Comming out of my shell

[CDAmandaCt]

What is the best way to gradually come out of the closet? Not sure I want to crash through the door, but after a life time of dressing in the closet I really would like to experience more of being Amanda ?

[DaisyLawrence]

But you're from Cheshire. I'm a Cheshire girl. You can crash the door, no-one minds in Cheshire. Life is short, live it. Seriously!

By the way, I assume you mean Cheshire, England and not a new Cheshire in Aus or the US or some other place (if so, I have no idea about how you might be received) but, hey, the 'life is short' bit still applies!

[kimdl93]

There is no best way. And I don’t know if gradual emergence will appreciably easier. Who are you coming out to?

[Micki_Finn]

Well what seems the most obvious way would be to simply tell one or two people you trust and are close with. Then as you get more comfortable you tell more people.

[Patience]

Who are you coming out to?

That really is the question.

When you say you want to come out “gradually”, I expect you mean you want to be in control of the process. Truth is, you always are.

When I started to come out, I picked a select number of people I knew would be supportive. Coming out the first time was hard and I worked out what I wanted to say. As I became more comfortable talking to folks about it and experiencing their reactions, it became easier. Over time, I built a support base that provided me with friendly encouragement and constructive criticism, as well as alternate places to change, if the need arose (hasn't yet).

If you want to come out to a group of people but don’t want to initiate the conversation, start feminizing your appearance very gradually and take it from there. I started by painting my nails and waiting for people to notice and comment. Sometimes, I didn’t even say I enjoyed CDing. I just said I liked painting my nails and left it at that. Gradually, as people became aware, I started to add more and more elements, such as underdressing, earrings (I wear clip-ons) and eventually full outfits. Fortunately, I live in an area with a strong LGBT presence, so one more queer is just a drop in the bucket.

Throughout this process, I’ve also made forays into the world dressed. My first outing was during a pride weekend, when a lot of people were out wearing interesting clothing. Going out dressed at least once is important because if you run into someone who’s not entirely supportive, you can tell them that you’ve been out and about already. That way, they’ll see less of a point in trying to stop you or say discouraging things.

One other thing I did was mention crossdressing as a response to a friend's Facebook question. Surprisingly, one of my other friends (both GGs) asked for pictures, so I initiated a conversation with them about it and told them that I eventually wanted to get a makeover and buy my first good wig and that if they were interested, I’d appreciate their help in picking one. Both agreed and will be meeting me in the near future to do exactly that.

Eventually, when you get used to beiing out, it’ll be a lot easier to be open about it, especially when you get better at it. I have not yet come out to relatives and probably never will, but that seems beyond the scope of your question atm.

Above everything else, try to have fun with it and be prepared to be honest. Males have a hard time allowing themselves to be vulnerable and this is a great exercise.

I hope this helps.

[Beverley Sims]

Practice by coming out to sales assistants first, there is a certain amount of anonymity there.

[Teresa]

CdAmanda,
I see you've been a member for some time , so i'm a little surprised you've not read many stories of ways to come out .

So to fill in a few details , how much do you dress at the moment and who knows about your Cding ?

Do you want to be freer to dress at home or are you wanting to take steps outside ? If you want to be out in the World and be safe then the best way is to find a social group , many will accept you in drab and may offer changing facillities . It is a safer way to find your feet and meeting others will help with your own situation .

I also found pictures a good way of breaking the ice but will depend on how happy you are with your appearance .

[Helen_Highwater]

Amanda,

I've read this as your aim is to get out in public. Well the most tried and tested way seems to be starting off with night time drives then at some point getting out of the car to walk a few paces. Those short walks get longer, at some point bringing you into closer proximity to the muggles. It's tried and tested but at some point you face the challenge of being in a one to one situation with a muggle, usually a SA. Walking into that first shop is going to be a little scary and the only way to do it is by pulling up your big girl knickers, taking a deep breath and going for it.

Teresa's point about finding a social group is one I'd second. The first time you go for a few moments you'll feel like a fish out of water but that will quickly pass. Being able to talk face to face and realise they've gone through much the same trepidation's as you is comforting as you'll know that like them, you can succeed in your goals.

[Micki_Finn]

Practice by coming out to sales assistants first, there is a certain amount of anonymity there.

Speaking as a retail veteran, please don’t!

Now I’m not saying don’t shop. By all means, shop! Tell us exactly what you’re looking for and that you want it to fit you, not someone else. We’ll GET that you’re a cross dresser.

What I mean is don’t walk up to a sales associate and start telling us stories you should be saving for your therapist. Yes most of us are friendly and will smile and help you, but honestly, we don’t really care about your personal life. We’re just trying to get through our own. There is nothing more tiresome than a guest that wants to tell is all about all the details of their personal life.

[Jenny22]

Consider using your car as a mobile closet. Dress, as needed (already underdressed??), in it. wear you wig and some lipstick, and some jewelry and go for a drive. Go thru a drive thru fast food. You can do it!

[docrobbysherry]

U don't have to come out to go out, Amanda! I've attended countless T functions across the nation for over 10 years. Yet, no one except my immediate family knows I dress!

I don't go out dressed where I live. And, usual only dress for T events at T friendly venues. Like tonite. Mite be meeting several girls for dinner and then going on to T girl nite in Long Beach, Cal. :drink:

Find some local T girls then, get out and let Amanda socialize!:hugs:

[CDAmandaCt]

Opps. I forgot I am across the pond :( Sorry I have since updated my profile

[DaisyLawrence]

Ah well, not a proper Cheshire girl then!

[Stephanie47]

I suppose there are two issues you need to approach; the mental you and the physical you. One may get on a soapbox and yell out to the world your inner most thoughts, yet, not display your physical femme side. That is, whether or not you appear dressed as a woman. If you want to get out of the house just to explore the feeling of transforming yourself, then Halloween is the best time for a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing. You can strut your stuff all day and evening. You do not have to interact with people or if you do, you can choose to interact with people you do not otherwise encounter. Other than Halloween when I do get the urge to go out en femme I do it in the evening. I go for drives and strolls in a safe residential neighborhood. If you want to create a need to leave the safety of a car, then get out to mail a letter. Or return a book to a night return slot at the library. Grab a newspaper from one of those free newspaper boxes.

Outside of Halloween I'd approach coming out of your shell using 'risk v reward.' Outing yourself cross dressing to people you know may have unintended negative consequences. Finding a support group of like minded people would minimize the potential for negative consequences.

[alwayshave]

Amanda, I'm not out to anyone but my wife and I go out all the time.