Your Thoughts on Groups?

[Ms. Laura]

Hi everyone. As I may be the newest person in the CD Parent club, I was thinking. As it will, over time, become more and more difficult to dress at home, I was thinking on the possibility of joining a group. In my area that would most likely be Tri-Ess New England. If they'd have me. Anyway, I was looking for your thoughts and experiences. I worry that somehow it may expose me, and therefore hurt my family.

It seems like if you're hanging out with other hetero CDs there wouldn't be a problem, but if you came across some weirdo CD admirer (not that all of them are) it could be.

Also, is it a fun experience? That probably depends on the members mainly, I was just wondering if anyone had taken the step and really enjoyed it or found out that it wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

Thank You for your thoughts.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

If you're a married/divorced CD of oh say 40+ years of age, Tri-Ess is perfect for you.

They're anal about secrecy, a little too anal if you ask me but they mean well: Security Serenity Service. That's the motto:-)

I never saw any admirers at a Tri-Ess meeting, I think they'd ask them to leave if they showed up. You will see CD's who pop in to the meeting for 10 minutesor so to have cover with the wifey at home and then head out to some trans club.

I have issues with the national leadership, but that doesn't mean that the members in the chapters arent supportive, because they are.

Is it fun? It was, for a while, then it's the same presentations and the same vendors and the same old whatever. Tri-Ess desperately needs new ideas and blood, but younger folk tend not to stay, no matter what National Tri-Ess will tell you. The membership in Tri-Ess as a whole has been dropping from it's highest in the 80's.

Also if you're not absolutely certain you're "just a crossdresser" then Tri-Ess isn't for you.

Almost forgot what I think of as the "no poofters" rule. Technically full Tri-Ess membership is for heterosexual crossdressers only (though if you're not, you can be a "Friend of Tri-Ess") Tri-Ess members tend to be the CD's who LOUDLY proclaim their heterosexuality.

Some chapters think some of the rules are baloney and too restrictive and don't enforce them heavily.

As part of the membership you get "The Mirror" the quarterly magazine, which basically sucked until they got a little more diversity in the writers recently. I got very tired of Tootsye (I loathe third person when used by a CD). It could still be better.

PALS (Partners Are Learning Supporters) is the wives subgroup. It does a good job when it doesn't turn into a "bitch session" as I have heard that some PALS groups become. Only a small percentage of the wives actually participate though. You won't see many wives at the meetings, no matter what the leadership says. Wives do have full membership privileges in part to encourage them to come to meetings and in some cases seem to be encouraged to become the "gatekeeper"

Your best bet is to attend a meeting or two to see if you like it or not.


Veronica

[trannie T]

I've been to several meetings of Diablo Valley Girls in Walnut Creek, California. They are friendly and supportive, anyone can come to the meetings but I have not seen any weirdos.

[Cathy Anderson]

most likely be Tri-Ess New England. If they'd have me. Anyway, I was looking for your thoughts and experiences. I worry that somehow it may expose me, and therefore hurt my family.
1. There's not much chance that involvement with Tri Ess would lead to exposure.

2. In any case, joining a support group is generally considered responsible behavior--so even if you were somehow exposed it should not hurt your family.


It seems like if you're hanging out with other hetero CDs there wouldn't be a problem, but if you came across some weirdo CD admirer (not that all of them are) it could be. 1. Tri Ess tends to be hetero to the point of explicit homophobia.

2. I don't know what your concern is about "weirdo" admirers--maybe you could explain that a little. In any event, I've never heard of an admirer attending a Tri Ess meeting.


Also, is it a fun experience?
The first few times.


That probably depends on the members mainly,
Yes, and also you.


I was just wondering if anyone had taken the step and really enjoyed it or found out that it wasn't all it's cracked up to be.
Yes an all counts. But even though it got a little boring after several meetings, I think it was an important step.

Cathy

[Sweet Susan]

I have had some experience with groups, and I think they are just fine. If you can meet up with some other crossdressers, I say go for it. I actually thought this thread was about groups, so I was ready to talk about the Beatles.

[CharleneCD]

It is most definitely worth checking out any local group. Some are better than others. The group we have here in Michigan I find to be wonderful. My wife and I have made friends within the group and do things together outside of the meetings. Best of all, when I am with the other members, even in drab, I can relax and just be myself. It is nice not to have to be on guard and worry about letting things slip. The only people you will be out to are those in the group. They are very protective of your anonymity if you want them to be.

[Leigh Davis]

I generally agree with everything that was previously said.
I will add that the importance of groups has dropped due to the internet.
Try to find like minded CD's in your area and research their suggestions. A group's website can reveal a lot.

I first thought about TriEss but was turned off by their rigidity. I joined a group that accepts the entire TG community.

Hope this helps, good luck!
:happy:

[Ms. Laura]

I'd like to thank you all for your thoughtful advice. It may not be a step that I take for some time but it is one that I have put a lot of thought into. I appreciate the honest experiences.

My fear of the "weirdo admirer" thing is probably unfounded Cathy, I just don't know how the groups work. I wasn't thinking of people in the group, I didn't lnow if groups often made excursions to say, CD friendly bars and the like. I just know how people on the web like to propostion you on the web.

Anyway, thank you all again, especially to Veronica and Cathy for taking the time to go through my concerns.

[tvgirl4fun]

You might want to check out The Tiffany Club. They're in Waltham, MA, have their own place and do outings/trips. http://www.tcne.org/ Jaie

[Tamara Barclay]

I had been a very active member about 7 years ago in a group in a large midwestern city. At first, I loved it. Then....the claws started to show. For a community that prides itself on being accepting, I have NEVER been around a more judgemental group of folks in my life. If you did not fit in EXACTLY with everything, you were shunned. The group was totally homophobic. The funny part to that is that one of the "straight" members enjoyed being with men and other TV's outside the group, but looked down at "sexual" dressers and those who were bi. Totally two faced!

[Cathy Anderson]

Laura,

Thanks for responding to my question.

In a group, the chances of being approached by anyone uninvited are virtually nil. Further, any time I've gone out I've never had any difficulty saying "no!" sufficiently strongly to stop them in their tracks. I suspsect that's from for you and most anyone. Admirers, like CDs have conficts and mixed feelings about what they're doing anyway, so it doesn't take much to
dissuade them.

An advantage of attending a meeting or two is that it requires your fem self to be a little more focused and organized in her thinking. Otherwise the danger is that she just goes nowhere or around in circles. I found that doing this I seemed to progress past the need or interest in continuing to attend fairly quickly.

Cathy

[tvgirl4fun]

Tamara, I totally agree with you. Most T groups seem to be very clique-ish. The part they hate the most I think is if you go out to public places because you feel comfortable with yourself, while the only places they go are the GLBT clubs and events. Jaie

[gennee]

I belong to a support group at the community center. Every one is friendly and engaging. It's a chance to meet other transgenders. I haven't met any weirdos. It's a good idea to join a support group but find one you are comfortable with.

Gennee

[tvgirl4fun]

I think a "weirdo cd admirer" is a guy that lays the compliments on very heavy because he's looking for sex and thinks you are too, which isn't the situation with all cd's. Jaie

[talkwithmelissa]

I recommend going to meetings. They have many advantages. They helped me with accepting who I am. They also allowed me to meet many wonderful people.