Your male side ?

[Marla S]

Well. On this site one often reads (and writes):
I feel feminine; it feels feminine; I want to express my female side; I dream of being a female, etc.
It has been ask what it means to be a female or which attributes or traits are feminine.
In the "would you do hormones"-thread, quite a few say they like to switch between male and female mode. etc.

This rises some old, not yet answered, question for me.
What is my male side, what is masculine, how do I deal with it, what does it mean to be a man ?
I found this almost as hard to answer as for my "female side".

Maybe it is because I would count myself to the androgynous fraction or those who feel right between the genders.

As an example:
In "male mode", seeing my figure in the mirror, I often think: "Well, not bad. Some training and it could have been kind of a kouros (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kouros) figure (I love these sculptures).
But these thoughts seem to come from a distance or from the outside. The same when I dress up as male for some official dates. Sometimes it looks good and elegant and I like what I see, but usually it lacks enthusiasm.
Swinging to androgynous or female mode on the other side is accompanied by enthusiams and even some kind of narcistic tendencies.

So, how do you deal with your male side ?
What do you like or dislike ?

[LilDolly87]

I use to ask myself many of the same questions. I thought long days and nights about that. The only thing I could come up with was that I really have no male or female "side" about me I am who I am. I like what I like. there is no explenation for it and I don't need one. To keep poundering something like that would be like asking why the world works the way it dose. Many answers will pop up but there really is no answer. Male, Female is often thought of as being connected to ones personality. I don't think of it that way I think of it as who, and what do u really think you are. I would say female which I truly feel I am. But I still enjoy many things thought of as being male type of things.

[Helen MC]

I have to live my working and outdoor life externally in my male persona. The industry I am employed in is predominantly male and there are only 4 women operatives on my factory floor although the offices etc have many female staff. My male persona is rather unremarkable, a Beta rather than an Alpha Male.

Mentally and emotionally in many ways I let my "Helen" persona lead. I am not interested in many of the commonplace male pursuits, for example to me a car is simply a means of getting for A to B, I am not in the slightest into any Team sports or activities, I am non competitive and a follower not a leader. Unless they are strident feminists, I tend to empathise with women and try to see things from their standpoint. However as I have said on other threads I am heterosexual and not attracted to men in a sexual context. I consider myself as an androgyne.

[Julie Avery]

I think I work it out this way. No "sides". I'm a man who wishes to appear feminine.

[talkwithmelissa]

Physically I have two sides. Emotionally I used to think I had two sides. After dressing en-femme and interacting with people several times, I realized that my 'feminine side' has been with me all along. Through out my whole life it has made me who I am today. I was always known as a kind, sensitive, helpful and positive person. I still am but now I find myself making an extra effort to adding to that like giving more compliments to strangers.

[Rachel Morley]

I'm pretty happy with all of me...including my male side. I think being a cder has made me a better man. I know that sounds cheesy but I think it's true. I have experenced lots of things that "regular guys" haven't and I think it's helped me to be a better, well rounded, and adjusted person.

Well that's what I'd like to think anyway :)

[Jennaie]

I'm black, blue and bleeding from all the fun my male side had this weekend. I have a very strong male side. I have a very strong female side. As I have stated before, I wish I could change sexes at will. Every gender test I have ever taken tellls me that I am 70% or more female than male. Based on these results, I believe that I do most of my thinking from a more female side of me. If that makes any sense.

[Maureen Henley]

My wife has said that I don't have a male or female side. Both Marty and Maureen are sensitive, consensus oriented, polite and understanding. When I comment that i don't understand how some guys can be such jerks, she says I am a wonderful person. I protest, insiting that that I just think a good person should be more just and accepting. I don't see the big difference between my male side and female side.

[ReginaK]

My male side is a ball and chain on my female sides leg. Do I dislike it? You betcha! I wish I could give the male side a vacation to the opposite side of the globe for about a month.

[Cathy Anderson]

What is my male side, what is masculine, how do I deal with it, what does it mean to be a man ? Marla, you ask another very good question.

At the metaphysical level, I sometimes wonder what is the essence of "male" and "female".
Perhaps: male principle = active/doing and female Principe = passive/experiencing.

The kouros sculpture, in its pure simplicity, seems almost like an inner archetypal image. Perhaps men have such an innate mental image/pattern of male perfection or completion that guides the unfolding of maleness at the physical level.

> So, how do you deal with your male side ?

I used to go to the gym a lot, but I think maybe I was overdoing it. Now I just try to stay reasonably fit. Maybe reading about psychology, philosophy etc. is related to my maleness. Also things like societal and political awareness/activism etc.

> What do you like or dislike ?

Like: Noble, heroic, unselfish (at times), leadership, provider, energetic, active, will, logical, ability to put aside concerns for pleasure and comfort

Dislike: aggressive, defensive, anger, overly competitive, tendency to be messy

If I do not develop or express my maleness enough, I sometimes feel like I am a "slacker" (a man who neglects his duty and responsibility to society).
But I see that particular kind of "guilt" as a good thing. It regulates me, and helps make sure the fem side doesn't dominate. It comes from within (failure to express my innate male archetype; failure to take care of the "tribe") rather than being imposed on me by society.

P.S. I think the use of the word "side" in this connection is signficant. I believe that to some extent the left body (right brain) is more related to what we call "female" and the right body (left brain) is more related to what we call "male."

Cathy

[Marla S]

Thank you for your interesting replies.:)
I'm a bit in a hurry right now and won't be online for 3 days, but I'll come back to this.

[Joy Carter]

I'm 100% in agreement with what has been sead (Helen MC ) I wish I had come to terms with the woman within years ago. We would have been much happier and further along in life. Being a guy I'm ok with alot of things but I'm a Beta male, my interests lean towards things mechanical and historical. Being a woman I love to clean, decorate my home (stereo typical) and practice the art of femininity. The guy in me is out but the woman is still behind that door. I tell myself every day "Joy it's high time you went out and be your self" but not yet I have fears that keep her home.





Glad I Was Born Joy

[flatlander_48]

Interesting subject...

I'd have to say that my male and female side are pretty distinct. I'm a mechanical engineer. My main hobbies are motorsports, computers and photography. I've been to race car driving schools and crewed on a friends race car. last night I took a nap just so I could get up at 10pm and watch the F-1 race from Malaysia. Pretty hard core, I guess.

On the other hand, I own a big drawer full of lingerie. I have about 3 times the amount of lingerie that my wife does. I don't take any of my undergarments with me when I go out of the country, so I'm looking forward to a bit of dressing when I return home next week for home leave.

There was a time when I thought that I must be really schizo in order to embrace 2 parts of my personality that were so different. Eventually it came to me that it was just like 2 sides of the same coin.

[Penny]

Well, I was born with a male sex brain and female gender brain and that's who I am. My brains have made contributions throughout my life to both my decisions and my actions. This was never more evident than when both of them nearly killed me as I expressed in an earlier thread " do or dye". I was the first to earn my varsity letter in highschool as a freshman, rebuilt my first automobile engine at age 18, retired from the military facing situations most
will never understand, and played professional sports. I have a driving desire
to be pretty but as we all know, there is no such thing as a pretty man so
I crossdress wearing pretty things so I can, to me at least, be pretty and in turn, that makes me feel pretty so the end result is that I feel good. Now I realize that I will never be a beautiful woman but I know how to feel pretty
and all of the above makes me feel pretty good about me.!

[AZGia]

I am who I am when needed I am a male as much as possible I like the feminine side of myself. I have found if done right I can be a man and be feminine. Just be yourself and life is a pleasure.

[Kimberley]

I have quit trying to figure it out and just be as I am. I know women who are as activity oriented as any male (Sports, partying etc.) I also know women who are female activity oriented in the same sense. However none of it has anything to do with gender identification.

I am who I am. I like to cook, clean (okay sort of), go to galleries etc. A lot of my activities are nontraditional for men and acceptable for women. My thoughts and attitudes about this to others are: Dont like it? Move on. (I'm being polite)

My gender identification has everything to do with how I think, feel and react than anything else.

Just my 0.02 worth
Kimberley

[marciegirl777]

I love the outdoors swimming, camping, hiking, etc. Manly enough pursuits I suppose, but my mind keeps whispering; "don't you wish you could be doing this wearing panties or a gorgeous swimsuit?"

[Ranee Daze]

I am finding it easier and easier to deal with my need for feminine expression as I come to the realisation that sex is genetic, like bellybuttons we are either innies or outies. I am now realising that "gender" is a construct and that in ancient tribal times the casting of people along strict lines of gender was essential to maintaining the health of that tribe. The old testament talks alot about tribes.
How does this relate to the feeling male-feeling female debate? Well I believe that we are really a composite of "M" and "F" attributes and feelings. Of course there is nurture which reinforces the cast as well. Let's all acknowledge that there is a sense of freedom to dressing our female side and taking her out for a walk. I did yesterday...the whole schmeel...body shave, had makeup done at Makeup Forever...tryied on dozens of strapless evening gowns for the first time, tried on about thirty different wigs....and I felt marvelous, liberated and today I am back in my male guise and am just as happy and relaxed.
Look at any other species and it is the male with the shiny scales, feathers, mane....Look back 250 years at male fashion....they were more in tune. Today's male fashions are a construct and go against our essential nature. I crossdress as a sexy redhead....but as a male I wouldn't wear a pink shirt.....funny?
In the end I think that there really isn't male or female. We are just we and we should, in a perfect world, should be free to express what makes us feel good and alive.

Relaxed as hell today, Ranee

[sharifemme]

Although I feel I have two sides, I am trying to meld the two together as best I can. If I can take the best or most desireable traits from each, I feel pretty good about myself. I really do not identify as Male and I'm certainly not macho but I have been raised and socialized as a male. I don't want to leave all that behind. I'm not into wearing baseball caps indoors, excessive swearing, spitting, hunkering down, sports or most of the other things we think of when we think of males but I do love to fish, work on mechanical things, build things and stick my male reproductive organ where it is supposed to go.

Sharifemme

[HaleyPink2000]

Life has been a struggle for me, Health , divorce, Kids, a new wife and now retirement. Ok I've seen most everything. HUH?

Ok, maybe not LOL:) But I am Hetro and not into making love to men. Not even while dressed. I love my wife and Kids and would never wish that to change.

But! That said I would love to have a more female body except, ahhh down there if you get my meaning. LOLOL:)

Sex not an issue anymore. It's self induced these days. :)

Ok yes I'm ok with who I am now for the most part. Just wish My Wife was.

[Billie Renee]

First of all you have to have a male side ,I kicked mine to the curb when my mom gave me dresses to wear. I always dress as fem as I can and I feel very uncomfortable in mens clothes and become very shy and unable to voice my opinions about anything,but put me in a dress and look out I'm very open and say what I feel.

[gennee]

I am androgynous with slightly more feminine attributes than masculine (55/45).
There are days that I feel more of one or the other. Other days, I feel both. Still other days I feel really queer. To look at me, you would never guess that I am a transvestite. To me, that's what makes this so crazy- and exciting. I believe it's the reason I'm not really drawn to one particular side of the transgender spectrum. I'm comfortable with transsexuals, intersex, androgynes, Cds, whoever. I've always been wired like this.

GENNEE

[Jennaie]

I enjoy my male side. I love to backpack and enjoy doing many things that I honestly don't think I would be doing at my age if I were female. I have tried to meet females who like doing the things that I enjoy, but find that women my age just don't.

What I don't like about being male is being expected to like what most other males like, ex: football, baseball, or any other team sport.

I love feeling feminine and I love the company of women. I honestly wish that I had been born a woman. I believe that women truly are the better sex. I say this because I know that I tend to "think" like a woman more than I do a man.

although I would have prefered to be woman, I don't hate my male self and I have done well in living my life as a male. Wasn't easy in school, but after that I did ok.

I'm Irish, I had a temper, and I was the smallest kid in class. Not a good combination. But after high school as the years went by I found that men did not need to fight to prove anything as they felt they did back then.

I have always been a coward when it comes to fighting. But I enjoy some sports today that most men are too scared to ever even try. I have male friends who tell me that I have more guts than anyone they know when it comes to putting my life on the edge. Maybe I am just an adrenaline junkie or maybe I just don't care whether or not I die doing something that I love.

I do know this, I would rather go shopping en-femme with a girl than be out in the backcountry with the guys anyday.

Perhaps I drifted off the topic a bit but as I see it, you are comparing the two.

[Lilith Moon]

I have read a number of posts where people say that their male-female sides are distinct personas. Also, nearly everybody refers to their dressed self in the third person, usually by name. It isn't like that for me. I'm more of an androgyne like genee. I use a female name in here but when I cross dress Lilith doesn't "come out to play" or whatever. It is me enjoying being able to look female.

It is always me whether dressed en femme or not. I don't feel especially male or female or have male or female "sides". I do, of course have some traits that are considered male and some female, but those traits are always there whatever I happen to be wearing.

I didn't arrive at this stage by any "melding" or consolidation process, I never developed two personas to begin with. It just didn't happen, maybe there was never a distinct set of male attributes in the first place and so a male/female partition never formed. My 0.02

Are there many more of you who feel the same as me?

[Ms. Donna]

It is always me whether dressed en femme or not. I don't feel especially male or female or have male or female "sides". I do, of course have some traits that are considered male and some female, but those traits are always there whatever I happen to be wearing.

I covered this in the threads I Can’t Shut Her Down (http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=366947#post366947) and For Kathryn: How I did it (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=26327).

As you point out, I have no masculine or feminine side - its just me all the time.

Besides, I hate taking sides. ;)

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Raychel]

I have no real male side or female side. I am all male. My wife gets all dressed up for work, nice dresses pantyhose ect. Then when she comes home she gets all drabbed up to relax. Sweat pants or jeans and a loose fitting shirt of some sort.

For me I am the exact opposite. Everyday for work I wear a dark blue workshirt, tighty whitey underwear, dark blue uniform pants, white socks and workboots. To relax I like to put on something fun. Pantyhose, Nice undies, maybe a set of breast forms and a dress if I am really lucky. Just get away from the same old boring existance and kick it up a notch. But even then I still feel like a guy, just more relaxed in some fun clothes.

Just my own little way to make life just a little more enjoyable.