Lengthy intro and thoughts,

[Alexis Ann]

Hiya gals,

Long time lurker, finally posting :D .

Just some random thoughts i wanted to jot down as well as an intro for my self:

I am a 30 year old straight CD'r who is happily married, and my wife knows. She is not exactly supportive, but is at the least accepting. She lets me do my thing without too much griping. And i love her for it. We even go shopping together, but she would prefer i not do this. So i try to temper my activities with understanding for her situation.

I have discovered a personal perk from my dressing...quitting smoking! As i live in a close residential area, i can't exactly go out onto the porch and start puffing away can i? So, when i dress...i dont smoke! It is helping me quit actually! (except the one time when both my wife and i were drinking and it was late late late at night...we both hit the porch for a smoke without a thought. It was exhilerating! I said what if someone sees me, and she said they will think you are a woman...so i had a peaceful smoke with my honey.)

Wanting more...more...more! I started out wearing lingerie mostly, and now i am full onheels, make up and wig. I feel guilty about it as it has been an incremental increase i activity. I worry whats next? Have you ladies had similiar experiences? Just when i think this is it...i want something more. Now it is jewlry and maybe breast forms. The BF would be a big nono with my honey, so i am not saying anything about them.

Guilt: I feel guilty about dressing even though i enjoy the heck out of it! I feel guilty because my wife didnt know when we got married, guilty about the whole societal aspect of this, guilt that i see frustration in my wifes eyes when i dress even though she lets me do it.
So what i do is basically bend over backwards for her when i am dressed...do whatever she wants (games, TV etc.) In male mode i am the usual american male though.

In the end though, if i could stop...i dont know that i would. I look DAMN hot! (i am hesitant to post picture...career thing dontcha know?) It is a wonderful release from my otherwise macho job and life. The application of make up, the picking of clothes...all so relaxing as to be an almost religious experience for me (not to take the Lord's name in vain or compare this to Him mind you...it's just a figure of speech innit?)

Anyway, this is my first post and i just wanted to jot some things down. In no particular order. Hope you can understand them!

Alexis 0.02

[Julie Avery]

Great post, Alexis. I hope you can make the guilt go away. Just make sure the girl has a conscience ;)

[windycissy]

Welcome Alexis,

That's a great wife you've got there, I was touched when you described her reactions to your dressing....she must love you very much and your sensitivity towards her feelings is so impressive.

When you think of all the terrible things some people do in this world, having guilt feelings about dressing up as the opposite sex every once in a while in safe environment seems sad, but completeley understandable, I know just what you mean about the rush you get from escaping for a little while from society's pressures, there is nothing like crossdressing for getting away from yourself for a while!

Here's hoping your adventures continue, would you ever go out en femme with your wife?

Windy

[Alexis Ann]

Would i go out dressed with my wife...you better believe it! But sadly...i see that never happening. I know better than to even suggest such a thing. We'll see what the future brings though! One can hope.

I have thought about a cruise on the other side of the country where things would be relatively safe. Maybe a formal dinner and dancing...:p

[Janelle Young]

Hello Alexis,

Welcome to the forum.

Congratulations on having an understanding wife, that makes life a lot better.

[kittypw GG]

Would i go out dressed with my wife...you better believe it! But sadly...i see that never happening. I know better than to even suggest such a thing. We'll see what the future brings though! One can hope.

I have thought about a cruise on the other side of the country where things would be relatively safe. Maybe a formal dinner and dancing...:p

Have a little faith in the love your wife has for you. With patients and communication you might be very surprised what your other half might participate in. Take your time and bring her here. We will embrace her, cry with her, whatever it takes. We have all been up and down with this and it certainly helps to talk with like minded people. Welcome, you will feel quite comfy here. Kitty

[talkwithmelissa]

I am one step behind you. I am planning on telling my wife in a couple of months. I hope she is as understanding as yours. I agree with everything you said; the guilt, the what's next, the feeling when dressed, etc. I guess just take it slow and always consider your wife's feelings. Hope it all works out for you.

[Maureen Henley]

Everything you said is familiar to me. The one mistake you can make at this point is to push too hard too soon. My wife , who is very accepting, had several times complained about my always wanting more, which is true. Once we see what we can get away with, so to speak, we try for more. Just like a child.

When you're ready to try for something more, sound her out first. If she's reluctant, give it some time, then ask again. She may be more amenable later. Just don't make the mistake of taking her for granted. As you will see from reading this board, accepting and understanding spouses are GOLD.(Participating ones are PLATINUM!)

Cherish what you have. (GG's, am I making hunband points by this advice?) Your guilt will dimish with your wife's increasing acceptance. Just be honest and straightforward. Concealing, weaseling, and pushing behind her back will blow a lot of goodwill and acceptance.

I hope the relationship of the three of you will flourish and blossom into a better and stronger marriage, and a happier life for all.

Maureen

[Rachel Morley]

Wanting more...more...more! I started out wearing lingerie mostly, and now I am full on heels, make up and wig. I feel guilty about it as it has been an incremental increase in activity. I worry whats next? Have you ladies had similiar experiences?
Ah yes....tell me about it! When we "get the green light" from our SO's things tend to get a little carried away. We're like a little kid in a candy store :) Things will steadly progress until you find your own level.....and you have to let them progress too, otherwise how else are going to know when to stop? You can only know what enough of something is when you've had too much :)

[Jolene]

Welcome Alexis ........ I understand your feelings ... Have all of them myself. Glad you wife does let you dress . it helps you a lot ... jolene

[Jolene]

I agree Angel .. some of us will go farther than others because they can. Do not think i could ever pass but it sure feels good to dress .. Jolene

[kathy gg]

First off, welcome to the list. I am sure you will make some friends and benefit from everyone's help.

Going to go against what the 'party-line' says. I feel that all the 'acceptance' in the world is not that big when one does not have self acceptance. I met plenty of nice single cd's when I was looking and regardless of how "into" this I was, if they were not over that guilt and shame and self-loathing it showed. Regardless of how cool I was.

Yes it does help to know that you are fully loved and acepted...but unless you fully love and accept who you are without hesitation, how can you expect others to embrace all that uncertinity you have about youself? It is as if 'you' will become more embracable once you know who you are, where you are mentally, and out those demons of guilt away for once and for all.

I say this becuase I have seen this up close and person with guys. Alot woudl say "oh I am going to be this great person because now I have met a woman like you". But that great person was still feeling like crap. So it sort of proved to me that self-acceptance does alot more for all parties when it is there.

And getting to that point requires soul-searching, asking yourself hard questions, and giving yourself real answers to them.

I wish you lukc on this personal journey. No one can take it for you, not even your wife.

[Claire]

Hi, Alexis,
You are just like many of us. I could identify with almost everything in your post. Dressing is contageous!
;)

[Annaliese]

Try to treat you wife the same in drab as you treat her when you are dressed.
Cut the macho s----- out be your self I have done this with my wife, and she is much more accepting and it is easiers not to keep up with the macho thing.

[Kimberley]

As usual Kathy you are smack on the money. Self acceptance is probably harder because of the years of ingrained shame, guilt, hiding and low self-esteem.

They can be overcome with the support of an SO but the trip is still largely a solitary one and is both painful and joyous at the same time.

Good reply.

Kimberley.