Embarassed around wife

[Ronnie38]

So, in my mind, my girly side wants to come out more. The problem is that im still embarassed about it around my wife. Which I dont understand. I just recently had two days off in a row which is very unusal for me but rather than indulge myself, I just went on with my regular hobbies. Dressing is ingrained in me and is always on my mind. I am open with my wife and can dress whenever I please but I seem to keep closeting myself and passing up the opportunities. Has anyone else been in this situation and if so what did you do?

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Ronnie,

I'm not so much embarrassed around my wife but I'm working to overcome her aversion to my crossdressing. What has been working for us is to slowly integrate my dressing in small ways so as to make it more normal. For instance I now keep my toenails painted all of the time and recently have worn a dress in front of her in MIAD mode a couple of times.

I will admit that at first I was a little uncomfortable in front of her like this but because we are doing things incrementally and slowly we are each getting the time we need to adjust to a new normal.

Elizabeth

[Stephanie47]

My wife does not appreciate my desire/need to emulate a woman. She says, if she wanted to live with a woman she would have married a woman. Her "I do" at the alter was with the male within me, not the woman within me. I respect her viewpoint. I do not beat my head against the wall because I cannot wear women's clothing around her.

As relates to you, do you know or sense your wife is not totally onboard with your cross dressing? Tolerance does not equate to acceptance. Sounds as if you may be harboring some guilt because there is some element of you she did not know about when saying the "I do?"

[Jaylyn]

I totally understand your embarrassement around your wife. When I first told my wife about my little secrets into CD, she was on board and even bought Jaylyn things for Christmas. I really thought when we first met that I had put CD away for good ( I have felt this way many times but it keeps popping back up). She grew fairly comfortable with my dressing when the urge hit and it wasn't as often when we were both working. Since retirement it has come back with a vengeance. I have to have something feminine to cling to it seems now thus my panties almost 100%. She knows I have my stash of clothes and makeup but she has nothing to do with Jaylyn now. It's become a DADT and also bringing me to a point I did not know which way to go. I did purge a lot of things I had accumulated but replaced those things gradually.
She has started to point out to me how silly guys look in long hair, or how masculine a certain guy is. She tells me all the time and I quote " he's a little cutie and he's really buffed up". Always pointing out a guy that has big muscles and beards.
Yep she makes me feel embarrassed because I don't care about what a weight lifter can lift but am embarrassed that I am wearing my panties at the time.
What have I done about it you asked? Nothing because I don't know what to do. I can't be me without a few dressing sessions each month to at least calm this anxiety inside.thus I'm back in a DADT but not dressing around her any more.
We have been out to eat with friends and she has brought up how ridiculous that guy looks wearing the jeans that have decorations on the hip pockets. I just nod my head thinking I wish I had a pair.

[Sami Brown]

Even though my wife supports me, I still have some trouble dressing in front of her. I guess I feel a bit of embarrassment and awkwardness. It is all in my head, and I am working on dealing with it.

Sami

[Kimberly Adams]

I haven't been fully dressed in front of my wife yet but have had everything but a wig and makeup on. No embarrassment at all. Only thing I'm a little self conscious about is I need to shed 10 lbs.

[Happygirl!]

I also understand your feelings about being embarrassed. Sometimes my wife will tease me about my fem side, but sometimes she will say that she likes my fem side better, since its more sensitive, caring, more into fashion, etc. She sometimes will tease me about using the elliptical trainer, since that's mostly used by girls. But I think she knows it's a turn on for me being humiliated in this way :)

[Gillian Gigs]

The best way to get over it, is to move forward in small steps. I felt uncomfortable at first also. I just started to do small things do make it easier for the both of us, and it worked. Initially she didn't like the idea of me in bras, but as things progressed that wall came down also. You learn to crawl before you walk, you learn to walk before you run.

[Micki_Finn]

The first thing to do is figure out WHY you’re embarrassed. Are you embarrassed because you’re afraid of being too “girly” in front of her? Or are you embarrassed because you feel your presentation isn’t good enough to be compared to a gg? Or maybe it’s something else. Once you know WHY, you’ll have a better idea of how to get over it.

[AmandaRaquel]

Hi Ronnie
I can relate to this somewhat.

I go through ups and downs. Sometimes I think “why bother” or “I do not look good today”
I come up with excuses to be too busy and having no time for Amanda.

On one hand I want to make sure that my wife is not overwhelmed with “onother woman in the house all the time” and on the other I still feel like I’m not presenting well.

The only thing that I can say is to keep on doing it and don’t purge. Wait for a pink fog. Find out what is holding you back and try to work on it. It sounds to me like your wife is very accepting. So it may be more about you than her. Wish you luck.

[Asew]

I think for me, any embarrassment I have in front of the wife is from being too girly. This caused me to be more selective in what I wore around her and how often. I think this is so I don't overwhelm her. But it had the added bonus of realizing my non-binary nature that I get the most effect from skirts and heels and everything else is kind of optional for me. I think over time it has become more routine and nothing to get embarrassed about .

[Alice B]

It is funny how that happens. Over time my wife has become totally accepting with Alice. I can run around all day and night in a bra and forms. I can wear light make up.Yet I have not totally dressed for months in front of her, which is no longer a problem. I just have not done it and I am not at embarssed. Yet today she is away at meeting until tonight and I sit her totally dressed, full make up and wig. Have no explanation

[Mafalda]

In my experience, it came mostly from inside me. I mean, only when you feel ready and confident of yourself, you can reach the outside world. Even if this world is your wife. In my case, as most of us, outing to my wife came after YEARS of denials, secrets, and guilt. It took time and love to overcome this. It's such a delicate and unusual face of ourselves that has to show off. Be patient...

[Tracii G]

Must be awful being embarrassed about being yourself.
Remember your wife has seen you naked,watched you throw up from drinking too much etc.

[JanesCDcloset]

Ronnie you are not alone. My SO is also acccepting but I never really dress in front of her, only wear panties daily and pantyhose when it is colder.

I feel there are two reasons I don’t dress more when she is home.

First is myself, just like you, I do feel embarrassed when she sees me dressed. She doesn’t say anything bad or show any negativity, shows no reaction at all.

Which brings me to the second reason. I can tell by her reactions she is accepting but doesn’t really like it. So I do not push it on her.

So the way I deal with it is to just do it for myself. I don’t hide it from her by any means, I have left stuff laying around unintentionally and she doesn’t bat an eye. So she knows I dress when she is not there. I do not overreact if she comes home early and I am dressed. I just casually change my clothes. For now, this is working for us.

[Tracii G]

Jane that seems to work for both of you and thats awesome.
I really don't like to see guys push CDing on their wives to me it seems pretty selfish of them.
Like you just do it when they aren't home seems fair to me.
My #2 ex has seen pics of me in girl mode but would I dress 100% female in her company probably not.
She has seen me in my normal 50/50 mode a few times and it wasn't a big deal.

[docrobbysherry]

Ronnie, dressing for me is a very private activity. I don't think it's something I wish to share with anyone. Even an accepting GG!:thumbsup:
But, that's me, not u!

I like what Micki said. The problem appears to be u, not your SO. U need to figure out what's bothering u!:brolleyes:

[Maria 60]

Sounds pretty normal to feel that way, we want to be our women's protector and strong man. For myself I didn't mind dressing in front of her, but the first time wearing a wig was difficult at first. When I was dressed complete and couldn't believe myself how I looked, I felt very uncomfortable for a while, but we both got use to it.
It is hard at first, but you will get it slowly.

[Teri Ray]

I am similar to many here in that I have an accepting (to an extent) wife but I do feel awkward dressing in front of her. She sees me in panties almost daily but for some reason I find it embarassing for her to see me in a bra (which I wear as often as panties). I am not sure why I feel this way but I do. I have some logic that says everyone needs underware (panties or tity whities) who cares but men, in general, do not need a bra (although I will confess I really enjoy wearing a bra). At least my wife and I can discuss this dressing desire openly and hopefully soon will open a few more doors when it comes to dressing. My take for what it is worth.

[Ronnie38]

Must be awful being embarrassed about being yourself.
Remember your wife has seen you naked,watched you throw up from drinking too much etc.

How do you know so much? Are you stalking me Tracii?

Seriously though, thank you all for the replies. I too think Micki is right. Its definately something with me, just havent put my finger on it. I think it may be all the things I would like to do vs the fear of overwhelming my wife. Or maybe the habit of hiding.

[Sara Jessica]

I'm not so much embarrassed around my wife but I'm working to overcome her aversion to my crossdressing.

I'm not so much embarrassed around my wife but I respect her aversion to my presenting as a female.

[Tracii G]

Yes Ronnie I'm just a few steps behind you .LOLOL.

[susie evans]

My wife doesn’t care we have gone out shopping as 2 girls many times , it’s like she says at first it was like a competition now she realizes that is not the case it is just part of who I am we have a great deal of respect for each other some times she participates and some time she says go out with the girls just don’t wake me up when you get home , but we have also been married 45 years and all of our kids know , some think it is just fine others want no part of it it just takes time

[Imeni]

Has anyone ever thought that it's just that part of your brain that you've had convinced that you'll either be fully accepted, convincing so you don't want to look silly in someone else's eyes, or just simply enjoy doing something alone that you've done without knowing that there is zero judgement. You do you when you're alone and if there is no one around, no one can say anything hurtful about it.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Sounds as if you may be harboring some guilt because there is some element of you she did not know about when saying the "I do?"

Those who marry young, ie under 30, probably don't know much about themselves, never mind the person they're marrying. They have an image of themselves, and an image of their fiance, which is most likely to be around 50% accurate at best.

Every ten years, and I've nearly done 6 of those, I think: well, finally I know a thing or two; finally I'm not screwing up so much any more; I'm getting a handle on this 'life' thing. Then I screw up again.

How anybody thinks they have more than a superficial knowledge of their fiance astounds me. The sweet, gentle young woman you fell in love with can turn out to be deeply insecure, jealous, controlling and needy, morphing into a piranha come divorce time; the handsome, manly guy you fell in love with can turn out to like wearing dresses.

What counts is how small-minded are we/they, and do they have a capacity to truly love another person. Get those things right in a fiance and you have unconditional love and acceptance.

Sadly it's pretty rare.

[Kendalli]

So I totally get it. I am wicked embarrassed when I am dressed around the wife. I have a harder time dressing around the wife. She is trying to accept it. And she is has been mostly positive about everything so far. But there is still this thing about putting myself out there for someone that I care about and hoping that she still wants me around. I have only been in MIAD mode around her, and only dress in skirts and dresses occasionally so as to not scare her too much. But in that, that also can make it harder to express myself and accept myself full around her. I'm am just trying to take it slow for both our sakes. For the wife, make her feel safe and that I am still the same person. And me, for just becoming comfortable dressing around anyone other than by myself and getting out of the closet.

[Crissy 107]

It’s too bad that some of us get embarrassed around our wives for expressing our feminine sides. My wife after 4+ years still does not fully accept that this has been a part of me that I discovered very young. I have a beautiful pair of panties, pink and all lace, from Wacoal that is way more girly then anything in her panty drawer so yes I’m embarrassed to wear them yet. I will eventually but it is a struggle and we know it is a complex issue. One of my problems is that my wife does not want to talk very much about it and I’m sure hopes it will just go away somehow.
Crissy

[alwayshave]

Ronnie, my wife is accepting, however I'm not always comfortable dressing around her. Usually when I go out she comes. She is a little clingy so she prefers to always be with me. I'd dress more if I had more time to myself.

[EllenJo]

Ronnie, my wife is accepting and has been for several years following a long time of DADT. Since I am retired I dress en femme for much of each day. My wife will comment on my out fit and often times will tell me to go put a skirt on and calm down. Working around the house dressed, in front of my wife is no problem. However changing into feminine clothes in front of her is another matter. I feel lucky to be able to dress in front of her but I just do not wish for her to see the transformation. Seeing my hairy belly above my panties and below my bra are not something I wish to share. Undressing and dressing in male clothes is no problem and happens all of the time. Like you I have built my own little closet without realizing it.

Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Rayleen]

Ronnie, for me after telling wife about my dressing, I started to wear a piece of clothing at a time, and wig the last.

I do not wear makeup, so not to change the look or she would said , your not my husband any more.

She's accepting and limit my time in front of her.

[dana digs sweaters]

Nope, not at all.
Why not share with her what you enjoy in private?

295499

[Beverley Sims]

I was lucky my wife knew beforehand, others I have known have been a little self conscious.

[Desiree2bababe]

Never been embarrassed one bit, I kind of like the innuendos, snickers, and what not she occasionally dishes out. I just wish she was comfortable enough in her own skin to let me shine in my alternative skin...........she used to be but not so much now.....

[rian]

Yes ....me and my wife agreed on my crossdressing yet up to this moment she does not encourage me to dress infront of her ,,so I do not know when is the best time to come and stays in femme infant of her ?

[Charli]

I do exact same thing, and don't know why. Wife has known since early on when we were dating, yet I don't dress as often as I think I want to. She never says anything when I do dress, I guess I am always worried about her changing her mind.

[Ronnie38]

So after talking about it with my wife we came to the conclusion that my lifetime of hiding plus my ex wife useing it as an excuse for cheating are the reasons formy embarassment. I am now going to take more steps to over come this. We also came to the conclusion that im the girly girl in our house but thats for a whole nother post.

[kimberly c]

No not at all. I dress in front of my wife all the time. Nightgown with bra and breast forms in the morning.sometimes girl jeans and a cute top or skirts or a dress. I have many times slipped on my panties and bra when she is also dressing.my wife has known about my dressing from day one, we make it work.

[Steph_CD_62]

I don't have a problem about being dressed in front of my wife. She is accepting of me even though she wishes I would stop.

Now I have a problem getting dressed if she is in the same room. Putting on panties isn't a problem for me since I wear them 24/7, but putting on anything else while she is in the same room is embarrassing for some reason. Not sure if embarrassed would be the correct term, just uncomfortable for me.

[Babbs]

The first thing to do is figure out WHY you’re embarrassed. Are you embarrassed because you’re afraid of being too “girly” in front of her? Or are you embarrassed because you feel your presentation isn’t good enough to be compared to a gg? Or maybe it’s something else. Once you know WHY, you’ll have a better idea of how to get over it.

I have yet to tell my wife but Micki, you have hit it dead on for me. I'm afraid of being too "girly" and that's a big part of dress up for me. In Guy mode I'm big into sports especially football and it will be a big difference for her to see me as girly, not just dressed in woman's clothing

[phili]

Ronnie, I think embarrassment is essentially our way of registering expected negative criticism. We are embarrassed to try to skip a rock on the water if we aren't sure we will succeed and will be criticized or mocked. We are also embarrassed if we are caught cheating, which is slightly different, because we know better and are trying to get away with something, i.e. escaping social control for our own gain. We are embarrassed to admit our dreams when we will be mocked for them. We are embarrassed to be caught trying to find out what someone else's life is all about, since there is a social idea that you are who you are. We are embarrassed if we don't live up to an ideal, as women are embarrassed by hair where it 'shouldn't' be.

I am generally not embarrassed anymore by crossdressing, with one exception- I am still embarrassed to put on [or be seen in] a bra. About all the above reasons apply! And my only explanation is that it feels good, which is simply not a good enough reason in my internal critic's view [voice of parents].

Yet.

Reine a GG member here and mod, once said to someone that a reason for crossdressing is because it feels good, and I have never forgotten her generosity. That is leading me forward to the day where I just put on my two piece swimsuit and enjoy myself at the pool, and I can enjoy a bra which shows.

[CherylFlint]

I told my wife on our first date that, in order for me to relax, I dressed.
We were married a year later and this is how it works out.
She usually picks out what she wants me to wear, as far as blouse and skirt and what wig.
She says, "I rather look at a good looking girl than a guy making a mess of it".
She used to dress me everyday but, after 20 years, it's down to 2-3 times a week. Sometimes I'll dress on my
own, usually in my short leather skirt. But I ALWAYS wear ff seamed nylons with the Cuban Heel.
My wife reads these post with me and she says to tell your wife not to make a mountain out of a mole hill and to have fun.