After more than 50 years, I came out to my mother

[Charlotte7]

Like many here, when I started dressing, I started wearing my mother's clothes, although back then, the last thing I wanted was for her to find out. This weekend, that all changed. My mother came over to stay for a long weekend, (she lives over 200 miles away) and we had trips out to the country and the like, and nice autumn suppers in the evening. Well, we got talking one evening, and things got a little deeper and my whole transgender existence came out. I recognised that she was curious about this side of me and so I slipped into my slouching pyjamas, which she really quite liked. What girl doesn't like relaxing on the sofa in comfortable pyjamas? The following evening, I 'dressed for dinner', that's not to say I went the whole way, I dressed in a nice skirt, top and a well selected piece of jewellery. I don't wear make-up and so presented myself like that. And the great thing was, that she was totally happy for me, and totally accepting of me. She even said that I reminded her (my shape, the way that I filled the clothes I had chosen), of her sister. And we just sat up and chatted about all sorts, some of it to do with me, my gender identity, but mostly it was just general chat about the family, the past, the future and it was if nothing was different, we were just two people chatting the same we ever had. And the following day, she bought herself a new handbag. She'd previously mentioned that she wasn't getting on well with the bag that she had with her and was thinking of changing anyway, so, the following day, we went to a mill outlet store and she bought a new bag. It was actually a great shopping trip, as there were three of us there, (me, my mother, and of course my wife) and we were each looking for that special thing to wear. It was just so nice to be there, with my mother, and me, openly shopping for me. The sad thing is that none of us managed to find that special thing that was just right and so we left empty handed, that is clotheswise, as my mother did find a new bag that she really liked and so she bought that. When we got back home, she made the swap from old bag to new bag, and then, she gave me her old bag, saying that she hoped that I would find some use for it. It was such a lovely thing for her to do and a clear demonstration that she was as happy with me as she had ever been. I just wish that back in the 60s the world had been different and I could have told her when I was aged four.

Yes, I know when you tell someone, anyone, there is both the chance of rejection, of a lack of acceptance, and a lack of understanding, there is also the loss of control, because, I can ask people not to say, but I can't make anyone not say anything, particularly when I'm not there, but, it's not that as I move through life, I care less, more that I'm coming to realise that it doesn't actually matter, and more than that, it matters more to me to be who I really am, and that includes a Charlotte who is no longer totally hidden away.

Thanks Mum for a lovely weekend in the country.

[Beverley Sims]

Fifty years is a long time, I am so glad that the trip in the country was fruitful.

All the best for the future.

[Stacy Darling]

Its so beautiful that you have connected with you mother, So So Beautiful!
Stacy!

[kimdl93]

That’s wonderful.

[DaisyLawrence]

I'm loving this post :thumbsup: :)

[alwayshave]

Charlotte, what a wonderful step forward with your mom.

[bridget thronton]

Such a nice happy connection with your mother

[Jaylyn]

Just like many on here my dressing started with my moms things. A I read your story I felt the love I had for my mom alo. It's too late to tell her as she is already dead but I'm so happy for you and this story. Makes me wish. I would have been closer to my mom later in life. Remember to appreciate your mom they are all special in so many ways. I think you have a mom that loves you no matter your gender ID. Great Story thanks for sharing.

[Crissy 107]

Hi Charlotte, That is one beautiful loving post about your Mother. You are very fortunate to have shared this side of you with her and her being so accepting, also very nice on her giving you her pocketbook. You took the opportunity to tell her and it worked out so very good.
Crissy

[Connie D50]

Charlotte thank you for sharing your story. Did telling her make you feel like a load was taken off of you? Did your wife participate in the PJ party? I just ask because I could find myself in this situation (not my mother she has passed never knowing about Connie) it would be a sister.

[Charlotte7]

I'd like to thank everyone for your lovely comments.

Slightly more specifically:



Did telling her make you feel like a load was taken off of you?

Oh, yes there was a huge weight lifted from me. I'm sure that you can imagine that all through my life I've had this one, very important thing that I've wanted to tell my mother and never felt able to do so.


Did your wife participate in the PJ party?

On the first evening my OH was already in her slouchies. On the second night, she recognised and respected my need for space and time with my mother and as we chatted in the wee small hours, she (quite sensibly) went to bed.

I hope this helps and if you do find yourself chatting with your sister, then I wish you all the best (not forgetting of course, the normal warnings (our forever curse?))

[Anne E]

Hi Charlotte,

What a lovely story. Thank you for sharing it. It gives so much hope to hear that.

Anne

[GracieRose]

Charlotte,
Your story made me smile.
As my mother left this earth 30+ years ago, I imagine that she is now aware of who I am (if she didn't figure it out from the clues when I was living at home) and understands.
When my step-mom passed away (my father remarried after Mom's death), she left a collection of handbags that she had never used. As we were boxing them up for charity, I stealthily selected one for myself. I use it most of the time that I am out and about dressed. The connection means something to me, and I trust that she also is accepting and pleased with my choice.
You are fortunate to have such a good relationship with your mum.
-Gracie

[Faye56]

That is so lovely, I do wish my mother and I had shared my secret,fortunately my sisters have filled that void and made my life complete

Faye

[Jaymie]

While that is not an option for me now I think my mom would have been thrilled... I think she wanted a girl and had a girl name picked out for me. She was also a fashionista and would have loved to share that.

[Rachelish]

Charlotte, that's a heart-warming story. You're fortunate to have a have a mother that you can share so much with, and have had the opportunity to do so. It's not a situation that could ever happen in my case. My mother is still with us but holds extremely negative views on anything outside of her comfort zone. She'd probably never speak to me again if she knew.

[Tracy Irving]

What a nice story. Thank you for sharing.