The bubble popped last night.

[Jaylyn]

Let me begin. My wife and I used to dare each other back in our younger days and she went thru a period of wanting some stranger to see her boobs as she got a kick out of it. I suppose this is not too uncommon as there a lot of them showing things way more than boobs on the net. I had a camera that I took pictures of her on the beach, in parking lots, on our boat, and roadside parks where just the glimpse from a trucker would make her feel sexy. She even did some flashing on the hwy while riding passenger in our car. I have a lot of pictures of her in her younger days on a flash drive and my pictures are also on the same flash drive.
Ok here's where I'm going with this story.
Last night we were talking about death and she asked me if I had destroyed that flash drive. I said no it's in the computer bag. She said she felt we should destroy it. I told her I still get it out every now and then and look at the old fun times we had. She told me what if we were both killed she didn't want the kids to find it and think their mom was a sl-t. I oh they won't it was just us being crazy. She point blank asked me do you want your sons seeing you in a dress. I answered I don't care, she replied yeah right. She asked me again are you sure what if I erase mine and show them you in a dress. I said I'll get rid of my stuff and the flash drive. All morning I've just been sitting and thinking I really don't want my sons seeing the pictures. She also said I needed to get rid of my locker full of my girly stuff. Don't know which way I'll go but I may be scarce on here and if you don't see me you'll know which way I went, the whys and what happened. Sorry for letting all this out I know it's my problem but feels better to vent.

[Patience]

With respect, your well educated children will have their own eccentricities they'll want to keep private; and therefore should understand that, as a complete human being, you are entitled to yours.

As long as you were a good parent and not a Nazi, who cares what they'll think of you after you're dead? If they learn about this side of you, they may be able to understand you even better.

Using your kids as an argument seems a bit unfair, but that's just me.

[sweetvici]

Good luck, Hopefully you will make the best of it.

[Leslie Langford]

Many of us here who are also largely closeted are facing the same dilemma as we look over our shoulders and see the Grim Reaper slowly approaching in the distance (albeit usually without the counterbalance of the wife's "naughty" pictures in the event of any bullying/blackmailing attempts by her to get us to cease and desist). :heehee: :doh:

My "stash" is rather extensive, and a lot of it is stored off-site at a location that only my wife knows where it is. I would likely go into a deep depression if I had to get rid of all of it now to avoid embarrassment to others in the event of an untimely death, only to end up living another 20 years or so without the ability to engage in an activity that often keeps me going when other things are falling apart around me.

I know it sounds morbid, but sometimes I hope that it will either be cancer or some other form of lingering affliction with a reasonably accurate predicted end-point that ultimately does me in so that this at least gives me enough time to get my affairs (including my crossdressing paraphernalia) in order and/or disposed of. That way, I could continue crossdressing unaffected and undisturbed until I get that final tap on the shoulder.

When you get to be our age, it is the uncertainty around when and how we end up departing this earth that starts to weigh on us more and more, and especially when we have led this "double life" of ours for what seems like forever and is - in fact - our "normal".

[Michaelasfun]

Sorry to hear, J. I think we all have things we’ve done in our lives that we have second thoughts about, but that being said, the question becomes whether we really regret them or not. Everything has context, and it sounds like you both were having fun at the time.

If it were me finding pictures of my parents like what you describe, rather than judge them, I would be happy that they did things that made their lives happy. The graveyard is full of people who wished they’d done more to make their lives enjoyable.

Regarding dressing, I’ve had similar conversations with my wife and have accepted that she’ll never want to be seen with me dressed or want to see me in girl mode, so I do it away from her when opportunities present. It’s not going to prevent me from doing things that make me happy, even if I have to do them apart from her. Life’s too short.

[Robertacd]

Why are people so worried about what people will think after you are dead?

Frankly I don't care what anyone will think or say about me after I am gone, their ignorance and fears cannot hurt me anymore.

If long after I am dead, finding a picture of me in a dress can change someone's memories of me from "I miss you", to "Burn in Hell" then they were never my friend to begin with.

[EllieOPKS]

I have a suggestion that may help you as I have the same problem and even More so for me because my wife has no idea I enjoy cross dressing. I have a friend that enjoys cross-dressing as well, and we get together occasionally. I keep my stuff in a couple of locked containers with his name address and phone number tagged on the containers. In the event something were to happen to me and the containers were found I'm sure he would be contacted and he would know to pick up the containers. He has two containers at his place with my name on them as well. It seems like a reasonable solution for both of us. It might be something you could think about if you have an accepting friend.
Ellie

[VivienneH]

Absolutely! We have one life. Live it to the fullest and don't let fear put you off. Xx.

[Maria 60]

Thats kind of funny but I had the same discussion with my wife a while ago. With the children getting older we are traveling a lot more without them and my wife is always worried if something happens to the both of us there will be nobody around to do damage control with my fem stuff. I told her I didn't care because I wouldn't be around to see it, and have mentioned to my wife that I wanted to tell my oldest daughter maybe not about the dressing but if something should happen to us that she could go threw the drewers first and she will understand at that time. My wife didn't think it was a good idea, so I guess we're going with we won't be around to see it scenario.

[Tracii G]

Jaylyn I think your wife is more worried about how she will look if pics are found than what your kids think of you if they see them eventually
Seems silly to worry about what people think after you are gone.
Personally I wouldn't let my spouse tell me what I can and cannot do but thats just me.

[Lilly Diadem]

Why are people so worried about what people will think after you are dead?

Frankly I don't care what anyone will think or say about me after I am gone, their ignorance and fears cannot hurt me anymore.

If long after I am dead, finding a picture of me in a dress can change someone's memories of me from "I miss you", to "Burn in Hell" then they were never my friend to begin with.

There is no like button..... but I clicked 'LIKE' :)

[Jaylyn]

Girls I loaded every thing in big plastic bags and it was already in the dumpster but then started missing it after getting back on here and reading y'all's post I just went out and grabbed the four bags and put them in a shed out back till I can think about this a little more. I know she is worried about what the kids will think of her being topless and flashing. I'm sorry I panicked it the first time she has said anything like she said to me and has worried me all day. I was supposed to play my guitar at one of her women's club meetings and sing and I was mad and told her I'm not doing it. I am sticking to that though but when she told me the kids seeing my ugly face all dolled up I just lost it. Woke up at 2:00 am thinking what I should do and just didn't sleep very good last night. I hate going to bed with controversy seems my brain won't go to sleep. Thanks for all the suggestions.

[Lana Mae]

Stash your stash! It will come back around! I have come out to both of my kids and instructed my daughter to take all my clothes to the SA upon my demise! Some of the girls around here may get some use from them! Do not know what to tell you about the wife but I would get rid of the flash drive! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[char GG]

My take on your story is that she wants the flash drive of her topless destroyed. When you didn’t want to do it, she tried to make you see her point by using your dressing as an example as to why she didn’t want the kids to see the pics. I could be very mistaken but I think you may have jumped to conclusions about your stuff too fast.

If I am correct, I think you should just dump the flash drive with her pictures and keep your stash. Talk about it again in a few days after you destroy the pictures.

It sounds to me like a “what if” conversation that got out of control.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi JayLyn :hugs:, It sounds like she out you squarely between a ROCK and a HARD PLACE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Orchid ..+:daydreaming:+..

[Tracii G]

She called you ugly ?????? That sure isn't very nice.

[Paula2]

Destroy the drive!!! If you want to stay together..I burned everything with my ex-wife standing there watching..It does a lot for someones emotional health..

[Crissy 107]

I agree, destroy the drive and let her see it go. Do not purge, maybe stash your things away til the smoke clears. Crissy

[Rhonda Jean]

I agree with Char. Sounds like what started off as a reasonable discussion got out of hand. Why not destroy all the pictures of you and her?

[Stephanie47]

This is not an uncommon discussion. I checked your bio and posts and my math comes up with about 68 years of age. Yep, as we get older the chances of dying increase. Of course, you can be a thirty year old cross dresser and die in an auto accident along with a wife. What then? Does one live in constant fear of discovery that dad had a secret? There is one solution. Man marries a woman who wears the same size clothing and shoes. Take no pictures. The when both die at the same time the kids will think all the clothes were mom's. Problem solved.

[mykell]

i dont agree with the decision, anytime someone has a disaster the one thing they regret losing is "the pictures" even if yours are a little kinky and spicy :o i think its important to save them, hey you never know if you would like another walk down memory lane....am i right :D
now i know you been here long enough to know that a purge is not going to work...:eek: so this may be relevant for you to do for any family or friends that may come to clean out your place after your gone....and as mentioned your gone :devil:...the bubble didnt pop.....you let your age catch up to your fun and carefree lifestyles.....youve just admitted your old :doh:if thats your things then you both should enjoy yourselves as much as you can while you can. keep a letter with your stash:

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?224212-**GREAT-ADVISE**keep-a-record-in-your-stash**&highlight=keep+a+letter+with+your+stash

[alwayshave]

Jaylyn , password protected thumb drive. Problem solved.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I'm really torn on this one , As an amateur photographer and an artist, If I take a photo, I don't expect someone to tell me years later that I have to destroy the photo, however if it's something that's explicitly between 2 people I can understand her request. Is there a compromise, like password protecting the directory so that just the two of you have access ? Your clothes are yours, as others have stated, your kids are grown, if they don't like it after you pass, well they could always visit you to discuss it over coffee .

[lingerieLiz]

I don't know why no one else suggested it, but all one needs is to do is encrypt the drive and label it corrupted. There are several different ways to do it. Once upon a time I encrypted each file when I traveled and was worried about loosing the laptop by theft. A bunch of files in a folder labeled damaged files or what ever will soon be discarded. They aren't going to spend time with a supper computer to see what there is. Our daughters know about my hobby so they will haul everything to the women's center.

[Leslie Langford]

Destroy the drive!!! If you want to stay together..I burned everything with my ex-wife standing there watching..It does a lot for someones emotional health..

Hmmm...considering that she is your ex-wife now, how did that work out for you in the end? Any regrets?

[Kelly DeWinter]

Liz is on to something , Label it "Computer Virus" on the outside. Mewhahahahahahhaha !

[DaisyLawrence]

If she wants the pictures of her deleted then delete them, it is not your choice. If you had just done that when she asked she would never have got snarky about pictures of you and your 'girly stuff'. Serves you right, lesson learned I hope. Just delete them, why destroy anything unnecesserily, that's just environmental vandalism. Let her see you delete them. If you want to keep your pictrures of you then make a copy first for yourself, that is none of her business.

[Charlotte7]

To me this should have been simple and straightforward: Your pictures are yours, her pictures are hers.

[MiniRock]

As Mykell says Jaylyn, don't destroy the photos; they're as much your memories as hers. And your wife wasn't a **** to do what she did anyway. The reason you're now in the happy position of having children is precisely because you and your wife had a good "thing" together sexually. You should both celebrate that. And your children will certainly understand: think how you would feel if you discovered something a bit racey about your own parents.

As for the flash drive, it can be password protected, but they're extremely easy to lose and they can also fail. Personally I have all my private stuff in the cloud where it's completely secure and available from anywhere on any device. I use Microsoft because I don't believe they trawl their customers' data for profit like Google. But be sure to enable two factor identification unless you want the stuff seen by Bolivian hackers. And ideally have two or three options for the second factor so that you never get locked out of your own account. I use both the authentification app on my phone plus the phone number itself plus my work email in case I lose the phone. It is also possible to get an authentication key for use as a last resort. This is a large number that can simply be cut and pasted, printed on paper (you'd have to type it in very carefully if you needed to use it) or even saved to the aforementioned flash drive.

What happens to one's data after one's death, I've never looked into as I'm not too bothered about that myself. But your children would certainly never get hold of it.

As an interesting aside, I still have two contacts on LinkedIn who've been dead for years!

[Kiwi Primrose]

I'm not torn, keep the pictures "hidden " in your lingerie drawer. If you are both taken suddenly your children will know you were a red-blooded couple.

[docrobbysherry]

Jaylyn, the way my adult daughter explained it to me; she doesn't care a wit about seeing Sherry's clothes and other girly things.:straightface:

It's the thot of seeing me in them that freaks her out!:eek:

[Leslie Mary S]

As a photographer for many years, as I ran out of hard drive space, and after a shoot, I put copies of the shoot on two sets of disks, one for myself the other for the model. I also would make copies of files not frequently used onto CD-Rs. I have over 100 archive disks.
I once had a model request six months after the shoot that I purge her pictures out of my files. I did, (after I had written them to a different disk).
About a year later she came back asking if I had the files because she had damaged her copy and really needed them. I told her she had told me to deleted them so I had.
She then asked me if I could recover them from the damaged disk. She had the disk in hand.
With her present, I examined the disk. It was corrupt.
Though it was tempting to bring out the other copy I did not.
I did not tell here that I also had some recovery software that might allow me to recover most of the files. I didn't want to get into the recovery business.

So If you want to keep the photos make a copy and then let her see you physically totally destroy the Flash drive. Stash you stash.

PS. I have many boxes of negatives and prints from my film camera days too. I do not like letting loose of my archives, They are reminders ques to my mind of years gone by.

[SaraLin]

I'm not into photography, so I don't feel any special attachment to any pictures I take. The "I took them, they're mine" mindset just isn't there.

It seems to me that if the pictures are of her, then she should have the say about what should happen to them. If she says delete them, then just go ahead and do it.

In the same sense, your stuff (pictures, clothes, whatever) is YOUR stuff, and she should respect your ownership as much as you respected hers.

Do you think that maybe some compromise is possible? Could she let you keep some of the less -um- trashy pictures while you delete the rest - and could you take some steps to make your stash a little less of an issue - like maybe clear out a couple things you don't wear anymore or delete any"Gawd I looked horrible in that getup" pictures you might have?

[Beverley Sims]

An interesting equation, password protection on the flash drive, I can't ever imagine you getting rid of them.

As for your clothes, I think the children would understand, there are many skeletons in everyone's closet, and I don't mean just on this forum.

[Jenny22]

I had this thought about my family finding out about my CDing (they don't really need to know that I'm TG) after I pass on. I asked for ideas from the forum a couple of years ago. One good one was to write a letter to my family explaining things, address it to be opened in the event of my death, and pinning it to my female garb to be seen as the closet slides open. I did that. I am also going to tell all to my sister the next time she comes up. I know she will understand and be supportive and will also be able to explain to family.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Leslie; That's so wrong, to tell someone you have purged their photos and to keep a secret backup copy.
Jenny ; A letter is a great idea
SaraLin; I def understand where you are coming from.

My being torn between deleting and not deleting comes from my ex taking two boxes of family photos and she literally cut me out of all photos. When I asked for copies, she refused to let me copy any. My kids fessed up years later to what she did. I laugh now, so people are a bit off.

[Leslie Mary S]

But I did purge them off of my computer. She knew about my archiving habit and said nothing about them. I just didn't remind her of the Archives.
I don't have most of that archive due to a fire in the storage building some 10 years later. Along with over 30 of my painting as I was collecting them and getting ready for a one-man show of my paintings. Lost 3 painting of my GG friend Dark AnGGel too. I was a little lucky as I had another 30 some paintings at my sons location.

[Julie Martin]

Hmm..I can relate. But I am crystal clear in my own situation how I feel about this. I try not to judge, so will only speak from my own perspective. I am totally closeted, as far as I know no one knows of my CD-ing, and I go to great lengths to keep it secret, for many reasons. On the after-death thing..I don't care what most people may think of me if my dressing was revealed after my passing..but in the case of my wife and children, I do care. I don't know for sure how they would react if they found out, but I do know that I have no desire to have them face that information, especially with me not being there to talk with them. I love my wife and kids dearly, we have wonderful relationships, and I want them to be able to remember the husband/dad they know, and not face many unanswerable and likely uncomfortable questions about me that could possibly cause them pain and anquish. I have a system in place such that if I die unexpectedly, all traces of Julie will be disposed of, and my loved ones will not have to add Julie to their memory of me. It gives me a measure of comfort to know this. But..everyone's different.

[Jenny22]

Julie M., you just wrote, "I have a system in place such that if I die unexpectedly, all traces of Julie will be disposed of, and my loved ones will not have to add Julie to their memory of me."

I'm sure that many ladies here would love to know what your system is, as they may well be in the same circumstance as you. Please share.