About to start my journey

[Katie Louise]

Well, I've had enough of denying it, pushing her back in. My alarm bell has finally gone off. I'm gonna do it!
When I started this journey I thought I was a crossdresser and picked out the name Siobhan. Turns out she's a 46 year old woman called Kathleen (Katie)
I've got in my hand a referral to an endo.

But. I have a few issues and I'm going to have to eventually address them. I have 4 kids who live with their mother and I see at a very irregular interval. 16, 12, 11, 10. They come from a bit of a redneck, intolerant family. Someone (another Transwoman) suggested that for the day a month I can probably crossdress back so I don't traumatise them any more, because my being in the closet made me a horrible man and I've spent 8 years rebuilding those relationships. I'm bald as a badger and will need a wig anyway so with a binder ansd minsfulness this may be possible.

Then there's the coming out at work. I work for a church based not for profit and while LGBTI folk are protected creatures under legislation in my country, they are still a church, so I may have a few ducks to line up and a resume to write for Katie.

So its a scary but exciting time and I'm really going to need your support and advice and it will be very much appreciated.

Thanks for reading
Katie xx

[Lana Mae]

There is generally a lot of support and advice here! You came to the right place! Do you have a counselor/therapist? You might want to consider one if you don't! They can help with some of your issues as well! Wishing you the best! Hugs Lana Mae

[Katie Louise]

Thanks Lana, I neglected that. My doctor is researching one

[Dorit]

I cross dressed a couple of times during my transition over the last year to satisfy two of my adult children's request to be with them and my some of my grandchildren. I learned two things. First, it was not at all satisfying to me personally, I felt so phoney and uncomfortable being with them that I did not enjoy the time together. Second, it did not advance my children's acceptance of me, it actually caused an escalation in their requests for me to come as "a man" just for the family event. When I told them clearly that I was living my life full time and as a woman and that coming to a family gathering in a costume was no longer an option it actually brought them all closer to accepting me! While there is still some work to be done, I am very close to having them accept me as I am.

[pamela7]

Hi Katie,
I appreciate you have a considerable challenge to deal with the redneck situation. I think in the end truth and being only loving the kids will see everyone for who they are - remind them for example that love is the basis of their beliefs, not prejudice. I think they do need to see the real you, but perhaps you can pace this over visits, gradually being more womanly so they get used to it in phases, not one big shock.

We cannot discuss religion in open forum, but i have good ways of dealing with such folk, so PM me if you wish.

very best of luck

[Rianna Humble]

Welcome to the Transsexual Forums, Katie Louise!

It seems evident to me that you are putting your children's well being high on your list of priorities.

In the very early days of my transition, I did cross dress as a man for one weekend and managed to survive it, but I would not have been able to do it on a regular basis. At some stage, you will need to prepare your children for the fact that you are no longer pretending to be who you are not (a man). Otherwise, if they discover the fact by another means, it will not only come as a much greater shock, but may also cause them to feel betrayed.

Without discussing religion, I don't know the stance of your employers on trans rights, but it might still be worth discussing it with them. We can only hope.

[Katie Louise]

My greatest concern is getting through this without hurting people. I believe the majority of people around me are fairly progressive and as an organisation one of the vales is to model unconditional love (although this will be proof of whether they actually put their money where their mouth is so to speak). The wild card is my ex and her family. I've spent over $80k just to have the kids in my life and really would prefer not to go back to court again.
Sigh.

[KymberlyOct]

Hi Katie (my daughter's name btw :-)
Your situation is challenging and you alone can walk this path. My best advice is to weigh the advice of others a little bit and then weigh your own heart and head even more.

My two cents.... Is complete honesty. Tell your kids - I wasn't perfect - here were my struggles- I love you - now I am trying to love myself.
I would ease into dressing as your trueself at first, but explain to them it is coming. Give them time to adjust. That's what I did and it is what my daughter said she needed. But follow through.

As for work. UGH. I have no patience for work as an excuse. No matter what you do there are always other places to work and people that want you. Worry about you and your kids the most. The rest will work itself out.

Congratulations and best wishes. There will be rough patches but you got this !!!

[Katie Louise]

Thanks Kymberly,

Updates. I went through my concerns with my GP today. He's referred me to a counsellor to work the issues through. Cleaned up the resume - I plan to apply as Katie probably middle of the new year after I sound the HR manager out.
As for the kidlets, I'm thinking head for androgenous dressing first and go from there.

As always. Advice welcomed.

[KymberlyOct]

I did the androgynous thing as far as dressing. I eased into it. Kids need a sense of stability - but honesty as well. A gradual change - regardless of their age is easier to handle rather than an overnight abrupt one. Not a psychologist - just my opinion. But don't let gradual turn into stagnation.

[Rachelakld]

Hi Katie,
On kids, I have 4 daughters, the 3 eldest came with my new wife and the youngest is mine.
The oldest (13 at the time) didn't like a dad replacement and made life hell for me and her mum for years.
For years, I showed her only love and respect (same for the others).

In January, I'll be escorting her down the isle :) :) :)
2 things come to mind.
Allowing myself to be more feminine and caring around her has grown our relationship beyond her own (redneck) fathers and the other thing,
Showing love, tolerance and respect consistently and now she is reflecting it back to me.

All the best with your young ones.

[Devi SM]

I'm going to rephrase what I heard don't know where: what about if looking for heaven we lose our life? I see it in that way. We will probably lose so many things and practically the life but, was this a worth life? Because the new won't be exempt of sadness and pain but at least it will be your life no someone else life and after all, there is no life with pain and suffer but to live a lie is to die.

[Teresa]

Katie,
I wish you all the best .
Trying to get through without hurting people is at the top of most of our list's , sadly it's an impossible task . I'm finding it a tricky one even separtating from my wife , my kids are grown adults but then I have to consider grandchildren instead . They know I'm full time now in my new home town so at least they know clearly what they dealing with . My daughter is fine as is her husband and their six year old daughter , the great thing this year is I am doing the Xmas meal as Teresa for her and my son in law's mother in my new home that is wonderful for me and very understanding by them .

I understand Australia has a very open policy on trans people so I hope the journey isn't too rocky .

[Anne K]

Yes, it is a journey! We are all going through the same ups and downs. Stay positive and be happy!