Strange Emotions

[Sidney]

OK, I'm going to try and make this short. My wife is accepting of my dressing but rarely a participant. I also six months ago met a male friend who is a crossdresser and is out to his wife. We were introduced to each other by a mutual friend. My friend who I'll call Tom is gong thru some tough times, his wife is entering later stages of Altimeize (sp). Her mind is pretty messed up and she doesn't want to ever see him dressed again and gets violent about it. All of us are in our sixties and seventies. Tom and I have only met in male mode but have seen pictures. Enough background.

Last week Tom and I went out for some early morning coffee. During our conversation Tom told me he was going to his counseling session that day dressed. Told him I though that was cool and to call me after his session and let me know how it went.

I am 100% straight but very liberal in some ways. My wife and I are friends with a Gay couple who have been together for 50 years. We were asked to be their best man and matron of honor when they were married on their 50th Anniversary which we gladly did. Guess what saying is I'm very much on the LGBT bandwagon.

Tom also asked me to go with him in the future to get a complete makeover in New Orleans. At first I felt honored that he asked me and to let me know when he was going. I have stated here before of my underdressing, skinny jeans and neutral female blouse is my dressing. No wig, no makeup. We left, he went to his counseling session and my mind started working overtime

My problem and I can't explain it is I'm not sure if I want to see Tom as Sue! I don't know why have been thinking for a week now and cannot figure it out and feel bad for having these thoughts in my head.

Next can't figure it out question. When I first came out to my wife with my dressing her first two comments were, 1. Are you gay. My answer, No. 2. Do you want to have sex with a man. My answer, No. I also have not told my wife Tom is a crossdresser. Soooo, how how do I tell my wife I'll be in a city 100 miles away all day and part of the evening with another crossdresser without blowing the acceptance I have with my wife and maybe raising the is he gay question again.

I feel as if I'm contradicting myself and who I am. Help.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sidney :hugs:, That sounds like an interesting situation, Let us know how it goes. >Orchid ..+:daydreaming:+..

[Aunt Kelly]

That trip will require a huge amount of trust on your wife's part, and it is impossible for any of us to say if that's even possible. Were I in your shoes, I wouldn't even consider presenting the trip as, "Surprise! I'm going to NOLA with another crossdresser so we can get makeovers." Maybe, with time, she could come to know enough about you and your friend, and your shared interest to have such trust. Maybe...

[Mickitv]

Everything sounds wonderful but so complicated. Just be true to your heart

[DaisyLawrence]

That trip will require a huge amount of trust on your wife's part, and it is impossible for any of us to say if that's even possible. Were I in your shoes, I wouldn't even consider presenting the trip as, "Surprise! I'm going to NOLA with another crossdresser so we can get makeovers." Maybe, with time, she could come to know enough about you and your friend, and your shared interest to have such trust. Maybe...

Yeah what Kelly said!

[Crissy 107]

Yeah what Kelly said!

Make that 3 of us that agree.
Crissy

[Lana Mae]

Four! Hugs Lana Mae

[Rhonda Jean]

I understand you not being sure you want to see Tom as Sue. Not much you can do about that except get over it or don't see him/her. Imaging how our wives felt!

As far as the gay question... Sounds like you're a little unsure yourself. If so, you just shouldn't put yourself in that situation. You're better off not testing it.

[Tracii G]

We all know CDing and sexual preference are two different things.
Just because you may see Tom "dressed" doesn't mean you will want to have sex with him.
You are married so why would you even entertain the crazy notion that if you see Tom in a dress you will want to have sex with him?
Now if you are bi or gay and are attracted to him stay home and don't ruin your friendship or marriage.
Thats just my opinion and you may disagree and thats fine.

[Sami Brown]

I don't know whether the disease is Alzheimer's. If it is, I wouldn't bring it up to your wife. This is because she will get upset over something she won't even remember later. Why get her upset when she won't remember?

Coming from a family who has dealt with Alzheimer's firsthand.

Sami

[Jenny22]

Sidney, does your wife know any other CDers?
Have you and Tom shown each other photos in girly mode?
You imply that your wife occasionally participates in your CDing.

OK ... If your wife does know other CDers, introduce Tom to her. She should be accepting.
If you and Tom have not shared photos, do so. That will make it easier to see him dressed in person, and possibly he, you.

To set your mind at ease as to what might happen in NOLA, invite your wife to go along, give HER a makeover and make it an over night stay so she can enjoy the experience. Just my thoughts.

[Sidney]

Aunt Kelly, Daisy, I agree it is totally not worth it. So I will not be going. Love my wife, love my love.of.my life and love best friend to much to jeopardize any of that.

To the others that replied. I am not gay or bi. I was using our gay friends as an example of our.openess, not as an example of my sexual preference. I think people were reading things in. Also it is not.my wife who is losing her memory but Tom's wife. I have no idea where the idea of having sex with Tom came from. As far as seeing Tom in a dress and having sex with him, wow, we're did that.come from.

Tom and I met as males and became friends. I think I want to keep it that way and not be friends with his fem side. Hope that clarified a few things. I really hate texting, so many opportunities for miss understanding. Think I'll just read and not.post from now on.

Some of yalls comments helped. Thanks

[Tracii G]

Excuse me for even going there but the way you explained it made me think you were having a bi or "questioning" moment, sorry I apologize.
No need to be so sensitive about what I said how was I supposed to know?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Don't go.

You're uncomfortable about it, and your wife's feelings are clearly at stake.

This is a no-brainer.

[alwayshave]

Sidney, Two issues. If you tell her the truth, her answer is no. If you don't and go and she later finds out later you are in deep feces.

[Beverley Sims]

Remain in contact but do not involve yourself in his affairs, explain it to him and if he does not understand your situation then so be it.

[Crissy 107]

Sidney, Don’t say you are not going to post anymore as that is not the answer to things. I can see we have so much information and help here so why ever cut that off. You have cleared up a few questions and I think you have gotten some good responses. Crissy

[Teresa]

Sydney ,
Not at all , you are a little confused and stuck with two separate issues .

First dealing with Tom , does he have any pictures ? If so ask to see them if he hasn't then maybe get him to take some at least that will break the ice with seeing him dressed , it may sound daunting but in fact it isn't that bad , after a few minutes it soon becomes acceptable to be with another person dressed .

You are obviously worried about the sexual question with your wife , would it be so bad to tell a white lie and just say Tom has asked you to go along as a friend for some moral support , the distance is really irrelevent . I had this problem the first time I went out to a social group , my wife soon realised her fears were unfounded even when we stopped over at a hotel so we could enjoy a Xmas party and drink without the risk of driving . I was surprised even in my DADT situation at that time that me wife was OK about it .

What I might suggest though if you do accompany Tom and he is going to fully dress and get a makeover and wig it may be better to do the same , I'm still not sure about the MIAD element and Tom may also find that option difficult to deal with . I also feel you both may enjoy the experience more the last thing you want is a bad experience . If you look at the two options you will regret not doing it far more than experiencing it , at times I have had to dig deep for the extra ounce of courage but never ever regretted it . You will also find the more confident you become the happier you will be and I'm sure your wife will pickup on that .

[Jenny22]

Sidney, don't hesitate about posting again. You are among sister friends. Sure, writing for the forum can sometimes bring about misunderstandings that are discussed and eventually clarified. That happens. Besides, writing is fun and informative, so don't stop, please.

Do you have any CD friends besides Tom? How did you 'find' each other in the CD spectrum?

Since your wife is supportive, tell her about him, and that you'd like to become his CD friend. Answer her questions truthfully. With his wife's condition, he NEEDS CD friends like you, so become one, if your wife approves. Best of luck, sister!