First Time Seeing Gender Therapist and Unexpected Feelings and Thoughts

[hiddenwoman]

Hello to all!
Friday, I had an appt. seeing a therapist whose specialty is the transgender community. I was surprised on the way to see her that I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. I told my therapist I was at a place in my life where I wanted to really understand myself and I was trying to figure out where I might be on the gender spectrum. I have long since suspected I am way more than just a crossdresser.
Anyhow, this was just an assessment( I guess to determine how to proceed?)
After our time together flew by, we started to discuss regular meetings and her desire to meet Janet in person down the road ( I was in male mode ). She also mentioned at the appropriate time the subject of transition, HRT, family stability, etc. would be discussed. I was floored by that. I left feeling more confused than before going in. I literally had to pull over to the side of the road to try and get a handle on my feelings. I must have had 100 different thoughts and feelings bouncing around my head at once. From elation to terror.
I could not concentrate on anything. If her job as a therapist was to really shake up the status quo in my head, she did an excellant job. Even though it was 1 visit, I guess I assumed(wrongly) I would walk out more sure of myself. I do know that I look forward to the next visit.
Anyone else have this emotional experience? I can honestly say I have never felt anything like it.

[Laura912]

It sounds like she did an excellent job by getting you to think about everything. A good therapist will not pat one on the head and send them off after just one visit.

[Aprilrain]

I must have had 100 different thoughts and feelings bouncing around my head at once. From elation to terror.
I could not concentrate on anything.

This isn't normal? This is a fairly accurate description of my head space at any given moment without the proper... chemical intervention.
Never the less, I can see how if one weren't ADD, this could be disconcerting. I'm glad she was able to, "shake up the status quo."
As many people who have ever sought counseling for gender issues, there will be that many different reactions to the experience of taking their first step.
It is as equally true that as different as each humans experience is and as unique as we all are we are also very much the same and you could just as easily be describing someones reaction to being kissed for the first time or driving a race car. Your feelings are normal.
I think you are more sure of yourself even if you can't see it, just reread your third to last sentence!

[Carolina]

I also just had my first counseling/assessment session. I was somehow worried for taking this first step, but in the end I loved it. I loved being able to free myself, to talk to someone else about my true feelings, about crossdressing and more, about the potential for HRT or SRS, about the fears and societal corsets. I could be confused for the Pandora box that I just opened, but I’m really looking forward to my next session. I was asked to write a timeline of my life with the key events that made me who I am, and a parallel one of important events that made Carolina who she is. I loved reflecting on it and putting on paper all those little or big events about Carolina from early childhood.

Is this counselling the beginning of a tough road for Carolina or the end of it? I can’t tell, but I think I’ll enjoy the journey of self discovery and the freedom of finding out who I really am. I believe you are also likely to enjoy coming out to yourself whoever you are or meant to be. Good luck!

[Bria]

Janet, your therapist is doing what she should do, helping you to understand the issues that you will face as you go down this road. I work for a gender therapist and so I have seen some people come in that have studied and researched the transition process and are certain of their path, and others that need help to determine if transition is appropriate for them. So, the subjects that she mentioned will be important to you if you find that transition is what you need to do. I think you are in for an emotional ride that will lead you to discover the true you, whatever that may be. I hope that your mind will settle down and you can get to the hard work of discovering the true you. Expect some emotional sessions as you talk about things that you may have long repressed.

I wish you the best as you start down this road, the destination is as yet unknown.

Hugs, Bria

[Adelaide]

I remember seeing a gender therapist many years ago. After a few meetings, she invited my wife and mentioned to her (without me knowing it in advance) that I was a woman trapped in someone else's body.... My wife went nuts, NEVER accepted it and has been threatening me ever since (kids, house, financial issues, etc.). I now am ready to get back on track and meet a doctor who will follow me with natural medicine....

[hiddenwoman]

A heartfelt thanks for everyone's input. I found that just by posting about my experience helped a great deal. For years I've read about everybody else's experience. I thought I knew what to expect. Now I'M starting down the path. It's real now.
Maybe that's why I became so overwhelmed.

[KymberlyOct]

I applaud your courage for exploring this. Gender identity and self acceptance and the decision to transition or not are all very weighty issues. Also there are so many layers to deal with and explore like the metaphor of peeling back the layers of an onion.

In my opinion it sounds like your therapist threw a lot at you for a first meeting. Whether it was appropriate or not isn't for me to say, I wasn't there, I'm not a therapist and I'm not you. I think it would be overwhelming.

The one piece of advice that I am confident giving is that finding the right therapist is similar to finding the right life partner. You need to find the one that works for you. I think many therapists and patients are mismatched. You don't need someone that just tells you what you want to hear, being challenged is good. But you need to find someone with a style that works and a mindset that fits. Like a life partner, if it's right you will know. If it feels wrong get a new therapist.

My very best wishes for your journey and my respect for your courage !!!!

[Rachel Mari]

I was asked to write a timeline of my life with the key events that made me who I am

My therapist asked me to do this pretty soon after I started seeing her.

When I wrote down all the bits and pieces that were disjointed and scattered about my past, is when it really hit home for me. Seeing all those experiences in one place and together actually shocked me but helped me a great deal to sort myself out.

[Lana Mae]

A good therapist is great! You will learn about the "real" you! I am living and learning on my journey and she is a great help! Best wishes and I hope your therapist is a "good fit"!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Aunt Kelly]

I know exactly what you mean about that initial confusion. Your skilled therapist has helped you to confront that thing that you have "long since suspected" about yourself. She's not going to give you answers, but she will help you to find them for yourself.
You are in a good place now, a place where you can explore all those confusing feelings, with the help of a knowledgeable guide. Best of luck to you.

Hugs,


Kelly

[KymberlyOct]

Well said Kelly, everyone using a therapist should not expect them to give you answers. That's not their job and they shouldn't try to do it.

Their job is to help you find the answers for yourself. I don't have many things that I state unequivocally but the preceding is one of the few.

[hiddenwoman]

Well said Kelly, everyone using a therapist should not expect them to give you answers. That's not their job and they shouldn't try to do it.

Their job is to help you find the answers for yourself. I don't have many things that I state unequivocally but the preceding is one of the few.

You ladies are correct. Just had my second session and my therapist said the exact same thing. It's not her journey, it's mine. She just supplies the tools and techniques to guide me in my quest.