do you dress because the wife doesn't?

[jacques]

hello all,
I have seen many posts here that say that members of this community own more dresses or lingerie than their partners or wives. Several say that they dress in a more feminine or pretty way than their wives. Me included.
So my question is do we wear the dresses because our partners wear the trousers?
I know that is probably not the reason we started crossdressing - but would we do it less often if our partners were dressed "en femme" more often?
luv J

[Elizabeth G]

I'm doubt it would affect the frequency of my dressing or the strength of my desire to dress but I would certainly be appreciative if my wife dressed more girly girl.

[Gillian Gigs]

I don't know if my wife and her dressing habits are a direct influence on me, but I own more skirts than her. My lingerie is nicer, and that is more by her choice. I definitely wear skirts more often then she wears skirts, or dresses. She never wears pantyhose, and I would live in them all year if it wasn't for the hot weather. It doesn't matter what my wife wears, I like my lingerie, skirts and pantyhose as the weather dictates.

[GracieRose]

I don't think that I dress because of the way that my wife dresses.
Could it be that those of us that have wives that dress in a more practical manner, married them because of their practicality?

[t-girlxsophie]

No,one thing does not equate to the other in my situation at least.My wife does enjoy a more casual appearance more often than not.but she does dress up too,The love and respect we share isn't dependent on what each other wears

Sophie

[char GG]

I've heard one CDer in my husband's social group come up with this silly excuse. It is nonsense.

I realize many CDers "don't know why they CD" but blaming it on someone else (wife, SO, or society's way of dressing in general) is really just misleading and deceptive.

And please, don't try to use that line of reasoning when having "the talk" with an SO. That reason will go down in flames.

The number of female items that are owned should not really be a competition. If CDers have more femme items than their SO's, it's most likely due to excessive purchasing on the CDer's part.

[Ronnie38]

Not at all. In fact, my being a crossdresser has in a way gotten my wife to dress diferently and wear makeup more often. I was online window shopping the other day and she commented that she wanted a new dress so we started looking for her. Was also watching makeup videos and she liked what she saw and tried it out. Looked great on her as well.

[sara66]

I think if she dressed more girly, I would dress more often. Pretty clothes have been one of my triggers. My sister always dressed a little more on the glam side and this always made me want to raid her closet.
Sara

[Judy-Somthing]

It's makes me so sad that I'm married to a women that looks great but stopped wearing dresses about 20 years ago
And now after I told her how much I love dresses and the way women look in them she said she'll never wear one again.

Just another way to punish me!

[2B Natasha]

My wife routinely wears clothes. In fact. She does it everyday of the week. So no. Her not dressing has nothing to do with what I wear. While not radically different we are none the less different. She is a bit more conservative then I am and has been since the day we statered seeing each other, as friends no less.

[Taylor186]

I agree with every point Char GG made above.

My dressing in no way has anything to do with my wife.

[DIANEF]

I was wearing dresses long before I met my wife so what she wears has had no influence on my style whatsoever. She used to wear dresses and skirts but for a long time now has been happier in leggings and jeans. That's her choice and I don't make an issue of it.

[Jenn_8B]

Interesting theory.

I think one of the things that led me to dressing was trying to get my wife to dress nicer. We would go shopping for her and I would point out things that I thought she would look good in that were nicer than what she normally wore. She doesn't have to dress nice for work, jeans and a polo shirt or casual blouse. I would point out skirts and dresses. I think this was a trigger for me, probably one of several. Her not dressing nice was definitely not the main reason I started to dress; however, I think it pushed me in that direction.

[Robin777]

I will also say that my dressing has nothing to do with the way my wife dresses. I was wearing feminine items long before I was married.

[alwayshave]

Jacques, I dressed long before I met my wife and when we met, she was the most girly girl I have ever known.

[Teri Ray]

My response is simple.........nope not at all. Or nope. Final answer

[Alice Torn]

I do not have any SO, never had a wife, but women i dated did not own, nor would even wear a dress or skirt. I really do believe not seeing many GG's dressed the way they once did many years ago, has a bearing on me dressing up, the styles and way i wish more American women would. I seldom see any GG's in the town i live in, that wear dresses, hose and heels, or skirts. For me, it makes me want to dress pretty.

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Judy, That is very cruel of her! A valid reason to divorce, if you ask me! The marriage vows are broken here. I heard Dr. Laura once, years ago say, that if a mate refuses to look nic for the mate, either one, it is one reason for divorce, that is valid, like FRAUD. You look fantastic in you dresses, and avatar pics. I feel for you,

- - - Updated - - -

CharGG, We usually agree, but not on this , at least for me, individually. i know we are all different, though. One reason i like to dress up in the styles i like, partly, is because i do not see many dressed pretty in the area i live in. I like the stles of the late 1950;s and sixties. I know if i lived in a big city, i would see many well dressed GG's. I live in small town farming area, and a dress is a very rare sighting, other than the Amish ladies i see a lot. i actually like the way a lot of Amish ladies dress.

[TheHiddenMe]

Jacques, I dressed long before I met my wife and when we met, she was the most girly girl I have ever known.

Same here.

I wanted to dress when I was eight and met my wife when I was twenty-eight, so it was part of me long before she was.

[Sara Jessica]

Sorry gang, cannot agree with a lot of what is being said. Y'all started the dressing thing before you got hitched. You probably married someone that you hoped would dress like the doll you wish you could be and when it either didn't happen or faded away (as in women discover they can be decidedly feminine and cute without HAVING to dress to the nines to please their crossdressing mate), you are using this as an excuse to validate what you have been doing all along.

[Lindajane]

I loved dressing long before i ever loved a woman.

[DaisyLawrence]

Sorry gang, cannot agree with a lot of what is being said. Y'all started the dressing thing before you got hitched. You probably married someone that you hoped would dress like the doll you wish you could be and when it either didn't happen or faded away (as in women discover they can be decidedly feminine and cute without HAVING to dress to the nines to please their crossdressing mate), you are using this as an excuse to validate what you have been doing all along.

What? You mean some people come here for validation? Still racked with guilt about what they do and needing validation instead of just getting one with their lives? No, surely that can't be true Sara, surely not. Gosh.

[Charlotte7]

To the OP, a simple no, she wears what she likes and I wear what I like, our tastes are different, but I suppose the imperative is different, she dresses to be decent, warm and comfortable, I dress to express my being a girl which by its nature encapsulates those things which I view as feminine.

Sara Jessica, No! You're wide of the mark there. How my wife dresses and how I dress were very different from the start and have remained so. There is no way that I'd want her to "dress like the doll [I] wish [I] could be." If there's dressing like a doll to be done, I want that to be my area of marital responsibility, and that's a burden that I'm more than happy to carry. My wife, my partner of over 30 years is my best friend and soulmate, and what she wears forms no part of our relationship.

[Sara Jessica]

^^^ I wasn’t talking to you since you hadn’t voiced your blissful situation prior to my post.

I see the OP premise is just another form of projection that goes on a lot around here, this time on our spouses.

[Kiwi Primrose]

I was experimenting with dressing before I met my wife. She helped me but doesn't have much influence on my wardrobe.

[StacyCD]

No question that I wear more dresses. However, it’s shoes where there is the biggest difference. My wife doesn’t have a pair of shoes with a heel higher than 1” and I don’t have any with a heel less than 4”.

[SaraLin]

Not me.
I dress because it's who I am (at least inside).
What she wears, or doesn't wear, doesn't have any effect on my need to dress pretty.

[Beverley Sims]

Maybe we are dressing up too much.

We should all dress with outerwear like our wives so as we don't stand out too much.

Lingerie is private. :-)

Wear what you choose.

[Cheryl T]

My wife asked that question when she first found out and as I told her NO.

I told her I was wearing dresses and stockings before she was (I'm a little older). I was wearing them before I began dating anyone. I was wearing them before high school. I was wearing them before we met.
So all in all, how could it possibly have anything to do with her or anything she does or does not wear?

[DIANEF]

Sorry gang, cannot agree with a lot of what is being said. Y'all started the dressing thing before you got hitched. You probably married someone that you hoped would dress like the doll you wish you could be and when it either didn't happen or faded away (as in women discover they can be decidedly feminine and cute without HAVING to dress to the nines to please their crossdressing mate), you are using this as an excuse to validate what you have been doing all along.

That's a very insulting and generalising statement and I'll have to disagree with YOU Sara. I married my wife because I loved her, not because of the type of clothes she wore.

[Sara Jessica]

Then it wasn’t aimed at you, was it.

Didn’t say my opinion applied to all, only a lot...and admittedly it is colored by sentiments expressed frequently elsewhere.

I see this premise in the same light as comments suggesting any of us is more feminine than... and that competitive streak that comes out when women are chastised for not dressing in accordance with some sort of antiquated ideal that many here hold to. This thread title is the epitome of such expressions.

People here complain about wanting to dress as they please but women often get ripped for doing just that.

[NancySue]

Add me to the list of those who dressed l-o-n-g before I met my wife. I told her of my dressing before we wed. She accepted. She is very fashion conscious...much more than I. I wear what I like, looks good and is comfortable. For years, she wore heels, hose, skirts and dresses. Recently, I seldom see her in hose, most of her shoes are flats, sandals or low heels. This is perfectly OK with me. I continue to wear heels, hose, dresses, skirts, underwires, etc. which is perfectly OK with her. We tease each other about our dress modes. She’s been a great help over the years with her support. I thank my lucky stars for her.

[DIANEF]

'Y'all' sounds like it is all inclusive doesn't it Sara...and what gives you the right to presume you know why other people do the things they do?

[Rhonda Jean]

Ummm, I don't think Sara, meant "y'all" to mean everybody but her. I certainly didn't take it that way. As far as presuming, there's no presuming to it. That very thing has been stated on here over and over again.

As for me, the answer is no. I was dressing before I met her, and she knew it. If anything, the way she dressed influenced me to dress dress much more like her. Early on, I wore her clothes (with her permission). She taught me how to do makeup, and she was the one who rolled and styled my hair most of the time. She was gorgeous, and I wanted to look just like her (well, not exactly like her, but you get the point). I mean, I learned how to stand, how to sit, how to carry my purse, how to get in and out of the car, how to smile... I could go on and on. I don't mean she said, "This is how you do it". I mean that just by watching her and admiring her and being in love with her I just wished I could be more like her. Pretty much the opposite of making up for her lack of femininity by enhancing my own.

[Jenny22]

My wife has never been an influence on what I wear en femme. If it's pretty, my size and not too expensive, I'll pine, "Oh, I just gotta have that." (my closet over flows)

[MiniRock]

Absolutely yes. I fell out with my children's mother over cross dressing. But yes, I don't think she would ever believe how sexy she looked in a tight slinky dress. She always thought she was imperfect but she wasn't. And it frustrated the life out of me me. I loved her but she did her level best to destroy me over it.

[t-girlxsophie]

Forgot in my earlier reply to say I met my wife online long before I ever saw what she wore and since then have never have had an issue with what she wears

Sophie

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jacques :hugs:, Oh how I wish my:love:Wife would wear some of my lovely clothes,
She is a Jeans girl. >Orchid ..o:daydreaming:o..

[Steph_CD_62]

Since I have been crossdressing LONG before I met my wife, I would have to say that I do not wear dresses because she doesn't.

I will admit that when I met my wife I wasn't wearing dresses as much as I do now, but I still worn one occasionally.

Would I stop wearing sexy lingerie if my wife wore some? No I would not stop, I love the way it feels against my body and how it makes me feel.

Would I be happy if she wore dresses and sexy lingerie....YES! but I love her for who she is and not what she wears.

[Asew]

I dressed before I even thought about having a wife. I love it when she dresses up. I love it when I dress up too :)

[Di]

Mod Hat on

Give your opinion and STOP arguing.

Can we have a discussion without the fighting?

ENOUGH !!

Can we please just keep a thread open to hear everyone’s opinions without having to close a thread because of the bickering .

Fair Warning

[marlacd]

I did dress way before I met my wife. I grew a mustache just to stop, and put my urges on hold for about 14 years. But I still thought about it. For the most part, I lived sort of vicariously through my new wife. I encouraged it, she wanted to do it. But she got bored with it. My promotion did no good. Then my "Ahem" lovely wife came home with red hair. And with that red came a change of personality. She started to be the woman I didn't want, but I had. That set me off dressing again. I stuck it out for years. I hung onto the I will love my wife, but I was dressing like I wished she would. Then I started to like me dressing. It was a way to get away from being married. Had I not wanted to pursue being married, we might have split about 15 years into it. I was trying while she wasn't. And of course she knew I was. But after boundary lines kept moving, she finally uttered the words- I want out, we split. So now, I dress when I please, do what I want, and keep the woman I like the most-me.

[Lynn Sealy]

Since most of us started before we were married, I doubt it.

[Becky Blue]

Not in the slightest bit.. my wife has her own style and look and dresses very well.. I have my own tastes and like many woman dress in the way that my figure and body shape enable me to feel and look nice

[Tracii G]

This question always seems to end in a thread getting locked and members mad at each other.

[kayegirl]

The short answer is NO. Like many others I started dressing long before I had a girlfriend, let alone met my wife. However, I am influenced by what my wife wears. She is essentially a very practical person and always wears clothing appropriate for whatever she is doing. This means that following her lead, I can more easily blend on a day to day basis.

[Stephanie47]

I'm a child of the 1950's and 1960's. I have to assume the reason I wear only dresses has to do with when I started to form some female identity. Women were seen only in dresses in the area I lived. Women who wore trousers were looked down upon as non conforming. Women also used a social event to "dress up." I see many wonderful looking women in jeans. My wife feels more comfortable wearing jeans and a top. Her nightwear is for comfort unless there is a reason to wear something more alluring.

My wife and I are in a deep DADT. If I keel over and die today she will be amazed when she finds my wardrobe. Why does he have 160+ dresses? Hundreds of panties? Literally hundreds of slips? My answer is I would have less, if I had the opportunity to wear them more often. Acquiring womanly garments is a form of retail therapy. It the same reason for why I am on this site. It gives me an outlet to express myself in activity which does not enjoy wide acceptance.

As far as the clothes go on a woman, clothes do not 'make a woman.' Sex appeal has much to do about how a person acts and presents his or herself. I've encountered a lot of attractive men and women who destroyed that image as soon as they opened their mouth.

[T Gram]

I've always dressed lady like, feminine like my hair a certain way and my make up. My SO would love for me to wear more skirts and dresses He loves skirts, me on the other hand...UGH....unless it's a special occasion forget it. I want to be comfortable give me capris or jeans and a nice blouse. I'm to old for one ( 55 ) and overweight to pull off the short skirt any more...love me for who I am...don't try to make me something in NOT! He or "she" likes to wear what she likes and I like what I like...be lady like age appropriate and not trampy is all I ask.

[Jenn A116]

So my question is do we wear the dresses because our partners wear the trousers?

Not in the least. In fact, I dressed long before I ever met my wife. All my girlfriends since high school have been just typical girls. Dressed in jeans or dresses appropriate for the location/occasion. My wife is simply a woman. She wears woman's things. Be it capri's, jeans, dresses, whatever.

[KatrinaK]

I’ve been aware of my gender confusion since I was about 6, so no. But i feel like I’ve noticed that the most successful marriages I read about here are with either tomboys or really open minded girly girls.

[Connie D50]

No my wife dresses fine and I still like to dress lol.

[jacques]

hello all,
many thanks for your replies. I did not intend for the discussion to get heated - sorry.
As I said originally - I would guess that none (or very few) of us started cross-dressing because our partners' taste in clothes was not "girly" (feminine).
The discussion seems to indicate that it is just a coincidence that we have more "girly" clothes than our partners. Could it simply be that we shopaholics?
luv J

[Maid_Marion]

i was actually enabled by my wife! She had insecurities about me being employed due to my age and not dressing better. Since I'm too small for 36S suits and 30" pants there is nothing I can buy in a men's clothing store. But, since every conceivable style comes in women's small, she suggested buying women's clothes in men's styles. And, couldn't help getting some VS PJs... Come to think of it she even suggested underdressing in panties, but it just didn't register at the time.. A factor may be that my size 2 figure is more girly than many GGs.

Fashion tip. Guys clothes are always loose fitting so you want to go up a little. Women's clothes are form fitting so you want to go down a little so the spandex stretches.

I certainly have the "shopping" gene. When I took over buying groceries our expenses went way down!

[Piora]

Many, many years ago, when I was still happily married, I bought my wife at the time 3 sets of matching bra, panties and garter belt with stockings for Christmas in an effort to 'spice things up'. I also bought her 2 baby doll nightie sets. She sort of laughed embarrassingly when she opened them. However, other than 1 of the nighties, she refused to wear any of the lingerie. I think she thought that "good girls" don't wear that sort of thing....only bad or "loose" women wear that. So...... unbeknownst to her, I took them back, and wore them myself! She had completely forgotten they were even there. It was around the very first time that I started crossdressing. Over the years, she started to go the opposite way, wearing very matronly clothes. They were ok, but not in the manner or style she used to wear. Now, when I dress, I like to wear very sexy things....possibly in compensation for that?

[Mermaiden]

I, too, have always liked sexy lingerie more than my wife liked it. I love her the way she is, as I want her to love me as I am. And that’s working out pretty well.

[silkycdresser]

I have dressed since I was around 7 year's old, so obviously long before I met my wife, BUT there has been a direct link between my wife never wearing any clothes that I like and my own dressing. The more my wife dresses in frumpy, manly clothes, and the more I see beautiful, well-dressed women in society, the more I crave and yearn to dress in skirts, dresses and all that. So for me, yes, there IS a link, albeit part of a complex mix of reasons why I CD.