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maya1love
10-06-2018, 12:31 PM
Hi ladies:

A question for all of you -- when it comes to finding a relationship, what would be the LEAST that would be acceptable for you:

1. a partner who was tolerant of your dressing but did not participate
2. a partner who was accepting of your dressing but did not participate
3. a partner who was accepting of your dressing, and participated, but it did not "do anything" for them. In other words, it was not exciting for them. The fact that it made you happy was enough for them.
4. a partner who was accepting of your dressing, and it was also exciting to them that you dressed.

I'm curious about this -- again, I'm looking for the LEAST you could accept to feel joy in a relationship with a potential partner as a crossdresser. I do wonder for myself whether #2 to #4 could work for me. I don't think #1 could.

Tracii G
10-06-2018, 01:16 PM
4 would be great but I don't like living with anyone because I feel cooped up.

Susan Smokes
10-06-2018, 01:23 PM
For now, I am not interested in being in a relationship. I am enjoying being single, with the freedom to explore and try new things as a crossdresser. If I ever decide on a relationship, it would be #4.

Micki_Finn
10-06-2018, 01:28 PM
Being in an accepting and open relationship, I honestly don’t think I could ever settle for anything less.

Tracy Irving
10-06-2018, 01:32 PM
In life, we are forced to tolerate lots of stuff we don't have to accept. Unfortunately, none of the options work for me.

LeannS
10-06-2018, 02:25 PM
None would work for me because if this marriage ends for some odd reasons i will stay single and be myself from then on

Angie G
10-06-2018, 02:39 PM
before my wife knew I would have hoped for #4. Now that she knows I find my self in the #3 spot :hugs:
Angie

Jackiefl
10-06-2018, 02:42 PM
I think 3 would be the most practical. I would like to dress up whenever I want but it doesn't have to exite my partner. My wife has girlfriends that she goes shopping and lunches with and it is just 2 girls out, there is nothing exiting about it.

Nikki A.
10-06-2018, 02:49 PM
At this point in my life, anything less than 3 would be a deal breaker. Yes a 4 would be ideal, but as long as she can accept and sometimes participate I can live with that.

Bobbi46
10-06-2018, 02:57 PM
#4 might at a pinch but with two divorces behind me now I don't see another relationship on the horizon anytime soon. I think fiding a partner who is totally accepting of ones lifestyle would be an extremely big ask if not impossible who knows?

Leslie Langford
10-06-2018, 03:45 PM
maya, you forgot to add the "0" category to precede all the rest, as in:

"0. a partner who insists on enforcing a DADT status quo as the price of admission to the relationship"

Sadly, too many of us are trapped in this particular purgatory, and we usually found ourselves in it after the fact, with little or no input into the "conditions" imposed upon us. We are the ones (usually of "a certain age") who grew up at a time when crossdressing was a huge social taboo, we were deep in the closet because of that, we were sure that marriage or a similarly committed relationship would "cure" us (NOT!), and so we continued to keep our crossdressing needs to ourselves initially. When the dam eventually burst (whether by design or by accident) and we finally found ourselves outed, it was DADT or the highway as far as our spouses were concerned, and we have languished there ever since.

Knowing what I know now, would I do the same thing all over again? H*ll no!...there would have been full disclosure upfront before marrying, and if my prospective partner couldn't handle my crossdressing proclivities, then the relationship would have ended right then and there. But now, it's too late, the damage is done, and short of getting divorced at this late stage of the game, we both have to live with the consequences of a life-altering non-disclosure decision made many, many years ago.

Trish
10-06-2018, 03:53 PM
Number 3, is where I am with my wife.

sometimes_miss
10-06-2018, 04:11 PM
Probably 2. I understand why women don't like it. But then, there are things that I don't like, too. There was a quote from the show 'Becker', where he described relationships as, 'Doing things you hate with someone you love'. I disagree, but only a bit. I don't think that most people get lucky enough to meet someone that shares every single value and enjoys every single thing that the other one does. So, we get much of our needs from our SO, and we love them enough so that we understand that they cannot get all of their needs, from us. And we have friends to fulfill the rest.

For example, gardening. I understand why some people like it, but I can't stand it. Spending a day out in the dirt poking plants around, getting up and down with every plant, picking the friggin' fruits of the plant to eat, weeding, etc., I'd truly rather drill screws through my toes. So I let my wife (ex) enjoy her gardening, and I went off to do something else.

I'd be okay with the reverse thing if I felt the need to crossdress; I'd 'do my thing', and she could go out with her friends or shop or visit relatives, etc..

What I wouldn't be able to deal with, would be knowing that she didn't like it, because then I'd simply wind up in the same situation that I was in before, and then wind up in a divorce with someone angry at me for not changing for her, that wants to punish me by suing me for every cent she can get.

In fact, maybe I should say, I simply wouldn't get married again. I don't see the point, unless you're going to have children. At this point in my life, tax wise it's probably better to just live together.

Rayleen
10-06-2018, 04:18 PM
It would be # 4 if I was going to be in a new relationship, but also would be the option of being single again .

docrobbysherry
10-06-2018, 06:26 PM
#5. Single and too old to change. Besides, I'm already in a committed relationship with Sherry!:o

Tracii G
10-06-2018, 07:24 PM
Some people feel that have to be in a relationship and I always ask them why.
They never seem to come up with an answer other than I don't know you are just supposed to.
Single rules !!

Shayla
10-06-2018, 07:29 PM
More complicated than this. If she met most of my other needs but hated the cd-ing, we could still make it work as long as she accepted that it was a legit part of me. What does not work (I know now from experience) is the DADT. Keeping secrets and holding shame are a killer for relationships. If she didn't like the CD-ing but could at least understand it and let me do my thing without shaming then it could probably work, although not ideal.

BLUE ORCHID
10-06-2018, 07:29 PM
Hi Maya :hugs:, My:love:Wife of almost 55yrs is a combination of #1 & #2, We have a very workable DA/DT.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid ..+:daydreaming:+..

Bruce64
10-06-2018, 07:30 PM
These Canadian nights are way too cold to be single, I would like if my partner enjoys me while I cross dress, she doesn't care one way or the other.

Taylor186
10-06-2018, 07:54 PM
My current relationship fluctuates between a one and two, and I'm fine with that. I wouldn't knowingly go into a DADT relationship the way we define it around here.

Alice Torn
10-06-2018, 08:10 PM
I am now at the point where i n longer have much hope for one. i am used to being a loner, with cats. I am low income, and no GG wants a low income man, let alone one who CDs. I don't need a person to lord it over me, either, and demand material things i can not afford. I am a bit of a minimalist, too. Buy good used things, never had a newer vehicle, drive old vehicles. No GG wants me nor gives me a chance/

HollyGreene
10-06-2018, 08:22 PM
I have had relationships ranging from intense dislike of CD (I never told her that I was one), acceptance but with no interest (she wasn't in a position to criticise me because she had previously had a lesbian relationship) to full acceptance in which she used to buy us matching sexy, lacy underwear, which we would wear in bed.

As I am now married in what is little more than a DADT relationship, I have to say that if I was in a position where I was going to start a new relationship, it would have to be the full-on acceptance and participation. If that wasn't forthcoming, I would probably choose to live alone.

Beverley Sims
10-06-2018, 10:00 PM
When I was in that situation many years ago I would have accepted......

-1. A partner.... :-)

Later in life I met my new housemates and they would enthusiastically dress me up and I would make the fourth at bridge.

kimdl93
10-06-2018, 10:54 PM
Honestly, there are times when a DADT seems better than being alone, but in truth, I’d prefer that any future relationship be a 4. Ive had two long and mostly good marriages. The weakest link was acceptance of who I am....by me and my exes. I don’t want to tread on eggshells or thin ice again

Charlotte7
10-07-2018, 02:05 AM
Me, I'm in a #4 and have been for more than 30 years. And having lived life like this, then that's the only way I could carry on. Should the worst happen, should I need to find a new partner, I could not put me back into any type of box.

Pixie_94
10-07-2018, 04:29 AM
To me it's option 5

5. A partner that doesn't accept, tolerate then insults, manipulates emotionally and takes actions against me (including violence) .

Sometimes some of us are a bit too nitpicky, but the options you said are actually really tame and descriptions of acceptable partners, a bit of the opposite of what I described.

Stephanie47
10-07-2018, 10:19 AM
Number four would be great. We can all dream, can't we? Reality for me is even less than number one. My wife knows but has not said 'boo' about my desire to wear women's clothing. It's the ostrich putting its head in the ground. Out of sight, out of mind. I think 'tolerant' needs to have some discourse. No?

alwayshave
10-07-2018, 10:24 AM
While my marriage is #3, a number #4 would be great.

Teresa
10-07-2018, 11:00 AM
Maya,
I have in the dim and distant past had relationships with GGs in 4 . I would be lovely to find one now who still fits that bill .

I'm not giving up on it because I know there are women who are OK with Cders .

At the moment I'm just getting over the level mentioned by Leslie .

Lvsusan
10-08-2018, 07:48 AM
I wear womens shorts and shirts all the time except at work, so she would have to be accepting of me being a light cd or we won't have a relationship

Giselle(Oshawa)
10-08-2018, 07:53 AM
my wife is tolerant and comes to support group events with me, but wishes i didn't have the need to wear women's clothes

Jillian Faith
10-08-2018, 08:02 AM
Like Angie, Trish and Jaime my wife and I are at a 3 level.

freeindress
10-08-2018, 08:04 AM
Had to cope in the distant past with a #1 gf that suddendly became a #5 hurricane, must aim at #4 now.

Bea_
10-08-2018, 08:06 AM
My tastes for feminine items developed after decades of marriage and was not particularly well received. So, I've gone through a horror phase, followed by several phases of degrees of tolerance. She's now mostly accepting which means I dress more than she likes and less than i would like. But, she's very loving even when i'm wearing a dress around the house.

My ideal would be for her to come home from clothes shopping for herself with something 'cute' that SHE'D like to see on me. A person can dream...

EDIT: We shop together often and SHE was the one who picked the first dress bought for me.

Cheryl T
10-08-2018, 10:18 AM
2 would be my minimum, but luckily I have a 3 and that's just fine with me.

Stacy Darling
10-08-2018, 10:23 AM
#3 1st or #2 for me would do. #4 takes me to a scary place as my first wife was a dom.

#Asexual would be my number!
Stacy

Asew
10-08-2018, 01:05 PM
My current relationship is #3 with an asterisk. Now that I accept this side of me, a #3 or #4 would be great. I don't think a #2 would be enough anymore.

Bea_
10-08-2018, 01:20 PM
I didn't really answer the original question. In my case the acceptance started with a "south of 1" situation, but I have pretty much forced a limited amount of 'acceptance' on her. Her reluctant tolerance has softened to level of acceptance. Currently, I'd say our status would be on the order of a #3.

It's not that I haven't given her a choice, but the choice wasn't whether I dressed, but how she'd respond. I've tempered my style to give her some room and I reveal an occasional small surprise occasionally. I'd love for her to decide that she found my style sexy or even aesthetically pleasing, but that's totally out of my control.

Rachelish
10-08-2018, 02:05 PM
Currently not on the scale as no one knows but the cat. If I could swap the current situation for #2 I'd be well chuffed :) Without acceptance I think I'd find it difficult to feel the same the peace and contentment.