fears were trapped in her own head , if only she had talked about it rather than sit behind the DADT wall . I'm sure even if we had decided to stay together I wouldn't be out 100% as I am now I would have still been unhappy with the restrictive compromises .

[Elizabeth G]

I'm somewhere in between. My wife found out about my crossdressing in a less than ideal manner a couple of years ago and since that time we have been slowly working our way through things. She's not thrilled but I would say that she is somewhere in the tolerant to accepting range and she continues to work to broaden her acceptance. Just a few days ago I posted about how she saw me in a dress for the first time last weekend which was a big step for both of us.

Would I like to be free to dress whenever and wherever I want? Sure, but I think that would be selfish of me without the full support of my wife so I continue to work with her and hope for the best for both, our relationship and my crossdressing.

[Sidney]

My wife is somewhere between accepting and supportive. We are retired and I can usually dress when I want. My dress is usually panties, bra, nightgown and ballet flats or panties bra, pull over t, skinny jeans and my flats. I don't wear awif or makeup. We sit around the house talking, cooking cleaning and everything is fine. My two adult daughters know n of m my dressing and support me. My youngest who lives 10 minutes away has seen me dressed and is my shopping buddy. I have dressed out but not with the wife. I'm not sure if she is uncomfortable about being out with me or friends finding out. I am happy with my situation and relationship with my wife
Siidney

[Beverley Sims]

My wife accepts my dressing and we go out together all the time.

Before I go out I usually apply a light smear of makeup and the only comments I get are that she does not lik the perfume I wear and the fact that she does not use makeup only to go out at nights to functions.

When looking at clothes I get the occasional I wouldn't wear that or it's terrible.

If it looks suitable usually just an agreement.

Where am I?

If I put my foot in it I could be back at square one.

But I have no plans to mess the present arrangement up by prompting comment.

[Julie MA]

1. ATDS (Always Tell, Don't Show)
2. I opened up to her about it because I thought we could share dressing together. Was I ever wrong. She claims to be liberal and accepting, as long as it doesn't affect her own little world.
3. My desire to share it stems from wanting to be completely open with her. It backfired some, but at least I am honest and sharing. I don't think it will undo us. She does support me on a very slow level. I think if we didn't have kids (3 under 16 yrs) it would be faster.

[kimdl93]

You’ve committed an interviewing faux pas. Never pose multiple, linked questions at the same time, particularly when some questions seek descriptive information and others seek opinions or responses to hypotheticals.

if I winnow all these questions down to an essence, it seems to be this: Am I in a relationship in which my cross dressing preferences are accepted and or supported to the degree I would like. Answer...no.

[Mistyjo]

Michelle
My wife is very supportive of my dressing. She has helped me with my makeup and has bought me outfits. We go out in public together for dinner and shopping. I am able to dress every day if I want to and I do every evening when I get home from work and on the weekends. I wouldn't change anything about our relationship

[kayegirl]

My wife is very supportive, will advise me when shopping, has even purchased femme clothing as a surprise. She is quite fastidious with laundry, so will wash and iron all of my clothes when needed. But much like Blue-Orchid'so wife, she has no wish to see me full enfemme . We have our agreed boundaries, and I am happy to keep within them, or very close to them.
Would I change anything, well perhaps it would be nice if the boundaries were not there, but l will not be pushing too hard. Life is good as it is .

[Becky Blue]

Good series of questions Michelle lol...i have chosen not to tell my wife, she knows a little bit but not the full extent. I have a range of reasons why i have decided not to tell her more at this stage. Each relationship is unique and I feel that she knows enough and wish to spare her the burden of knowing more... Whether things change one day who knows, but i am happy with my current position.

[Leslie Mary S]

Presently I have no SO to worry about.
When I had a SO, I simply kept Leslie Mary in her locked closet. At that time I did not even have a name for her.
I have had one wife for 36 years (Passed away of cancer), a second wife for 1.5 years (Divorced) neither of whom knew.
One girlfriend of 8 months who didn't know, and one girlfriend of 1.5 years (Died of Diabetes related causes) who did know but it was a DADT relationship.
At no time did my cross dressing cause any hardships for anyone but me.

[Kiwi Primrose]

My wife has helped me in many ways for many years and I dress en femme every morning and evening plus most of the day at weekends. She likes me to cover up if I am going outside our gateway or if we have a stranger visiting.

[RaeK]

I guess "tolerant" is the best way to describe out relationship. We've been married for 59 years and not about to split. Wife is well aware but doesn't want to see me dressed - she had no objection when I make a purchase and agreed to panties 24/7 and wearing nightgowns every night; has given me some clothing, etc., just doesn't want to see me dressed so I am limited to an occasional few hours when she's away. I would be nice if I could have a day a week to dress. Except for lipstick, I use no makeup nor do I have a wig. So going outside is out of the question.

[Ronnie38]

I have a very tolerant wife who has known from the begining. She helps me buy things, gives me advice on outfits and sometimes wr have dress up nights together. We never go out as i still have a beard that neither of us are ready to part with yet but we are discussing a few plans for halloween. Although I do have the ability to dress whenever I please, I try to keep it limited so as not to oberwhelm her. She needs her husband too.

[Felicia M]

1. In the closet but have planned to come out this fall/early winter for awhile now. She does know that I wear Spanx tights skiing and we are getting a pedicure together this fall at her request. I also threatened to run a 5k this fall as Wonder Woman which she loved the idea of.
2. I want to have an open relationship with my SO. I want her to know the full extent. I will take it slowly in revealing all but I no longer want to hide it or be afraid of getting caught which I think would be much worse.
3. I am comfortable in both worlds. This summer I have had no time to dress and I miss it terribly. At the same time as a father and a husband I have relished being present for my son and SO. I would not want that to change. I guess I want my cake and to eat it too!

[Micki_Finn]

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that 100% of the ladies on this forum would like to have an open and accepting relationship. If there’s anyone out there who is stuck in an open relationship but wishes it was DADT, please say so and I’ll stand corrected.

[Alice B]

Mine started with limited acceptance. Ok to dress, but wife wants no part at all and I could go out dressed. Over the years it has grown to near total acceptance where I can fully dress at home and almost always wear bra and forms to bed, to breakfast and all day if I am not going out. I can wear make up if I do not throw it in her face. As I (we) get older acceptance grows, because it is not a big deal. The only change I would like to happen woud to be able to go out dressed together. But I know this will never happen. I do not have a lot of time left in my life, so there is not a lot to complain about.

[Confucius]

I am open with my wife about it. She is not comfortable talking about it, but she does understand that it makes me happy. So she sets my boundaries. I can wear nightgowns to bed. I can wear a dress around the house in the evenings, but its all miad mode. I never wear make up or develop a female alter ego. I never go out in public. I'm fine with that, so I believe we've both had to compromise to reach a happy middle ground.

[Cheshire girl]

I'm very lucky to have a supportive wife who lets me dress fully and helps me greatly with make up and style advice. She wouldn't let me go out unless she felt I looked great. We often talk about clothes and make up. She is happy for me to have a totally waxed body and to have Shellac painted toenails. She always paints my finger nails before we go out. She cares for my clothes and helps me choose clothes jewellery etc. I couldn't survive being secretive and having to hide my clothes. It would be impossible now as I have two wardrobes and several drawers of clothes and accessories. Hope you all manage to get sufficient support from your SOs

[JanesCDcloset]

Our relationship is in between. There is nothing hidden, my girl clothes are in the closet with the rest of our clothes, she even borrowed my panties when she needs a pair.

I can dress in front of her and she doesn’t care. She is accepting this way but not encouraging. If we are going to have an intimate night I will ask what she wants me to wear. She always picks out a boy outfit. Which I don’t mind, it’s just not her thing.

Do I wish it was different? Not at all. I think it is perfect.

A past relationship made me realize something. She knew and encouraged me to dress. She loved it. But for some reason it took the fun out of it for me. That is when I realized that I dress for my own personal pleasures, not to please others.

So I don’t want to change a thing.

Life is good keep smiling.

[Dannigirl]

I am 100% open with my wife, she is 100% accepting and encourages me to buy things, wear things and have fun with my other side. It is me that isn't 100% accepting of being dressed in front of my wife because I don't want to disappoint her (even though I know she says it doesn't) by not being "100% manly" my hangup not hers. She has know for about 9 years now - we have been together 12. I am one of the very lucky ones, now I just have to get over myself and MY issues of being dressed in front of her and let it flow and have more fun. I am planning to do that this winter as I am primarily a fall/winter dresser due to our jobs.

[Janine cd]

My wife has known about my desire to crossdress for most of our married years, but she never really accepted it. She is deeply religious and sees it as a sinful act.

[Cheryl T]

My wife is 100% supportive and I am free to dress how I desire, when I desire.
We have a special relationship and I love her dearly and thank her daily for her support in my life.

[Janine cd]

My wife wants no part of it. She knows of my dressing but doesn't want to see me dressed, so I honor her wishes and limit my dressing to the times that she is away. Fortunately, she leaves to visit her sister out of town at least once a month . This allows me to dress for at least two days at a time.