Feeling Blue

[Lisa Roberts]

I don’t want to be a downer, but doesn’t it seem that being a cross dresser sometimes is a very lonely place. It’s wonderful to have this forum and a couple of people that I can talk to openly, but I feel like I am on the inside looking out. Just throwing that out today hoping that I’m not alone. Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
Underdressed and trying to smile,
Lisa

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Lisa,

Yes, I agree it can be lonely but as you pointed out this forum is a great place to come for a little relief. I would love to be out to more people but out of respect for my wife who isn't ready for that there's a fairly short list of people who know I dress. I have made a couple of local friends through this site that I meet up with on occasion for lunch and that does wonders for me.

Elizabeth

[Crissy 107]

Hi Lisa, I know what you are talking about and I also get sad about my own situation. We are all so very lucky to have this wonderful site to go and be with like minded members. I am always underdressed and when I get a little sad I think to myself, hey, I’m wearing panties. That always makes me happier. Crissy

[phili]

Hi Lisa,
Feeling alone and trapped and misunderstood..what's not to feel happy and upbeat about! Seriously, dark humor may be all we have some days, but the Forum is our lifeboat, or better, our virtual cruise ship!

I have not developed any skill in just letting myself or others have a good cry, and that may actually be the thing that you are doing, and might be something I should do more of.

[Krea]

Lisa, i agree with you that this can be a lonely life. As you say, that's what makes this place so special. I am only out to my wife, so this forum gives me a place to share thoughts about CDing without overwhelming her. :)

[Shely]

Yes it is mostly a singular experience. I have toyed with the idea of letting some family in on my secret, but can't quite get the nerve to. MY wife does DADT, and that doesn't help what so ever. I do love the interaction here and it helps!

[Princess Chantal]

My crossdressing has livened up my social life (off of the internet) just like most of other of my hobbies have (actually even more so). Very rare that I am alone when I physically crossdress.

[Ressie]

From my observation, crossdressers that go out dressed with a few CD friends (or even solo) have lots of fun. I don't go out very much, but I know CDs that go out several times per week or more. Of course if one is keeping this a secret from the wife it's not an easy thing to do. Yet, I know one CD that has kept his secret from his wife for decades and still goes out dressed a lot.

There will always be depressing moments. Dwelling on negative thoughts causes negative emotions so try to get out and have some fun.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lisa :hugs:, Just remember, When you are here , You are home! >Orchid ..o:daydreaming:o..

[Stephanie47]

I do agree a man who needs to wear women's clothing can live in a very lonely world. If it was not for access to the internet I would really feel isolated. Banging away on the keyboard does let me converse with others like me. My wife and I are in a deep DADT marriage. I mean really deep. She is like an ostrich with its head stuck in the ground. No discussions. No barb thrown my way. No snide remarks. Sometimes I feel I would welcome some screaming and yelling and dishes thrown around. When we did have "The Talk" and the dust settled, she did tell me it was alright with her if I found a support group. Back in the early 1980's there was none in my area.

The internet has many outlets to minimize anxiety. This forum. The ability to peruse videos on Youtube. Shopping on the internet. Ebay has been a godsend.

[Nikki A.]

Yes this can be a lonely thing that we do. Being a widower with grown children who live on their own has let me spread my wings and interact with the world as Nikki. If I was still closeted I don't know how or if I would be able to handle it.
Sometimes we have to be true to ourselves and at least we do have this forum to vent.

[Jenny22]

I was very lonely in my CDing until I started to reach out to other sisters on the forum who mostly lived in my general locale (I now have 86 friends). One became my mentor and told me to 'just own it', which I began to do. I now have several forum sisters who are personal friends, and with whom I've been out. Dive Las Vegas showed me that I could have FUN as a CD, and I made several new friends.
If you want to be less lonely, reach out by PMing others who live in your area, and they may reach out to you, if they know your area. PM me for more info on how to be successful in this and certainly less lonely.

[Jaylyn]

Lisa I don't get as blue as I do when I can't feed the inner urge. This CDng does have a pull to it. Mine also still has a feeling of guilt when think about it and start taking every thing off.
It's ironical that just last night my wife and I had a talk about my dressing and she tried to put the guilt trip on me.
I was going to post a new thread about it, but I did feel somewhat guilty last night before bed time.
I've been blue all day about what she said.

[Leslie Langford]

...My wife and I are in a deep DADT marriage. I mean really deep. She is like an ostrich with its head stuck in the ground. No discussions. No barb thrown my way. No snide remarks. Sometimes I feel I would welcome some screaming and yelling and dishes thrown around...

Stephanie...in the words of the ancient Chinese curse: "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it." Or, to put it another way..."(Her) Silence is golden."

I'm at the other...i.e. hostile...end of the DADT spectrum. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. :sad:

[DIANEF]

Apart from those on the forum only my son knows about my CDing, and it is not something we talk about. I do go out but so far without any kind of interaction with anyone. Only through this forum do I have the chance to communicate with the outside world, and especially with a couple of good friends I have made on here.

[Danielle_cder]

I know exactly how you feel....

[Alice Torn]

Same here. I am single, and only a few people i have know know, and they do not think it is good. It does isolate me even more from regular people. I would not wish this on my worst enemy, who are my older twin brothers. If they found out, i would need to move yet again, to a place they don't know of, and sever ties for good. I may do that soon, anyway. i am sorry i let them know my new location and address. I like my new place, moved in five months ago, but can see i may need to move again. 50 life moves now! It is a very lonesome life even without the CDing.

[Janine cd]

I'm sitting here thinking about how fortunate I am to have this supportive group to carry me through a very depressing time. My wife is very ill and requires constant attention. This does not disturb me, but the inability to dress does. She would never allow me to dress in her presence, and I have always fulfilled her wish.

[Charlotte7]

Lisa, one thing I've discovered since I found this forum is that, here it's never a lonely place, here there are always people who are your friends and who will listen and not judge you in any way, after all, whatever kind of relationship we have, from none, through all the various shades of DADT to fully out and about, at some point many of us have the same thoughts that you seem to be having now. No, sometimes this isn't easy, and no, it's not a life that we necessarily chose, so, all we can do, is meet it halfway and seek and take all the support and friendship that this place offers. And, at the end of the day, I for one, would rather be sitting here in a skirt and top than not.

[docrobbysherry]

Life is ALWAYS lonely if u hide away by yourself. However, I have found countless friends out there that accept me as Sherry. And, I'm a closet dresser!

Just get out of your home town area and meet other T's! Loneliness issues solved!:hugs:

[Lisa Roberts]

Wonderful replies. I know I’m not alone on the Forum, thank goodness. I live in the Deep South...... not the best place to be caught dressed like a girl! Funny how if you saw two gay men shopping at Home Goods for pillow shams, nobody bats an eye. Or two gay women were shopping for lumber and paint at Home Depot- nobody even notices. But if I showed up in a pretty sun dress and cute scrappy sandals my very existence would be in danger. It breaks my heart.
Anyone in North Florida or South Georgia out there??
Lace and Smiles!
Lisa

[alwayshave]

Lisa, my wife knows, so I can talk to her about it. Thus, I don't feel alone. Prior to that I could feel lonely.

[Beverley Sims]

I think it is lonely in the early years if you are in the closet, as you emerge it becomes more gratifying.

[Ressie]

I'm still in the closet to pretty much everyone in my world as a male. I was a member of this forum for 4 years before meeting other CDs in real life, and it came about through private messages right here! Meeting others or finding a support group in your area is very possible. CDs are everywhere. There's just fewer of us in some places than others.

I was very depressed during my marriage (for other reasons) and after my divorce I stayed single. Sure, it can get lonely but there are many things I like to do by myself which includes trying on outfits, makeup, wigs etc.

I don't advocate shooting your wife, but if your marriage is depressing, divorce is OK!

[Angie G]

Yes it can be lonely in our world. I have my wife who supports my in my dressing every day.but being an only child I have hat to entertain myself in my younger days . Some times I like being alone. :hugs:
Angie

[Aunt Kelly]

Right you are, Ressie. Not all of us can go out, for various reasons, but fear keeps altogether too many of us in our closet.

[Diane Taylor]

It's only as lonely as you make it...……...

[Lisa LIckorice]

I feel blue all the time. I struggle so bad with not being able to be me. I then obsess over it and beat myself up about it. It’s lonely not having anyone near to really talk to for me. I guess that’s the life...

[Aunt Kelly]

Lisa,
You don't have to feel that way. You're describing some classic symptoms of depression. For those of us with gender issues though, sorting things out is often rather more complex. Seek out a qualified professional and stop being sad.

[Karen's Secret]

Crossdressing has been a dark cloud over my life since I was roughly 8 years old. I'm now 50, married, and I still struggle. Although my wife knows and is mostly accepting, I still live every day keeping this deep dark secret from everyone in my life, including my children. There is so much more I could write about how this "affliction" has impacted my life.

[Charlotte7]

Crossdressing has been a dark cloud over my life since I was roughly 8 years old ... I still live every day keeping this deep dark secret from everyone ... I could write about how this "affliction" has impacted my life.

Karen, this is the type of post that really gets to me. When I was four years old I developed an unstoppable urge to wear my sister's dresses. I was allowed to put one on and I played for an afternoon wearing it. Since that day, and for the following 50 and more years that urge has never changed, it has never waned. It is exactly the same as it ever was. I, like you, have to keep this side of me hidden away, it's not something that I can share with the outside world, although this is slowly changing. My crossdressing is as much a part of me as my left hand, my right hand even my feet. It is integral to who I am and what makes me, well me. I don't know why, but I never had the feeling that what I was doing was either wrong or that I was alone in doing it. And yes, even though I don't think that it's wrong, I do still keep it a secret. That is one cost that society seems to demand from us. Society seems to say that being a girly man, even in 2018 is still largely taboo. But, even though this is the case in society at large, I don't feel that my secret is a 'dark' secret. How can it be a dark secret when it is something that is so much an intrinsic and innate part of me? Sitting here, dressed as I am, is what I am, it's me simply being me. And so, I embrace that, I enjoy it, I open myself up to it, I allow it to have as large a part in my life as I can, and yet, I keep it secret, but that, for me, is not keeping a dirty secret, it's just me accepting that I, and society in general, are not on the same page on this. I happen to think that society is wrong, but they win simply by weight of numbers. Also, as this is part of me, and I think that I can say, seeing as this developed at the age of four, that it's something that chose me, not me choosing it, that it is not an affliction, it's just who I am. So, for people like us, people who are not part of the out and about wider world, we have to live with the constraints that we have, but the attitude that we adopt to that can make that journey easier or harder for us. At the age of four, I discovered that I wanted to be a girl, but I couldn't be a girl, so I chose the next best thing, being as much like a girl as I reasonably could, and I embrace and enjoy that choice every single day. Yes, for me, it's a secret, but no, it's not dark and it's not an affliction.

[Rayleen]

Have been crossdressing for quite a while alone and not lonely. I find you have to learn to enjoy yourself living alone when you need to.


in crossdressing, they're always something new to experiment.

[Liene]

I'm feeling blue a lot lately, also a little bit lost. Unlike many others on this forum, even after many years, I still have a hard time accepting me being a crossdresser. To be honest, I still think it's just a temporary thing. The urge to dress comes in episodes and is not with me all the time..
My last episode ended with my coming out to my wife (a week ago). She's not angry but sad. Sad that I kept a part of me hidden from her. Not that she didn't know it at all (I partially came out 10 years ago), but she ignored it and hoped it was not real. Her being said, makes me sad as well.
On the positive side, I don't have to lie anymore or keep my secret from her, so I 'm not feeling like a fraud anymore. It makes everything so complex. I want to see her happy again. I totally understand it's hard for her. She worries for the future, for integrating this cross-dressing in our relationship, ...
She's with me, I can feel that, but she's not without worries anymore. I hope time will make things perfect again.

Liene

[Crissy 107]

Liene, I can understand you feeling a little blue right now, coming out to your wife is a big deal and her at this point not fully understanding it is ok. Very important to keep open to talking about it and let her know you are the same person as ever but with a softer side. Also as said here countless times don’t rush into things, go slowly with any more cross dressing and let her know you love her. This can be a difficult time for you both. Good luck! Crissy

[CarlaWestin]

Crossdressing has been a dark cloud over my life since I was roughly 8 years old. I'm now 50, married, and I still struggle. Although my wife knows and is mostly accepting, I still live every day keeping this deep dark secret from everyone in my life, including my children. There is so much more I could write about how this "affliction" has impacted my life.

OK. Repeat after me. I have a strong undeniable desire to emulate in a female presence. I've been like this for my whole life and I finally realized it is a wonderful gift.
I'm predominately male and do male things but I've been ingratiated with this wonderful bonus. As like other men, I admire women but, I go the extra mile and actually experience being
feminine and beautiful. And this has been a lifelong, richly rewarding activity. Any aversion to what I do is someone else's personal problem because I have fully accepted myself and my broad gender interpretation
a long time ago.

Every sentence of your post is negative except the wife acceptance one.

As in life itself, you'll have bad days. This is natural and necessary. Otherwise, the good days wouldn't be so good!

[Jenny_Marie]

I'm there too and for the past couple of days I've been really depressed. I can get that way from time to time, but it's been a long time since I felt like this two days in a row. Reaching out to others has always been helpful to me.

[DaisyLawrence]

We're here for you Jenny. Whatevers on your mind, throw it out there, it's good to talk. I find that bad times are best tackled with fresh air and exercise. Feel the weather, good or bad, on the skin. Standing on top of a hill soaking up the world in front of me makes feel like everything is allright. All the 'bad' stuff seems insignificant compared to what nature has laid before me. Hope that helps :) :)

[Jenny_Marie]

Thank you, Daisy. I think it lifted. I feel better today.

[beckypanties]

Life in general can be a lonely place from time to time. I was recently "downsized" by a company after giving them the best years of my life. Now I'm feeling kind of isolated because I don't have many friends outside of the workplace. The few good friends I have, have been a huge help in stopping me from spiraling into depression. It's at times like this that you really learn who your real friends are.

Rest assured Lisa, you are not alone. We're all friends here, bonded by a common cause.

B.

[JenniferR771]

I suggest, meet some people that are accepting. Go frequently to your favorite thrift store--the small private ones are best--or maybe a local consignment shop. Tell them you are a crossdresser. Shop there often. Tell them you are a cd at your local unisex salon. Get a makeover at a makeup store or department. Get to know the girls at the wig store. Get to know the girls at Payless or a shoe store. Not all will be accepting, but most will. Be extra nice to them. They will be nice to you. Show them pictures on your phone when you are comfortable doing so.

And yes--try to find a local support group.
Try to meet a local cd for coffee. At Dennys or Waffle House. Drab. You will have plenty to talk about.