We're here, but are we “Queer”...

[Patience]

...or just not used to it?

I sense a reluctance in this Forum to use the word “queer” when referring to ourselves.

I totally understand that some of the members of the forum (especially those who are married or in a relationship) feel they have enough difficulties without the addition of yet another word that can be hurled at them as a slur.

But I also believe that the word “queer” can be empowering. It is a way to describe my (dare I say our?) uniqueness to certain folks without having to go into excessive detail. It also makes me feel connected to a larger community and that our struggles are not so dissimilar from those experienced by other members of the LGBT community, of which we are a part, regardless of how one feels about it.

Lastly, compared to other epithets some of us have to endure (you know which ones may apply to you), “Queer” is comparatively benign. I think we can all agree there’s plenty that are far worse.

So, are we Queer?
We’re definitely not Devo.

[Wildaboutheels]

Queer? Sure. Why not. I like Unique or Different a little better myself, but I can live with Queer. I have no idea how Webster defines it nor do I care.

But I won't try to tell everyone what Joe Doe public thinks about that word or what they envision.

I will predict though that many are going to feel as "strongly" about that word as they. do "Hobby"

[Stephanie47]

I dislike the word "queer." I'm a child of the 1950's and 1960's. On this forum I have used the word "queer" when referring to the historical words used to denigrate men who fell outside the heterosexual societal norm. Men who wore women's clothing were tossed into the same grouping as homosexual men. They were universally call "queers, faggots, fruits" and other such derogatory words. Gay was a word used to describe a feeling of happiness or elation or bread (Gai's). So, to be "queer" is not benign, but, is almost in the same league as using the "n" word. Just MHO.

[phili]

In the Bay Area 'queer' is a positive badge now, and broadly inclusive, among young people. Among older non queer- it is mostly not understood, but beginning to be seen as a synonym for LGBTQAI etc. My wife for example does not want me using that term.

[Helen_Highwater]

Patience,

It's not a term I'd be comfortable using. As Stephanie states, it has too many negative historical references.

I could go with different, non conformist, many other terms but queer as said equated to Gay and is therefore likely to reinforce the misconceptions of many that CD'er are automatically Gay and lets face it, we're trying to educate not confuse the muggles.

[Pixie_94]

No, I'm not "queer", I might be 24, but I don't see it as empowering, it might rather confuse some people even more. It doesn't even translate well to Spanish (my main language).

But about epithets, something tells me that this would be giving some people extra ideas for some. Be careful.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Patience :hugs:,You can call yourself what ever you want, But that is a word that I will never use,

That is an ugly word that I would rank right up there with the (N) word. >>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid ..+:daydreaming:+..

[Crissy 107]

Queer is a negative word to me, it goes back to when I was younger.
Crissy

[Robyn mac]

I don't like the word at all. I am bisexual. I like to feel that I am just me. Two men as a couple I refer to them they. Such as let's go to my friends house. Bill and Frank are a couple. I don't like to say they are gay. There is enough negativity in society today

[Teresa]

Patience,
As we all know it has a double meaning , maybe to some it might just mean odd to others it's another word to descibe being gay .

I have to say I don't fit the second description ( not that I have a problem with those that are gay ) and I don't consider myself queer as in being odd . I'm avoiding using normal because I feel not many people fit into the normal slot .

I've just been out again today fully dressed and felt very comfortable , no one stands and stares or comments so I don't no I don't feel queer at all .

[GretchenM]

I realize that in some areas "Queer" plays well with many people. And that is fine. But I would not use the word at all in any circumstances. I was born in the mid-40's and back in my youth it was a derogatory term.

I realize things change, but not really being a conformist I will personally stick with the older meaning. In general, labels are important as they provide a means to distinguish and talk about a particular entity. But that then presents the risk of becoming a label that groups together people that may be similar in some way. Once you go down that road potential trouble is lurking. Labels takes something away from the individual diversity present in the group, but when we start using those terms as representative of some reality people get pigeon holed and that is when the trouble begins.

If someone were to ask me if I am "queer" I think I would much more likely respond, "No. I'm just another person." That is admittedly rather inclusive, but it is far closer to the truth. But it also says that human gender expression includes a wide variety that is often an expression of a spectrum of gender identities that have classifications that vary widely on a cultural basis and is not necessarily parallel with sexual identities which is 99% binary. The exceptions are those rather rare individuals who were born with a blend of sexual characteristics due to genetic or development errors - the intersex folks. I have met a couple of intersex people and I have to admit that they too seem to be just "other people." Seem to be pretty normal humans to me.

[DMichele]

Patience,
I too do not like the word queer for reasons that have already been stated. The word conveys negativism because of its past usage.

[Bobbi46]

Queer when used in its normal context is fine regarding an object that is out of the ordinary nd to say " that looks queer" as in odd, strange, fine but when it becomes attached to the LGBT comunity that is when my hackles rise, when used like that cannot in way be said to be anything but derogatory, its a word dragged back from the 70's when there was (in the UK) a spate of queer bashing, small gangs going out with the specific intent of looking for gay men and then giving them a sound beating!
But to me to attch the word queer to our community is all wrong

[Alice Torn]

The whole human race is kind of "queer" in some ways. We are all complex amazing beings! Part of me is John Doe public vanilla, and part of me is athlete, part of me is spiritual, part of me, is outdoor rough it guy,part of me is Alice , part of me is crazy, part of me is overly serious, part of me is stooge funny, part of me, is not good, and part of me is good, and part of me, is blind to some things about me. i really don';t know me much. Call me anything you want. Like my dear cat, I will soon be gone. Then you can call me gone.

[Beverley Sims]

People think I am odd, not queer.

[~Renee~]

I agree with Gretchen here. We are all individuals and yes by default we humans categorize the world to make sense of things and for communication. I also understand taking back a word and saying no your not gonna define me negatively, but in mind I'm slowly coming around to I don't care what others think. If someone wants to know me I have a name, not a label.

I'm old enough to remember when someone was known as the gay guy as opposed to their name behind their backs. Now, it's rare I run into anyone who throws those terms around about someone in private. If they do I make sure to tell them stop being such a jerk. I'm personally hoping terms like TV, queer, CD, metrosexual go the way of dandy, flamboyant, preppy, yuppies, and into the dustbin of SAT prep words.

[NancySue]

Many excellent points. Here in the conservative Midwest, going back, I played sports. In the locker room and in the marines “queer = homo”. Thankfully, things have changed...for the better.

[Piora]

I was born in the 50s and "queer" was always associated with people that were strange. Odd. Unusual. I suppose "unusual" fits, since I am a crossdresser, so I don't fit the "norm" - whatever that is. However, in the 60s, "queer" soon became synonymous with being gay. Nothing wrong with being gay, I assure you. But I am not. So, I don't like being labelled with a word such as that, since I'm a heterosexual.

[Tracii G]

Personally being born in the early 50s and grew up thru the 60s queer to me is a derogatory term like the N word.
There were more derogatory words for black people and gay people that are just a disgusting and mean.
My gay friends that are in their 20s and 30s don't feel the same way and they seem to not care about the Q word but they don't use it as a badge of honor or anything like that.
Being a member of the gay community I don't hear the Q word used very often. Your activist types will because they know its a buzz word that gets people fired up one way or the other.I stay away from those kind of people.
Calling it an empowering term is silly IMO.
Why do you need a word to feel like you have a place in society?
If you don't have a strong conviction of who you are maybe a word would help.

[docrobbysherry]

Before the word "gay" had been invented for homosexual men they were called "queers".

It was both a derogatory term, often for men who were not gay, and a quick way to say homosexual!

Most here r not gay or bi. So, calling trans queer would be both inappropriate and inaccurate!:brolleyes:

[LilSissyStevie]

I was born in the 50's, too. In those days queer was slang for a male homosexual. Now it is used in academia as an umbrella term for LGBT..... But I often see the term LGBTQ(+alphabet soup) used. That's redundant because "Queer" supposedly covers it all. I don't use queer much. I prefer sissy because it always carried the connotation of being effeminate and timid and probably but not necessarily homosexual.

[Joni T]

It's simple semantics. "Queer" means strange, or different. Ever heard the expression "queer as a $3 bill"? Yes, we're all a little different, hence, we're queer.
Jon

[Allisa]

That was the battle cry of the gay community to push their agenda. I personally take offense to the "term" I have very little in common with that community as it is about sexual identity not gender identity and the term is/was used as a tool to hurt and belittle, there is nothing but violence associated with it. If you are a queer and you use it directed toward another queer than that is a sign of disrespect to one of your own.These are my own opinions and are not the beliefs of others, quit frankly I don't know how this thread even made it past the admins,I see no tie into CDing here or trans issues. Now I need to take a shower and get clean.

[SuzyZahn]

Great question! `Queer`, i dont feel is as bad as maybe ,weird,sick-o,trannie? I would rather think of us gals as `Unique`. I , like probably alot here have learned to enjoy and embrace our 2nd lives as it makes us special in relating to many of lifes ups and downs. All I know,its my `drug` that keeps me sane, a wonderful escape when life throws ya lemons.

[Fran in skirts]

Why do you need labels? What do they do for you? Are you a can of dog food that needs to be labeled?

Labels belong on cans and not on people. Words like queer trany etc are labels and do not belong on people. They are also very hurtful and cause many so much pain that they take the big jump off a high bridge.

If you need to have a label then use "Human Being". It is the most accurate label to use.

I am a human being and I wear skirts and dresses, and that's the truth!!!

Fran

[Mermaiden]

Language changes with time and my sense is queer has evolved from a a negative epithet for homosexual to a non judgemental term for homosexual. Like many folks here, I am not homosexual but am a cross dresser, which I use synonomously with tranvestite, meaning I am a man who wears otherwise female clothing. But, hey, call me a sissy or poufty, or whatever, I’m feeling great in my panties right now.

[Jaymie]

Id we are here.... we are not queer!

According to the definition of the term:

Queer is an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities who are not heterosexual or cisgender. Originally meaning "strange" or "peculiar", queer came to be used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires or relationships in the late 19th century.

If we are here we are definitely not a sexual and gender minority! If we are here most are claim to be heterosexual or cisgender! If we are here we are not "strange" or "peculiar" because we are mostly all the same.

I would say, if we are here we are not queer! I we are here we are normal at least for here!

[Bobbi46]

Jaymie,
How very true are your words! Queer is a horrible word to both use against our community or to refer to it as queer. The very word should be banned when when attached to the LGBT community,
We are not queer and let nobody say we are!!

[Shely]

the word is a lot like the word "retarded", and should be scrapped when talking about people. there are more accurate words with clearer definition. Queer, to me, means something unexplained, like an experiment with an unexpected outcome, or a apple tree with strangely shaped fruit.

[AllieSF]

NO, I do not care for it at all. Pick another one.

[Suzie Petersen]

No, that is not a word I would want anyone to use to describe me. To me it is another word for gay, and I am not gay.

- Suzie

[biancabellelover]

I dislike ‘queer’ being used to describe anyone. For me, it is a pejorative term when used to reference a sexual or non-sexual person or event.

Michelle

[Charlotte7]

The word queer already has it's old original meanings and its more modern reclaimed usage. It's not a word that need bother us here.

[alwayshave]

I'm not a fan of the term, though I admit some may see my hobby as queer.

[Lana Mae]

Born in the early 50's and that word is up there with the N word! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[Stacy Darling]

I see the word queer to be more a derogatory word, so choose not to use it!

Then there is the Q for queer in the LGBTIQA+ umbrella which covers the most of us! and I'm OK with that!

Then I can say that I'm a little queer at times, but would not want to be called queer?

"If the word is of no benefit to us, best we don't use it!"
Stacy!

[Bea_]

I'm in the 'no thanks' camp. I don't think it would do our community any favors.

[Bobbi46]

We can say we are feeling queer as in not feeling well, the Q in LGBTQ as I understand it means everybody else but outside of proper uses (feeling unwell, the car is running a bit queer and such like) I think the word Queer when aimed at our community as such is very derogatory.

[Kelli_cd]

Remember that each of us is 100% unique - just like everybody else!

[Cheryl T]

Oh why oh why are we so obsessed with labeling ourselves when everyone else is so anxious and willing to do it for us?????

[sometimes_miss]

I'm in the 'no thanks' camp. I don't think it would do our community any favors.
^this. It will just make it harder to convince anyone that we're not all homosexuals. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but we have a hard enough time finding women for dates as it is; being automatically assumed of homosexuality isn't going to help.
Most of the boomer generation was exposed to the word being used to define homosexuals through the sixties and seventies. Then their kids got exposed to that use as well. Today, most adult straight people will automatically assume that you are gay if you tell them that you are queer; adding the word 'gender' before it makes no difference. Of course, you can educate them, but you'll have to do that virtually every time you use the word to describe yourself. Like other front line warriors, that's fine if you want to do it. I don't.

[patti1569]

I like it. In the modern day, queer is an identifier of uniqueness. I am queer. And I m proud to be. It’s similar to the word gay. It was once an extremely negative word, but simply describes a segment of society today. We have reclaimed these words! I understand that people remember this word a negative, but it’s not the same anymore. The meaning has changed. It’s our battle cry now!!! We are queer! And here we are!!

[AllieSF]

If that woks for you, that is more than OK. However, for the majority of members here, including some around your age, it is still considered a negative word as you can see above. I do get the connection of reclaiming a once negative word. However, for this word I am not for it.

[patti1569]

I do get that, but don’t you think that we as a community need to move past that? Queer is part of the current lexicon. Let’s be part of that! Let’s catch up! It’s good for us all!

[Allisa]

Your welcome from all who were harassed by police, searched on the street against a wall or bent over a car while that word was used over and over again even though you were not, as John Q Public watched and then went on their merry way, after all it was only a queer, they deserve it if they are going to be in public. Your from Philly, remember Rizzo's raiders? I do. I know lets own the other derogatory words for the Italians, Irish,Orientals,Latinos etc...if you do not learn from the past you are doomed to repeat it, the light at the end of the tunnel is all us elders will be dead one day and we can't be offended by words. Once again your welcome.

[Patience]

Wow, strong reactions. Thank you for your replies. You're giving me a lot to think about.

It's also gratifying to see an interest in language. It is not always apparent in this Forum.

[SaraLin]

the Q in LGBTQ as I understand it means everybody else but outside of proper uses

H-m-m-m I thought that particular Q meant "Questioning." Have I been wrong all this time?

[Bobbi46]

Patti I don't agree that Queer is part of the lexicon as you say, We are not QUEER, queer is an old word yes but over the years it has been used in a derogatory way towards our community as a whole and generally was atributed to the homosexual part of our community. i can give you an example of why this word is not used any more when telling one of my friends that I am a CD he said to me "Are you gay"? not are you "Queer"? so there was someone totally on the outside of our community totally not knowing of how we tick but using the word gay not the word queer!
For one I hate the word queer and how it sometimes is used to describe us.
We are as normal as the next person to quote a well used expression "We are wired differently"
Sara Lin
You may well be right and I may be well off beam, I understood it to mean everybody else who did not fall into the solely lesbian/gay/bisexual/transexual spectrum.
If I am totally wrong with my assumption then I would welcome be corrected on the true meaning of Q so I do not get it wrong next time.