Yes, I was bullied incessantly for my effeminate ways - anyone else?

[nikkiwindsor]

I just searched the forum for "bullying" and "bully" and was surprised not to "hit" any discussions on this topic. Although there may already be a post on this subject that I missed, I'll press ahead with starting a new thread on the matter. To only my closest girlfriends (my wife and gals on this forum) have I shared that I suffered incessant bullying all the way from elementary grade school through college due to my effeminate mannerisms. It didn't help that I am a ginger (red haired) which in and of itself draws considerable, and often, untoward attention. I can say all I want about "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." But, that's not the truth...far from hit. For the longest time my self-esteem suffered due to the bullying. But, eventually, for reasons that I haven't sought to delve into, I began to have the highest self-respect for myself and my feminine nature. Maybe I just developed a "thick skin" but I think it's way more than that. I could talk on and on about this subject and how it affected me and how I continue to process it, but I'd rather step back for a bit and hear from other girls (cis and trans) on this forum who have experienced bullying and are comfortable sharing their insight, wisdom and feelings about it. Gosh, it feels good to share this although it also causes me to relive many painful experiences... Nikki

[Jenny123]

First, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Although nobody knew about my crossdressing (at least not that I know of) back when I was in school, I know I had some feminine mannerisms and got bullied a lot too. I have seen several notices about high school reunions and have no interest in going to them because of that.

[nikkiwindsor]

Going to a high school reunion would be pure he_ _ for me

[mykell]

i would hang out and play with a group of girls from the neighborhood which of coarse involved barbies, but i just liked being with them.
i have no proof of how but i have suspicions that my sister may have outed me when i was in high school, borrowed some of her things.

so if that were the case rumors of my predisposed affection of the feminine nature and clothing i found myself at the butt of many a joke, it was mainly gay jokes though because if you dress of coarse your gay....which at times i started to believe i was even though i was enraptured with women. rumor seems to keep catching up with me (6 degrees of kevin bacon ) wont get any more into details in an open forum....

[~Renee~]

Growing up I wasn’t often bullied but once I got beyond HS I was mostly excluded from manly things at work. I just didn’t connect with the one up attitude necessary for that club. It’s been a problem professionally too as I don’t have that damn it , do it my way personality. I did a great job in suppressing any overt effeminate mannerisms over the years because I put everything into lockdown. Despite my very extroverted and easy going nature I never connected and I’ve always suspected it’s a femdar of some kind.

This pattern of exclusion still exists today in my mid 50s. I really have very few male friends. I’m super careful to keep the mannerisms “in check” when the pink wave gets rolling.

How did I deal with it? Joining here. It’s been terrific to discuss the challenges and blessings.

[Rhonda Jean]

I was not. I had hair below my shoulders when I started to school. When The Beatles came on the Ed Sullivan Show I had heard that they were longhairs, but had not seen them until then. I was disappointed to see that their hair wasn't long at all, to me. It did start lots of discussions about long hair on boys,though, and I thought that most boys wanted long hair, but their parents wouldn't let them. I don't know whether that was right or wrong. Whatever the case, I think that having long hair isolated me from boys at school, and I wasn't allowed to play with boys at home, except for 2. Even when it became more than just long hair in high school I wasn't bullied, just isolated.

The closest I came to being bullied was by the coaches when I was in 7th grade. Everybody had to take P.E. unless you took journalism and worked on the student newspaper. I started off in P.E., having no interest in journalism. The rule was everybody had to take a shower in one of those open showers with the whole class. This terrified me, and seemed very weird, but I had no choice. The first day, I took a shower but didn't wash my hair. I didn't want to mess my hair up, or go around with wet hair the rest of the day. One of the coaches made me go back and wash my hair, which embarrassed me and infuriated me, and infuriated my mother when I got home. It took 3 or 4 days to get me transferred out of P.E., and for those 3 or 4 days I still had to take a shower. I remember vividly the smirk on that coach's face when he made me go back and take a shower, and the laughter of the rest of the class.

[DIANEF]

I was a ginger all through school too Nikki, though my hair turned darker in later years. I was teased rather than bullied at school for not being a 'typical' lad, that is I had little interest in football or rugby, and it turned up a few notches when I played a female part in a school play, (all male grammar school). It never got serious enough to bother me especially as people knew if pushed I was quite able to defend myself. Like has been said though, a high school reunion sounds about as appealing as root canal surgery at the dentist.

[Tracii G]

I was bullied all thru school for being short but it made me have to fight back physically at times.
It made me learn to stand up for myself which a lot of people these days should stand up to bullies.
I think most all kids got bullied in some way or another so its part of being a kid.

High School reunions are a blast you should go because all those people you thought were cool turned out to be the ones that live in a van down by the river.
I do a luncheon every month with a bunch of HS classmates and we have a great time.

[Lygophilia]

Highschool was a nothing compared how I was bullied by my dad. He had serious problems with me being feminine and wanting to transition made it much worse. That led to me being an alcoholic, which I can't stop to this day. I would prefer medication that I can get a "highness" equivalent to that of alcohol, assuming if that exists. Liquor is an very expensive addiction. He's very arrogant and morally stuck up so it was to be expected. I wanted him dead at one point for treating me how he did.

[SamanthaToday]

Im so sorry Lygophilia, it breaks my heart to hear this.

niki its about "effeminnate ways" but I hope you dont mind my response.

I was bullied also, because that's what School is, it's a battle ground for attacking anyone weaker or different.

I was in foster care , so by the time I was in grade 10, I had attended 15 different Schools(I found this out from a Social worker, I had no clue, I just knew it was alot), and every School I went to it was the same thing, having to fight someone the very first day.

LOL.. by the time grade 11 came around no one messed with me. :)

Have no interest in going to a High School reunion, but if I did I would love to go dressed as a woman.

And when someone brags about being successful, I would say . "So what I became a Woman" ..

[Maid_Marion]

I was really short, but I had impressively fast reflexes. Bullies moved on to easier targets. Really pissed off my brother, who had to take classes for self defense.

[Samm]

8th grade was the the toughest. But once I hit high school (private school in a different town) I managed to stay invisible until I barely graduated. HS Reunion? yeah, no.

[RADER]

I was always a large person; even in High School I was 6' 3" and over 250 lbs. I was bullied a lot.
And it hurt after while. When I came back from Vet-Nam, I was 230 lbs, large but not way over weight.
I was in construction witch help keep my weight steady, but when I started to work inside trimming, well
I started to creep up a little.
Now I am about 320 lbs. I wish I could lose 50 lbs, but being some what disabled,I have very little ability
to "Work it off"
That is one of the reasons I do not go outside dressed. I am just not in a "Lady" frame if you know what I mean.
rader

[KatrinaK]

I went to an all boys boarding school and I didnt go through puberty until I was 16/17... they used to call me “Kojak”... You can probably guess how much fun that was...

[giuseppina]

I had a lot of issues with bullying most of the way through primary and secondary school. Things turned sexual in high school. By that time, my body looked like a flat chested girl. This nonsense didn't totally stop until I got to university, and yes, my marks were affected. While I was close, I didn't win admission to a very good engineering school, which was turning away Ontario Scholars (Grade XIII average over 80%) when I applied.

[Crissy 107]

Yes count me in on this. I was bullied quite a bit when I was in school. They used to taunt me with, Crissy is a sissy. I hated it then but am fine with it now. Who knew us guys who were bullied are some of the luckiest guys alive in my opinion as we now understand and embrace our feminine side. Crissy
PS: Good thread Nikki

[OCCarly]

I got bullied from the secede grade all the way through my freshman year of college. Boys could sense that I was soft inside no matter how tough I tried to be. I always wore my emotions on my sleeve. When I got jacked up, I always got too upset to figure out how to fight back.

[Tracii G]

The point is lots of use were bullied and lots of kids were bullied in school but we got thru it somehow didn't we?
It didn't stop us from being successful or getting a job,married etc did it?
Maybe its me but kids these days just can't cope with things if they don't go the way they want it to.
Look at the cases on the Dr Phil show some are completely out of their minds.
I know it sounds cold to say that but it seems to be the truth.

[Beverley Sims]

I was bullied because I was a 98lb weakling.

I soon turned that into an asset.

[Gillian Gigs]

Growing up, I was small for my age, and was the youngest in my grade at school. Grades 7 through 9 were pure hell, I couldn't wait to get into high school which was bigger and I could hide in the crowd. At home I had two sisters who called me sissy, their boy friends/husbands weren't any better, and a dad who was disinterested in me because I wasn't his idea of what a man/boy should be. I was your atypical kid and I often paid the price for it. Some of the things that I learned were;
1. I had to be smarter than the bullies, and stay out of their way.
2. my enemies enemy were my friend.
3. find a common enemy and turn the bully loose on them instead of me.

[docrobbysherry]

I guess I don't know what feminine mannerisms r? :straightface:
When Sherry played the lead in a music video a couple years back? The male producer/director had to instruct me how move and play with my hair. My WALK was good apparently. Because there's a lot of me doing that in the video!:heehee:

I got bullied NOT because I was a ginger. I was a red head! Orange hair and lots of freckles!:doh:

I suggest some of u attend your high school reunions. I particularly wanted to face my fears by talking with all of the bullies. And, prepared to punch if I needed to! Turns out they were tortured teens one and all. Except for one mentally disturbed guy, they had all changed markedly after they matured. I felt sorry for them. Their lives were mostly a mess! Actually kind of got to be a sort of acquaintance of one.
Oddly, not one of them has attended a reunion after about our 25 year one!

In fact, all the social in crowd, hot chicks, sports star guys, etc., were all down to earth by our 25 yr reunion! I've often thot of showing up dressed. But, for our 55+yr reunions it seems pointless. They r so old!:battingeyelashes:

[Ronnie38]

I too was bullied a lot. My dad was my first bully. I swear that guy hated everything about me. I was always and still am very small for a guy. I weighed 85lbs until the 11th grade when i finally broke 100. I cried a lot when i was younger and dad would smack me around for it. In school the boys would pick on me beat me up and call me names. The girls wouldnt talk to me because of social status and what not. When my dad found this out he would woop me for not fighting back. So i started kicking their asses. Got wooped for that too. I turned to drugs. Lots of them. I found "stoner" friends to hang out with but they too were bullys and aholes. After i reached my early 20s, i finally cleaned myself up and realised who fing cares. How can i expect anyone to love me if i hate my own guts. Thats when it all changed. Now im funny, successful, i have a good relationship with my father (he grew up a lot too) i have two wonderful sons and the most amazing wife ever. Life was rough but thinking back on it, there was a lot i could have done to make it better. I just didnt have the courage or wisdom. Oh to have known then what i know now.

[Tracy Irving]

In grade eight someone told me I had the gait of a woman. It was a random comment, no bullying or even teasing, and it was only mentioned the one time by the one person. But, I became very conscience of my walk after that and worked on getting it "corrected" by high school. And I thought I had no tells.

[DaisyLawrence]

I was bullied, the reason? Irrelevant. The bullies didn't need a reason, they just needed a victim. My best friend (only non-white kid) was bullied for his colour so then they would bully me for being his friend, it seems they like to have an excuse to justify the bullying in their mind but if they don't have one they can just make one up. Being effeminete is a justification to them because bullying males are all about male power but if you weren't ginger or effeminate Nikki they probably would have bullied you anyway. The bottom line is to avoid these types you need to befriend them and no decent kid wants to do that.

The good news is that, here in my part of the UK at least, things have changed in the ast 30 years. My son has never been bullied and has witnessed little or no bullying been given to others. The school he attends is very mixed with a large catchment of kids from a deprived background that routinely fail academically but this has made no difference. He has fat (obese) friends, ginger friends, gay friends, bi friends, disabled friends, you name it, and not one of them has been bullied about any of these things throughout their school years (he is 17 now). There is even a couple of transgender kids in the school below him that have no problem. His gay friends came out at school in their mid teens (despite not being out to family) without fear or consequnce. The worlds not perfect but I have high hopes for the future given the tolerance being shown by my sons generation. Of course, the same may not be true elsewhee but I reckon it is.

[Crissy 107]

Daisy, That is good about your son and it sounds like he has a good group of friends. We can only hope that what your son has experienced is closer to what is happening all over. Those were tough times growing up but at least we made it through it. Crissy

[SaraLin]

I was "the oldest", so whenever my father needed to vent his anger, frustration, or disappointment in life - he took it out on me. And yes, I was shy, quiet, and soft - which I think just made things worse for me because I wasn't just like my old man. I guess this qualified as bullying. I just thought that was the way life was. Needless to say - I NEVER gave him a hint about my being a girl inside. That would have been apocalyptic!

So - by the time I reached school, I'd pretty much managed to be invisible. If nobody notices you, they don't pick on you. Still - in high school I had to deal with a threesome of bullies. they traveled in a pack and only bothered me when they were all together in a group. Solo, they didn't.

[sometimes_miss]

I was not. I had hair below my shoulders when I started to school. When The Beatles came on the Ed Sullivan Show I had heard that they were longhairs, but had not seen them until then. I was disappointed to see that their hair wasn't long at all, to me.
It was just a jump start to discussing the somewhat 'new' situation of boys wearing progressively longer hair. It was only a year or two after the Beatles appeared on TV in the U.S. before lots of rockers started wearing shoulder length, and even longer, hair. By late '66 I had my hair almost to my shoulders. My parents were too self absorbed to be bothered by it.

The closest I came to being bullied was by the coaches when I was in 7th grade.
That was when my real nightmare at school began, because of this:

Everybody had to take P.E. <snip> The rule was everybody had to take a shower in one of those open showers with the whole class
Pretty much every other guy in class except me and another kid, had reached puberty and was showing secondary sexual characteristics of maturation. Not me. I didn't reach puberty until I was a month away from my 17th birthday. Those almost insignificant genitals of mine even brought on the question of whether I was actually a boy. Just add in swimming in cold water and I knew what was coming when it came time to hit the changing room. I can't tell you how many times people joked that I had no need for an athletic supporter. My only out; keep a tight eye on the clock in the gym, and then quickly sneak down to the showers a few minutes before the end of class, so that I was already showered and at least half dressed before anyone else got to the shower room. It worked most of the time, but the times it didn't? I was tormented brutally by many of the boys in the class, all because I wasn't the hairy with a long substantial schlong type, that they were becoming. Having blond hair made it even worse, because it looked like I had no body hair at all for a long time.


I was a ginger all through school
I'm curious about so many references to 'being a ginger' causing other people to deride those of you with red hair; I knew numerous red haired kids growing up, as well as adults. I've never seen any of this derogatory behavior about hair color, not even once. Maybe because a few of the red haired kids were the tough ones and no one every dared say anything? Maybe that was it. The closest I ever heard about hair color being a bad thing, was a few, and I mean FEW, dumb blond jokes.

I was bullied all thru school for being short but it made me have to fight back physically at times. It made me learn to stand up for myself which a lot of people these days should stand up to bullies.
That's easy to say if you're able to fight back effectively. When the bully is older, stronger and faster than you are, and you've already gotten used to being picked on by kids who could always clean your clock, surviving becomes just trying to avoid those kids as much as possible. Between my older sister, my older neighbor, and even cousins, I had had any tendency to fight back beaten out of me before I even got to kindergarten. If every time you try to defend yourself you get the crap beaten out of you, eventually you stop even trying to fight, and just take the push, the single punch, the single slap, the insult, because you know it's the better option than going home with a black eye. Not every kid is a natural fighter, and at some point when you keep losing fights, continuing to get into them just becomes stupid....especially when the teachers find out, and you get not only beaten up, but detention WITH THE KID WHO BEAT YOU UP too. Those were the worst; getting beaten up, getting detention, and then the detention teacher leaving the room 'just for a few minutes, I'll be right back', knowing that the kid who beat me was going to once again come and pound me while the teacher was out down the hall or at the office, with the threat of beating me up once more when detention was over, because the idiot teachers released everyone from detention at the same time! So we 'losers' learned to just put up with the abuse; we didn't have much choice.

I think most all kids got bullied in some way or another so its part of being a kid.
Like you said, adults just figured it was just a case of boys will be boys, and that it was all just part of growing up to be bullied by someone at some point. But for those of us who were always on the receiving end? It was horrible, all the way through school.

High School reunions are a blast you should go because all those people you thought were cool turned out to be the ones that live in a van down by the river.
^that's not the universal experience. I listen to other people who've gone to theirs; and heard enough mentions of 'how that shy, quiet passive type' turned out to be gay, and that everyone knew it would turn out that way. Of course, they never mention the ones who wind up rich, but those of us who wound up being the stereotype? There's always plenty of jerks even as they get older who like to continue to poke fun at us, whatever the age. Yes, I know that it's all coming from a mentality of insecurity, but it doesn't feel any better to continue to hear the same insults 40 years later.

I do a luncheon every month with a bunch of HS classmates and we have a great time.
Glad to know it worked out so wonderful for you. But yours is NOT the universal experience.

The point is lots of use were bullied and lots of kids were bullied in school but we got thru it somehow didn't we?
It didn't stop us from being successful or getting a job,married etc did it?
But it did make it harder, and no, not ALL of use made it through. As I go through my high school yearbook, there were several suicides as well as overdoses (which we'll never know if they were intentional or accidental, what we DO know is that they felt so bad about their life that they had to escape it through either death, mind altering drugs, or both).

Maybe its me but kids these days just can't cope with things if they don't go the way they want it to.
So we have to help them understand how to deal with it when it's insignificant (sticks and stones/names will never hurt me,etc), and going to someone in authority when they can't. Just leaving them on their own to figure out some way to get their heads around being treated like dirt winds up with all these school shootings. Are you suggesting that those kids who can't physically fight back effectively, should simply up the ante by turning the tables on the bullies with the only way they know of to stop it? Because they certainly are; the bullying stops as soon as the bullets fly, the bullies now reduced to begging for their lives to the ones that they perhaps only yesterday taunted and physically pushed and punched around. But that's not how we should leave our children dealing with other kids who are the cause of the problem.


I know it sounds cold to say that but it seems to be the truth.
So does it sound cold to say that those picked on and used a firearm to stop the abuse from happening, be the truth too?

I suggest some of u attend your high school reunions. I particularly wanted to face my fears by talking with all of the bullies. And, prepared to punch if I needed to!
OH, yes, police completely understand when a senior citizen decides to get physical because now they can, instead of when they were kids. Have fun in lockup while you await someone to bail you out because you took a punch at someone who said the wrong thing, laughed at you, and physically got in your face just like the did when you were a kid.


Turns out they were tortured teens one and all.
Most children who are abusive to other kids learned the behavior from the adults in their lives; it's usually a perpetual cycle of stupidity. Doesn't give them a pass for it, especially as they get older and clearly know the difference between right and wrong.


I was bullied, the reason? Irrelevant. The bullies didn't need a reason, they just needed a victim
Not just a victim; it's to establish the hierarchy of the group. Every boy knew where he stood on the toughness level in his class. And whenever they felt that they weren't getting the respect they thought they deserved, they would prove how tough they were by beating up on someone and show that they could get away with it.


The good news is that, here in my part of the UK at least, things have changed in the last 30 years.
We're getting there. But as the news shows, every so often bullying still takes it's toll, all because the adults can't be bothered to address it. Back in the '80's, there was a movie about how one little kid who was being bullied, hired the school tough guy to be his bodyguard; and yes, it fixed the problem. But we shouldn't put children, or adults, into a situation where that has to be done. Because just like the little kid who has to walk home alone, worrying about getting through the gauntlet of jocks who he knows will pick on him, or the adult woman who fears walking through a parking garage by herself, those of us who ARE able to make a protective difference for them, should do so. Because it's the right thing to do.

[Eemz]

School reunion? Hah!

The only time I want to be near those people again is when I dance on their graves.

In a dress.
Just to rub it in ;)

[kayegirl]

Apart from the red/ginger hair, my experience was much like Diane, that is teased because I did not like football or cricket, also attended an all boy grammar school and played a female in the school play. But I would not say bullied.
Actually if I was bullied at all it was by my twin brother, but even he stopped when I gave him a good hiding one day. Just wish I had done it years earlier.

[nikkiwindsor]

I guess I don't know what feminine mannerisms r? :straightface:
When Sherry played the lead in a music video a couple years back? The male producer/director had to instruct me how move and play with my hair. My WALK was good apparently. Because there's a lot of me doing that in the video!:heehee:

I got bullied NOT because I was a ginger. I was a red head! Orange hair and lots of freckles!:doh:

I suggest some of u attend your high school reunions. I particularly wanted to face my fears by talking with all of the bullies. And, prepared to punch if I needed to! Turns out they were tortured teens one and all. Except for one mentally disturbed guy, they had all changed markedly after they matured. I felt sorry for them. Their lives were mostly a mess! Actually kind of got to be a sort of acquaintance of one.
Oddly, not one of them has attended a reunion after about our 25 year one!

In fact, all the social in crowd, hot chicks, sports star guys, etc., were all down to earth by our 25 yr reunion! I've often thot of showing up dressed. But, for our 55+yr reunions it seems pointless. They r so old!:battingeyelashes:

Feminine mannerisms? I didn't realize it at the time but as I got older I realized that I presented the following qualities while growing up that my peers may have considered more feminine than masculine, but in no way exclusive to one gender or the other: quiet; shy; trying to stay in the background as much as possible and not get attention; hang out with girls as friends more than with boys as friends; more interested in pleasing others (especially adults) than pleasing myself; focused on teamwork and being successful with others; not very competitive as an individual; rather skip than walk; not much into sports; quiet voice; very respectful and well mannered; preferred playing four-square and hop-scotch on the school playground; tall but slender without much muscle mass and absolutely no desire at all to lift weights, etc. As I think about this some more, other things may come to mind.

[beckypanties]

Nikki, your experiences echo my own. I learned from an early age that the best way to avoid getting picked on was to disappear into the background. I don't know if that was the cause of my shyness and social phobias, or whether the shyness caused the bullying. Probably both. But yes, it sucked, and continues to have an impact on my life at age 49.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki :hugs:, JR & SR High School was pure hell for me, Being a little Fat kid with BIG boy Boobs.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid >oo:daydreaming:oo.

[JeanTG]

The closest I came to being bullied was by the coaches when I was in 7th grade. Everybody had to take P.E.

I think PE was designed by bullies as a forum to bully. I hated PE, and I hated my PE teacher who was a real asshole. Made the athletic boys pick their teams, and guess what I was always one of the last picked. PE was compulsory until the 10th grade (high school in Ontario started in the 9th grade), and I dropped it like a hot potato in grade 11. That was also around the time I stopped being bullied. Turns out I was pretty smart in high school and graduated top male student. The bullies figured I was more useful helping them with their homework so they could pass, so instead of bullying they suddenly all wanted to be my friend. In any case tutoring them for their math homework was infinitely better than being bullied and beaten and my last years of high school were actually a pretty happy time for me.

Looking back I know now that some of the bullies came from pretty unhappy home lives, and I can't help but feel sorry for them.

[nikkiwindsor]

Hi Becky! I'm glad you finally have complete access to the forum. The bullying of my youth still affects me too. And some of it in positive ways. Since I know completely accept my gender duality (vastly more female than male) and genuinely appreciate my uniqueness my self-confidence and self-esteem is extraordinarily hight. In fact, to the point that I have to be careful not to present myself as arrogant and vain. Anyone who wants to change and grow can. The bullying has made me stronger and brought about an incredibly high sense of social justice for others who are oppressed. My attitudes, beliefs, emotions, knowledge and behaviors have changed dramatically over time. I am not the shy, bullied kid of my youth in any way! Nikki

[Ressie]

I wouldn't say that I was effeminate in my younger days. But compared to other guys I guess I was somewhat. Like Tracii, I was short and skinny. I also let my hair grow a little, and it was quite long by the time I was 18. But for me the getting picked on and having to fight was in Jr. High - also known as middle school.

Yes, I was shy, and I rarely did very well with girls that my friends set me up with. I ended up with promiscuous girls because they made the first move. And that stuck with me as I got older. I finally forced myself be more assertive but my shy personality was the real me.

So, most of the bullying was because I was small, but I was also a mommy's boy and was quite sissified as a child. Around the age of 13 I became friends with guys that were on the tough side because I felt a need for protection. It worked to a point.

The truth is I wanted to be a girl but I was afraid to let that out to anyone except my mom.

[Fran-K]

Hi

I wasn’t bullied for my effeminate ways ... I didn’t really have any then, I’m a late bloomer I guess
But I definitely was a social outcast, people would be my “friend” except when other, coolers, people would be around, I’d often be the butt of jokes, etc, etc. I think that there are two paths one can take here ... try to be cool and accepted (and probably not succeed), or become ever more comfortable being what one is and saying “F... them”

I chose the latter path.

I think that later, as I developed a more feminine aspect, it’s helped me tremendously to be at ease with it and living within the various constraints in my life that work against my fem side.

Fran

[Michala]

When younger, I don't know that I was bullied but was teased a lot. I developed gynomasta at a young age. Or at least I had big boobs. It didn't last long as I was pretty athletic and in most sports was one of the better players.That and every schoolyard argument ended up with me on top. Back then those were mostly arguments that ended up in a wrestling match until the loser eventually said "I give." Rarely were any fists involved.

School showers were a challenge because of my boobs but the comments eventually went away as everyone became used to them. Now I kind of like them as they fit in my bra nicely. Today I think the bullying is worse, or more frequent, as it's so easy to bully someone online as opposed to their face and anonymously. It's one thing to make a comment in a teasingly manner, everyone can get over that. It's the meanness in actual bullying that is so offensive. Feel for those who had to endure that on a daily basis.

[Rhonda Jean]

I see I'm not the only one who preferred to stay kind of invisible. The very best example of how I was in jr. and sr. high school (an beyond, actually)... I was not allowed to play with the boys in my neighborhood, and there were a lot of them. Even the kids directly across the street. I never once set foot on their property. One of my most vivid memories of my entire childhood is I was sitting at the kitchen table facing these big picture windows, my mom rolling my hair, and across the street was every boy in the neighborhood playing baseball with one of the dads doing the pitching. Even when I was at school or outside, I always felt like there was a window between their life and mine. If often felt like I was watching boys/men lead their typically male lives while I lived something else.

[Trione]

HS Reunion, pass. I went to my 50th and after two days learned I made the right decision to move away 50 years earlier. The jocks think they are still jocks, the cute cheerleaders all fat, the geeks are still geeks and the in crowd still think they are all that.
Only ran into two classmate that I enjoyed seeing.

[Asew]

I hated school. I was bullied for as long as I can remember. Chicken legs, being weak, being a sissy, being a faggot, etc. I thought about suicide a lot during middle school though I was too timid to actually do it, it was just like a way to cope was to think about how I might. I would try to ignore the bullying but sometimes they were so cruel and you would do something back (words, or fight)and I would always be the one to get in trouble and they would get off free since their friends would corroborate their version of what happened. Like getting a in a fight, and when in the office he was sitting there scratching himself up and he claimed I scratched him.

One day I was sitting on the ground waiting for the bus, and a bully came over with gay insults and unzipped his pants and tried to shove his dick in my mouth. I told the school about it and nothing happened since his friends said it didn't happen. Yet I was supposedly the gay one, not the kid trying to shove his dick in someone's mouth. This was a defining moment for me, if this was a Star Wars movie I turned to the dark side. It made me hate my school completely, the administrators who did nothing, the kid obviously, the onlookers who thought it was funny and didn't speak up on my behalf, and that I was stuck there for another year in that hell hole. I couldn't wait to get away from those people, that place.

It wasn't until college I realized that school didn't have to be horrible (thank god for going to a nerd college).

High school reunion: never!

[Fran-K]

, the geeks are still geeks.

Be nice to us, um,er them
After all, we, that is, they did invent the internet and discussion forums and online shopping....

;-)

Fran

[KimberlyJean]

I did not get bullied, I am one of the ones that went the super manly route to compensate for being transgender. I did however manage to float between social groups and stop alot of nonsense.

The only real bullying I have experienced is online.

[Trione]

Sorry Fran-K meant the dorks, the geeks were hard to understand at times but knew they were working on new tech.😔

[Tina June]

I was bullied for several perceived reasons, but I survived - and I make it a point to go to every one of my HS reunions just to show all of them that you can't keep a good person down!
Now, about next year's reunion - I am thinking of going as Tina (What do you think of me now!)

[AmyVanessa]

Actually I was bullied in high school sometimes because I had big boobs. Other kids would tease me by saying I need to wear a bra. I had no thoughts of being a crossdresser back then, I wanted to be an attractive guy, so that hurt.
When I worked at a restaurant, the other guys picked on me as they thought I was too effeminate perhaps, even though my hair was buzz cut, and at that time I wore only male clothes, shoes and undergarments, so I didn't understand why they were doing this

[Becky Blue]

A lot of sad stories ... I was never bullied in school, I was part of the silent majority, at my various schools everyone was teased at times... on occasion I was teased for catching like a Girl and walking like a Girl... for whatever reason it did not bother me even though Becky only emerged in adulthood..

[nikkiwindsor]

Becky...you were so fortunate not to be bullied. It felt so horrible - almost indescribable. Nikki

[susan54]

I was bullied mercilessly in school for a range of reasons. I was clever, I was small and I hated sport and PE. I wasn't effeminate and I am not now - in fact women who have met me as Susan and have seen me walk elegantly in heels are astonished to find the male version shows no signs AT ALL of womanliness. But in school hating sport was suspicious anyway. I had very long hair that looked a bit girly from behind but so did most of the other guys and it was irrelevant to the taunting and the physical violence. They didn't really think I was gay - they just used that as an insult as children still do. I have never been to a reunion even though I could taunt these guys with how successful I have been in my life compared with them - I have no wish to encounter them ever again. There were some nice people on my class and most of them were girls. I spent a lot of time with girls then and I do with women now - nothing to do with crossdressing I just LIKE women and their company. Nowadays I take enjoyment in standing up to bullies and using wit and complaint procedures to do them as much damage as I can. Revenge.

[Micki_Finn]

I wouldn’t say bullied. But I got a lot of comments like “don’t stand like that, that’s how girls stand” or “that’s how girls hold their arms” “that’s a girl thing” etc etc. definitely made me overly self-conscious.

[Karmen]

I was often bullied in school, because I'm a scaredy cat by nature, but they didn't know about my crossdressing, otherwise it would be even worse. As a crossdresser, I was only bullied once on the street by group of drunk men. Because of that, I usually try to avoid encounter with people while dressed, but on that occasion I couldn't. Luckily they were only fooling around a little and than let me squeeze past, but that was the scariest moment of my life, I think.

[Helen Waite]

. You got it all 100% correct.

[melissalynn]

I got my fair share of abuse from some in middle school. One guy even made up a song about me featuring the word faggot (sorry if that’s not allowed here). I always thought it was because I was the new kid— not many from my grade school were in my class— and I was a little younger than most. I did not seem effeminate and wasn’t interested in things girly until years later. By the time I got to high school people went their separate ways and it stopped

[Amelie]

Growing up in the Bronx I was bullied and made fun of almost every day, in and out of school. I didn't have the means or strength to fight back. This in turn made me a loner and that increased the bullying. By the time I was headed for high school which was a 5000 South Bronx all boy school, I just couldn't handle it so I dropped out. And this in turn forced me to run away from home. But I didn't have to run very far, just a subway ride to Times Square. The bullying didn't stop just because I left home, now the bullying could be called abuse. While I was also abused when young it was nothing like when I ran away. Even when I settled down with a BF, he bullied(abused) me. So in all I have been bullied all my life until the last 5 years or so cause now I have little contact with the outside world. Oh, there is online bullies but I can always turn the computer off. All the bullying was a result of me being different and then from others later in life who saw this and took advantage of me.

[Jaylyn]

I have never been bullied and I had my share of fist fights growing up. I was always big and most every one left me alone. I remember my best friend getting picked on by a group that was suppose to be the in crowd and them pushing him around a little. I stepped in and from then on they left home alone but I did knock the head guy off his feet and proceeded to give him a bloody nose. I was and am still not femme in shape even in my old age. I did all the rougher sports in school, football, rodeo, and even tried a little rugby and swimming. It seemed like growing up on a farm/ ranching operation just made one tough and others didn't mess with myself or my friends. I guess really we never knew what bullying was but we just like in many breeds of animals did have a pecking order. We knew who we could mess with and those who we couldn't. I seemed to be the one that the lower pecking order came to if they were being pushed around. Today some of the teasing that people call bullying just made us tougher in the good old days... Lol

[RachelPortugal]

At the time I did not think that I was being bullied.

Many years later I realised that I had forced myself to try to conform to what many of my peers considered normal. I know that being different would have been hell for me. Apart from when England hosted and won the World Cup for soccer in 1966, I had no interest in soccer and still don't but I felt compelled to express support for a team, that was what was expected. I chose a team because I liked the name and not because of any particular connection. As for the cakes in my school lunch box, I could never have admitted that I had made them, even when those that I brought into share with the class on my birthday were devoured and savoured. Thankfully none of my class mates ever came to my house, because my mum would have let the cat out of the bag if my cakes were served for tea.

Also, looking back I recall many instances when my diminutive (short and chubby) stature was the butt of some jokes, even from teachers right though secondary education. Some were surprised on meeting years later that I had grown 4 inches when I was 19 - 20. It was costing me a fortune in buying new jeans and trousers, so when I bought a pair of purple corduroy girls bib and brace, that was the fashion at the time in Holland where I was staying, I thought it would save me money as I could lengthen them as I grew, instead I was thrown out by my homophobic uncle, with whom I was lodging, as he ranted about me wearing girls clothes. Strangely he loved the English cakes and pies that I made, maybe one of the reasons he asked me to come back a few days later.

All of those experiences made it more difficult for me to leave the closet, the bullying had conditioned me to fear what could happen if you don't conform to "accepted norms". Now, with the support of my loving wife I can occasionally venture out into the world as Rachel.

[Jennifer in CO]

oddly enough, not in high school but yes in middle school. Until I broke the arm of one of my tormentors. Who was the "star" running back on the school football team. He decked me, then went to jump on me. I had landed such that my feet were up and as he jumped he landed square on the bottoms of my feet...and I pushed. He landed about 10 feet away on his head and arm. I was never "bullied" again.
I would have thought the way I dressed in high school would have caused some issues but it never did. By the time I was a senior my hair was black, straight and mid-lower back, I presented at best "androgynous" (for the time) in clothes that were all girls. But I guess by high school I was running with the "right" crowd in the choir and, while not a "Teacher's pet" I was one of the Asst. and Principals "pets". Five of us in the choir (boys and girls) were always available for deliveries, pickups, or what ever (papers, people, didn't matter) so there were times when we might miss most of a day of school doing "errands" for the Principal or someone else. Grades, that's what kept us safe I guess. While I didn't make it as an "honors" student ("missed it by that much" as Maxwell Smart would say), one of our group was Salutatorian.

[Eemz]

But I got a lot of comments like “don’t stand like that, that’s how girls stand” or “that’s how girls hold their arms” “that’s a girl thing” etc etc. definitely made me overly self-conscious.

That almost made me cry - so yep, count me in on that one. Oh. And apparently I'm a crier as well :)

[Angela Marie]

I never got bullied although I do have a slight build. I was well coordinated and a good baseball player so I just went with the flow and never expressed my feminine side. I had always wanted to take ballet but this was the 1960's and my parents and others always had negative comments about male ballet dancers. Times have really changed and while its not perfect it is a lot better.

[Crissy 107]

Too bad so many of us had to endure bullying when we were young for nothing other then being a little different.
Jennifer in Co, your post made me smile and the result for you was no more bullying.
Crissy

[Vicky_Scot]

I was just bullied, simple as that. All through primary and secondary school. At work and at leisure. Still to this day it effects me and i just can not work out what it was about me that attracted the bullies. I have from a young age hated being around groups of boys/men in any shape or form and certainly do not seek out male company. I always found solace in the company off woman.

Maybe the male beasts sensed that in me, who knows.

[Nell27]

... So in all I have been bullied all my life until the last 5 years or so cause now I have little contact with the outside world. Oh, there is online bullies but I can always turn the computer off. All the bullying was a result of me being different and then from others later in life who saw this and took advantage of me.

So sorry to hear that, Amelie, and it’s heartbreaking that you still have to sequester yourself to avoid bullying and abuse. I’m glad you’ve got this forum to interact with the sisters here, and I pray that you can find joy and happiness.

In the meantime, I’m curious about what happens when you do interact with the outside world. How does that go? Do you present as a guy or a girl, and are you treated okay?

Warm regards,

Nell

[Amelie]

Hi Nell. Nowadys I feel good living alone and not going out that much. It gets lonely at times but I like living this way now. I rarely go out cause I live so far from any stores. It would take me almost all day to walk to the local store and back. But I do have a nice couple that live nearby that take me every now and then to a Walmart and such.

I never was like this. I lived most of my life in the cities and went out as a woman all the time. As I said my BF from Baltimore would be abusive but there was a trade off. He was kind of a bad guy so other people in the hood left me alone. It was trading one type of abuse for another, lesser of two evils maybe? When I lived in NYC many years ago, I would go from being a woman to angrogenous person with no clear gender showing, a sort of Pete Burns/Boy George type.

I know people stare at me and say things when I go out but I don't talk to many people, not even cashiers. I just buy my stuff and then leave. Also having a sort of Goth look creates stares, sometimes I get the feeling they are staring cause I am goth not cause I am a woman.

I was mostly bullied as a child/teen and abused when older, mostly people I knew or had an acquaintance or very bad men. In between the messy times I did have fun, been to many nightclubs, concerts and private loft parties in NYC. But nowI feel burnt out and enjoy the quiet.

[Nell27]

Hi Nell. Nowadys I feel good living alone and not going out that much .....

I was mostly bullied as a child/teen and abused when older, mostly people I knew or had an acquaintance or very bad men. In between the messy times I did have fun, been to many nightclubs, concerts and private loft parties in NYC. But nowI feel burnt out and enjoy the quiet.


Wow, you’ve had a quite a life, Amelie. You’re a tough person to have been through all that and still be a sweet, gentle soul. I’m glad to hear that you are content with life now, the occasional boredom notwithstanding. The quiet life in the woods sounds ideal to me!

Thank you kindly for responding to my questions, and much love and respect to you. I’m glad you held true to your style and identity throughout, and that you could express your own personality.

Warm regards,

Nell

[nikkiwindsor]

I feel a bit better having shared just some of the heartache and angst I felt from being bullied. It's sad to read about how others have been bullied too. But, I'm also inspired and heartened in learning of those who have prevailed through travails, however difficult. I cannot change the past...only push on through the future wherever that may lead. Thank you to everyone on the forum who accepts me as I am...imperfect in so many ways, but also proud of who I am as a transgender woman.

[FrannGurl]

Thanks for sharing your experience.


I was bullied in grade and middle school, so much so that I dreaded going, and wondered what the next day would bring. Once in middle school while in the bathroom, a group of boys pulled my pants off, threw me out into the hallway, and then took off with my pants....So many other things...
Things changed in high school though,( 1977-81) I started fighting back, and quit being passive, and I was able to fit well among the crowd of hippy misfits and actually made a few friends that I am still good friends with today.

[Tracii G]

I still get bullied sometimes but I just don't pay any attention to them.
I would think most all of us on this forum were bullied during our childhood and thru our years in school.
Yes its wrong and people shouldn't do it but there will always be bullies.
To march in a school yard holding signs and chanting no more bullies isn't going to change a thing.
You see someone getting bullied go do something to help them don't just film it on your cell phone and stick it on world star hip hop get in there and kick the bully's ass.
The bully will stop once he finds out he isn't such a bad ass.

[LovingThePanties]

Nope. I was captain of the football team and boxed at a highly competitive level. Wasn't really dressing then though. It's always been sporadic for me and I just do it to de-stress once in a while.

[Carolina]

Yup, I was lucky to have never been bullied either. Being a very good soccer player in a country crazy for soccer made my schooling years extremely easy. Many kids wanted to be my friend in primary and middle school. I was far from being the strongest, but was always respected and never was challenged into a physical fight. I don’t recall others being bullied but in an all-boys school surely there must have been some bullying that I just didn’t notice.

I’ve been pretty good at hiding who I real am and it would be a shock for people to see Carolina now. My therapist keeps telling me that I should be ready to experience rejection that I may not have experience before, and that my rosy colorful world may come crumbling down with Carolina (not bullied, but now I may be ostracized...)

Bullying is despicable but I believe there is less and less in schools now, with most kids and school staff aware now of how bad that is, with anti-bullying campaigns everywhere. There is some hope I believe.

I feel for all of you ladies who have experienced bullying. I hope it is a thing of the past. Bullies must be ashamed if they show their faces in HS reunions now.